


Mondays at Sixteen

by folerdetdufoler



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M, Online Relationship, camboy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-04-17 05:01:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 162,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14181270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/folerdetdufoler/pseuds/folerdetdufoler
Summary: Isak hasn't been doing it for too long, but he's been watching for a while and has a nice set-up. He finally moved out, into a small apartment of his own in the city, and earned enough money from his shows to invest in an external video camera. He's learned his angles and taped up the floor to mark where he could walk without revealing his face in frame. Three nights a week he logs on to the cam site and reveals his life to whoever wants to watch. On Fridays he's usually nude.Technically, this is how Isak and Even met.





	1. 23:01

**Author's Note:**

> This started from a prompt on twitter about videos, and took a bit of a turn. I don't have anything planned out (apologies in advance for the short chapters/sporadic updates/wait), but I'm excited to see how Isak and Even discover each other in this world, through a screen. I also don't actively use cams/chats so I apologize for any inaccuracies and misrepresentation; please let me know if anything needs to be corrected! Oh, and all usernames I've used are fictional and pulled from thin air. They are not related in any way to anyone's actual account or profile in real life, beyond this work on ao3. 
> 
> Thank you, as always, for reading. I really appreciate and enjoy the comments, kudos, questions, etc. that I've received on my writing thus far, and I hope this story becomes just as enjoyable for you.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.” Isak was running late. His phone was blowing up in his bag, and he was fumbling his keys as he rushed, adding to his delay. It was 23:01.

In the four months he’d been doing this, he was always on time. He had set up a schedule like that one guy had recommended and stuck to it, and his regulars appreciated him for it. But now they were wondering where he was, sending desperate messages to him on his Snapchat. As soon as he made it into his apartment he tossed his bag on the couch and rifled through it for his phone, which was still buzzing constantly. He read the messages as he moved to his bedroom.

➢ where r u????  
➢ I miss you baby I’m waiting  
➢ Ur late is everything ok

There were also some photos, pouty faces and aroused genitalia, but luckily nothing too angry or upset. He opened each one as he moved about his room, drawing the shades, setting the lights, and turning on his camera. He checked his angles, making sure nothing had moved, then pulled the small table with his laptop on it next to the bed. He logged on.

He posted a quick snap of his knees bent in front of his keyboard, letting folks know he was going live. He started a broadcast and his room filled up quickly.

**misterbee:** Look who’s playing hard 2 get!

Isak laughed. “Hi guys. Nice one, Bee. Sorry I’m late, but as some of you know I had a date tonight, and it went a little too long.”

**misterbee tipped 10 tokens**  
**badgirlbadgirl:** was it fun?

The room couldn’t see his face—only his body from the neck down was usually in frame—but he still grimaced. “It wasn’t the worst. But definitely not the best. Good food though, which made up for the uh, personality.” A few sad emojis popped up, plus a demand for nudity. Isak was kneeling, still in his jeans, t-shirt, and zip-up hoodie, a very casual date outfit. He was glad he hadn’t put in a lot of effort to dress for the guy, but his Friday night viewers were used to skin. “We’ll get there, don’t worry. I’m just a little all over the place since I’ve been focusing on the date.”

**misterbee:** take your time!  
**21twinkies:** were they from heer?  
**badgirlbadgirl:** I’m ready 4 a tease

“No, not from here. I don’t do that. A friend of a friend of a friend. With maybe another friend thrown in there. We met up for dinner after my last class, but I didn’t plan ahead for an excuse to leave without sounding like a dickhead. They think I had to run back to walk my neighbor’s dog.”

**blackberriezzzz:** what kind of dog?  
**024wolb:** take off ur jacket

“I don’t know.” Did any of his neighbors actually have a dog? He couldn’t remember. He’s heard barking before. “What are those ones that look like foxes?”

**misterbee:** shiba inu

“Yeah, one of those. Cute.”

**anonymous:** y arent u naked

Isak scanned the chat list, recognizing most of the names but glad to see a few he didn’t. He checked his phone for any reply snaps before setting it aside. He brought his hand up to his chest, playing with the zipper.

**21twinkies:** would you go out w them agin  
**024wolb:** unzip yesss

Isak drew the tab down slowly, letting it be the only sound in the room. He thought about the question. The guy was cute, and Isak was comfortable while they were hanging out, but he wasn’t that great with conversation. And Isak didn’t think it was a nerves thing. First dates aren’t always the smoothest, but he was kind of shocked by how difficult it was to simply talk to the guy. His body language had seemed interested, and he’d asked to keep the date going at another bar, but even if Isak didn’t have his scheduled show he’d still have dug up an excuse and bailed. He wanted to be able to have a decent chat before he did anything else with his mouth. “I’m not sure. Maybe, if they ask. A second chance wouldn’t hurt, but I’ll keep a better eye on the clock next time.” The zipper popped free at the bottom and Isak shrugged the rest of the way out of the hoodie. He tossed it on the floor.

**misterbee tipped 20 tokens**  
**024wolb:** faster

“Hmm? We have until midnight guys, I think this is a good pace. Besides, I could use some cheering up. I need a happy ending.”

**blackberriezzzz:** ME TOO  
**badgirlbadgirl:** mmm give me a happy ending  
**misterbee tipped 20 tokens**

Isak ran one hand up along his opposite bicep, dipping his fingers under the sleeve. Thinking about the date kept his sour mood hanging around, but he knew he had to perk up to put on a decent show. He could tease for a little bit, once he got into a sexier mindset. Sometimes a strip worked better than a marathon jerk-off, but most of the site’s audience wasn’t there for that. Then again, he wasn’t really on the site for the audience.

He was there because he was lonely. Or he had been, over the summer. When most of his friends had escaped the country on post-graduation trips or started jobs that kept them busy, Isak found himself with a lot of time, alone. He started a gym routine and practiced flirty glances at weight lifters in the mirrors. He jumped at every chance someone texted about a night out. But he was alone at home otherwise, bored and not wanting to bother people for entertainment. So he drank a little and flicked his wrist over a trackpad, passively following the rabbit hole that is the internet.

On a night when the boredom and loneliness came with a hint of horniness, Isak plugged in his headphones and found a cam site. It was late, the middle of the night, and he was searching for a little more than something to watch; he wanted to connect. He scrolled through the male page, making lazy assumptions based on cam stills and dick size. Sometimes the tags helped, but he’d visited enough times before that he knew they were usually just a strong mix of gaming the system and wishful thinking. Besides, he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to see a cum explosion. He clicked into a few different rooms, watching men lazily stroke their penises while they answered viewers and waited for tokens. He settled on one of a man’s torso, unidentifiable beyond a tattoo below their ribcage, but with a sweet, low voice that kept up a steady conversation with the flowing chat. He listened for a while, then masturbated in sync with him, and barely closed out of the site before falling asleep. It became a routine. Eventually he made an account.

He started recognizing users, both on cams and in the rooms. He chatted with them, working up from strictly sexual topics to more casual conversation. Isak thought it was funny how the most mundane things felts the most intimate, in this place where basic introductions were your dicks and sharing what you had for lunch felt like telling a secret. It was funny and fun and comforting, after a while, knowing that someone was always there to listen, no matter what your mood. He bought tokens as thank yous, both for the camboys and the other users. He helped reach goals so other people could get what they wanted to see, so they’d hang around. It was selfish, but benefited everyone. And participating that way helped Isak feel like he belonged. He wasn’t just lurking. He gave back.

Isak continued like this until a couple of months into the school year. He wasn’t online every night, but he was there consistently. He kept up with his social life on the weekends, though the gym sessions suffered, and usually dedicated his weeknights to studying with a cam visit as a reward at the end. A little something to look forward to. He’d catch up on some messages with Bee and other friends, then click around for a good chat. He didn’t have much of a type, but preferred ones who kept a room moving. There were some guys he could search for if he was in a specific mood, though there was something about the hunt, trying to get a feel for someone through conversation, that made his visits feel a lot more fulfilling than just a late-night wank.

He had talked to Bee about this a little bit, what attracted them to the cam site and its community, and what kept them coming back. Bee had his favorites just like Isak, but he agreed that he enjoyed it more when he was just mingling like at a party, working the room. He talked more with fellow viewers than the guys on cam, and joked that it was certainly cheaper.

_I inadvertently convinced one guy I was getting along with to start his own stream, and now he won’t chat with me unless it’s a private room or I start hitting his ridiculous goals. I’m glad he’s found something he enjoys to do and does it well, I just thought we were friends, y’know?_

_You should cam though. I’d pay._

Isak brushed it off with a joke in return, saying his roommates wouldn’t be able to handle it; they were always barging in without knocking anyway. Bee moved on, talking about another guy who would only cam in hotels, and Isak got distracted by trying to calculate how many tokens he’d need to pay off each session. Eventually they joined a room together for a proper show, before signing off for the night. Isak fell asleep thinking about moving out.

He had moved into his own apartment by December.

* * *

His hand was under his shirt, running up and down his belly, sometimes reaching all the way to his nipples for a pinch. It pulled the fabric up and revealed pale skin and flat stomach. He watched the comments fluctuate as he teased with his shirt. “I guess…the good thing about the bad date is that I’m a little frustrated right now. Worked up.” He dropped his shirt but moved his hands to his jeans, rounding around his hips and grazing across the fly. “They had so much potential.”

Isak was gay. Most of the time. Or, well, he was always gay, but he played it vague every so often, especially when he was seeing new users and didn’t know what kind of audience he had. That was the trick he pulled, instead of using bots in the chat or taking orders, he just kept the teasing general, fulfilling as many fantasies as he could with one personality. Part of being HardToGet meant you weren’t exactly sure how to get him hard. And most people liked trying to figure it out. During his two previous sessions that week, when he had been chatting about the upcoming date, he used gender-neutral pronouns and avoided answering anything too specific. They didn’t know who he was going out with, who had disappointed him. And now they weren’t sure what he’d want to make up for it. But it would start with those jeans, and the slight struggle it would take to slide them down over the beginning of his erection.

Isak popped the button. He palmed his bulge and felt it grow.

**ThreeIsACrowd tipped 200 tokens**


	2. 21:10

The next morning Isak met Sana for breakfast. They met most Saturday mornings now, have been for the past few years, a ritual that grew from study sessions during a particularly difficult semester. Since their programs diverged in school they no longer studied together, but it was still nice to talk about certain things and understand each other. Medicine was broad enough that they always had plenty to say, and boys was always a topic that Isak let Sana have her fun with.

“How is he?” Isak asked as he pulled open the door for her.

“Fine. He decided to take the baby today, which was nice of him, so Susie gets the day off and I’ll come home to a 9-month-old who can shimmy.”

“Hah, I was actually asking about the baby, not Yousef.”

“He’s fine too. Learning how to shimmy.” Isak laughed. They followed the hostess to a table along the window. “But you know that’s not what we’re going to talk about this morning.” Isak nodded. They sat.

“It wasn’t great.”

Sana’s face immediately dropped. “I didn’t hear anything from Elias so I was still hopeful, but I guess that’s why.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was a blind date. I think I need a better vetting process.”

“Triple-blind studies are hard.”

Sana gave him a smirk for that, which was generous. “Well, what was wrong with him? So I can weed out the next ones.”

“Ones? Plural?”

“Do you really think love is just going to land in your lap on the next go?”

Isak shrugged and looked away, betraying his hope.

“I know I’m going to be an amazing doctor, but I can’t work magic on your love life Isak. This might take as much time as it takes to get one of your little drugs to market.” Sana pulled out her phone and started scrolling through her contacts, and then Instagram. Isak ordered their usuals from the waitress when she came by. Sana frowned a bit at the screen.

“Okay, so your dislikes? I’ve met him approximately once and don’t remember much, but that’s usually a good sign. It’s the bad ones that stick out.”

“I mean, he was _fine_. Acceptable. He was cute, but couldn’t carry a conversation. At first I thought it was me, maybe I was boring him, but after dinner he wanted to go back out so it seemed like he wouldn’t mind spending more time with me.”

“Unless it was just a way to get you to shut up.”

Isak’s mouth dropped open. He tried to think through the dinner, remember if the guy had been trying to talk but wasn’t given a chance, or if Isak had simply missed some signals. “I…I don’t—“

“I’m kidding, Isak. I’m sure you weren’t talking too much. He’s probably more of a quiet type.”

_They just like to watch_ Isak thought. He was glad it didn’t slip out. As open as he was with his personal life with Sana, she didn’t know about this particular extracurricular activity. A majority of his viewers were just there to watch, with only a handful making conversation, and he was fine with that. But when it came to something in the flesh, Isak needed a little more engagement. “So let’s find someone who can match me on the talking level.”

“And no one from school?”

Isak scrunched up his nose. “Fine, fine. That just cuts down my list significantly.”

“If I get desperate.”

“What about this—“ Sana gestured between them, “isn’t already desperate?”

“The part where I thank Doctor Bakkoush in my wedding speech instead of an algorithm on Grindr.”

“Like you could write a wedding speech.”

“True. Find someone on there who I can stand next to while they give one.” Isak waved his hand at the phone. The waitress delivered their breakfasts so Sana set it aside.

“Later.”

Isak nodded and they ate, focusing on the food for a few minutes. Then they were back to talking, a little about their classes, and more about the baby. While Isak was undecided about kids, he enjoyed motherhood secondhand, and learned enough from Sana’s updates to be able to step in if needed. He offered, too, but Sana graciously declined, or reassured him that it wasn’t necessary. They had Susie, and a slew of real aunts and uncles on deck before Uncle Isak would be considered. He could join them at the park in the summer though, once they both were on break and had a bit more time to breathe.

It was Isak’s week to pay, so he pulled out his card. “New?” Sana noticed the different color.

“I read an article about airline miles, figured I’d start working toward something.”

“Fancy.”

“It’ll probably go toward an exchange semester instead of a glamorous vacation.”

“Still. Business Class to London is nice.”

Isak smirked. Sana knew his future better than he did, but he was perfectly fine with that. They began preparing for departure, Sana rewrapping her shoulders with an oversized, colorful scarf and Isak shrugging on his varsity jacket. They’d go their separate ways outside the restaurant, floating back into their own lives until next Saturday drew them back to the table.

* * *

Sundays were reserved for business. He started with reality, the physicality of his household. He cleaned and shopped and prepared and organized so the rest of his week, as he jumped back and forth between his two worlds, would go as smoothly as possible. Food was in the fridge, clothes were back in the closet, and floors were swept in case anyone stopped by unannounced. No one ever did, but Isak wasn't going to tempt fate. He didn't want to look sloppy on camera either. Isak hadn’t always had this much foresight for his daily maintenance, but navigating a second identity and business required him to adopt higher standards of management. It was the only way he’d survive.

Once his apartment was in order and upcoming deadlines for school were prioritized, he shifted his focus to his digital world. Oddly enough his studies were what crossed the border there, and not just as a study of the human body. On Mondays and Wednesdays, when he was broadcasting, it was usually him working at his desk instead of his bed, and clothed. He had to make sure that his classes and meetings didn’t get in the way of his shows, and that he had material for the hour-long sessions. Since he wasn’t nude and only vaguely sexual during them, they were less popular, but he still had regulars who wanted to chat and egg him on anyway. He could play along if he needed a break, though that was up to him. Most of the time he was actually studying and sharing interesting discoveries and receiving attentive feedback. Not many tokens, but they made up for it in other ways.

When he had started his three-a-week schedule he quickly learned that it was a little more than just logging on every other day. He had to do a little more work to keep his viewers on schedule too. Part of his Sunday routine was posting warm-ups on Snapchat, getting everyone ready for the week. He spun his desk chair around and lifted his feet to rest on the edge of his bed. He recorded his toes wiggling from their perch and typed a reminder at the top: _Monday, 21, come study with me._ He’d probably spend the rest of the afternoon fending off requests for feet shots, but he’d just direct them to Friday’s show for that. He spun back to his desk and logged on to the site.

Over the past few months his paycheck had grown to something steady, the tokens adding up and converting every two weeks. He reconciled his payments and responded to messages, dreamed a little bit about his next upgrade. A lot of viewers were asking for toys, even offering, and he was warming up to some of the options he’s seen. He didn’t follow through just yet, but made note of some new inspiration: toy shopping on one Friday, product review on the next.

Isak paused his bookkeeping when he noticed a large bump in his tokens from this past week. He quickly remembered that one user who had been very generous. They must’ve been new, because he hadn’t recognized their name nor remembered it now. But damn, that was one of the best Friday nights he’d had in a while. He sent a message to Bee. _Do you remember who that big tipper was on Friday night?_ He never expected Bee to answer right away but he usually did.

_A couple. They were back on Saturday night but didn’t tip as much in the other room. Probably looking for a threesome with that handle._

_Think I have a shot?_

_You always have a shot._

Isak had done a few private shows before, but they weren’t his favorite. Most of the time it was because people wanted to see his face or make very specific requests, and while he was flattered by their desire he didn’t feel comfortable performing so directly. He was relieved, especially considering the length of their relationship, that Bee had never asked for a private show. He didn’t want to have to turn down someone who had been such a good friend this whole time.

_I sent them your snapchat so maybe they’ll show up again._

_Thanks, Bee_

Isak logged out of the site shortly after, once everything was in order. He spun back around in his chair and lifted his legs to his bed again. He wondered what a threesome would actually be like, blocking out his usual moves in his mind. That’s what Bee had meant, right? Just a private room where he’d talk to two people instead of one? Watch them get turned on by him, then have sex on their own. Maybe they just wanted to be watched too. He’d heard stories. And the line between voyeurism and exhibitionism was extremely blurred when people went cam-to-cam. Even Isak wasn’t sure what was at the root of his motivation during some sessions. Was he attracted to people watching him? Or was he attracted to watching people talk about what they wanted, regardless of the camera trained on him? He didn’t feel the need to be naked or sexual all the time, but everyone watching him usually was. His study sessions veered into dirty talk occasionally too, because statistics didn’t quite cut it in the chat. He also rarely masturbated or fantasized outside of the site anymore. Whether he needed the audience or needed to watch someone else, the site was the key to his orgasms. As well as the money he made from it.

Isak stared at his bed. He pressed his toes into the navy blue fabric of his comforter. Maybe his next splurge would be a new sheet set. Or a whole bed. He could go for something firmer, since he thought he bounced a little too much on camera. He threw out that idea though, when he realized he was prioritizing camera motion over the quality of sleep, or actual sex. He liked his bed. Back to the sheets. He reached back for his phone and added _sheets_ and _vibrator_ to his shopping list.

His main cell phone pinged with a direct message; Sana had sent him the Instagram account of his next date.

* * *

His set-up on Mondays and Wednesdays was different than Friday’s. He pulled his desk away from the wall a bit and squeezed the camera tripod behind it. His chair was trapped between the bed and the desk with barely enough space to spin around, but he could if he needed to, without showing his face. Viewers could see him from his neck down, and the bottom quarter of the frame revealed whatever was on his desk. He was still studying for statistics so tonight it was mostly graph paper. He greeted people as they said hi.

**21twinkies:** how wuz class?

“Good. We got results on that surprise quiz we had and I did really well.”

**anonymous:** congratulations take off your shirt

Isak laughed. “Not today guys. I do need to study, but I’m taking a little break. I have another blind date on Friday and I get to choose where we go. Any ideas?”

**anonymous:** dancing!  
**anonymous:** bar get them drunk  
**misterbee:** do you know what they like to do?  
**anonymous:** YOUR BED  
**winkwankwonk:** ^^^^^  
**damnUfine369:** great idea  
**anonymous:** cam date cam date!

“I was looking at his Instagram and most of his pictures are him doing outdoor stuff. He’s uh, in the woods a lot. But that’s more like, Saturday afternoon, not Friday night.”

**21twinkies:** I vote 4 the bed  
**anonymous:** ur gay?

“I will…definitely consider inviting him in. Don’t know if he’d be comfortable on camera though.” None of his dates had ever been on camera. Some knew about it, if Isak had let it slip, usually when he was sure he’d never see them again. Maybe that was the missing piece: Isak unable to connect until he knew the other person would be okay with his other life. But that was a lot to reveal on a first date.

Isak typed a winking emoji in the chat to answer the other question.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Are you having sex tonight?

“Three! No, just chatting. Come back on Friday though.” Isak was glad they had returned, and didn’t want to disappoint, so he tugged up his t-shirt to flash a nipple.

**misterbee:** oh! Three should hang around more often if we get nipple.

“Bee…” Isak warned.

**misterbee:** hehe  
**misterbee tipped 20 tokens**  
**ThreeIsACrowd:** Fingers crossed for Friday, and your date. Would love some action.  
**anonymous:** goes without saying  
**badgirlbadgirl:** am i late? did i miss the dick?

“It’s Monday, Bad Girl.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** so? you jerked off under your desk like three weeks ago on a monday  
**anonymous:** fuck.. you shud sell vids

“That was a moment of weakness.”

**misterbee:** all of that pumping looked pretty strong to me

Isak blushed, remembering what they were talking about, embarrassed that they remembered too. It _had_ been a moment of weakness, but a win for the chat as they had challenged him to touch himself while he read a study. He had barely gotten past the abstract when his eyes lost focus and his forearm kept hitting the edge of the desk. Most was hidden from view, but they could see his muscles flexing and hear the moans, the hard exhales through gritted teeth. The spontaneity had made it a good orgasm, and he did earn a bit more than usual for a Monday night.

“It’s not happening tonight.”

**21twinkies:** ok then just the nipple again pls

Isak ignored it.

**ThreeIsACrowd tipped 50 tokens**

Isak ignored that too. He twisted around in his chair. “I’ve been thinking about getting new sheets. Might be a nice treat, especially if someone else might see them on Friday.”

**misterbee:** new sheets, just to ruin them?

“Good point, Bee. For after Friday, then.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** don’t jinx your whole weekend

“I appreciate your optimism.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** i appreciate your dick  
**ThreeIsACrowd tipped 100 tokens**


	3. 23:22

Isak surprised himself by how nervous he was about the date. Even though he had been disappointed last week, he remained hopeful for Sana’s next prospect and enjoyed scrolling through his Instagram every few hours. After class on Wednesday he raided his closet and tried on all of his wine bar options. He took selfies and sent them to Jonas for his opinion, then took headless shots on his other phone for Snapchat. He was still tallying the results when it was time to log in for his evening show. “Hi guys. I’ve just been trying on outfits this afternoon. Not sure if you saw.” He held his phone up to the camera so people could see his Snap code. So far Snapchat and Jonas had agreed on the midnight blue button down and black pants. “What I’m wearing now is an option too, but some people say it’s too…much.”

**anonymous:** where r u going

“A wine bar near his place. He’s only been there once but said it’s not to loud.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** okay but if you end up back at his place at least put it on snapchat or smthg

“I’d have to ask him first. Well, a lot needs to happen before I get to asking, first.”

**anonymous:** I like the plain dark outfit best  
 **cumherebb:** what you’re wearing now is too loud.

“Not a fan favorite, huh.” Isak unbuttoned his shirt then stood to hang it back up. He smiled when he returned to his desk and saw a bunch of tips. “So far the dark outfit is winning, so maybe you’ll see it on Friday.”

**misterbee:** if we’re lucky we won’t.

“If _I'm_ lucky you won’t.”

**anonymous:** good luck

* * *

It was dark. Quiet, but dark. Isak felt like he was a floating head and hands in his outfit, blending into the cozy banquette aside from his exposed skin and hair. He pushed back his curls at the front, a nervous, self-conscious habit. He scrolled through his own Instagram account and wondered if he matched his profile, if Alfie would recognize him. He had significantly fewer sun-kissed selfies as a reference; in fact most of his photos were of Jonas and Eva.

“Isak?”

He looked up to find Alfie standing at the edge of the banquette, very much sun-kissed. Isak’s instinct to stand in greeting meant he tried to stand and slammed his crotch into the edge of the table. Alfie stifled a laugh.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Isak blushed. “Hi, yes. Isak.” He offered his hand as he sat down, and Alfie shook it gently.

“Alfie.” He slid into the bench seat opposite. “Not to dive right into business but I am starving. Mind if I order a few plates?”

“Please. I was eyeing a few myself but didn’t want to start without you.”

Alfie hailed a waitress and requested a list, letting Isak add his own selection at the end.

“So,” Isak smiled “I’m quite aware of what you do in your free time.” There was no need to play coy since they both only had each other’s Instagram accounts to prepare. “Do you hike every weekend?”

“I try. Mostly for the kid.”

“Kid?”

Alfie’s hand flew to his mouth and he shook his head quickly. “Oh no, not, not my child.”

Isak didn’t mean to breathe a sigh of relief, but he _was_ relieved. Aflie seemed to be, too.

“I mentor a young teenager on the weekends, and we usually do sporty stuff. He’s the one who takes all of my photos.”

“Ahhh. I wondered a bit about that. He gets good angles for you.”

“Don’t worry, my Instagram boyfriend is just a thirteen-year-old.”

“Uh…”

“Let’s just move past that.” Alfie scrunched up his face and waved at the air to erase the awkward phrasing. Isak laughed to let him know he got it. “What do _you_ do in your free time? Sana said you were at school with her.”

“Yes! I just study. Constantly. Finishing up some courses now and starting my thesis. Haven’t seen sunlight in years.”

“I can help you with that, in exchange for some more hiking photos. What are you studying?”

“Pharmacology.”

Alfie’s eyes lit up the way most people’s do when they assume Isak has easy access to drugs. “You do realize what we have to do on our next date, right?”

Isak’s mouth dropped open.

“We are _so_ lowering my cholesterol.”

* * *

By the time they had split the check it was too dark both inside and out to see the red wine flush gathering in Isak’s cheeks. Isak could feel the warm buzz though, and liked knowing that it was partly from the wine and partly from Alfie. Dinner was great. Alfie was cute. Their conversation flowed smoothly and they kept ordering bottles so it wouldn’t stop.

“You keep checking your phone. Are you waiting for something important?” They stood to leave, making sure they had their wallets and delaying the next step.

“Um, sort of.”

“I hope it isn’t another guy.” Alfie led them out of the restaurant, walking backward a few steps and smiling, staking a claim. Isak tried some quick math to figure out how long he had until he had to get home, with or without Alfie. He had five minutes to make an excuse and bail or reveal the truth and invite him over. Outside Alfie continued his initiative. “I live nearby, you know. We could continue…talking…there.”

“Uh….”

“I just thought we were having a good time.” Alfie tried to recover from what he thought was the beginning of a rejection. He reached for Isak’s hand and hooked their fingers together.

“We…we are. I just have to get back to my place.” He glanced at his phone again, then let out a heavy exhale. “I have a show.”

“Like, you have to watch an episode of TV?”

“Um. No. Do…” Another heavy exhale. “Do you watch cams?”

Alfie dropped Isak’s fingers immediately and both hands went up to cover his mouth. When Isak finally looked up from the ground, Alfie’s eyes were wide.

“Isak.” Alfie’s hands dragged down to his chest. “Are you telling me you’re a camboy?”

Isak nodded, still not sure which direction Alfie’s shock was going to go in.

“And you have a show tonight?”

“In like, thirty minutes.” He held up his phone as unnecessary proof.

Alfie was breathless. He whispered, “Can I watch?”

“S-sure. But I have to go or else I’ll be lat—“

“No, I mean can I come over?”

Isak didn’t say anything. He stared at Alfie and confirmed his question. Then he took one step back. Another. Alfie stepped forward. “You’re not weirded out by it?”

“No. I watch cams. I’m trying…I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever seen you.”

Isak continued walking backward, slowly. Alfie approached, slowly.

“I’d hope I’d be more memorable than that.” He tried to joke to break the tension, but everything remained unsure. He felt another splash of fear when he realized that if Alfie _did_ remember him, he’d be breaking one of his rules. He never dated anyone from the site, never connected his face to his name. Maybe it was better if Alfie had never seen him. Of course now it was a little too late.

“I know I’ve never seen your face before tonight. Or, before Sana’s whole set-up.”

“No one has seen my face.”

That meant he’d only recognize Isak if he saw his body, possibly if he heard his voice. Alfie whimpered and took extra steps to close the gap. “Isak, please. You can’t drop this on me and then leave me on the street.”

Isak smiled. He was sure now. “Can you run? We’re going to be late.”

* * *

Isak tried to explain stuff as they traveled, on the bus, the three blocks to his apartment, up the stairs.

“I can’t believe this is happening. Does Sana know about any of this?”

Isak spun around in front of his door. “Hell no. And you cannot tell a single soul.”

Alfie held up his hands. “I swear. Fuck this is so hot.”

Isak smiled to himself as he unlocked his door. Even though he hadn’t known how the date was going to go, he had taken the time to tidy the rest of his apartment. There had still been an option to invite Alfie back but keep him out of the bedroom, so the living room was presentable. They were past noticing any of it though.

Isak lead Alfie into the kitchen. His other phone was charging on the counter and buzzing away. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Are you stalling or…”

“No, I mean, are you thirsty? I like to drink something before I’m on camera for an hour.”

“An hour?! Are you…” Alfie’s voice dropped, even though they were alone. “Are you hard for a whole hour?”

“I don’t usually start off hard but yeah, sure. It’s, that’s not a long time though.” Isak grabbed a glass and ran it under the tap. “Right? Like sometimes actual sex takes that long too.”

“ _Who_ are you fucking?”

Isak blushed as he drank because the honest answer popped into his mind and he didn’t think he could lie around it. No one. His hand. It had been a while.

Alfie shook his head. “You are just full of surprises tonight.” He clapped his hands. “Okay, so once you’re hydrated you get to explain whose phone that is.”

Isak’s second phone was still buzzing and flashing with each new snap. They weren’t late, yet, but his viewers were probably antsy because he hadn’t sent anything in advance. “Mine. My other phone. It’s where I can chat with people without revealing my identity, or risk sending nudes to people who know me.”

“You’re not fucking around, huh. Three shows a week, dedicated communication channels…please tell me you have a fitness regime.” Alfie rolled the R on regime as a joke but then stepped forward to press his fingers against Isak’s chest. Isak couldn’t help but flex for him. He should get back to the gym though.

“Sometimes the shows are a workout.”

“Jesus,” Alfie muttered.

“Okay, well it’s time.” Isak traded his glass for the phone. “Do you want to be on camera at all?” He started walking to his bedroom, knowing Alfie would follow.

“Maybe later? I want to see how it works first.”

Isak flicked on the light switch and went to work, dragging the table and checking the angles. “You can sit over there. Everything past here won’t be on screen.” He waved an imaginary wall into place. Then he pointed to the tape on the ground. “And this marks how far you can move back before you show your face.”

“But they can hear you, right?” Alfie looked around with a bit of wonder.

“They can hear and see. If I need to I can mute my audio feed, but I don’t give them much visually so that cuts out a lot.”

“I feel like I should be taking notes.” He let himself collapse into the chair Isak had pointed out. “And for the record, I don’t recognize your room, so I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

Isak looked at his bare walls and plain furniture. “I can’t tell if I just don’t have a sense of style or if I’m trying too hard to be anonymous.”

“It matches the rest of your apartment, so I think it’s actually your style. But if you’re not one for steady guests then you probably haven’t felt the need to decorate anyway. My place was pretty basic until I started like, shopping with this one guy and it turned out I had an opinion of what kind of shit I wanted in my living room.”

Isak logged on while Alfie mused about his apartment. “Okay, I’m going live. No pressure to do anything at all, but if they hear you they’ll probably start asking questions.” He paused before starting the broadcast. “Oh, do you have a name?”

“You mean...Alfie?” He pointed at his chest in case Isak truly believed that wasn’t his name.

“No, a fake name, so people don’t know who you really are.”

“Do you have a name?”

“Some people call me Hardy, because of my username. Otherwise just pet names. I’m going live.”

“That’s cute.”

Isak’s belt lit up the screen. Greetings poured into the chat. He sat down on the bed. “Hey, guys.”

**misterbee:** you wore the outfit!  
 **ThreeIsACrowd:** he’s still wearing the outfit...  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** how’d the date go?

“It went okay. It’s...going okay.”

**21twinkies:** what do u mean

Isak unlatched his belt and pulled it out of the loops. Then he tugged the tails of his shirt out of his pants. “Technically it’s not over.” Isak glanced at Alfie, who was staring intently at him. He unbuttoned his shirt.

**damnUfine369:** is he there?  
 **anonymous:** omg pls fuck on cam  
 **anonymous:** what does he look like  
 **fukkkkkkkkker tipped 50 tokens**

“He is very handsome, and if you’re nice he might come out and play.”

**ThreeIsACrowd tipped 100 tokens**  
 **misterbee:** this might be a first for you

“Oh it very much is. I think maybe three people total know about this cam, so he’s a lucky one.” Isak tossed his shirt at Alfie, breaking his focus and making him laugh.

“This is like a strip show that I’m not allowed to watch.”

**damnUfine369:** he sounds hot  
 **anonymous:** PUT HIM ON SCREEN  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** how much would a bj cost

“It’s the exact opposite, actually. You’re allowed to watch. And touch,” Isak said, as he shimmied his pants down his legs and kicked them away. Alfie shifted in his seat.

**anonymous:** FUCKING TOUCH HIM  
 **misterbee tipped 30 tokens**

Isak ran his thumb along the waistband of his boxer briefs. He shifted a bit, changing angles for the benefit of the camera, but didn’t look away from Alfie. It was his show. If Isak liked having the comments and tokens as immediate feedback, Alfie’s face was even more satisfying. Tiny muscles in his cheeks twitched with…something.

“Everyone wants to meet you.” Isak could see the chat moving out of the corner of his eye. He knew what they were demanding. He walked over to Alfie.

“I think…they probably want to meet you…first.” Alfie reached out and hooked a couple of his fingers into the hem of Isak’s underwear.

“I’m going to keep going, okay? You don’t have to join, but you already have plenty of fans. They know how excited I was to meet you.”

“You talked about me?”

The chat was furious at Isak being out of frame for so long.

“They’re very interested in my sex life.”

“Is that what this is?”

“I’m standing in front of you in my underwear and there are about 100 people online waiting for you to blow me, so yeah. I think this is about actual sex now.” Isak was sarcastic but playful. He turned away from Alfie and felt his underwear snap when Alfie’s fingers had to let go.

“Were you planning this?”

“My show?” Isak was back in front of the screen, catching up on comments.

“Sex on the first date.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** oh please please please fuck  
 **21twinkies:** im gunna cum already  
 **anonymous:** y r u still wearing cloths

“God no. I was too nervous to think that far ahead. I mean, in general I’m hopeful for sex. But I don’t count my dicks before they’re hard.”

Alfie laughed. 

**misterbee:** sexy laugh

“Isn’t it?” Isak responded. He stepped out of frame for a couple of seconds as he bent down to strip, then returned fully nude. Alfie’s laugh dissolved into a cough. Isak wasn’t hard yet, but he knew it would come as soon as he looked back at Alfie, as soon as he focused, thought about the unplanned sex. He was naked, but he didn’t have to expose himself completely. He stayed on the chat. “He’s funny too. We talked for a long time, and he has some great stories.”

**anonymous:** but what about his cock

“Oh, I don’t know about that. Yet. Maybe another night.”

The chat did not want to hear it.

“Guys guys guys. Patience. This isn’t a game.” Outrage had shifted to slight bribery, a rush of tokens. “I’m sure he’d be flattered but this isn’t his cam.”

“Jesus this is so confusing.” Alfie was up and next to Isak in one swift movement. Comments exploded when they caught sight of Alfie’s crotch. “It’s like when someone is on the phone in public and you can’t help but listen but you can only hear one side of the conversation.” Alfie leaned over Isak to read the chat. His skin was too tan to blush but Isak watched Alfie’s smile grow as he took in the compliments and requests. “My. A guy could get used to this attention, fuck.”

“Now you know why I couldn’t miss my show.”

“I thought you just wanted an excuse to whip it out.” Alfie twisted back to Isak, and his little smirk was the invitation Isak wanted. He extended his neck and went for a small kiss. Alfie twisted the rest of his body to kiss him back. His hands cupped Isak’s jaw, the first extended touch of the evening. It was innocent, but a long time coming, so Isak’s dick responded in kind.

**21twinkies:** r they kissing wats going on  
 **blackberriezzzz:** he has a nice ass  
 **024wolb:** they’re kissing oh my god  
 **anonymous:** MOVE UR LITERALLY COCKBLOCKING US  
 **ThreeIsACrowd tipped 200 tokens**

Alfie stepped between Isak’s knees, taking up the rest of the screen with his ass. Isak’s hands went to his waist and gripped at his tee. Alfie was a pretty good kisser, and clearly into it just as much as Isak. Soon their mouths were open and sloppy, and Alfie’s hands had moved to Isak’s hair so he could tug his head this way and that. The viewers couldn’t see anything beyond Alfie’s back, but they could hear the lips sucking and heavy breathing. Isak also started inching up the shirt.

While he never forgot about the camera, the chat was the farthest thing from Isak’s mind right now. They were a running commentary, admiring Alfie’s darker skin and the muscles that Isak was slowly revealing to them. They threw out requests until there was a general chant for a blow job, and tips were coming in steadily. Even though they weren’t seeing much it still managed to be his hottest show Isak had put on in a while, and it was still pretty early.

Alfie paused to whisper in Isak’s ear, hopefully not loud enough to be picked up by the camera. “I don’t fuck on the first date. But I’m going to suck you dry.” Alfie dragged his tongue along Isak’s earlobe, the corner of his jaw, and down his neck. Isak got goosebumps, and flinched when Alfie’s hand made contact with his now-hard dick. Even this little bit of stimulation was slightly overwhelming, and he started shaking. To distract himself, he focused on Alfie’s body, on the disproportionate amount of clothing he still wore. Isak took the opportunity of Alfie, hunched over his chest, to pull his shirt all the way off, mussing his highlighted hair as it went.

Alfie was at his nipples now, licking first then pinching them with his teeth, the left, then the right. Isak tossed the shirt and glanced at the laptop, making sure he was still out of frame. He watched Alfie’s muscles move on screen, visually connecting how his shoulders were rotating with the feel of his hands as they traveled from Isak’s dick to his ass. With a sudden pull Isak was tugged forward on the bed, closer to the edge, and with a thump Alfie dropped to his knees.

**anonymous:** BLOW JOB FUCK YES  
 **misterbee:** someone start the clock  
 **024wolb:** still cant see tho  
 **anonymous:** Suck that dick  
 **blackberriezzzz:** 50 tokens if he spits 100 if he swallows  
 **anonymous:** imma nut at the same time

Isak should’ve jerked off before the date. This was the last thought he had before Alfie’s mouth spilled hot air onto his head, the slightest warning before he was between his lips, halfway, completely. Alfie’s tongue pressed against his entire length, and then Isak felt him swallow. Isak choked.

**anonymous:** DEP THROAT  
 **anonymous:** How big is he  
 **misterbee:** unconfirmed but we think 7 inches  
 **anonymous:** Impressive  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** for Both of them

Isak’s head fell back, eyes closed. They could see his chest heaving, his chin at the top of the frame when his mouth fell open. One hand supported his weight on the bed, the other was in Alfie’s hair, almost pushing him away. He had forgotten how good someone else felt.

Weekly performances had perfected his masturbation technique, from the exact amount of lube to the finger position in his grip to multiple orgasms in a single show. And while he knew exactly what it took, now, with Alfie’s nose pressed into his pubes, he remembered why knowing exactly what it took wasn’t everything. Why the unknown of someone else’s hands and mouth and oh fuck, their throat, was a different kind of pleasure and a different kind of orgasm. So he gripped Alfie’s hair but didn’t control with it; he let Alfie bob up and down at his own pace and depth, simply muttering unnecessary commands. “Don’t stop, oh god, yes. Oh! Ohhhh fuck.” His hips rose and fell in a gentle request for more. He didn’t know where Alfie’s hands were but he also didn’t care. Nothing mattered except the way he sucked right below his head like the tip of a straw.

**anonymous:** we’ve passed the five-minute mark lads!  
 **misterbee:** reminder we’ve seen him edge for a whole hour  
 **21twinkies:** ya wit his hand  
 **anonymous:** Idk his name but I’m calling him magic mouth  
 **anonymous:** Lol  
 **anonymous:** Fuk I’m on my second nut already

One of Alfie’s hands returned to Isak’s chest, palming a pec and then zeroing in on a nipple. A breathy “Ahhh-haaaaha” earned Isak another pinch and twist. Alfie’s other hand pumped the base of his dick briefly, then traveled down to fondle his balls. His tongue swirled.

Isak wanted it to last, but he also wanted to come. He didn’t know what Alfie wanted; he hadn’t popped off to ask if he was close, but he seemed to consistently get him there before changing it up. Isak looked down at him, this fit as hell man absolutely worshipping his cock, letting it set up house and home in his mouth. Alfie looked up at him then too, and the eye contact asked and answered the question at the same time. “Where…do you…”

Alfie’s nostrils flared with an exhale, the briefest yet necessary pause before continuing, all the way to the end. “Oh fuck.” Isak pushed up once more and then felt the rush of release, an overload of sensation as Alfie drank down his cum as fast as he pumped it out. “Fuuuuuuck.”

The chat purred with simultaneous orgasms. Someone announced the official time. Tokens rewarded Isak and Alfie for their efforts. Alfie’s hands moved to Isak’s hips to still their shaking and hold his dick in place. He really was going to suck him dry. 

“Oh god oh god I’m done, ahhh.” Isak tried to shift backward on the bed but Alfie climbed forward to keep contact and suction. His breath was hot and cheeks hollow. Isak reached the tape border though, and couldn’t move further without exposing himself. So he actually pushed Alfie. “I can’t. Please.”

Alfie finally let go, pulling away without even a hint of drool. Isak’s dick plopped into his lap and Alfie stood, moving out of frame.

**badgirlbadgirl:** fuck it’s nearly purple  
 **024wolb:** no cum?  
 **blackberriezzzz tipped 100 tokens**  
 **anonymous:** 7 inches and THICK  
 **anonymous:** me next please  
 **ThreeIsACrowd tipped 500 tokens**

Alfie caught his breath. Isak noticed that his pants were unzipped, his erection tenting fabric. He waved at it, but Alfie shook his head. “Maybe later. What time is it?”

Isak squinted at the screen. “23:20.”

“Do you have to keep going?”

Isak didn’t know. He usually did if he was alone, but Alfie had done such a good job he didn’t know if he’d be able to get hard again, tease the way he did. He both wanted to make Alfie come and fall asleep, neither of which would probably work on camera.

“Do you want to?”

Alfie shrugged. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go get a drink.” He walked out to the kitchen.

Isak moved back to the edge of the bed and scrolled up in the chat. “Looks like you guys enjoyed that as much as I did. Thank you for the support. I’m just…give me a few minutes, okay? Be back soon.” He left the camera on but hopped away, grabbing his underwear and shutting his bedroom door on the way out.

Alfie was refilling Isak’s glass from the tap. Isak moved to his side and placed a soft hand at the base of his back.

“Are you okay?”

“Mmm.” Alfie swallowed his last sip and put the glass down. “Are you?”

“Uh, I’m fucking amazing. That was…great. You were great. Thank you.”

“You are very welcome. I really enjoyed having you in my mouth.” Alfie spun into Isak then, cupping him through his underwear and planting a kiss on his cheek.

Isak thought he was getting mixed signals though. Alfie felt distant, even though he was still touching, still hard. “Do you want to go?”

“I…” A peck on the lips. “…want to fuck you. But you have a show to finish and I have to pace myself.”

“Well, I could…I’d love to blow you. Doesn’t have to be on camera either.”

“Thank you for the offer, but I think I should go.” Alfie tucked himself away and zipped up his pants. He leaned in for a proper kiss and pressed his semi against Isak for a final rub. He pulled away with a satisfied hum. “I’m going to get my shirt and we’ll check our calendars?” Isak nodded and followed Alfie back to his room.

Alfie spoke a bit louder for the sake of their audience, if one remained. “I wouldn’t mind doing Friday again. But I also have time on Thursday.”

Isak stepped back in front of the camera, offering up his crotch in penance for the dead air. “Let’s do Thursday, and then we’ll see about Friday?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** show on thurs?  
 **024wolb:** fucking underwear

“Sounds good.” Alfie pulled his shirt on over his head. “But who knows, maybe I’ll see you before then.” He nodded at the laptop.

Isak was speechless. He hadn’t thought of that. Alfie knew his schedule now, and could lurk whenever he wanted to. He was used to speaking freely about his dates with his viewers, because his dates would never know. But now….

“You know I can’t resist.” Alfie stepped to him for another kiss, hands at Isak’s jaw again.

**misterbee:** he’s getting hard. magic mouth indeed

Isak clung to Alfie as he stepped away.

“Which one?” He pointed to his main phone, the one without a case, next to the laptop. Alfie picked it up and swiped it open. “Interesting.”

“Nothing to hide there.”

“Until I start sending you pictures.” Alfie smirked as he added himself to Isak’s contacts.

“Promise?”

“Text me when you’re done.” He replaced Isak’s phone on the desk and gave him one more kiss. “I’ll show myself out.”

Isak watched him go, then dropped to the bed. “Well…shit.” He ran a hand through his hair, eyes glancing over the comments and questions that were still trickling in. “What now?”


	4. 22:49

_Isak answer me_

Two missed calls.

_Pick up your fucking phone_

Isak answered when she called the third time. “What.”

“Sana told me about your date and I am very upset that it’s taken me two whole days to hear about it.”

“Just ask Jonas next time.”

“I did! You didn’t tell him either.”

“There was nothing to tell.”

“Um, of fucking course there was. Sana gave me all the details.”

Isak groaned and rolled over into his pillow. “Eva.”

“I actually only called because I need you to confirm that Sana really brought condoms to brunch. And that you took them all.”

“I didn’t take them, I removed them from the table. She just…tossed them out there for everyone to see!”

“I would have paid to have been at that table. But hey, that’s great that the date went well. Are you going to see him again?”

“Yes.”

“Good. You’ve been on your own for too long.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you need to use those condoms that you removed from the table and put in your pocket and are storing in your bedside table.”

Isak glanced up at his bedside table where, in fact, the condoms were stored. All nine of them.

Sana had managed to follow up with Alfie before she saw Isak the next morning, and reported good things. Isak did as well, and that’s when she dumped the condoms from her clinic on the table. “For Thursday.”

“Fucking hell, Sana!”

She had just shrugged. There was no argument against safe sex and she knew it.

Isak reached over to the drawer and pulled it open, touching the foil packets. He was actually grateful, because he hadn’t replenished his stock in a while, and now he didn’t have to make a separate trip for more, at least this week. He did wonder though, if Sana knew how big Alfie’s dick was. Or if she was just estimating based off of his? Did Sana know the size of his dick?

“Anyway, the least she could do is bring some to lunch with the girls. You would think guys would be prepared considering it’s their goal for the evening but I’m always the one who has to provide.”

“Wait, are you—?”

“No, no, we’re back on. Just us. But it’s not like Jonas doesn’t have a dick.”

“No glove, no love,” Isak drawled.

“Speaking of love, I have to go drag him to the market.”

“Oh do you want to get me something healthy and come over and cook for me?”

“No.”

Isak waited her out.

“We’ll be over later.”

* * *

Despite the early wake-up call from Eva Isak stayed in bed for another few hours. He admired a photo from Alfie that reminded him to lock his main phone, especially if Eva would be visiting and snooping. Then he finally got down to business. His inbox was bursting.

Bee had nothing but praises, multiple messages thanking him for the show and subtly asking for details on the other guy. Others weren’t so subtle. He replied to most.

_No show on Thursday_

_Thank you for your support! I’m sure there will be more ;)_

_Haha yes, it will be my turn next_

_I usually study on Mondays and Wednesdays, so check back on Friday._

_Thank you!_

_That’s a very generous estimate._

Isak stopped when he opened a rather lengthy one, from ThreeIsACrowd.

_Hello Hard2Get! Thank you for a fun show on Friday. We’ve been watching you for a while and really enjoy everything you do, but it was extra special seeing your friend too. I know you’ve said before that you don’t date people from here, but we were wondering if you were interested in something casual with another couple? We’re looking for a little fun, and since you’re in the city, we thought a one-time thing would be interesting. Let us know! —Sonja & Even _

Isak’s back went straight in his chair and he pushed away from his keyboard. He was hit with a bit of shock. Not at the proposition, those were rather common. But they knew where he lived, this Sonja and Even. He looked around his room, unable to spot anything identifying. Then he wondered if he had accidentally shown his face on Friday night. He should’ve recorded it like he used to, back when he was first starting and didn’t know what he looked like sometimes.

Or maybe it was Alfie? He had been on screen more than Isak. Someone could have recognized him, or taken a screenshot. Shit. He needed to be more careful. Isak reached for his cell phone. _Do you know a couple, Sonja and Even?_ He knew he wasn’t going to get a response right away so he focused on drafting a reply while he waited.

_Hello Sonja & Even! Your username makes more sense now! Thank you for tuning in, and I’m glad we didn’t scare you off. I also appreciate the offer, but as I would like to remain anonymous, I can’t entertain any in-person meetings. Best of luck with your search though. Couple cams are pretty popular on here, so you might find some takers if you’re interested in broadcasting. xxx Hard2Get_

Without an answer from Alfie yet, Isak was dying to know. He sent another message.

_P.S. How did you know I live in the city?_

And then he dropped his forehead to the edge of his desk. There had been a small chance that they _didn't_ know, and were just hopeful, or were actually fishing for information. But now they knew. “Idiot,” he muttered into his lap.

He had been so careful. He had read horror stories of people’s lives ruined by camming. He knew he had to protect himself from the world’s judgment and shame, if he didn’t want to live outside of it. His rules kept him safe; he wondered which one he had broken.

_I know a Sonja, but no Even. Why?_

_Just a funny message I got. How is your Sunday?_

_Sweeter, now._

Isak carried on a casual, slow conversation with Alfie while he finished with his business. He let out a low whistle when he saw the results from Friday’s show. He hadn’t been paying much attention, what with the blow job and all, but he did remember ThreeIsACrowd this time, and their steady tipping until midnight. And now with their message, it made more sense. They had been buttering him up. He wondered what they’d pay for a private cam. Isak opened a spreadsheet to start tracking tips. He could start tomorrow, when it was quiet.

He switched back to his messages one last time before wrapping up. He had a few replies but only clicked open one.

_I forget when but I noticed the university logo on your notebook. —Even_

Isak lunged for his bag, fingertips scrambling for purchase on his one spiral notebook. He whipped it out and stared at the cover. “Traitor.” It was usually splayed open on his desk during sessions, curves and equations decorating the grid-lined paper, but he must have had it closed at some point, exposing himself. “Fuck.” Now someone, or probably multiple people, knew where he lived and what school he attended. If they pieced together a few other details that he had let loose, thinking the connections would never be made, you could narrow him down to a group of thirty people, probably even fewer.

_Good eye. Mind if we keep this between us? Our little secret? xxx_

_Cross my heart. —Even_

Isak logged off, furious at himself for the slip. He thundered into the kitchen and whipped around looking for the roll of duct tape he had saved from when he moved it. It was…somewhere.

He tried to argue himself back to calm while he looked. He believed Even when they promised to keep his secret; they weren’t exactly in an innocent position either, propositioning him for sex. Though…there wasn’t anything wrong with that. They hadn’t mentioned money, right? Just a meeting. Whatever. Isak decided that Even & Sonja were not the problem. It was the anonymous viewers, the ones recording their screens, collecting the information so it wouldn’t disappear as soon as he ended the broadcast. He didn’t know how much of himself was still out there, ready to be used against him the moment someone felt slighted or ignored. He was going to have to play a little nicer to keep them quiet. For now though, just a fucking better disguise. He found the roll of tape and cut off a square, carrying it back to his bedroom. He lined it up over the logo on his notebook and slapped it down. The extra force was another warning for himself: keep your guard up.

* * *

Monday’s show was quiet, as usual. Isak had heated up a late dinner of Eva’s leftovers and spent the top half of the hour eating and finishing a few problem sets in his notebook. He texted Eva for the recipe to pass along to interested viewers, but she said she had just thrown a bunch of stuff in a pot. Isak shrugged and apologized to the camera.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Nice notebook.

“Shut up.” He blushed a bit at the tease. “Almost everyone else graphs on their computers but I like it old school. I think I’m the last person on the planet buying yellow pencils for my homework.”

**anonymous:** fukin nerd  
**ThreeIsACrowd:** I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms.

“What?” Were they joking? Still pursuing him? This was a bit…forward.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** It’s a quote from You’ve Got Mail. A classic.

“Oh. Right. Tom Hanks.”

**ThreeIsACrowd tipped 50 tokens**

Properly distracted now, Isak opened his phone to look up the quote. He tapped around aimlessly, scrolling through Hanks’s filmography, bouncing over to Dave Chapelle, then to Saturday Night Live. He set his phone down and watched a clip of Stefon on Weekend Update. He pulled his sleeves around his fists and covered his mouth in a subconscious imitation.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I would have chosen NY152 but it was taken. And S wanted something for both of us.

“Shopgirl?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Good code names.

“Got it.”

Even and Sonja sounded pretty cute. And he’d keep their secret as long as they kept his.

**blackberriezzzz:** hate to break up this little movie festival but were you going to do something else with that shirt?

“What, you don’t like it?”

**blackberriezzzz:** it’s getting in the way of your skin

Isak laughed. “That sounds weird.”

**blackberriezzzz:** u know what i mean  
**anonymous:** study naked challenge  
**misterbee:** masturbate naked challenge  
**winkwankwonk tipped 10 tokens**

“Guys, it’s Monday.”

**anonymous:** are we sharing facts now? i’m horny. ur hot. climate change is real. uh, what else…….......  
**anonymous:** I’m horny too OMG what a coinkydink  
**anonymous:** me too!  
**024wolb:** same  
**bradl3yc00p3r:** are u horny hardy?

“Not really. I’m still kind of focusing on homework.” Except he wasn’t. He had been doodling nonsense off to the edge of the paper, and put down his pencil to log some of the tokens in his spreadsheet.

**cumherebb:** I MISSED A BLOW JOB?  
**anonymous:** on Friday yeah  
**cumherebb:** fuck  
**anonymous:** not yet  
**misterbee:** we’re hoping for this friday  
**cumherebb:** none of u bitches messaged me  
**badgirlbadgirl:** like u even tip

Isak dropped a hand into his lap. The memories of Friday night were…strong, working. They joined forces with boredom and the team effort drew all of his focus to his dick. He could…yeah, he had time. He watched the chat flow along and some familiar names join in. His hand worked quietly on his belt. No one noticed until his hand had already snaked into his pants and returned as a fist above the edge of the desk.

**anonymous:** HELLO HELLO  
**misterbee:** look who came out to play

“You’re all so distracting.”

**anonymous:** were u actually doin homework come on

“One time there was an anonymous person who really did help me with my homework. They typed out problems with me, it was really nice of them.”

**anonymous:** how the fuck r u allowed on this website  
**024wolb:** look at the pink little tip. that’s how

They could see the tip of his dick making brief appearances. Isak’s breathing was still pretty normal, not getting in the way of conversation, so the slight movement at the edge of the desk was the only action. It was enough, though, to get the chat moving a bit faster.

**ThreeIsACrowd tipped 100 tokens**  
**ThreeIsACrowd:** Shopgirl is going to be upset she missed this

“Is she not here?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** she can only watch on Fridays.  
**anonymous:** I usually only come on Fridays too but I’m glad I made an exception  
**anonymous:** mm look at dat precum  
**blackberriezzzz:** lick it up

Isak swiped at the drops with his fingers but didn’t lick them. He kept pumping, distributing the wetness and working on his heart rate. His free hand moved to his balls, tugging them through the opening in his underwear. He remembered how Alfie had played with them. He was enjoying this slow build. His eyes fluttered shut.

And then snapped open again. Someone was buzzing his apartment.

“What the fuck.”

**anonymous:** don’t sotp!!

The buzzing was persistent.

“Hold on guys, someone is here.” Isak stepped away from his desk and tucked himself away. He zipped up and pulled down his shirt, hoping to hide the bulge. The tightness of his pants as he walked to the door was not helping.

“Hello?” He leaned into his intercom

“Let me in you fucking tease.”

Isak unlocked his door for Alfie.

While Alfie took the stairs Isak returned to his room. “Sorry about that. I have an unexpected visitor.”

**anonymous:** is he talking about his dick  
**badgirlbadgirl:** blow job blow job blow job  
**anonymous:** he’s back?  
**misterbee:** if I were sucking that dick I’d never leave

Isak chuckled at the comments rolling in and finished logging some tips. He had a feeling he was about to be even more distracted. He heard his front door slam shut and shortly after Alfie entered his bedroom, drawing his own shirt over his head. Isak rose to meet him offscreen. “I’m live.”

“I am very much aware of that. I left the second I realized what you were doing.”

“You were watching?”

“Of course.” Alfie kissed him. “I’m your number one fan.”

Isak smiled, then kissed him back. He wasn’t so sure of that, knowing the dedication of some of his viewers, the tips. But Alfie was the only one who knew where he lived. And he was putting that knowledge to good use. His hands made themselves at home in his pants, dipping past his waistband and picking up where Isak had left off. Isak held onto Alfie’s shoulders.

“Are you…are you supposed to be on screen?” Alfie whispered into his ear, without interrupting his work. Isak needed a moment to register the question.

“Only if you want to be. I think I only have like…ahhh…ten minutes left.”

“I like a challenge.” Alfie gave him one last squeeze and pulled away. He focused on undressing the rest of himself and Isak followed suit. “Everything.” Alfie was down to his boxers but commanded Isak to strip completely. He looked around while Isak was finishing and decided to drag the armchair next to Isak’s desk chair. Then he waved at the seats. “Shall we?”

Comments started flying when Isak’s erection bobbed into view, as he returned to his seat. Alfie sat next to him, but only his shoulder was visible, and they both cut off at the neck. Isak addressed their adoring crowd. “Yes, yes, this is….”

**anonymous:** MAGIC MOUTH IS BACK

Alfie barked a laugh. “Is that me?”

“If you don’t have a name they will give you one.”

“Well…it could be worse.” Alfie reached over with his left hand to resume his stroking. “Let me show you what I had come up with.” His right hand paused the chat and scrolled back up. When he’d found his last comment he silently pointed to the screen.

“Really? That’s you?”

**anonymous:** who is he?  
**misterbee:** was he among us?  
**anonymous:** he’s magic mouth until we see his cock

Alfie’s hand cupped in front of Isak’s ear so he could whisper: “Now you can say you’ve been blown by Bradley Cooper.”

Isak wanted to laugh, but Alfie had timed a squeeze to his joke that made Isak’s breath hitch instead, keeping him quiet. His throat shuddered with the mixed signals. “That’s…cute,” he finally got out.

“I can’t make this a habit but I’ll watch when I can.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Did you guys hear that?” Alfie turned to the camera without losing speed. “He thinks I don’t have to watch. He thinks I don’t have to drool over his cock along with the rest of you, like the little sluts we are. He thinks we can just spend our days normally without thinking about how he tastes.”

“I didn’t say _that_ …” Isak’s eye roll was interrupted by a twist of Alfie’s wrist. “Ahhhh.”

“What do you think? Think we can grade his homework with some cum?”

God he was really playing to the room. Alfie was a natural. Isak shouldn’t have doubted that, from a man who had deep-throated him on camera, but the conversation was still an unexpected level of engagement. His viewers were loving it. Bee was tipping aggressively.

Alfie turned back to face Isak. “Did Hardy do a good job? Was he a good boy?” Every question moved him closer, until it was obvious to the viewers that Alfie’s tongue was stopping Isak from actually answering. All he could do was whimper from the back of his throat and push his hips up into Alfie’s expert hand. When he finally started coming, thin, pearly spurts dripping onto the edge of his desk and down Alfie’s fingers, Alfie pulled back a bit to give him some air. Isak was heaving, drawing in all of the room’s oxygen as he came back down to earth. “Gold star.”

**blackberriezzzz:** lick it lick it  
**blackberriezzzz:** oh fuck yes

Alfie took his time with clean-up, sucking on his fingers, scooping up the cum that hadn’t soaked through his papers, and then getting whatever remained on Isak’s still-throbbing cock.

**ThreeIsACrowd tipped 200 tokens**  
**blackberriezzzz tipped 60 tokens**

“Fuck.” Isak watched Alfie. Then he glanced at the clock on his screen. His hour was up. “Uh…thanks for joining us, guys. We need to go now though.” Isak ended the broadcast. He logged out, turned off the camera, slammed his computer shut with record speed. Alfie was standing and naked by the time he confirmed they were disconnected completely.

He pointed to the bedside table across the room. “Gifts from Sana.”

Alfie stroked himself lightly while he perused his options. Isak stood and tucked his chair away, then crawled into the middle of the bed. He rested on his knees and watched Alfie.

“Does this count as a date?”

Alfie paused with a condom rolled halfway down. “Uh…I guess. We might need to eat something later for it to officially count though. Something else.” Alfie finished and carried the lube with him onto the bed. “Why?”

“You don’t fuck on the first date so I wanted to make sure this was the second.”

Alfie chuckled. “You’re about to get dicked down on a technicality.”


	5. 20:37

“That…is what happens when I don’t pace myself.”

It was nearing 4 on Tuesday morning and Isak and Alfie were both spread eagle across Isak’s mattress, sweaty and sticky and done. One corner of his sheet had popped off and was bundled around Alfie’s ankle.

“I’m not complaining.”

“Me neither. Just…explaining. Shower?”

Isak pointed to his bathroom door. “You first. I don’t know if I can stand.”

Alfie untangled himself from the sheet and launched himself to his feet with a grunt. He collected his clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. Isak waited for his thighs to stop shaking before attempting anything vertical, but he eventually made it to the kitchen. The water tasted so good. 

He checked his second phone while he was waiting. He tapped through a few cum shots, a bunch of caps lock rants about ending his show, and…wait. Was that Bee’s dick?

➢ is that you?!  
➢ …  
➢ to show my appreciation for the show. you signed off too fast before i could tip

A short but thick, swollen dick was resting on a small bed of trimmed, black hair. The head was red and glistening and pointing off to the side, thanks to a bit of a curve.

➢ i’d apologize but i’m really not sorry

Isak took a quick shot of his crotch and sent it back. He didn’t care that he was soft now, that the cum was crusty in his own pubes. He wasn’t one to trade in glamour shots, but he owed Bee the update.

➢ congratulations  
➢ by my calculations i'd say you’ve had two additional orgasms, three for him

Isak sent his winking bitmoji back. Bee was spot on. Isak took another shot, no dick, but of his hip where his skin was still pink from Alfie’s grip. He posted that with a MARATHON MARKS caption and shut off his phone before more thirsty snaps came back. Late-night Americans would finally be the first to the new content.

The shower whined, ended. Isak fetched another glass for Alfie and filled it up. He was surely exhausted, more than Isak, as Isak had spent a majority of their last round simply letting Alfie and his stamina pound him into the mattress. Alfie would need to refresh and recharge, but Isak didn’t know if he wanted to do it here or somewhere else.

When Alfie appeared in the kitchen he was fully dressed. “I have to be up for work in three hours so I’m going to go.” Isak handed him the glass of water, which he gratefully chugged. He had barely swallowed the last of it before he was in Isak’s face trying to land a wet kiss. “You are…an excellent fuck.”

Isak returned the compliment as soon as Alfie broke away. “Are we still on for Thursday?”

“Yes. If I can keep it in my pants through Wednesday night.”

“I believe in you.”

Alfie laughed. “I have a client dinner on Wednesday and if it’s a nice place I’ll take you there too. If it isn’t we’ll just go to mine. I also have gifts from Sana.”

“She’d be so proud of us.”

Alfie leaned in for another kiss but paused right before contact. Isak breathed him in through his nose. It was strange smelling his soap on another man, with a different base scent, but thoughts of soap completely disappeared when their lips landed and tongues said goodbye. Alfie let himself out again. Isak placed the empty glasses in the sink and headed back to bed. He set his alarm for as late as possible, thanking his past self for Tuesday’s class schedule.

* * *

Isak swore off all future homework/masturbation sessions as soon as he realized the next three pages in his notebook were stuck together with cum. He thought he could avoid any trouble as long as he'd wiped off the open page, but didn’t account for it soaking through and ruining a few pages worth of graphs. He had to do some catch-up work on Wednesday.

He logged on a bit earlier than usual, claiming a quick break. Once he went through his inbox he’d return to work.

_Did you meet him at school? —Even_

_No, through a friend. He isn’t a student. xxx_

Another question popped up before Isak had a chance to respond to anyone else.

_Did he know you were a camboy? —Even_

_No…no one knows. Well, he does now, but none of my friends do. xxx_

_Why not? —Even_

_Do any of your friends know you watch cams? Or are looking or a threesome? xxx_

_Whoa, okay. Fair point._

_Sorry, didn’t mean to come off as rude. It’s my sex life, just like yours, so it’s private._

_Except you know my real name._

_I’m going to assume this is your first time, camming, chatting, etc. Mistakes happen._

_You mean your real name is not Hardy? What about Cumsfordaze? Does he not, in fact, come for days? :0_

_Well, he might. Some guys have interesting party tricks. Your name was pretty clever, before you exposed yourself._

_It was Sonja’s idea. She spent a whole day thinking of it._

_Shopgirl. Get used to using that instead._

_Why? She signed that first message with her own name._

_Have you guys asked anyone else like that? Sent private messages?_

_No, you were the first. And we haven’t looked at other cams yet._

_If you do you should use code names. You don’t really know who is watching here._

_:0 Are you going to turn us in?_

_Not if you don’t turn me in._

_I can’t tell if you’re joking, but it’s our little secret._

Sensing a pause in the conversation, Isak clicked away to answer some other messages. It was fun, chatting at length like this, but he didn’t do it often outside of his broadcasts. Mostly because his viewers were rarely as engaging as Even, but also because the site’s inbox function wasn’t the best. Cammers tend to send people to other social media accounts anyway, for consolidation purposes, or directly to a paypal link. Bee suggested he set one up, or at least an Amazon wishlist, but Isak hadn’t bothered with that yet.

_Did you leave me?_

Isak pouted at the new message. _Sorry, no, just had to click away for a minute. I’ll be here until the show starts at 22._

_Do you mind if we keep talking?_

He didn’t. Of course not. Isak checked his camera and opened up a private room. He sent the link to Even. _Join me here? Easier for me to talk. You don’t need a cam._

**ThreeIsACrowd has entered**

“Hi.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** What is this?

“A private room. Most of the time people do cam-to-cam. Like you could find a lot of people on here who would watch you and Shopgirl.” Isak twirled his pencil in his last attempt at pretending he was still working. “Or just when folks want more control.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Well that IS what I’m looking for.

Isak laughed. This was better, definitely, than trying to type to Even. “Is it though? Is that why you guys are looking?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** No. Shopgirl wanted to spice things up a bit, see if we could reconnect somehow.

“Ah, well. I’m not sure my dick would help there.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** It has actually, a little bit. We get excited for Friday nights now. Though it’s kind of late.

“Sorry. But that’s how this all started. My late nights clicking through cams. Figured I’d keep with the schedule, let all of the lonely people hang out together.”

Isak moved his inbox to another tab and responded to a few more messages. He waited for Even to say something else, but didn’t feel bad about doing other things during the lull. He could still see that he was there.

“So…if Shopgirl only watches on Fridays, what are you doing here now?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I work from home, and I get bored sometimes. I used to play games but after we found you here I just kept coming back.

“What do you do?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Well, sometimes I masturbate

“Hah! No no no, I meant what do you do for work? Unless…wait, do you masturbate for work?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** No, that’s what YOU do.

Isak laughed harder. “You’re funny.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** It’s funny because it’s true.

Isak had never thought about it like that, or at least had never phrased it like that. This definitely was a part-time job. Set hours, regular income, demanding customers. It didn’t feel like work though. “You’re right. It’s a good thing I’m my own boss.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Being shirtless is definitely a perk for the whole office.

Isak looked down, as if he forgot that he was wearing a shirt. This particular one had the university logo on it too, and he was relieved he noticed. “Remind me to take this off later.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Take off your shirt.

He rolled his eyes. “I mean for the show. I need something a little less revealing.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Oh the irony of a shirt being too revealing on a cam site.

“Heh. A nipple is harder to track down than a logo, that’s for sure.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** If it’s any consolation, I don’t think anyone else is paying that much attention to your set. They’re just waiting for skin.

Isak let out a mock gasp and fanned his fingers across his chest. “You mean people are only here for my _body_?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Not ME of course. I’m only interested in the anonymous commenters begging for dick.

“We have so much in common then.”

Isak closed out of his inbox and picked up his pencil again. He really did need to get something done before the show. He only made it through half of the next problem though, before he had to ask another question. “So…wait. You know I live by you because of my notebook, but how would this work for anyone else? How would you find another Norwegian here?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** It didn’t start out as a real life meeting. We were just watching for a while. It wasn’t doing much though, or maybe it was just too boring. After I pointed out your notebook Shopgirl said we should try to meet you. That got exciting.

“It was probably the scariest message I’d ever received.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Oh I’m sorry.

“No, it’s not your fault. It’s me being too scared, I think, of what I’m doing. I love to do it but I don’t want people to know I’m doing it.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Except for Marathon Man.

Isak smiled and scratched at the back of his head. “Yeah, I guess he kind of slipped through.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I hope he can keep a secret.

“I think he will. But I also don’t think this is…I don’t think it’s anything big enough for him to turn into a power move. Like, sure he could tell my friends or go to someone at my school, but it’s just been one date, a bit of fucking…that’s it.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** He deepthroated you on the first date. Sounds like love to me.  
**ThreeIsACrowd:** Just kidding.

“Heh. If that’s love then I’d be married by now.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** No need to brag. But I understand. Nothing for him to gain if he told.

Isak sighed. “Yeah.” He forced himself to complete a few more problems and Even didn’t say anything. When he was itching for a break, though, he just spoke up.

“You never answered me earlier. What do you do at home?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I’m a freelance videographer, so most of my time is spent editing video in a dark room.

“That’s cool. What are you working on now?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I shot a wedding a few weeks ago so I’m just getting started on cutting it down.

“Ahh! Was it nice? I’ve only ever been to two weddings but they were both really beautiful.” Sana’s was a lot of fun, but mostly he remembered how colorful it was. Isak couldn’t recall if she had a videographer at hers; maybe he’d ask on Saturday.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** It’s hard to appreciate when you’re having trouble getting certain shots, or spend hours staring at the same people over and over again. But I like the challenge of trying to recreate the magic of the day in a short video.

Isak liked that answer. He stared at it for a bit. He didn’t know what to say in response, but he really appreciated Even’s perspective. Isak didn’t particularly enjoy his statistics work, or the planning for his thesis that he should be doing, but he knew that they were challenges meant to serve a bigger purpose. “May I see it when you’re done?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** A stranger’s wedding video?

Isak shrugged. “I can let you know if you recreated the magic.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Maybe.

“Aww come on! I…let you see my statistics homework!” He lifted his notebook and waved it around. “Fair trade.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I wish you could hear how hard I’m laughing right now.

Isak smiled. He hadn’t thought of it much, but now that Even mentioned it, whenever he read his viewers “laughter” in the chat, he always heard different voices for each of them. None of them were accurate, but he thought it was interesting the kind of personalities he built for people based on anonymous internet comments. Part of the shock of seeing Bee’s dick was that it didn’t match the person he’d been imagining, and now Bee would look and sound different in his head.

“Fine, well…if you ever need feedback I’m willing to offer my brutally honest opinion. I’ve judged plenty of videos; I have a lot of experience.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** There are rarely any dicks in my videos though.

“I can’t believe no one had their cock out at the wedding reception. Tsk.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Your invitation must’ve been lost in the mail.

Even kept Isak laughing like this right up to showtime, his homework long forgotten. He reminded Isak to change his shirt before he went live, and Isak did so on camera as a subtle thank you. Even tipped one token, earning another laugh. When Isak closed the private room and opened up his usual chat, Even faded into the crowd. Isak answered the barrage of questions that were still hanging around after Monday’s abrupt shutdown and kept his eye out for a lurking Bradley Cooper. He didn’t want to talk too much on Alfie’s behalf, reveal any details he wasn’t aware of, though he didn’t seem to make an appearance. He did try to screenshot some of the compliments for him though. His mastery of Isak’s dick in just two sessions was quite memorable, apparently committed to a few spank banks. Alfie would be proud.

Isak kept his clothes on this evening, and eventually returned to his homework as things were winding down closer to 23. He said goodnight to people as they signed off, and promised a report from Thursday’s date on Friday.

“Good night, Bee. Thanks for that photo the other day.”

**misterbee:** you’re welcome. i’m flattered you took a screenshot

The chat list dwindled until it was just a few anonymous viewers and Even.

“'Night, New York. Looking forward to seeing you and Shopgirl on Friday.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** As are we. Good night, Hardy.

* * *

“Look, I don’t want to kick you out of bed....”

“But you’re kicking me out of bed.” Isak sat up.

“I need sleep. You need sleep. That doesn’t happen when this ass is in the same room as me.” Alfie pinched at Isak’s ass before he managed to stand up.

“Oi!”

“Bathroom is off the hallway.”

Isak cleaned up quickly. They hadn’t made as much of a sweaty mess as last time, and it was still a bit early, but Alfie had complained about work being difficult on only three hours of sleep. “It was like…a sex hangover. You were right about staying hydrated.” Isak gargled some water and checked out what Alfie had in his medicine cabinet. There were some prescription painkillers, but it was an old bottle with most of the doses remaining; nothing interesting. Isak retraced their path to the front door where his clothes had started coming off only half an hour ago. He had everything but his socks by the time he was back in the bedroom. Alfie watched him finish, then crooked his finger to get him closer.

“Will you be able to get back okay? Do you want me to call a car?”

“I’ll be fine. Thank you for dinner, and the dick.” Isak leaned down for a quick kiss, snaking his hand under the sheet for a squeeze.

“Oh no, don’t get me started.”

“I won’t. Besides, I need you to rest up for tomorrow night.”

“Yeah?”

“If you want to.” Isak let go of Alfie but sat down on the edge of the bed. Alfie shifted onto his side and propped his head up on his arm.

“I’d love to. 23, right?”

“Do you want to do dinner?”

“How about I bring something over around 21?” Alfie’s other hand had snuck up under the back of Isak’s shirt and was dipping down into his pants. “I’m not sure what you like though, aside from uh, doggy style.”

Isak slapped at his shoulder. “I’m not picky.”

“ _Clearly_ ,” Alfie drawled. His hand was far enough down to grab a good chunk of cheek. Isak yelped at the sudden grip and vaulted up.

“Okay we’re done here. I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Isak leaned down for another peck, and Alfie collapsed under it, exaggerating a swoon. Isak left.

Once he was outside a wave of fatigue washed over him. Isak made it to the nearest bus stop and leaned against the shelter. Dating…or fucking…whatever this was, was exhausting after such a long dry spell. Isak watched headlights zip past and wondered if tomorrow night was too soon. Would it be rude to cancel after having just invited Alfie over? Maybe he was right, Isak just needed some sleep. Besides, it was Friday. He didn’t want to disappoint everyone else either. He pulled out his second phone and took a snap of the sidewalk, then added some text.

➢ You + Me + Bradley = 23  
➢ I love math


	6. 14:47

“I honestly couldn’t decide, so I have the pizza,” Alfie held up his other hand with a white bag, “and sushi.”

“Um…let’s start with sushi.” Isak stepped aside to let Alfie into his apartment. Alfie brought the food to the kitchen and spread it out across the counter. He handed Isak a pair of chopsticks and they ate standing up, leaning over the food. They were hungry.

“What was it like? The first time?”

“Which first time?” Isak lost control of his roll and dropped it into the soy sauce. “Fuck.”

“The first time you turned on a camera.”

“Kind of scary. Mostly because I…for some reason…thought I would start hearing moaning through my speakers. And I had roommates at the time. I could barely jerk off under my blanket in peace, and now I was afraid it was going to be announced to the whole apartment.”

“Nah, just the whole internet.” Alfie smirked and waved his chopsticks in the air.

“Well, not yet. I think I had two viewers total, and because I was scared it took me a long time to come.”

“Aww, that doesn’t sound very fun then.”

“A bit stressful, yeah.”

“But you kept it up.”

Isak nodded while he finished chewing a spider roll. “I went back to just watching for a bit, chatting. But I paid more attention to what exactly the cammers were doing. How long they were live, what their pace was, camera angles, the like. And then…and then I practiced as if they were watching me. Like instead of jerking off as a viewer, I pretended they were the viewer, jerking off in response to me. And eventually I just turned my camera back on.”

“You were…determined.”

“I don’t think you get to _that_ without being determined.” Isak pointed his chopsticks over his shoulder to his bedroom.

“How long have you been doing it?”

“I started in November.”

“I don’t know what the lifespan for a cammer is but it sounds like you have a pretty steady gig.”

“Oh definitely. I’m not a full-blown professional, but I’ve come a long way from a quickie, whispering into my headphone mic on my webcam.”

Alfie chewed and shook his head, smiling a bit to himself.

“What?”

“I just…a week ago I was meeting a friend of Sana’s for a first date, this little Instagram nerd. And in about an hour I’m going to fuck you on camera. This has taken quite the turn.”

Isak blushed, a surge of worry rising in his chest. “Is that okay?” He tried to hide his nerves by dropping his eyes down to the food. Alfie hadn’t seemed to have an issue with any of this, but the same fear from that first night, when he told him he was a camboy, was back.

“Fuck yes it’s okay!” Alfie’s outburst startled Isak so much it took him a moment before he realized it was a positive reaction. “I just meant that the person Sana described to me and the person I saw on Instagram…they’re completely different from the guy standing across from me. And I would’ve been fine with that, by the way. Like even if you weren’t a camboy, it was still a good date and I still wanted to kiss you and stuff. But then it all just exploded into this whole different…path. That was a first date for the books.”

Isak’s blush bloomed under the flattery. “I’m relieved it wasn’t a dealbreaker for you.”

“Had it been before?”

“I didn’t tell many people. There were a couple, but they just knew of it in theory. We never got far enough along to really get them involved. I don’t know if the reveal affected that at all, but in the end it didn’t matter.”

Alfie nodded. They went back to eating, chuckling when they struggled with chopsticks and deciding which rolls tasted the best. Alfie even dipped into the pizza, but barely made it through a slice.

“Fuck, now I want a nap.”

Isak rubbed Alfie’s shoulder as he walked around him, picking up their empty plates. “You’re welcome to my bed.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 22.”

“Do you want to…rehearse?”

“Whoa whoa, is there going to be choreography tonight?” Alfie crossed the kitchen to Isak. He lightly touched at Isak’s waist. “I usually just, y’know, go by feel.”

“Well, if we’re going to be on camera, I want to see how it will look first.”

“Oh, right.” Alfie stepped back, letting Isak lead the way to the bedroom.

He had cleaned up before Alfie arrived, moving the camera from his desk to its tripod by the bed. Now he just needed to finish the little details. Isak moved the small table and laptop into place, plugging everything in. Alfie crawled into the middle of the bed and started undoing his pants. When Isak turned on the camera Alfie popped up on the screen.

“Oh shit!” He scrambled to the edge of the bed.

“No no, I’m not broadcasting. This is just the camera feed.”

“Jesus, Isak. I almost had a heart attack.”

“This is why we need to rehearse.” Isak shifted the camera down so only his sheets were in view, nothing above the pillow. He turned and waved his hand at the bed. “Now get back on there and finish what you were doing.”

Alfie crawled back onto the bed, but with a little more sway in the hips. Isak watched him on the screen, then checked his location. “Okay so we can be bent over but…move closer to the pillows.” Alfie moved across the bed according to Isak’s directions. “So nothing further than there. And come over to me. Still crawling.” When Alfie reached Isak he immediately started undoing his pants. “That’s a decent safe zone.”

“You just can’t lie down at the edge.” Alfie pulled on Isak's zipper.

“I could, but my head would have to hang off right here.”

They talked normally through Isak’s undressing, all business. Alfie’s pants came off too, forming a puddle of denim next to the camera. Isak stepped away to grab his second phone from the bedside table.

“That reminds me, I still haven’t followed your Snapchat.”

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” Isak took a snap of their pants on the floor. WARMING UP. “In fact it’s probably…well it’s not the worst part of all of this, but it’s not my favorite. Promotional bullshit.”

“Like free dick pics? Because I am all about that kind of promotion.” Alfie cupped Isak’s balls through his briefs. Isak dropped his phone onto the table.

“No, just innocent teasing. Some people get a dick pic if I’m feeling it, but it’s rare.”

“Well if you decide to take another one, send it to me first. I call dibs,” Alfie said with a squeeze.

“Ahhh-aaaaah.”

Alfie was tugging now, and Isak had no choice but to climb onto the bed, follow Alfie, to relieve the pressure. Alfie led him by his balls to the middle, then let him go when he had him in place. Isak sat back on his heels. Alfie dropped to his side and leaned in. letting his mouth replace his hand, gripping Isak with his lips and wetting the cotton with saliva.

“See…now…if you did this…ahhh, live…they could see the top of your head.”

Alfie peeked around Isak’s waist to see what was on the screen. “Who the fuck is going to care about my hair when this booty is right here.” He pulled down Isak’s waistband just enough to reveal the tops of his cheeks and gave them a light slap. “Besides, didn’t they see my head last week?”

“While I appreciate your point, better safe than sorry. I think we need to stay on our knees or keep to the edges of the bed.”

“Mmm, you like being on your knees.”

Isak raised his hips so Alfie could peel his underwear all the way down. He was semi-hard, providing a little resistance at the front, but Alfie still had some work to do. Isak lifted his knees to escape the cotton confines and spread them a bit, so Alfie had plenty of room to let his hand snake behind his balls. Alfie dropped his head and drew Isak’s cock into his mouth. He grew in the heat.

With gentle pressure from Alfie’s hands, Isak ended up on his back, and Alfie was hovering over his extended legs. The blow job was relaxed and slow, pleasant, but not really working toward anything. Eventually Alfie let off with a quiet pop and moved up Isak’s body until they were face to face. “You haven’t even touched me and I’m so hard,” Alfie whispered into Isak’s mouth, right before descending into a probing kiss. He arranged his legs between Isak’s, pressing his covered erection against Isak’s wet one, grinding. “You’re so…fucking…sexy.” The words came out whenever Alfie took half of a second to breathe. “Your dick…is perfect. Makes…me want…to bottom.”

The borderline ridiculous makeout session they were having came to a halt when Isak froze at Alfie’s admission. Alfie pushed himself up onto his hands. “Out of all of this“—he lifted one hand to wave at the camera behind Isak’s head— “switching is the thing that’s weirding you out?”

“N-no. Not weirding me out. Just…do you want to?”

Isak hadn’t topped in a long time. He looked down at their dicks, the tip of Alfie’s having managed to rub its way above his waistband, and tried to compare them.

“Only if you want to. But…maybe not tonight? Since we’re uh, performing?” Alfie pressed his way up to sitting, rearranging himself across Isak’s hips. “Seems like now is a good time to figure things out though.”

“I’m a bit out of practice.”

“Me too, but it could be fun. I just really like sucking your dick, and I think I’d be up for a ride.” Alfie resumed the grinding. He pulled down his own underwear and tucked it behind his balls so they were skin on skin. Isak brought his hands to Alfie’s waist and let them slowly drift down and around, until he was palming his ass. “But uh…back to the more pressing matter. We have about forty minutes. How many times do you want to come before the show?”

* * *

The sight of two naked men at the top of the hour sent the chat reeling. People were commenting too fast for Isak to keep up. They sat at the edge of the bed for a few minutes just trying to read everything. Alfie was positioned a bit behind Isak and sucked on his shoulder while they stared at the screen.

**anonymous:** WAIT  
 **anonymous:** they already fucked :(  
 **blackberriezzzz:** rlly?  
 **misterbee:** they’re soft but haven’t shrunk all the way.  
 **anonymous:** and they look wet  
 **cumherebb:** they’re sitting on a towel

“Jesus,” Alfie muttered. “I feel like I’m on CSI: Dicks.”

“They’re not wrong though.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** aww u guys just couldn’t wait

“Can you blame us Bad Girl?”

**badgirlbadgirl tipped 5 tokens**   
**ThreeIsACrowd tipped 100 tokens**

“Hi Shopgirl. Hi New York.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Did we miss it?

“We just had to get one out of the way. You know.”

“Might’ve been a short show otherwise,” Alfie chimed in.

**anonymous:** is htat magic mouth  
 **winkwankwonk:** snapchat said “Bradley”  
 **anonymous:** IS THERE A THIRD  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** i just got wet  
 **ThreeIsACrowd tipped 200 tokens**

“Just adding fuel to the fire there, aren’t you New York?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** It's Shopgirl

Alfie whispered into Isak’s ear: “I don’t get it.”

“I’ll explain later.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I'm still hoping

“This is Bradley.” Isak flicked at Alfie’s nipple. “While Magic Mouth is an apt name, I think ‘Bradley’ is a little more…respectable.”

“It’s also the one he moans when I’m inside him, so…just to avoid confusion in the near future.”

It wasn’t true; Isak was moaning "Alfie" earlier. He made note to not let that slip, and hoped Alfie would do the same when he indulged in some of the dirty talk he liked to employ. The chat latched onto the name and started talking directly to Bradley, asking him questions. Isak patted Alfie on the knee and stepped away.

“Oh he’s just…” Alfie twisted around to see where Isak went. “He’s just getting another condom. Don’t worry. Hmm. Well should we put it to a vote? A little informal poll?”

“No promises!” Isak shouted from the bedside table.

Alfie was playing along well, and Isak was glad his viewers were just as excited to watch him alone, if not more. It gave him a bit of freedom. He selected two more condoms and fetched the bottle of lube from where it had landed near the pillows, making sure only his arms made it into frame behind Alfie.

“Well we were a bit boring before, just missionary, ankles above the ears, you know. But it’s a good angle for him. We could mix it up some.”

Isak returned to Alfie’s side and tried to catch up. He scrolled up but quickly abandoned his attempt to take the poll seriously. Quite a few requests came with matching tokens.

“Do you do feet stuff? That seems to be the most popular.”

“Nothing really on purpose.” Isak looked at Alfie to silently ask the question back to him. He didn’t want to shame that particular kink, alienate those viewers, so he tried not to make an audible shut down. Alfie picked up on his discretion, shaking his head in response. Then he looked back at the screen, onto the next.

“I’m going to rule out that one because…” Isak held up a condom.

“Jesus, some of this stuff I need to Google.”

“I feel like I should write up a menu.” Isak reached for his phone and opened the browser. “Which one?” Alfie pointed to the one request that didn’t sound familiar and Isak searched for the Urban Dictionary result.

“Oh, pffft. I know what that is. What a funny name for it though.”

“Maybe that’s what they call it in America.”

Alfie sucked his teeth. “Anyway…how about that one?”

Isak pointed at the screen to confirm.

“Knees.” Alfie smiled.

**anonymous:** who said anything about knees  
 **21twinkies:** do u have a knee fetish

“Thank you all for the suggestions. I think we have a winner.” Isak reached over to Alfie and started playing with his cock and balls, his fingers dancing wherever they pleased. Alfie leaned back on his hands and let himself focus on the feeling. The chat continued to make jokes about knees.

**misterbee tipped 150 tokens**  
 **misterbee:** i’m an ass man myself but i’ll take what i can get

Isak drew a knee up to his chest and imitated the teasing fingers with his other hand. “Unfortunately, this is not my favorite bone. Now if you don’t mind I have a different one to tend to.” He dropped his knee and turned away from his computer. Alfie was certainly on his way, but a distracted hand job wasn’t what either of them needed right now. Isak tucked his legs under himself, rising to his knees, and swung across Alfie’s lap.

“Hello Bradley.”

“Hello Hardy.”

“How are we looking back there?” 

Alfie peeked around Isak again, checking what was on screen. He cracked his palm across Isak’s left cheek then massaged into the redness. “Fucking peachy.”

Isak scooted closer to Alfie so he could line up their dicks and stroke them together. He flicked open the lube with his free hand and drizzled just enough onto their tips. He worked it down…and up…and down.

**anonymous:** ok so wtf did they mean by knees  
 **024wolb:** doesn’t matter just watch the ass  
 **anonymous:** POP THAT BOOTY  
 **ThreeIsACrowd tipped 200 tokens**

Even though Isak had the grip, Alfie took control of the whole situation. He had both hands on Isak’s ass now, and was steering his hips forward and back. Isak’s length slipped under his thumb, steady, until he had humped Alfie completely hard. Alfie whispered encouragement directly into Isak’s mouth, mutterings about his cock and cum and that sweet little ass he was going to own, which couldn’t be heard over the sound of the lube squishing between Isak’s fingers. When the words faded out, replaced by steady panting, Isak let go.

“Suit up, Coop.”

**anonymous:** such strange pet names  
 **anonymous:** wake me up when someone gets called a little bitch  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** hey anon ur a little bitch  
 **anonymous:** zzzzz

Alfie opened the condom while Isak wiped his hand and reapplied a targeted amount of lube. He was still a bit wet from their last go but a little more wouldn’t hurt. He dipped his fingers into his crack.

“Do you need me to…?”

“No, I’m good.”

They danced around, to get into position. Isak turned to face the camera and found one of the angles they had rehearsed earlier. He pointed himself toward the corner, a bit more flattering for his dick and still letting him watch the screen without having to twist back. Alfie lined up behind him, administering extra lube himself. Then he tossed the bottle, gave Isak another slap, and got a proper grip on his hips. Isak grunted as he was pulled flush to Alfie’s dick, cheeks spreading to accommodate the tease of his shaft.

“Do you want it?”

**anonymous:** he wants it  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** i want it  
 **anonymous:** give it to him  
 **anonymous:** omg  
 **misterbee tipped 300 tokens**  
 **ThreeIsACrowd tipped 500 tokens**  
 **daddyshome:** take it all yes

Alfie slid in, slowly and easily, and Isak let out a relaxed moan. It felt good to be filled up again. When he had Alfie in as far as he could go he reached back and held him there. They both looked at their bodies on screen, Alfie’s darker one molded into Isak’s lighter curves. The only movement was their bellies expanding with breaths.

**daddyshome tipped 20 tokens**

Alfie let his hands roam, down Isak’s thighs and up to his ribcage, then diving down his front until they collected at the base of his dick. Isak had flagged slightly with the penetration but Alfie’s fingers worked him up. When Isak was done being still he started moving his hips, swiveling, fucking himself on Alfie’s cock. This made Alfie laugh. “Someone’s impatient.”

“Yeah, me and an entire chat room.”

Alfie let go of Isak’s dick and leaned back, not pulling out at all but enough so he could get a good look at Isak’s asshole. He spread Isak’s cheeks and kept them that way, watching Isak’s hole drag its way around his cock. Isak kept fucking him with a steady pace and a variety of angles, until “Ohhhhhh, ohhh ahh.”

**anonymous:** we’ve got a prostate people! look alive!  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** did you see that dick jump? i give him another thirty seconds max  
 **misterbee:** unless bradley won’t let him  
 **misterbee:** oh yeah look at that grip. he’s not moving

Alfie held Isak in place halfway off his dick, getting a better position; he lifted his right leg to add some height and moved his hands back to Isak’s hips. “Yeah? Right there?”

Isak was a bit overwhelmed by the steady pressure on the gland. His hands clasped over Alfie’s, trying to move him, but then switched to his own nipples for a distracting tug. “Ahh, fuck.” His head fell backward. He didn’t want to give in. Neither did Alfie. Isak tried to fix his breathing, exhaling through his teeth and focusing on his lungs instead of his asshole. He tried to block out Alfie’s voice. The chat slowed as everyone listened and touched themselves.

“I can feel it. I can feel it right through the condom. There.” Alfie moved across Isak’s prostate oh so slightly. “If I can feel it with my dick just imagine what I’m going to do with my fingers. I can start off slow, so slow you barely notice. You love having something in your ass, you love this. You’re going to sit on my hand for hours, and just when you start to forget, once you’ve stretched and gotten comfortable, I’m going to—“

“Ahhhhh!”

“Fuck!” Alfie’s well-timed thrust backfired on him when Isak nearly squeezed him out with the involuntary clench. “Oh fuck you.” Alfie slammed his hips into Isak’s ass with a satisfying slap. “Fuck. You.” He kept slamming. The tease was over.

Isak tried to arch away and his hands searched for purchase on something, anything. He had nothing to push back with, just the computer and camera tripod within reach. He let himself fall forward so he could grip the edge of the bed. Alfie had managed to fuck him out of frame anyway. His knees slid a bit under Alfie’s weight, as his grip shifted from Isak’s hips to the top of his ass. This only helped though, as the tip of Isak’s dick was being knocked between his abs and the sheets stretched beneath him. “Mmmnn, mmm. Yes. Fuck me harder.”

“Take it.”

Isak’s knees slid with every thrust and Alfie had to change his grip again to heft his ass up. It simply felt too good for Isak to bother supporting himself, and once Alfie’s pace turned frantic there was no hope for any control over his body. He let out a long, low moan as his orgasm boiled over and he did nothing to stop it. His ass shuddered under Alfie’s hands.

“Oh fuck, where. Where do—“

“Come in my ass. Fill…come…”

Isak was staring at the carpet, at nothing, but feeling everything: his dick rubbing against the damp, sticky sheets, Alfie’s nails making marks, every spurt of cum deep inside him. Alfie pounded through his orgasm. The chat admired the way the muscles in his ass flexed, salivated over a man so deep in the throes of pleasure that his body was moving of its own accord. Until, finally, Alfie was done. His hips slowed. He let go of Isak, who fell flat, and popped out of his ass, catching the condom in time.

**daddyshome:** nice load  
 **anonymous:** wat a waste  
 **ThreeIsACrowd tipped 800 tokens**

Isak remained horizontal while Alfie disposed of the condom. When he returned he walked over to the edge of the bed and dropped to his knees. Isak was able to lift his head enough for a kiss.

“You came, right?”

Isak slowly rolled over to reveal his soft cock and, more importantly, the wet spot. Alfie smiled.

**misterbee:** that, ladies and gentlemen, is a well-fucked man.  
 **anonymous:** fuck that was perfect  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** we still have twenty minutes

Alfie reached over to flick out a few tissues from the box on the bedside table. He dabbed at his own dick and then motioned for Isak to spread his knees so he could wipe up down there as well. Isak let out a softer moan at Alfie’s caring touch.

Tips flew in. Alfie walked away again. Isak’s second phone lit up. He watched his chest rise and fall on the screen. He was too far away to read any of the comments but he could catch up in a little bit. For now he just wanted to revel in the buzz.

When Alfie returned he sat on the end of the bed, his back to Isak and partially blocking his view. “According to the chat everyone came at the same time.”

“Some people can finish with me. They can tell when I’m close even if I’m not talking.”

Alfie glanced back at him. “Looks like I need to catch up.”

“You do just fine.” Isak rolled up onto his side and reached over to drag his fingers down Alfie’s back. It was still damp from sweat.

“And someone else wants to know what kind of condoms we use.”

“Hand me my phone?” Alfie passed the phone back to Isak and he pushed himself up and off the bed. “This is kind of gross but it will save me from repeating myself.” He dipped his hand into the garbage can and fished out the condom wrapper. He sent a snap of the label. TONIGHT’S MVP.

“See this is the kind of shit I’d never think about.”

“I think you’d pick it up pretty fast.” Isak dropped the wrapper and walked back to Alfie. He leaned down for a kiss. His ass took up most of the screen, which no one minded. “You’re such a...natural,” Isak murmured as they made out.

“But you’re the star.” Alfie gave him a light slap and gently pressed against his hip to get him to move to the side. “Besides, I don’t look as cute as you when I’m jerking it.”

**anonymous:** where’s he going?  
 **024wolb:** you look just fine bradley  
 **anonymous:** cum back!

Isak watched Alfie separate his clothes and get dressed. He took his spot at the end of the bed. As Alfie finished buckling his belt he turned to face Isak. “Hey, what’s that look?”

“What?” Isak didn’t know what his face was doing. Alfie crooked his finger at him and left the room.

He walked all the way to Isak’s front door before stopping. Isak had followed, but felt weird standing naked out there. “You looked really sad. Was it not good?”

“Oh, no no, it was great. Sorry, I think I was just...tired? I’m tired.”

“Okay....” It sounded like a familiar excuse. Alfie didn’t look convinced.

“Do you want to hang out? Or are you trying to....” Isak motioned at the door.

“Yeah, I think I should go. I’m hiking tomorrow and need some sleep.”

“You’re welcome to stay over. I can lend you stuff, change the sheets, shut it all down.”

“No! Your fan club awaits.” Alfie cupped Isak’s chin and drew his face closer for another kiss. Isak recognized it now as his goodbye. “Go ask them how I did, rate me. Text me what they say tomorrow.”

Isak smirked. “You know you’re a ten.”

“And you put the ass in biased.” Alfie gave him another little smack with one hand and cracked the door with the other. He slipped out sideways, careful to not expose Isak to the rest of the building. The door shut quietly and Isak heard a dog bark once, a warning.

* * *

“Emir!” Isak raised his arms above his head and the baby boy mimicked him, cracking a smile.

“Oh yes, you will go right to Uncle Isak.” Sana dropped Emir into Isak’s waiting arms, then walked around the table to her seat. Her tote bag landed on the ground with a heavy thud.

“He’s so big!”

“I don’t think you’ve seen him in a while.”

“True.” Emir twisted around to face Isak and started tugging on the hair around Isak’s ears.

“Emir, please be polite.” Sana’s correction was ineffective. “Did you order?”

“Yes, just like you requested.”

“Great. He’s, at best, thirty minutes from a meltdown, so I apologize in advance for running out on you.”

Isak tried to wave it off but Emir latched onto his moving hand instead. Sana took the opportunity of Isak’s entrapment to begin her line of questioning.

“So, how is Alfie? I haven’t heard from him.”

“He’s fine. We had dinner last night. He’s hiking with his mentee today. I’m sure there will be an instagram post later.”

“With you in it?”

“No, from the hike. I doubt I’ll make an appearance any time soon.”

Sana pulled out her phone. Isak gave her a moment and focused on Emir, who was still entertained by Isak’s curls. “You’re right, he really only posts from the woods.” She scrolled some more. “So! Ask him to go hiking.”

Isak laughed. “I don’t know that I want to embarrass myself like that.”

“What have you been doing so far?”

“Just dinners. And…talking. And….”

“Right, well, at least you’re getting some kind of exercise. I’m sure you’d be fine on a trek.”

“Maybe. I’ll at least wait for an invitation since it’s more his thing.”

“Fine,” Sana said, trying her best to dismiss the line of discussion. “Oh if he keeps doing that you can correct him. He needs to learn boundaries.”

Isak pried Emir’s fingers from their death grip on his cheek and nostril. Their food arrived, so Isak shifted Emir to a one-armed hold on his hip, out of reach of the table. Sana ate quickly. Emir babbled and made multiple attempts to intercept Isak’s eggs. “Any words yet?”

“Nothing definitive, just sounds. But he sounds very confident when he makes them. Yousef has entire babble conversations with him. It’s cute.”

Sana returned to her phone and pulled up a video. Yousef had recorded about a minute of Emir playing with a puzzle game and babbling answers to Yousef’s questions. It sounded like Emir was simply speaking a different language, and Isak chuckled. Emir watched himself on screen, rapt. When it was done Sana returned to her swift eating pace.

“Oh that reminds me. Did you have a videographer at your wedding?”

Sana practically recoiled at the non sequitur.

“Sorry, just the video reminded me. I was uh, chatting with someone who is editing a wedding video right now, and I couldn’t remember if you had done one.”

“Um, no. Why…who…a wedding?”

Isak shrugged. “We were talking about weddings and I’ve only been to two. I watched some videos on youtube and they’re like, really sweet. Romantic, funny.”

“We didn’t have one. There were some options with the photographers we looked at but they’re pretty expensive. And of course Yousef thought he could make his own, like a slideshow or something.”

“Did he?”

Another withering look. “Please, Isak. Anyway, I can send you our vendor list if you’re interested.”

“No, it’s not that important. I was just curious.”

Sana finished her food and wiped her hands, then held out her arms. “Trade.” Isak sent Emir across the table. Sana assumed the same hip position as Isak but pulled a ring of oversized plastic keys out of her bag to distract Emir with, so she could finish her tea in peace. As Isak finished his breakfast Sana moved on to his thesis, picking up where he had left off in his email to her from Wednesday. He was still very much in the early stages of brainstorming, but Sana understood why it was keeping him up at night and was glad to talk him through it all. They managed quite a productive brunch, even lingering some over drinks, and Emir’s meltdown held off until they’d made it out of the restaurant.

* * *

Isak sent Even the link, and he entered the room immediately.

“Sorry, I don’t usually check messages until Sunday.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** It’s okay. You don’t have to chat if you’re busy.

“I’m not. I’m actually very much…not busy.” Isak spun around in his desk chair as if to show off exactly what he would be doing if Even hadn’t appeared in his inbox.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I just wanted to say thank you for last night. Shopgirl really enjoyed it.

“You’re welcome. I uh…could tell.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** ??

“Tokens.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Oh, right. I couldn’t really see what she was doing.

“You didn’t watch?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I tried. She was in my lap though.

“Oh. Ohhhh, was she riding you?” Even didn’t respond right away, and Isak quickly realized he might have crossed a line. This wasn’t Friday night, he wasn’t naked. Even probably wasn’t expecting to lay out his sex life to a stranger in the middle of the afternoon, no matter how casual it felt for Isak to ask. “Sorry, didn’t mean to pry.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** No, that’s exactly what she did. So I was a little distracted while she was typing and tipping.

“I haven’t seen a lot of straight couple cams, but in the few I’ve caught, it’s usually the woman running the show.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** That she does.

“You enjoy it though, right? I’m not fishing for compliments here, I just hope you’re as into it as she is.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Definitely. Regular sex is always a good thing.

“Good.”

Isak clicked back to his account, still amazed at the numbers he and Alfie had pulled in last night. It was the biggest response he’d seen for his cam ever, though he did notice a bit of a drop after Alfie had left. Even and Sonja had stayed until midnight, and gave Alfie a solid 8.5.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Do you think you and Bradley are going to be a regular thing?

Isak took a minute to think. He still tried to give Alfie every opportunity to say no, decline the camera. He didn’t want Alfie to ever feel pressure to perform, to ever feel uncomfortable with him. But so far Alfie seemed into it. He never hung around after sex, but that didn’t seem to be because of the show. “I hope so. I haven’t talked to him about next week yet.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Keeping it casual.

“Oh most definitely. This whole thing is very new to both of us. Don’t want to scare him off.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Shopgirl thinks you look cute together. Well, what we’ve seen of you.

Isak laughed. “Our dicks _are_ very cute together.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Nah, like when you’re not fucking. Just talking or touching. It’s sweet.

“It’s nice. I should ask him to just spend an hour spooning next time.” Isak actually really liked that idea. He’d probably get complaints if he tried it on camera though. Too boring, especially for a Friday.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** It’s what you deserve.

“Right?!” Isak pounded his desk in mock indignation. “Whose dick do I have to suck to get a cuddle around here?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I wish I could send gifs here.

“Are you one of those people? Who just has entire conversations in reaction gifs?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I…have the perfect gif response to that.

“A shame I’ll never get to witness your true talents, or see the size of your…gif folder.” Isak wiggled his eyebrows and stuck out his tongue, even though Even couldn’t see any of it.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Trust me, it’s huge.

Isak laughed, relieved his joke still came across.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** So, not to pressure you or anything, but I feel obligated to remind you that the offer still stands.  
 **ThreeIsACrowd:** Or request. The request to meet. Maybe we could double date.

Isak went still as he read.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Sorry, this feels really aggressive. I just meant, every time I watch you it makes me want to meet you more.  
 **ThreeIsACrowd:** And Shopgirl…you’re like her favorite person now. And she’s really invested in you and Bradley.  
 **ThreeIsACrowd:** Not that this means you owe us anything. I just want you to know that we’re big fans. Of both of you.  
 **ThreeIsACrowd:** And maybe someday, if this progresses….  
 **ThreeIsACrowd:** Oh my god. I’m just going to go.  
 **ThreeIsACrowd has left**

“Wait!” Isak said, too late. He reread Even’s slew of messages one more time then closed the room. He clicked open his inbox and replied to Even’s earlier message.

_I’m not sure what just happened. I’m still not ready to do something in person. But I’ll talk to Bradley. Maybe something private? Always happy to chat with you though._

Isak waited and refreshed the page. After twenty minutes of no response he let it go and pushed away from his desk.


	7. 2:58

“See, this is why I let you stick around.” Eva pushed herself to her feet and took the bag of beer from Isak.

“You’re welcome, Eva.”

“Thank you.” She landed a peck on his cheek in a more polite greeting. She settled back down on her towel with the bag, fishing out a can.

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Guess.”

Isak immediately looked over at the diving board, where Jonas was in line with a couple of his friends from the skate park.

“They’re racing each other to see which one will break their back first.”

“You say that like it’s not what they do every single day.” Isak flicked out his own towel and dropped down next to Eva. He extended his legs and rolled up the cuffs of his shorts.

“Well I’m just glad he’s doing it closer to our apartment.”

“Love has its limits.”

Jonas glanced back at Eva and noticed Isak; he waved. Isak raised a can of beer in response, which was enough to get Jonas to abandon his place in line.

“I’ve been lounging in my best bikini top and it’s a fucking beer that gets him to pay attention.”

“You know he’s more of an ass man.”

Eva pouted at her denim shorts but didn’t bother to take them off. The beer did the job anyway, and Jonas cast his shadow on their lounging forms. Isak handed him a can to crack. “How’s the water?”

“Still fucking freezing.”

“First swim is always the worst.”

“But it’s still packed, Jesus.” Jonas sat down next to Eva and made her squeak when he started dripping cold water on her. He made it worse by shaking out his hair over her lap.

“Fuck off Jonas!”

“I can just…feel the love radiating off of you two right now.” To prove Isak’s point Jonas leaned over Eva again to kiss her, and she shoved him away. “So glad it’s going well.”

“Oh, you know we’re growing old together. Doesn’t matter if she’ll be annoyed at me for half of it.”

“Half? This is like your full-time job.”

“Yeah but the pay is good.” Jonas smirked at Eva, which she returned with a slap. Isak rolled his eyes halfway across the dock.

“Oi, like you’re not knee deep in it loverboy.”

“That is correct, I am not.”

“Except you asked Sana to restock your condom drawer.”

A sunburn bloomed across Isak’s cheeks.

“Wait, you get your condoms from Sana?”

Eva slapped Jonas again. “So do we. Don’t knock it.”

“Who knew…Sana the condom dealer.”

“She just gets them free from her clinic and is kind enough to share.” Isak shrugged. “We should all be grateful for her service.”

“Okay, but here’s the first math problem I’ve ever wanted to solve.” Eva sat up. “You’ve been seeing this guy for a week and a half?”

Thirteen days, but Isak wasn’t counting. And he wasn’t going to help Eva count either.

“And I know that the first condom delivery was at least a handful.” Eva turned to Jonas. “That’s what Sana said, she dumped a ‘handful’ of condoms on the table at brunch.” Jonas cupped his hand to estimate the number. “And she said he stopped by for _another_ handful yesterday. Now I’ll be generous and assume he hadn’t completely run out, but was planning ahead. So maybe there were one or two left in the drawer. But add to the equation that they haven’t seen each other every night, so there are fewer total opportunities for condom usage…”

“Okay, okay! I have sex! Why are you making this a thing? Shall we break down your rate of fucks too?”

“We’re averaging four times a week depending on how often Jonas decides to piss me off. Back to you.”

Isak threw up his hands and then took a long swig of beer.

“I just want more details Isak! Please,” Eva whined. “I feel like you don’t tell us anything anymore. I’ve resorted to doing recreational _math_.”

“Alfie and I are enjoying ourselves. Keeping it casual.”

“Three condoms a night doesn’t sound very casual,” Eva scoffed.

“Well I’m not going to pop the question tomorrow either. Calm down.” Isak took another swig and then slammed down the can. He hopped to his feet. “I’m going to jump in.” All of this talk about sex and Alfie was bothering him, in more ways than one. He wove his way between towels and groups of friends until he reached the edge of the dock. He braced himself for the bite of the water and dove in.

* * *

Isak hung up his shorts in the bathroom when he got home, even though they were nearly dry already. He changed into pajama bottoms and flopped onto his bed, tired from the afternoon in the sun and the long walk home. He didn’t want to do homework, or cook something for dinner, or anything really. He rolled over, reaching for his second phone where he had tossed it at the end of the bed, and opened Snapchat.

He hadn’t checked it since Monday’s broadcast, when nothing particularly sexy happened. There was a lot of talk about swimsuit preferences, since he had shared his plans to meet up with Eva and Jonas, but his lack of nuthugger modeling didn’t leave anyone inspired. Isak rolled back onto his stomach and popped up his hips; he took a picture of his flannel-covered butt over his shoulder, including the black screen of his laptop on his desk for good measure. There was a more lengthy caption this time: Feeling kind of tired, might cancel tonight’s show.

➢ can I watch u sleep  
➢ nooooooooo  
➢ i want to eat ur ass  
➢ Take a nap before 10

As predicted there were protests and dick pics. Bee told him to skip if he was tired.

➢ let me guess: i should save my energy for friday  
➢ so young yet already so wise

Isak smirked and read through the replies as they came in.

➢ Hi. Sorry. Can we talk?

He checked the username: NY152. Suddenly Isak wasn’t tired anymore. He vaulted himself toward his desk. While his computer woke up he went back to Snapchat to confirm that it was actually Even. He couldn’t tell from the profile but followed it anyway. Then he logged onto the site and waited for his inbox to load.

_I’m sorry I’m such a creep_

Isak opened a private room and sent him the link.

“You’re not a creep. I’ve been on here long enough to know what a creep is and you are the exact opposite of one.”

 **ThreeIsACrowd:** Still, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t keep pressuring you like that.

“It’s okay, Even. I’m used to it. I say no to a lot of things, so please don’t beat yourself up about it. And definitely don’t…ghost like that. It was weird.”

 **ThreeIsACrowd:** I got scared.

Isak sat up straight and spread his arms. “Of what?”

 **ThreeIsACrowd:** I don’t know.  
**ThreeIsACrowd:** Shopgirl, I don’t want to fuck this up for her.

“Oh. I didn’t…I didn’t realize it was so important.”

 **ThreeIsACrowd:** It’s not. It’s just all we have.

Isak scoffed. “A threesome is not all you have.”

 **ThreeIsACrowd:** Correct, because we don’t have that.  
**ThreeIsACrowd:** Yet.  
**ThreeIsACrowd:** Fuck I’m doing it again.

“Even…I don’t…how long have you and Sonja been together?”

 **ThreeIsACrowd:** A long time. High school.

“And you live together now?”

 **ThreeIsACrowd:** If this counts as living together. We have an apartment. She’s never home, except on Fridays now.

“She works?”

 **ThreeIsACrowd:** Sure. Or just…is out.

“But you’re committed. I mean, of course you are, you’re here, trying all of this. Shit, I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I don’t know what kind of advice a camboy with a fuck buddy could give you. But as desperate as you feel…don’t let that get you down. You’re doing your best to save something good.”

Isak waited for a response, waited to see if there was something else he should say. He truly wanted to help Even, but didn’t know what else he could do. Besides arrange a meeting, of course. He also didn’t think that was the actual solution that the couple was looking for. He took a breath, about to ask more questions about Sonja, when Even’s response finally appeared.

 **ThreeIsACrowd:** So he’s just a fuck buddy?

* * *

“Remember that guy I was talking to on Friday night?”

“Um, was that before or after my dick was in your ass?”

“Both?”

Alfie pretended to take the question seriously, looking to the ceiling and counting something on his fingers. “No.”

“Okay, well there’s this guy who has been watching for a while, and he watches with his girlfriend. I can’t remember why now, but we decided to call them Shopgirl and New York, from that movie about email. Tom Hanks.”

“I wish you could hear yourself right now. I think you’ve lost it.” Alfie twisted around in his chair and raised his arm, mockingly hailing a server. “Hi! Yes! Hello? I need a reality check. We’re ready for the reality check.”

“Stop!” Isak reached over and tugged his arm down. “Whatever, forget their names. They’re real people, and they live in the city, and a couple of weeks ago, after our first date, they um, propositioned me.”

This caught Alfie’s attention. “Oh? And I’m only hearing about this now because….”

“Because I said no. These were random people on the internet just looking for a hook-up nearby.”

“So aside from just describing every dating app to ever exist, what’s the deal?”

“I mean I’m anonymous. No one is supposed to know who I am or where I live.”

“But they know.”

“Yeah.”

“So your cover is blown. Why not meet them?”

A server actually did arrive now, delivering desserts. Alfie gestured for a refill while he was there.

“Well I’m not exactly interested, but that’s not the point. I’ve been talking to the guy a bit more, on his own, and I’ve learned that this is like, a grand gesture for him to save their relationship.”

“A threesome?”

“Exactly!” Alfie had had the same doubtful reaction and Isak was glad they were on the same page. “And I don’t know them, really. We talk a bit about his girlfriend but she doesn’t seem very present in his life. But like, how would I save their relationship? How does adding someone in the bedroom…help?” He speared a bite of cake.

“Well, I’d ask someone in a poly relationship first. Maybe they are? Or they’re interested in it. Looking for their third.”

“Mmm, I don’t…I don’t think so.” Isak scrunched up his nose while he kept working on his dessert. “Like you don’t look for another partner on a cam site. I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be an experiment.”

Alfie shrugged. “You declined. You can move on. People don’t look for couples therapy on a cam site either.”

“Yeah….” Isak let it drop, as if Alfie had solved the problem, but the lingering feeling of owing Even some sort of help remained. He wasn’t sure where it stemmed from, whether it was the copious amount of tips he received from Sonja or just the fact that Even kept coming back to chat without her. Isak was about to change the subject completely when he remembered that he’d promised Even he’d talk to Alfie about it. “Would…would you do it?”

“A threesome? Or _this_ threesome?”

“Either.”

“Do you have a photo?”

Isak shook his head.

“Would I get any sort of photo in this hypothetical situation?”

“Oh. Um, yes? Yes.” If Isak had accepted the proposition he would have demanded a private chat first, to see what they look like and get to know them a bit more. Though now that he was considering the hypothetical he realized that he truly didn’t know anything about Even and Sonja. He tried to recall all of the details Even had shared over their chats but he couldn’t even say how old they were.

“If I saw a photo and thought they were hot, or at least attractive enough for me to get hard, then…yeah, sure. I’m not going to turn down a fuck.”

“Well I know _that_.”

Alfie gave a smug smile.

“Any dealbreakers though?” What if Even and Sonja were actually his parents’ age? What if they weren’t conventionally attractive? What if Even was always at home, on his computer, because he was too overweight to leave the apartment? No, that wasn't it; Even goes to weddings, at least. But still, they could be anyone. He was learning a lot about his preferences and prejudices with this little thought experiment.

“Sure, but they all make me sound like a dick.”

“It’s a hypothetical.”

“No one likes a hypothetical dick.” Alfie gestured with his fork to trade plates with Isak; they were halfway through their desserts. Isak nodded and swapped the plates.

“Okay then, what about a real one? Would you be interested in camming with them?”

“I thought you said no already.”

Isak bit his lip. “Actually I might have offered him, them, a private cam.”

Alfie sat up straight, swallowing hard. “Well this just got really interesting.”

“They haven’t responded, exactly. I think they still want something in person, but I looked back at my messages and I definitely said I’d talk to you about something on cam. We could watch each other.”

“Okay. Yeah.” Alfie gaze dragged down into his lap. “I’m going to need that check now. Fuck a hypothetical.” He dropped his fork and raised his arm again.

* * *

“I think this is the longest you’ve hung around.” Isak let the observation float over them, a slight shadow on their naked bodies.

“Because you’re fucking exhausting, Jesus.”

“Let me ride you next time. Then you can just lie there.”

“You’re so accommodating for your old man.”

Isak wrinkled his nose, not enjoying the association. Alfie was only a few years older than him.

“But you’re right, I should get going.”

Isak tried to hide his distaste for that too. He didn’t mean to encourage Alfie to leave with that comment.

“Do you…not sleep over places?”

“Not if I can help it.” It was the answer Isak was expecting, but there was a small relief in knowing it wasn’t just him he wasn’t sleeping with. “It’s just a little more commitment than what I’m ready for right now.” Alfie glanced over at Isak. “I hope that’s not…offending you.”

“No, no, I get it. We’re just fucking.”

“And eating.”

“Dare I say, dating.”

“Ugh, if you must.” Alfie rolled closer to Isak and kissed him. It was a slow kiss, quiet, not leading to anything, not even goodbye. “Speaking of dates, are you interested in joining me on a hike tomo—uh, later today? If I recall correctly we had discussed you seeing the light of day at some point.”

Isak pretended to think about the offer, to disguise the fact that he’d been hoping Alfie would ask. “What time? I have my weekly date with Sana.”

“Oh right, I forgot. We usually go in the morning so I don’t kill the kid’s whole day. How about Sunday?”

“I could do that.”

“Great, let’s meet at mine and we’ll go from there. Bring a change of clothes because we’re going to get sweaty.” He pushed away from Isak then, now with enough energy to escape the bed. Isak watched him gather his clothes.

“Thanks for the show.”

“It was fun, yeah?” This made Isak smile even though Alfie was leaving. It _had_ been fun, less rehearsed this time, and their audience was pleased to have witnessed multiples within the hour. “Fun is good.” Alfie returned to the bed for his goodbye kiss, hovering over Isak and his pillows. “See you Sunday.” And then he was gone.

* * *

A couple hours later, despite the kind of sex that usually knocked him out, Isak was staring at his ceiling. Every few minutes he checked the time on his phone, filling his room with grey light. He wasn’t worried about sleep, really, since he’s rolled up to brunch in worse condition, but he was worried about what was keeping him up. And the fact that he didn’t have anyone to talk to about it.

He could usually hash out real life problems with Sana or Jonas or even Eva. There were plenty of people in his life willing to lend an ear. And if it was something to do with his cam life, his go-to was Bee, sometimes even opening it up to the whole chat. Real problems turned into hypotheticals, or disguised with vague descriptions. But he didn’t know who to go to talk about what was going on at the border, where Alfie crossed into his cam world and where he cam world was trying to get into his bedroom. Or at least see his face.

So finally, nearing 3, he had no other option but to address it head on. He threw back his comforter and tugged a fresh pair of underwear from his bureau. He moved his laptop back to his desk and tucked the camera tripod behind it. It would be difficult to see him on the screen since he wasn’t going to turn the light on, but Isak didn’t want to talk to Even any other way. He sent him a link: _In case you can't sleep either._

**ThreeIsACrowd has entered**


	8. 22:09

Alfie had been right about getting sweaty. It wasn’t particularly hot on Sunday, but Isak had underestimated his level of fitness, turning him into a panting, wet mess only an hour into their trek. Alfie was a good length ahead of him on the trail and had stopped so Isak could catch up. When he did he bent over double, hands on his knees, sweat running off his nose and hitting the dirt. Alfie dipped his phone down to take a picture. Isak didn’t have the energy to swat it away. “If this…is dating…we’re breaking up.”

“What? Noooooo, we just had our two-week anniversary! I was going to propose when we got to the top! Oh god what will I tell the surrogate I lined up…”

Isak reached out and pinched at the dark hairs on Alfie’s thighs. Alfie danced out of Isak’s range.

“If it’s too much we can turn back.” Alfie’s voice had dropped its teasing tone.

“No, you just need to slow down a bit.”

“Ah, yeah, well I’m just so used to you asking me to go faster, faster, yes, baby!”

Isak returned to his full height and flipped Alfie off.

“Save that finger for later sweetie. But in all seriousness, if you want to keep this up we should probably add a different kind of workout to your schedule.”

“I used to go to the gym regularly but it dropped off when I started camming.” Isak started walking again and they fell into step.

“Were you going to the gym or were you _going to the gym_?”

“I was actually working out. Not everything revolves around my dick.”

“Except me!” Alfie trilled. He skipped a circle around Isak to rub it in, then ran off ahead of him.

“No, because we just broke up!” Isak hollered. He pushed the sweat off of his forehead, running it through his curls, then gave chase.

* * *

Alfie didn’t let him rest until they were back at his apartment. He called the long walk home from the park a “cool down” and said they would stretch once they were there. Isak collapsed on Alfie’s couch instead, and refused to move.

“You’re going to regret that.”

“I already do.”

Alfie finished chugging his bottle of water and walked around the couch. He tugged on Isak’s arms until he had slowly slipped to the floor, and dragged him to the center of the room. Isak remained limp, refusing to play a part in further torture, until Alfie moved to his hips and spread his thighs wide.

“Wait. Is this…”

“We’re stretching.” Alfie was hovering over him and lining his legs up with Isak’s. He looked like he was dropping into a split, whereas Isak felt like he was simply opening up for another fuck.

“Feels like, ungh, foreplay to me.” Alfie’s hands were running up and down Isak’s thighs until they were flush to the floor.

“Isak, not everything revolves around your dick.”

“Except you.” With his last ounce of energy he bucked his hips up until he was rubbing his crotch against Alfie’s. The attempt at sexiness simply knocked Alfie off balance though, and he collapsed backward. The noise he made as he fell made Isak laugh.

“Fine, you win! But you’d better not complain if you cramp up while riding me.”

“Yeah? Are we on for Friday?” Isak lifted his head. 

Alfie had scooted back against the couch. “Pending a photo, but you’re on my calendar.”

“He said he’d show me one as soon as he got permission from Sonja.”

At the end of the trail, looking out over the city, Isak had finally mentioned the conversation he had with Even about the private cam to Alfie. Even had been excited and agreed to Isak’s initial terms. He’d send him a picture of him and Sonja, and if Isak and Alfie were on board, they’d have a cam-to-cam session on Friday at 22.

“So you just have entire conversations…relationships…with people without any idea what they look like.”

Isak sat up, curious about where Alfie was trying to go with this. “Sure. I talk, they type. You’ve seen how it is.”

“Yeah, but…. I don’t know, I guess I always thought it was like, just one-sided. You did your thing, they did theirs, everyone goes their separate ways when it’s done. But you’re actually…making friends?”

“I guess.” Isak didn’t know everyone he talked to. Some of them did exactly as Alfie described: they watched, they came, they left. But there were a few who he chatted with regularly enough to recognize and remember. And an even more select few who he would consider friends. “But like, work friends. You have friends at your office, right? People who you chat with and know some things about. Just not _everything_.”

“They don’t know what my dick looks like. Well, not all of them.”

“I thought only straight ugly CEOs fucked their secretaries.”

Alfie rolled his eyes. “Our whole legal team is one clusterfuck.”

“Must be nice.”

“Nah, I quit that scene early on. Not going to risk my job for a mediocre blowjob under the desk.”

“You should switch careers. In my line of work the under-the-desk blowjobs are fantastic.”

“You’re welcome.”

“The in-the-shower ones are pretty great too.”

“Is that an offer?” Alfie raised his eyebrows before glancing down the hallway.

“It’s a standing invitation. Or, a kneeling one at least.”

Alfie laughed and helped Isak to his feet.

* * *

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I’m nervous

“Why? It’s just a photo. I’m going to see a lot more of you on Friday.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Because now it’s real. When I was talking about it with Shopgirl it was just…talking.

“If you don’t want to do the whole thing you shouldn’t. I think it would be fun but I’m certainly not obligating you to this.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I’m actually more nervous about showing you a picture than about the rest of it.

“Did you pick it or did Sonja?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** We both did last night. Took about two hours.

“Sounds fun.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** It sort of was because it was nice looking back at all of the memories we had. But it was hard because there wasn’t anything that we both looked good in. I make weird faces most of the time.

“And the rest of the time?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Then Shopgirl is making weird faces. But she’s gorgeous regardless so it was just two hours of saying “you look great!” and her brushing it off.

“I have an idea. Show me all of the photos where you look good and she looks silly and I will be a fair judge of it. Then you can tell her that an impartial third party agrees with you.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Smooth. But no, you just get one picture.

“Even people on Tinder get more than one picture.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Says the guy who refuses to show his face.

“Hey man, that’s the deal around here. You want to play, you play by my rules.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Why do I feel like you’ve said that to Bradley too

“Ugh, if only. We’re definitely playing by _his_ rules.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** But it’s YOUR show

“Eh. I don’t think it’s really about the show.” Isak looked to his left, out the window above his bed. He didn’t want to talk to Even about this, unload about Alfie to a stranger. But he had done it a little bit in the wee hours of Saturday morning. Even knew he was frustrated, and had been a sympathetic ear.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Is he still being detached?

“It feels like it. We went on a daytime date though, we went hiking. That felt more like…something. But then I blew him in the shower and went home. And I started thinking maybe he could sense how desperate I was and went hiking with me out of pity.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Do you have any other dates lined up?

“Nothing except Friday, with you.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Have you asked him about it?

“No, not besides what I told you before. I know he’s not ready for commitment, but I’m not asking for a ring either.” Isak sighed.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Just something more.

“Yeah.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Well…I don’t think anyone would go hiking out of pity. That’s a lot of effort just to keep you on the string.

Isak scoffed. “Not for him. He could have run up and down twice in the time it took me to tie my shoelaces.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Don’t go for a marathon man next time then.

“Oh, next time?”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Oh, did I miss something while we we’re talking about how detached he is? Not sure he’s THE ONE.

“If we do get married I’m going to make you work at my wedding.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** You couldn’t afford me.

“I don’t think you’re aware of just how much your girlfriend has been tipping me.” Isak was smiling at the tease, but it fell away when Even didn’t respond with his usual speed. He tried to keep up the joke though. “You might want to check your credit card.” Nothing.

Then, finally:  
 **ThreeIsACrowd:** May I request that Friday is a flat fee?

Isak let out a bark of a laugh that slowly faded into giggles. “I wasn’t going to charge you for Friday, nor expect tips. I’m still waiting on that picture though.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** God. Okay. I’m literally sweating.

“You know what? I’m going to go to the bathroom, get a glass of water. Just send me a link when you’re ready and I’ll look at it when I get back. No stress.”

Isak stood up and left the room. He paced in the hallway for a bit, then figured he might as well actually go to the bathroom and get something to drink. He kept an eye on the clock and answered some snaps while he sipped and waited.

➢ come back now please

He smirked at his phone. It felt good to be wanted.

Isak returned to his desk, welcomed back with a few keyboard smashes and a dropbox link. He paused for a moment, realizing that he was finally going to see ThreeIsACrowd. Shopgirl and New York. Sonja and Even. Whoever they had been before would no longer be the truth. [He clicked](https://www.dropbox.com/s/5ef4mivg5gx1ol7/Photo%20Jun%2003%2C%2018%2015%2004.jpg?raw=1). His mouth fell open.

“What the _hell_ Even. What the _fucking hell_. This isn’t real. What. You’re catfishing me. What the fuck.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** I’m the one on the left.

“Even! What the fuck! Are you models or something? I can’t…” Isak’s hands were in his hair. He couldn’t believe what he was looking at. “Why the fuck would you be so scared about showing someone this picture? You’re gorgeous. Both of you.” One hand dropped down to cover his mouth. He kept staring for a full minute.

**ThreeIsACrowd:** She’s done some modeling.

“What the fuck,” Isak whispered. “I can’t stop looking at you.”

**ThreeIsACrowd:** Likewise.

* * *

“So…there’s like, 30% of me that still thinks this is fake. Show me again.”

“I sent it to you, look on your own phone.”

Alfie groaned and leaned across Isak’s legs to unplug his phone from the wall. “It’s a professional photo. This dude could have just googled someone and put it through a filter.”

“He said she did some modeling, and he works with video, so they’re probably around photographers a lot. Besides, there’s no point in him trying to lie to us.”

“Of course there is! They were trying to meet you! Or he was. She was. Maybe they’re just one person. God, you really don’t know anything about them.” They both stared at the picture Even had sent on their phones, bodies overlapping on Isak’s bed.

“But we’re not meeting them. We’re just going to have a chat, like I do with hundreds of other strangers, like I just did.”

Isak’s Wednesday night chat had just wrapped up, a late, casual dinner date with Alfie on camera. They ate a pizza on Isak’s bed and talked about a random mess of things, from Isak’s hamstrings to how they like their coffee to what they’d do if they won the lottery. Alfie would go to Bali to learn to surf.

“We kept our clothes on though. I don’t know. I’m just a little weirded out by it.”

“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. Technically it was just supposed to be a meeting with me, so a solo cam still makes sense.”

“I’m still weirded out by it on your behalf.”

“Look, if they’re not actually who is in the photo, if it’s just some creepy dude, or two different people, I’m going to shut it down.”

“Promise?” Alfie twisted his head back to look Isak in the eye. Isak could see his concern, his fear, which was unusual. He softened for it.

“Yes. I usually don’t do this anyway, so I’m fine backing out if it’s weird at all. If it’s a lie.”

“Thanks.”

Isak crawled forward until he was next to Alfie, pressing into his side. “Whoever _is_ in the photo is hot though, right?”

“Fuck yes. Hard to believe they’re letting us join their party.”

“I got hard when I first saw it. I didn’t realize it because I was just so shocked, but after I logged off my pants were so tight.”

“Oh tell me more about these pants. Did you leak a little? Have to rub one out?” Alfie reached a hand between them, running his fingers up and down Isak’s zipper. Isak swiveled to present his crotch to him.

“I touched myself a bit but I didn’t jerk off. It felt strange, tugging it to a picture.”

“That’s how most people do it you know. Not everyone has a nice selection of cams, or a hot guy in bed willing to do it for them.”

“True. I should find a hot guy.”

Alfie’s fingers went for a death grip on Isak’s package, rightfully so, and Isak arched his back against the pain. “You ungrateful little slut.” A few more choice squeezes from Alfie got Isak squealing and squirming against him. “Oh, are you thinking about him again? Is that what’s happening here? Are we getting worked up for some model cock?”

“Ahh-hhh, Alfie.” Isak was aware of it now, how picturing Even’s brooding stare was making him pant and swell. Alfie’s touch helped, but it was the long fingers pressed over Even’s heart, those full lips, whatever Isak was imagining underneath the suit, that was doing most of the work.

“I didn’t realize he was your type, but I’m not complaining.” Alfie focused on getting Isak’s pants off now, or at least out of the way. His dick popped free once Alfie got his waistband past his hips. “As long as I can have this.” He licked up the pink, along the ridge, then closed his lips around the tip. Isak yelled and arched into him again.

Alfie’s hands moved across Isak’s belly with enough pressure to keep him in place and distract him from what his tongue was doing. They hadn’t had sex since Sunday so Isak was primed and not going to last long. His breaths shortened from pants to huffs, bits of sound increasing in pitch every time Alfie swallowed and he felt the drag. “Oh god, Alfie, yes…god I’m close.” His fingers tugged at Alfie’s dark hair in a futile attempt at having any control over the situation. Alfie’s head bobbed, his hand twisted, and Isak shot right down his throat. It was quick. It was good. Isak exhaled.

The bed shook as Alfie hopped up and away.

* * *

Isak was nervous all day Friday. He was distracted during class, and Alfie wasn’t responding to his jittery texts. All he got was a _Busy. See you at 21._ When he got home he logged on to find Bee.

_I’m doing a private cam tonight._

_Someone I know?_

_That couple from a few weeks ago who you chatted with. Thought they were looking for a threesome. You were correct._

_Sounds fun, though I guess that’s not why you’re messaging me. Not interested?_

_I’m interested, but nervous. Maybe that’s why I’m nervous, because I’m interested._

_Is Bradley joining?_

_Yes, but he’s worried we’re getting tricked somehow._

_Tricked?_

_Like they’re not going to be who they say they are. The guy sent a picture and they’re both really beautiful._

_Worst case scenario: it’s not actually them and you close the room. Best case scenario: a really hot foursome. I say go for it._

_We will. Starting at 22 tonight._

_You’ll have your regular show after too?_

_Yes._

_Great, can’t wait to hear all the details. Save a money shot for me._

_Will do. xxx_

* * *

Alfie buzzed Isak’s apartment a few minutes before 22. Isak unlocked the door, and dropped to do some sit-ups while Alfie made his way up.

“This is an interesting development from someone who couldn’t be bothered to stretch before a hike.” Alfie poked a toe into Isak’s side. “You know they’ve seen us before. They know what we look like.”

Isak held up his hands for an assist and Alfie pulled him to his feet. “Yeah. I don’t know.”

“I haven’t seen you this nervous since our first date.” Alfie gave him a peck. “Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay. Shall we?” Still holding hands, they walked to the bedroom. Isak had moved everything in place, tidied up and made the bed. The lighting was just right so all they had to do was log on.

“No faces, right?”

Isak nodded. They sat at the edge of the bed and watched their torsos in the camera feed. Alfie started singing a porn soundtrack and unbuttoning his shirt, which made Isak laugh. “I don’t think we’re starting out naked.”

“Taking it slow, huh?”

Isak opened a private room and sent the link to ThreeIsACrowd. Even had asked him what he needed to do to set up his own camera feed, and Isak walked him through the steps on Thursday. It had seemed easy enough, but Isak held his breath while they waited for Even’s screen to appear.

“This is the sexiest video conference I’ve ever been on and they’re not even here yet. Can’t wait for the first ten minutes of ‘Can you hear me? I can see you, can you see me?’”

“Is that what it was like with your legal team?”

Alfie let out a big sigh. “Unfortunately I never got to cam with them.”

Their eyes snapped to the screen when Even’s cam lit up. “Ho…ly…shit,” Alfie whispered.

The models from the photo were live.

“Hello?” Even leaned closer to his camera, to his screen, waiting for a response.

“Hi.” Isak lifted a hand in a small wave. A smile burst across Even’s face. Isak felt something flutter through his body.

“Hi. I’m Even.“ His hand pressed to his chest. “This is Sonja.”

Isak finally broke his stare to take in Sonja, her wavy blonde hair and full lips, pursed in trepidation. She was sitting up straight and her hands were folded in her lap. She, like Alfie, looked like she was still dressed for an office. Even was in a t-shirt and jeans.

“I trust you know us. Bradley and Hardy.” Alfie introduced in similar fashion. “And I just have to say that I am…in shock. Ever since Hardy showed me your picture. You are a very attractive couple.”

Sonja let out a nervous laugh. “Thank you.”

Isak’s gaze returned to Even and stayed there. “So, it’s Friday. Bradley and I have been waiting for this all week, and we think it would just be nice to dive right in. I mean, we could do some small talk, but I think we are all here for the same thing.”

More nervous laughter from Sonja. “Sure. Yes. Thank you for agreeing to this, letting us experiment. We’re, um…going to move to the bed?” She glanced at Even, who gave a short nod. It was then that Isak took in their surroundings. It looked like they were sitting at a table in matching chairs, but when Even lifted their camera he realized that they were in a rather large bedroom, and had been sitting at a desk in one corner. Isak and Alfie watched the room wobble around as Even and Sonja set up next to the bed and sat down to mirror them.

“Is this where you usually watch on Fridays?” Alfie picked up the conversation. Isak tugged his own tee over his head.

“In bed, yeah. Usually under the covers though, with just the laptop.” Sonja sounded more relaxed with the move.

“You can move into the bed if you’d like. We’re just up close for the angles.”

“Maybe in a little bit. These past few weeks we’ve been just following your lead. We watch for a bit, enjoy the chat, and then when you guys get going we uh….” Sonja looked at Even and they smirked at each other.

“Oh!” Alfie’s back straightened. “Then allow me.” Alfie resumed unbuttoning his shirt and Isak helped by running his hand down his chest as it was exposed. He was trying his best not to stare at Even, who was still smirking but doing so directly into the camera now, and it was difficult to switch his attention to the man undressing next to him. Alfie noticed. “Oi,” he whispered. Isak looked down at his hand resting limply in Alfie’s lap. “You going to do something about this?” With a small jolt Isak began working on his belt. To play it off Alfie leaned back on his palms and let Isak keep going.

Clothes came off on both ends in relative silence. The next time Isak glanced at the screen Sonja was down to a lingerie set and Even in boxers. They were lounging a bit further back on the bed. “Neither of us are particularly into tits but you have a lovely pair, Sonja.” Everyone laughed and a bit of the tension dissipated.

“You’re sweet, Bradley.”

Even’s arm snaked over Sonja’s shoulder and his finger dipped into one of the demi cups. They heard her breath catch as he grazed a nipple. Somehow, Isak felt it too. Then he looked down and saw Alfie petting at his sensitive skin, drawing it into a hardened nub.

“You want to watch?” Alfie whispered into his ear. Isak leaned away, giving him a confused look. Wasn’t that why they were there in the first place? “I’m thinking of positions. If I lie down you can ride. And watch.”

Isak checked their screen briefly before latching back onto Even’s. He watched him fully palm Sonja’s breast with one hand and unhook her bra with the other, the smoothness of the move sending another thrill through him. “Y-yeah. Great.”

“Let’s get rid of these, yeah?” Alfie snapped the waistband of Isak’s underwear as he stood and walked out of frame. He looped the room, collecting a pillow, condom and lube, and throwing back the comforter. When Even turned away to give Sonja’s nipples his undivided attention, Isak took the break as his chance to stand and completely undress. “Watch the screen while I lie down.”

Isak stood next to the camera, lightly stroking himself while Alfie arranged his position on the bed. He was on his back, head at the corner closest to the camera. Once he adjusted the pillow all anyone could see on screen was a tuft of his hair, the soft ridges of his abs, and his dick resting across his hip. “But then you won’t be able to see.”

“No offense to Even but yours is the only cock I’m interested in. Give it here.”

When Isak climbed onto the bed and straddled Alfie he watched his body move. Being that far back on the bed was risky; his neck was peeking into frame and his face would as well if he wasn’t careful about how straight he kept his spine. He wasn’t sure how well he’d ride with such limited range of motion. But he had an excellent view.

Alfie cupped his ass and pulled him closer; Isak let out a small moan when Alfie’s tongue took a few careful swipes at his dick. His body responded to Alfie’s touch and draw but his mind was focused on watching Even and Sonja, who were finishing with their own undressing. As soon as Even was rid of his own underwear, Isak slapped Alfie’s shoulder. “It’s huge. Alfie, he’s huge,” Isak muttered through clenched teeth. Alfie was halfway down Isak’s dick but popped off in curiosity. They inelegantly separated and returned to their original seats.

“What happened?” Sonja asked, breaking away from Even. He chased her body as she leaned forward, latching his mouth onto her neck.

“You know a dick is impressive when someone stops their own blowjob for it,” Alfie explained.

Even laughed then, but didn’t shy away. He let his knees fall apart and ran his fingers up his impressive length. “Now you know why she keeps me around.”

“And this one is lucky I don’t get jealous.” Alfie turned Isak’s face toward him, taking advantage of the way his mouth was hanging open. They kissed loose and wet, and Isak let his eyes close for a moment. Right. The human he could actually touch was more important. Isak picked up the condom and lube to resume preparations, but decided to figure out a different position.

“How about you just lie back here—wait, let me move in front of you. Okay. Yes.” Isak blocked Alfie’s body with his own, letting him lie down with his legs hanging off the end of the bed. He bent over and gave Alfie a few kisses and tugs to stiffen his cock, then rolled on the condom and added more lube.

“Ahh, reverse. So smart.”

Isak tossed the pillow back to Alfie’s head. “Just don’t look up. Or only when I’m on you.”

“Is that happening now or like…next week?”

Isak pinched Alfie in the side as he crawled over him. Alfie laughed and swatted back, but let it go as soon as Isak presented his ass to him. He lowered himself slowly, letting his balls graze Alfie’s dick, then reached back to line them up. On screen Sonja and Even were in a similar position, but Even was sitting up and watching too. Moans filled the room, Sonja’s voice floating above Isak’s, and Alfie’s “Fuuuuuuck,” adding a sharpness to the sounds.

“Shit, you’re so tight. So hot.” Alfie got a good grip on Isak’s cheeks as he descended. He huffed in appreciation.

Isak watched himself on the screen, satisfied with his position as he bottomed out. He could ride freely, even lean forward a bit and support himself on Alfie’s knees. For now though, as he kept his humping shallow so Alfie wouldn’t pop out, his own dick took center stage. He stroked himself, maximizing on the pleasure of Alfie’s cock filling him up.

Sonja was riding Even with a bit more energy, and he was holding onto her tits, her nipples pinched between his fingers. For a while, as both couples picked their paces, they fed off of each others noises. Sonja had a high-pitched whimper that she pressed out through her nose. Even kept quiet unless a deep grunt managed to escape. Isak’s breathy pants ramped up as he bounced faster, and Alfie’s steady stream of dirty talk kept them all entertained.

“Yes. Ungh. Bounce that ass on my cock. Feel it all the way inside you. Oh yeah, baby. Squeeze it." 

Isak swiveled and rolled, building up one motion before switching to the next. When he closed his eyes he could focus on the way Alfie twitched inside him, feel the flexes and swells below. But he didn’t want to close his eyes. He wanted to watch. Because Even was watching him.

Even had shifted Sonja on an angle so her body wasn’t blocking his view. She didn’t seem to care, which was understandable considering the magic Even’s dick seemed to be casting on her pussy. Even’s grip had moved down to her waist and she held onto her own breasts, letting them jiggle from his thrusts but not flop around, not at this speed. Her head dropped. Encouragement dripped from her mouth, between her legs. “Yes. Yes. Oh god. Yes. Right there.” They could hear the slap of Even’s thighs against Sonja’s ass.

Isak leaned forward, hands on Alfie’s thighs, fingers digging into the muscle. He bounced, constant friction, then slowed and clenched as he rose. Alfie had let his ass go, let him have complete control. His palms were sweaty resting on Isak’s lower back. Isak watched Even thrusting and his hips tried to match his move for move. Even was watching the screen, watching Isak’s dick slap up against his belly with every roll. It left small wet marks that reflected the light from the laptop.

Then Even’s gaze locked on to the camera lens, so he was staring straight at Isak. “Touch yourself.” Sonja thought he was talking to her and her right hand flew to her clit. Isak knew he was talking to him. His fist curled around his cock, right below the head. He stilled, steeled himself against Alfie, fully impaled, and jerked his orgasm to the surface.

It took Alfie a moment to realize why Isak had stopped. “You gonna come? Yeah?” He was trapped between Isak’s thighs but did his best to take over and contribute. He pushed up under Isak’s ass to give himself enough room to thrust and find his spot.

“Ahhh, yessss,” Isak breathed and hissed, feeling the short surges of pleasure build on each other. “Keep doing that, ungh.” His muscles started shaking as his whole body tensed up and waited for release. He watched Even for his cue.

Except he couldn’t wait. He couldn’t hold back under that stare. He couldn’t listen for Even’s warning or watch his thrusts become erratic or his butt cheeks clench with his own orgasm. Isak came with a groan, shuddering, shooting up onto his chest and spilling over his hand. His left arm collapsed but he managed to catch himself on the bed, stroking a few more spurts onto Alfie’s legs. He was curled in on himself, unable to control his breathing. But then he looked up.

Even’s eyes went wide.

Alfie realized too late, flailing, failing to pull him upright. “Isak!”


	9. 16:02

Alfie showed up on Sunday night with flowers and a pout. “Oh, what’s this…” Isak asked when he opened the door.

“Part five of my apology.”

“You don’t—“ Isak sighed. “It’s not your fault. You don’t have to keep apologizing.” He stepped back to let Alfie in. They walked to the kitchen where Alfie helped himself to Isak’s largest glass in the cupboard.

“It might not be big enough.”

“That’s what he said.” Isak couldn’t resist the joke as he unwrapped the flowers. He noticed that Alfie didn’t react though, not even a pity chuckle. He turned to face him. “Alfie.”

“Have you talked to them?”

“No.”

“Are you going to?”

“Probably not. Haven’t figured out what I’m going to do about the whole thing though. Haven’t even logged in to check my messages.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Alfie, no. It really isn’t your fault. I…I’m the one who showed my face. You were just trying to help.”

“I should have used your code name at least.”

Isak shrugged. He agreed, but he also didn’t know if it would have made a difference. Maybe no one heard it. Maybe they heard it and were stalking his instagram right now. Maybe they heard it but didn’t care. “It was a whole mess and now it’s over. Can we just go…watch a movie or something?”

Alfie had asked to come over with no specific plan, just to see Isak, and it was too late for dinner. Isak didn’t think it was a booty call, considering that the last time Alfie had seen his booty he was violently pulling it off of his dick as he lunged for his computer. Telling him to leave as soon as he had closed the room was a pretty rough message too. “Yeah babe, whatever you want to do.”

“There’s some beer in the fridge.” Isak left Alfie to find something decent on the TV.

Two beers in hand, Alfie dropped down onto the couch. He handed one to Isak and patted the seat next to him. “Are you going to do a show tomorrow?”

“I still don’t know.” Isak flicked through the options on Netflix.

“I’m really sorry that I fucked this up for you.”

Isak gave up on the movie selection and sat down. “Alfie, no. Let’s just blame my orgasm for all of this and move on.”

"I just…know how much it means to you and don’t want you to lose it.”

“My orgasm?” Another attempt at lightening the mood. Alfie gave him half of a smile for it. But Isak realized that Alfie wasn’t going to let it go until his guilt over the whole incident had been assuaged, so he turned to face him. “I’ve figured I have a few options. I could just go back to it like normal, apologize for skipping Friday’s show and blame it on something else. A surprise date. Or I could explain what happened truthfully, to set up my new rules about how I’m on screen and private requests. Or I could just…stop.”

“You’re not serious.”

Isak had spent all of Saturday thinking through his options, and he _had_ seriously considered abandoning it all. His cover had been blown, and he didn’t know the extent of his exposure. The mistake had left him shaken, and he felt the risk was too high for the reward right now. “It’s the safest option. Besides, it’s probably a good time to stop, since I really need to be focusing on my thesis, and my internship starts soon.”

“I know it’s not like, your career. But you’ve invested so much in it. It seems strange that you’d be willing to abandon it so quickly.”

“Well I haven’t abandoned it yet. Just put it on pause for the weekend. Though it made me realize how much time I _do_ spend on that website, even when I’m not on camera. Did you know that I got _bored_ earlier today?”

“What?!” Alfie played along.

“Yeah, I caught up on my homework and cleaned and then… _nothing_. I almost went outside.”

“Who _are_ you? Where did Isak go?” Alfie whipped his head around as if the real Isak were hiding somewhere. Isak laughed, but then sobered up when he realized the truth of Alfie’s mock outrage. He was Isak, but he was also Hardy, the other Isak. And he didn’t think it had been that long, about seven months now, but his life had blown up in that short time to fit these two Isaks comfortably. He was happy with both of them, and perhaps the reality of losing one hadn’t truly settled in yet.

“I wonder….” His voice got quiet, and he flicked at the tab on his beer can. “I wonder if I could go back to just being regular Isak.”

“It’s so weird to think that you were ‘regular’ before. I’ve only known _this_ Isak.” Alfie poked Isak in the chest. “He’s regular. He’s a student. And a camboy. And an uncle. And a greaaaaaat fuck. To me, if you cut part of you out, you wouldn’t go back to being regular. You’d just be…less.” He paused. “Well, no. You wouldn’t be less. You’d be different.”

Isak didn’t say anything. He tried to remember a different Isak.

“Structurally, things would still be the same. You’d still have school, your friends, all of this.” Alfie gestured down the length of his body. “But you’d lose a lot of things that filled your life in private. Everyone you talk to, even if it’s anonymously, they’re still relationships. You’d lose that release, both emotionally and physically. And I’m assuming you’d lose a decent amount of income. Now I’m not necessarily encouraging you to sacrifice your safety for a little padding in the bank account…I’m just saying you’re also risking a lot by cutting yourself off from something you love to do, from part of who you are.”

Alfie went quiet, letting Isak think some more without further influence. He drank his beer and relaxed into the couch.

Isak spoke up a few minutes later. “That reminds me of something else. If I do go back to camming, I don’t know that I would want you to join me anymore.” Alfie’s face dropped so Isak scrambled to explain. “It’s a money thing. Because I do earn money. But if you’re on camera too, you should be earning half of those tips. And I’m happy to give that to you, but I also don’t like what that turns this into.”

“Oh honey, you just opened a can of worms.”

“I know, I know.” Isak dropped his can on the coffee table, letting it wobble. “Ugh. I’m just scared it’ll become like, we fuck, then I pay you cash, and you leave.”

“Hah, well, there’s nothing wrong with that kind of relationship. But…it sounds like it’s not the kind that you want.”

Isak looked at Alfie and let him read his face, the way his eyes were asking for something more. Alfie gave a slight, slow nod.

“I understand not making this a…transactional thing. I’m not _that_ keen on camming to demand I be an active part of it. It’s fun, but we can have fun in different ways, so you can keep that world separate.”

“I’m not trying to shut you out.”

“I know! I don’t feel shut out. But I also am not um, wanting something more personal. I like fun.”

“We can sleep together but we won’t _sleep together_.”

“Exactly.” Alfie took a long swig of beer, then wiped at his mouth to pick up the bit that had escaped. “So…wanna go sleep together?”

* * *

Alfie made up for Friday night’s blue balls a couple of times before escaping. It was a work night after all, and leaving felt a bit easier now that they had added some definition to their relationship. “Text me with what you want to do about tomorrow. If you cam I’ll tune in.”

Isak had less than 24 hours to decide.

With the clock ticking, he went through his options again with Alfie’s added weight. But he found himself staring at dead end after dead end, unable to get past one thing. So, Isak logged on.

The number of messages in his inbox was staggering. He looked over at his second phone, dark and silent on his desk, wondering how many notifications would scream out as soon as he plugged it in. He ignored it for now, deciding to tackle one beast at a time. He clicked through the messages in reverse chronological order, firing off quick replies and reassurances. Yes, he was fine. Sorry for missing Friday. Guilt from causing such a barrage of concern almost made him start promising to make up for it, but he held back. He still hadn’t decided about going back on screen. Not until he got a better understanding of what had actually happened.

Because that was one of the dead ends that had kept him up: what if Even hadn’t seen or heard anything? What if the reaction he saw was just Even’s shock at Isak’s orgasm, and not his face? What if he hadn’t heard his name over the noises Sonja had been making? What if he had pulled the plug over nothing? He couldn’t make a decision until he could answer those questions.

He hit a lengthy message from Bee, who was doing his best to keep his distance but was nevertheless worried that Isak never showed up. He leaned into his screen to read.

_…Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the worst case scenario is you quitting camming because of a bad experience. Anyway, disregard this rambling mess, and just let me know if you’re okay. Hope to chat soon. P.S. You owe me a cum shot._

Isak smiled. It was a sweet and funny note, and confirmed a few times over how much he enjoyed the people he'd gotten to know through camming. In his couple of days of silence he missed sharing his life and hearing about theirs, and while some of them simply missed his dick, it still felt good to be wanted for that too.

He went back to scrolling, watching the timestamps flash by, until he reached Friday before 23. There were four messages from ThreeIsACrowd. The first was another link to a room. Then:

_Hi Hardy – We’re sorry if something went wrong. All of a sudden the screen went black. I wasn’t watching but Even said it was very sudden, like a glitch. We waited for a while but you never came back. Maybe we’ll see you during your usual show? – Sonja & Even_

_Hi Hardy – Well I hope everything is okay. Even thinks it’s strange that you’re not online, and you haven’t posted anything on Snapchat. We’re sorry if it’s something we did; this was our first time so maybe we made a mistake? – Sonja & Even_

_Hi Hardy – Apologies for yet another message, and anything else we screwed up. We’ll stop bothering you now. But I just wanted to say that it was really fun camming with you and we’re thankful you shared that with us. Hope to see you next Friday at least. – Sonja & Even_

Isak let out a sigh of relief. Perhaps he hadn’t been as exposed as he thought he was. They were still calling him by his handle, and Sonja didn’t see his face before the screen cut out. But then Isak remembered Even’s reaction, and could still feel the amount of shock it held. Sonja might not have seen, but Even definitely did. It seemed like he was just really good at keeping Isak’s secret, though, as promised.

He didn’t know what to reply with though. A quick reassurance like the others didn’t feel like enough, but he also didn’t know what his actual excuse was going to be. Could he admit to his mistake even though they hadn’t seen or heard it? Was that necessary? He was the professional one here. He wasn’t going to blame them for anything, but he also didn’t know if he had to place the blame on himself either. If he didn’t, would Even still protect his secret? If he didn’t, would he be okay with hoping Even would cover his lie with another lie? It was a lot to ask of a stranger. It was a lot to hope of a stranger.

Isak went back to the other messages, slowly making his way through them while he chewed over his response. He didn’t feel as much fear as he had over the weekend, so that was good. He could open up his cam again on Monday, if only to address the questions en masse and avoid more tedious one-on-one exchanges. He really should talk to Even first though, and see what he knew. He picked up his phone, ready to make contact via Snapchat. While it powered on and flashed its pent up notifications into the dark room, Isak went back to his inbox.

_Hey Isak,_

Isak leapt to his feet, sending his chair crashing into the edge of the bed. His whole body went cold. He had to gasp for his next breath. When the oxygen reached his brain he threw himself back at the desk to read the rest.

_Sonja doesn’t know. Can we talk? I’ll send you a room, Monday at 16. – Even_

He checked the sender, wondering why he didn’t see this message when he was looking for their handle.

**From: TwoIsCompany**

* * *

The timing was perfect, which also scared Isak. Had he told Even his class schedule? How did he know he usually got home around 15:30 on Mondays? What else did he know? He couldn’t stop the questions from firing across his brain, each one leading to five others, so he started writing the big ones down. By the time it was 16 he had nearly filled a page in his notebook, a column of questions and almost as many arrows sloppily trying to regroup them. A well-documented freak out.

He refreshed his inbox and saw Even’s new message, alone at the top. He checked that his camera wasn’t connected, then clicked on his link.

**Hard2Get has entered**

Even was in a different location, a whole different room. The wall behind him was covered in post-it notes. A window off camera let enough light in to add a glow to his hair, the curve of his shoulder, a hint of a halo. He looked upset. “Is it really that bad?”

**Hard2Get:** I’m here, aren’t I?

It was strange, being back on the other side, in the chat instead of on camera. Isak had to keep reminding himself that he wasn’t visible, that he didn’t have to think about his body placement or gestures. It was slower, having to type instead of just being able to talk, but right now that was a good thing. He needed the time to consider what he was saying.

**Hard2Get:** What happened?

Even sighed, but acquiesced. “You fell forward, breathing hard. You didn’t realize how close you were to the camera. When you looked up I saw your face. I heard Bradley say your name. Then you rushed the camera and all I saw was your chest for a moment before it went black. The room closed about a minute later. Oh, and then Sonja came, but….” He waved his hand like it didn’t matter.

**Hard2Get:** So you know who I am.

“Heh.” Even dropped his head and ran his hand through his hair. “I know your name. I might recognize your face. I know where you go to school. I know how much you jizz from a prostate orgasm. But I don’t know you.”

**Hard2Get:** You know enough.

“Actually I don’t think I do. That’s why I wanted to talk. I wanted to make sure you knew that I’m not a threat. I know you do a lot to protect yourself, and despite everything that happened on Friday, you’re still safe.”

**Hard2Get:** You could ruin me.

Looking at his short answers, one after the other in the chat, Isak thought maybe he was overdoing it with the dramatics. He didn't mean to sound so hard. He was afraid, not angry.

“I can’t. Even if I could, I wouldn’t.”

Isak watched him. Even was doing his best to make eye contact, looking into his camera instead of at his screen. Isak knew he was asking for his trust.

Even almost whispered. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Isak was embarrassed by the honesty, the fact that he could feel it through a screen. He tried to scoff at it, reduce its power.

**Hard2Get:** I’m not yours to lose.

Even raised his hands in surrender. “Of course. Yes. I’m just a fan, hopeful for one more show.”

God he was so pretty. Isak almost typed that. He removed his cursor from the chat and just stared. Even was sitting there like a puppy waiting for his owner’s next command, afraid that any other move would be a mistake. He was so pretty, and Isak knew that he would wait there forever. Isak believed him.

Because he didn’t type anything, Even spoke again. “I don’t know what you’re going to do. Or what you want to do. I hope I’ll be able to see you tonight at 21. And Wednesday at 22. And Friday at 23. Sonja’s not going to watch anymore. It’s just going to be me. I’ll call you Hardy and tip what you deserve. I’ll still get excited when you read my comments and call me New York. I hope you’ll do that.” Even bit his lip and chewed on it, making it puff up more than usual. He sat back in his chair and the light almost eclipsed him. His camera lens automatically adjusted.

**Hard2Get:** Why won’t Sonja watch anymore?

He didn’t care about Sonja; she wasn’t a threat. But it was the only thing out of all that Even said that he could respond to right away.

“She won’t know if you’re back. It was an experiment and we agreed that it was over. If she logs in again I’ll be very surprised.”

**Hard2Get:** Have things improved?

“I’m actively keeping secrets from her. You tell me.” Even’s smirk was back, that small curve of his mouth that could be mean but ended up being betrayed by his eyes.

**Hard2Get:** I’m sorry.

“Don’t apologize. It wasn’t your problem to solve. We’ll figure something else out.” Another wave of his hand.

A minute ticked past before Isak could figure out what to say.

**Hard2Get:** I don’t know if I’ll come back tonight.

He was still so unsure. He needed time to think. Isak looked down at the list of questions but didn’t see the point in asking them anymore. He had all of the information he needed, but he needed time.

“That’s fine.” Even would give him time. “Take a break.”

Isak typed half of a sentence then deleted it. Then he typed it again and pressed enter before he could talk himself out of it.

**Hard2Get:** I could do next Monday though. Sixteen.

The smile that spread across Even’s face gave Isak goose bumps. It was a surge of relief and a surge of confidence. The puppy had his command. “I’ll send you a link.”

Isak let out a slow exhale. He could do Mondays at sixteen. Yes. He wasn't afraid to do that. He wanted to do that.


	10. 22:15

On Wednesday Isak texted Sana as he left his advisor’s office. _Got my pharmacy assignment. That new medical complex by my apartment._ He was excited about it, and the fact that he wouldn’t have to spend the summer crossing the city on a bus.

_Tell me all of their secrets. When do you start?_

_Three weeks, after my exams._

_Good luck_

The weather was nice so Isak walked home, making a small detour to pick up something for dinner. He was feeling good about the meeting and his assignment, glad to be able to plan a bit more of his future. He didn’t know his daily hours just yet, but he realized that his concern about that was based in his desire to work around his current cam schedule. He took that as a sign that he truly wanted to return to it. He thought about broadcasting tonight at his usual time.

He was still getting messages from viewers who missed him, or hadn’t caught on that he’d been gone since Friday. Bee let him know he was there if he needed to talk, but otherwise left him alone. He had talked for a while with Even on Monday though, and felt like he’d sorted out his priorities. He just needed to regain his confidence to be on screen. He wanted to be in control again.

Keeping Alfie off cam was a good decision, if only so Isak wasn’t distracted trying to serve two audiences at once. That’s what he was blaming in the end: mixing business with pleasure, especially since they were at such odds with each other. He’d been so good about keeping them separate before, and he wanted to get back to that as well. A short show that night might be a good start. He texted Alfie as he climbed the stairs to his apartment. _I think I’ll go live tonight but just to chat_

_Your adoring public awaits. I have a client :(_

_You’ll know where to find me after though_

_Would appreciate it if you didn’t make me think about your cock while I’m on a call, thanks_

_You mean you weren’t before? Tsk_

_That was your ass. I was not prepared to level up_

Isak smirked at his phone, glad to still have Alfie’s attention even as they’d seemed to have cooled off a bit. He hadn’t seen him since Sunday and they didn’t make any plans for another date, but Isak was okay with that. He’d needed the time apart to think about him without getting distracted. Isak shrugged off his backpack, tossed his food onto the counter, and plugged in his phones. He had a few hours until show time and he needed to pick out a shirt.

* * *

**misterbee:** is that…music?  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** where is he  
 **anonymous:** does his dick have a soundtrack now

“Hi guys.” Isak crashed into his desk chair. “Sorry.” He paused his music.

**blackberriezzzz:** i like that song  
 **anonymous:** WHERE THE FUK U BEEN  
 **TwoIsCompany:** Hi Hardy

Isak waved at the camera.

**anonymous:** seriously what happened on friday

“I’m sorry. I had a…uh…a bad date. And I wasn’t feeling up to being on camera after it.”

**misterbee:** oh no!  
 **blackberriezzzz:** did u and bradley break up

“No, it was this whole other thing. Bradley and I are still….”

**badgirlbadgirl:** not exclusive! there’s still hope!

Isak jumped on the redirect: “Not unless you have a dick, Bad Girl.”

**misterbee:** i have one pick me pick me  
 **anonymous:** you’re third string around here BG  
 **024wolb:** wait i thought the rule was no internet ppl

“Ahhh, I’m not exactly looking guys. It was just a one-time thing.” Isak felt strange talking about it while Even was there, especially since he knew Even wouldn’t say anything. If he was looking for control, well, there it was. “Anyway, it’s done, and I’m back to my regular show I think. I got feedback on my thesis proposal today, so I have some research to do.”

Isak watched a few usernames exit the room as soon as he announced how clothed and boring he was going to remain. It didn’t bother him though; a smaller crowd meant less pressure.

**TwoIsCompany:** Do you have to work on your thesis all summer or will you have a break?

“My classes end soon but I’ll have a summer job. Got that locked down today too.”

**anonymous:** my mans is so career-oriented. what a turn on.

“Just working for that degree, you know?”

**anonymous:** how long have u been coming here and just now u realize he’s a nerd  
 **anonymous:** stfu i don’t see no glasses  
 **anonymous:** we don’t see nothing

Isak shrunk his cam window so he could open his thesis notes on the other half of the screen. He’d keep an eye on things, respond if necessary, but otherwise was just going to let them watch his torso while he typed. He was comfortable and wouldn’t make any sudden moves beyond what he knew he could do. The chat speculated about Bradley while he worked.

“Uh…I have not measured it, nor have I asked. But it fits very nicely.”

**misterbee:** ask him to make a dildo for you

“What?”

**misterbee:** a mold of his dick

“I didn’t know that was a thing.” But it did remind Isak about the vibrator that was still on his shopping list.

**misterbee:** you can get a porn star’s dick, why not your boyfriend? nice too, if you can’t get your hands on the real thing.

“Oh, he’s not my boyfriend,” Isak immediately corrected. But then he jumped to the chat window and scrolled the list of viewers. Again he got nervous about speaking for other people right in front of them, but he didn’t see Alfie’s username. “Besides, what if you broke up? Would you have to give the dildo back?”

**badgirlbadgirl:** if he’s nice he’ll let you keep it as a parting gift.

“Well now I’m picturing him taking it back to fuck himself with it so uh, thanks for that distraction guys.”

**anonymous:** i would not want to fuck myself with my own dick  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** too small?  
 **anonymous:** fuck you  
 **TwoIsCompany:** Hey hey it’s not the size that matters, it’s what you can do with it.

Isak snorted at Even’s defense, but didn’t respond directly to it. At least not visibly. He opened his inbox and typed a message instead. _I’m surprised you’re the one speaking up for small dicks._ He didn’t know if Even was watching his inbox so he returned to the chat.

**anonymous:** thank you, two.  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** so you admit it  
 **anonymous:** different anon but whatever. we’re all just here for hardy’s dick, which isn’t small, so let’s drop it.  
 **blackberriezzzz:** drop them PANTS

Isak lightly steered the conversation away, but not too far, from dicks. “Guys, I don’t think you realize how much work it is to make your own dildo. These reviews aren’t so great.”

**misterbee:** are you going to do it?!  
 **anonymous:** some of the kits are jank

Isak had clicked through some reviews out of curiosity, but then got caught up in a step-by-step instruction page that was detailing the different molecular structures for the materials you choose for molding and casting. It was fascinating.

“It just sounds…really complicated. And you have to stay hard without touching it!”

**TwoIsCompany:** I’m sure you could think of an alternative.

Isak wondered, tried to recall, how long Alfie had been hard without a hand or mouth nearby. Whenever they had downtime between fucks he’d get soft. He’d recover quickly, but it usually required some kind of contact. Isak picked up his phone and added a kit to his shopping list anyway. It might not be a successful endeavor, but they’d probably have fun giving it a try.

**anonymous:** r u googling nipple clamps now  
 **anonymous:** i can rec a great pair

“I don’t know if those are my thing. I’m fine with teeth. But um, no, just updating my list of things to buy or try.”

**misterbee:** ooooo a list!  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** am i on it

“I thought we went over this, Bad Girl.”

**badgirlbadgirl tipped 50 tokens**

Isak laughed. “I don’t think that’s going to change much.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** i can spend more  
 **Twoiscompany:** I’ve got dibs  
 **misterbee:** whoa whoa i was here first

“None of you are on this list, unless you are…” Isak held up his second phone to pretend to read off of it. “Toilet paper, beer, or a plastic version of Bradley’s dick.” He wasn’t going to spoil what else was on the list.

**anonymous:** let us know when the kit arrives. don’t care if it isn’t friday.

“Well…I don’t know if that’s something we’d do on cam. I don’t know if you’ll see much of Bradley on cam anymore.”

**anonymous:** WHAT  
 **anonymous:** but he’s so good  
 **cumherebb:** i thought he liked it

“He does like it, but there are other issues we’ve been having and it’s best if it’s just me for now.”

**misterbee:** is friday going to be a solo show

“Probably.”

**anonymous:** i’ll miss the way he made you moan

“I think he’ll still be doing that just…not when you can see.”

**blackberriezzzz:** what’s the point of u having sex if we can’t watch  
 **anonymous:** u shud still record in case u want to sell them later. then we can skip the boring parts  
 **TwoIsCompany:** I know a great video editor.

* * *

“Have you heard from him?”

“Who?”

“Alfie.” Isak tried to keep his nerves out of his voice. He had been exchanging casual texts with him throughout the week but neither of them were bringing up date options, so they hadn’t seen each other since last weekend. He wanted to see if Sana had any intelligence.

“Maybe. Can’t remember.” She finished chewing and swapped her fork for her phone. She checked her texts then Instagram. “Oh, he asked for Moroccan food recommendations on Tuesday so I sent him a couple of restaurants.”

It wasn’t what Isak was hoping for. He knew about the restaurants, used for another client dinner. It wasn’t anything to help explain why something felt off, nor why neither of them were making the effort to address it directly. 

“Speak of the devil though…” Sana flipped her phone around to display the photo posted forty-three seconds ago. Alfie was flexing his lats beyond their confines of his tank top, looking out over the city from a summit. “Looks like the usual.”

Isak nodded in agreement. He thought about sending a quick text while he knew Alfie was looking at his phone, but remembered his manners. “I haven’t seen him since Sunday. Just wondered if you’d heard anything out of the ordinary.”

“I wouldn’t say we’re that chatty. I asked for first date details back then, but he doesn’t volunteer much information about you…or anyone else for that matter.”

“Anyone else?!”

“Oh. Um…that…is not my question to answer.”

“Sana!”

“No! I mean, no, I haven’t heard of anyone else. But also I’m not going to assume you’re exclusive.”

“Shit.” Isak doubled down on his eggs in a weak attempt at hiding his own assumption that they had been. It was a ridiculous assumption, considering he’d never started any other relationship with that intention, so he wondered what it was that tripped him up this time.

“Now…I know you’re being safe but I’m also going to take this opportunity to remind you to get tested.” The death glare that Isak dragged up from his plate made her swallow involuntarily. “Fine fine, changing the topic. Tell me about the internship. I’m kind of surprised you’re doing it over the summer. I thought it was a semester situation.”

Isak relaxed, pushing Alfie to the back of his mind. “It used to be. I thought I was going to do it in the fall, but the university partnered with the pharmacy to host rotating students throughout the year. This gives them more flexibility for the students’ programs, steadier support at the pharmacies, and makes the university more attractive for hosting exchanges. Guaranteed placement.” He basically rattled off what the advisor told him earlier in the week.

“That does sound nice. But that means you couldn’t pick where you’d like to work, right? Like you’re just placed in one of their chains and that’s it.”

“Yeah, but I’m not too concerned about that. It’s not like I would’ve been able to bounce around between different pharmacies to try all of them out.”

“No, you’re right. I’m just wary of that whole group. I want to know their secrets.” Sana narrowed her eyes, projecting her suspicions.

Isak chuckled. “I’ll report back.”

After brunch Isak went to the gym.

* * *

“But it’s Monday?”

**Hard2Get:** No, LAST Sunday. It’s been over a week.

The confusion on Even’s face didn’t disappear with Isak’s clarification. “I mean, that happens, right? Sonja and I haven’t fucked since that Friday. Maybe he’s busy with work.”

**Hard2Get:** That’s his usual excuse these days. But, no offense, I thought the lack of sex on your end was part of the problem.

“None taken. So you're saying this is a problem.”

Isak nodded before he remembered he wasn’t on camera. Despite Even spending the first two minutes of their chat trying to convince him to turn it on, Isak was still nervous about slipping. This wasn't like his regular broadcast; if he was more relaxed he was more at risk. Even had let it go.

**Hard2Get:** It at least means something. And it definitely doesn’t feel good to go from pretty regular fucking to just TEXTING.

“If you take the fuck out of fuck buddy…I think that means you’re just friends.”

**Hard2Get:** Thank you for that helpful observation.

Even shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you man. I’m having a similar problem and our best solution was to find a gay guy for a threesome.”

**Hard2Get:** And that’s worked out so well for the both of us.

Even shrugged again. His eyes were darting around his screen, and Isak could tell he was distfacted by something else. He could sense something was coming, so he waited.

“Hey, not to avoid talking about our disintegrating sex lives, but I have something else to show you.”

Isak opened his inbox in a new tab and refreshed it until a message came through. It was a link for an unlisted video.

“Are you watching it?”

**Hard2Get:** Yes

It was a rough edit of the wedding video Even had been working on, probably the sixth version according to the file name in the title. Isak turned up his speakers and watched a love story unfold in five minutes.

“It kills me that I can’t see your face while you watch.”

**Hard2Get:** Be quiet.

Even laughed but didn’t say anything further. He leaned onto his elbows and rested his cheek in a hand. He waited the length of the video. “What do you think?”

**Hard2Get:** You’re right. I can’t afford you.

Even dipped his head. “Really?”

**Hard2Get:** That was beautiful. Felt like I was there.

Even beamed now, unable to disguise his pride. “I know it doesn’t really matter, since the only people who watch these things are the brides. Maybe the grooms. But it means a lot that it worked for you too.”

Isak was glad he didn’t have the camera on, so Even couldn’t see just how well the video worked for him. He could hide the tears from a lens but not the sniffles that followed, or how his voice would have caught if he had to speak. He typed safely.

**Hard2Get:** Based on the video alone I’d put money on them never getting a divorce.

“I hope they don’t. They are great to work with. I’m actually not obligated to go through so many rounds of edits but I want to make sure they’re absolutely happy with the whole package.

**Hard2Get:** I can’t imagine what else they’d want to change on this.

“Most of the time it’s just people. Adding more shots of grandma, or deleting that one bridesmaid who fucked something up. Or the speeches. There have been strange requests for specific lines to be included.”

**Hard2Get:** What’s the cheesiest line you’ve heard?

Isak hoped for something funny to get pull him out of his unexpected weepy funk. He watched Even fill his cheeks with air before a slow exhale. He ran his hand through his hair. “That’s tough. I feel like I hear something super cheesy one week and then the next wedding blows that one out of the water.”

**Hard2Get:** Sounds like you go to a lot of weddings.

“It’s wedding season. I have one every other weekend through September.”

**Hard2Get:** Popular man.

Isak played the video again.

“Even if you could afford me you’d have to make sure you book at least year in advance.”

**Hard2Get:** Really?

Even nodded slowly. “Unless you want to get married in the winter. I tend to get bogged down with other projects then, so a wedding here and there is nice to break it all up. I do what I can to squeeze those in. Less light though.”

As he was talking Isak watched a shot where he panned across the gardens at the venue, catching sunlight breaking through a wall of vines and spotlighting the couple.

**Hard2Get:** Light is your thing, huh

“Oh definitely. It makes or breaks the whole thing. Like, I could shoot your wedding and capture all of your moments and find the right song and you’d end up with a great wedding video. Or I could do all of that with dramatic lighting and you’ll have a love story.”

**Hard2Get:** That’s it. That’s the cheesiest shit.

Even rolled his eyes. “That’s my pitch, dude. Especially when I want to book an extra hour or drag a couple away from family to pose outdoors.”

**Hard2Get:** You’d better not charge me for that shit. I want a love story without the upsell.

“You’ll get the friends & family discount.”

**Hard2Get:** Thanks. Now I just need a fiancé.

Even opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. A moment later he shut it, then spun around in his chair. When he turned back to the camera his eyebrows were pulled together and lips set in a slight frown.

“Scratch that. I don’t want to work your wedding. I want to be invited.”

**Hard2Get:** Oh really?

“Yeah. Save me a seat.”

**Hard2Get:** I suppose I should be flattered. We started this afternoon talking about my relationship problems and now we’re at my wedding. You have a lot of confidence in me falling in love.

“That, and I want to see you in a nice suit, saying your vows, all while knowing exactly what you look like when you’re getting the cum fucked out of you.”

“Oh fuck off!” Isak cursed at Even’s smirking face, but realized he didn’t hear him. He smashed at his keyboard, with added frustration from the delayed reaction.

**Hard2Get:** Fuck you. UNFIRNVITEED

“What…what is that?!” Even was giggling now.

**Hard2Get:** You’re uninvited. And fired.

Even gave Isak a sarcastic pout. “I have a rule anyway. I don’t work for friends. Even if I’m not invited to the wedding, I’m not going to turn it into a business relationship.”

**Hard2Get:** That’s why I asked Bradley to stop camming with me. He’s supposed to be the pleasure, not the business.

“Except now he’s…neither.”

**Hard2Get:** Shit.

* * *

_Are you avoiding me? Is it because I asked to stop camming with me?_

_Super busy at work. Can I come over after your show?_

_Bring pizza._

Apparently Even’s advice of “Just fucking ask him!” worked, though Isak noted that Alfie didn’t exactly answer his questions. When nothing else came in over text Isak turned his phone face down and stood to stretch. If he was going to spend the next few hours worrying about what Alfie was going to say, he might as well be productive about it. He pulled the vacuum out of the hall closet and methodically swept through each room. The neighbor’s dog barked at the noise.


	11. 23:13

Eva and Jonas came over on Friday for dinner so Isak had to put away his camera and tripod before Eva’s inevitable snoop. She got it out of the way early though, spending a good twenty minutes “peeing” while Isak and Jonas finished their first beers.

“So what did you find?”

“That you’re still gay and boring.”

“You can hang out in my closet all you want, but I’m not going back in.”

“I’m just glad I didn’t find anything else in there.” Eva leaned over the back of the couch and dropped a quick kiss into Isak’s hair. Then she disappeared into the kitchen to start cooking.

“Why does she do that?” Isak muttered into his beer before he realized it was just an empty bottle.

“She found my porn once, so now she’s determined to find everyone’s porn.”

“You still use magazines? They still _print_ magazines?”

“Dunno. These were vintage. The good shit.”

“Did she make you throw them out?”

“No, she made me show her my favorites.”

“Dear god I hope she never finds mine.” Isak’s second phone was hiding in his left Nike by the door, but he also had a decent excuse ready if anyone happened to find it accidentally. The camera was easy enough to explain too. His computer was a ticking time bomb though.

“Just post more shit about that dude you’re seeing and it’ll keep her curiosity in check.”

Isak grimaced. “I’m going to go see if Eva needs help. Another?” He tapped his bottle against Jonas’s as he stood.

“Keep ‘em coming.” Jonas burped.

* * *

Isak was able to shove Jonas and Eva out the door just before showtime. He scrambled to get his camera set up at the end of the bed and didn’t have time to unearth his second phone to check his messages. He had a feeling it was going to be a light show since the whole week had been weird, though, so he didn’t really care. He wasn’t in the mood to promote all of this anyway.

 **anonymous:** pls tell me ur getting naked tonight  
**anonymous:** not here 4 another hour of studying  
**badgirlbadgirl:** yeah you barely talking on wednesday was weird

“Hey guys. I have exams coming up so I really do need to be studying. But tonight I have a story for you.” Isak began undressing.

 **misterbee:** oh how i love naked storytime  
**xxnineinchesxx:** is this a thing  
**misterbee:** it is now

His shirt was tossed to the floor. He stood up and whipped off his belt, then shimmied his pants down to his knees and kicked them the rest of the way off. He returned to the bed in navy briefs. “So…Monday. You saw how nervous I was because Bradley was coming over later. Or not nervous but…anxious? I hadn’t seen him in a while and I was getting worried about…everything I guess. It was that thing where you start doubting yourself, rereading the texts you’ve sent, wondering if you said something wrong, looking in the mirror and thinking maybe you aren’t cute anymore, or wondering if they found someone better.

“But then he showed up and he looked so tired. He’d come right from work and brought me pizza and apologized for not making the time to see me, and it was just…really sweet. Just seeing him made me less anxious, less doubtful, the same way seeing you guys helps. Knowing that I’m wanted.”

The chat stopped. Everyone was still there, just listening.

“So we ate dinner and talked, but nothing too deep. Like, you know when you can tell someone is distracted? The conversation was just floating along and he was paying attention, but he was also paying attention to…other things.” Isaks hand slid up his thigh and across his crotch. “There’s work, he’s in a busy season, and he explained how everything kind of goes crazy when they have to hit quarterly deadlines and marks. He knows what I do so I’m trying to understand what he does, but he’s not really doing a great job of explaining it because, well, he absolutely gave up on the pizza and was just staring at me. Like he’s hungry but fuck pizza.”

Isak stood up and left the frame, but kept talking. “I almost wish you could have seen the look. He’s done it before, plenty of times in this bedroom, but I guess there really is a lot you miss out on without a face.” He grabbed his bottle of lube from the drawer and peeled off his underwear while he was over there. He returned to the camera naked. “Anyway, the conversation kind of dies away and I’m finishing my pizza and then boom, he shoves me against the fridge.” The cap on the lube clicked as Isak pumped some into his hand. He rubbed his hands together to warm it up. “Pizza’s on the floor now, except for the bit that I’m choking on because it was in my mouth and Bradley’s tongue decided to shove it down my throat for me. I should’ve seen it coming, with that look, but I don’t know, maybe I was paying attention to the wrong things too. Though if I was worried before, about not being wanted, I definitely felt wanted then. Felt it in my mouth, felt it against my pants, felt it everywhere.” Isak finally wrapped his hands around his dick and began a methodical stroke. Remembering how Alfie was so turned on that he jumped him halfway through dinner was getting him hot again. He stroked himself, drawing his blood down until his dick was tapping at his stomach. “So we made out for a while against the fridge, hands everywhere, humping each other through our pants. He’d lined our dicks up and even though we were still clothed it felt like he was masturbating me with his cock. I mean, he was. He did. Pressing his hips up and down….” Isak squeezed himself at the tip, pausing. Then he resumed stroking at the pace that Alfie had set, the one that was only slightly slower than the heavy breaths he had been panting into Alfie’s neck. “And…well…it was difficult to stay standing while I was coming in my jeans.”

**misterbee tipped 100 tokens**

“I wouldn’t call it a record. I’ve come faster than that before. If I have to bust a nut just to bust, I know how to get the job done. But that was pretty impressive for just humping. And I was shaking…all over. Like my body was still trying to catch up to what had just happened, what it had just done. Then Bradley barely tapped my shoulder…that’s all it took, and I was sliding down to the floor.”

Isak wiped his left hand on his sheets and leaned back on it. He spread his knees and dipped his fingers past the base of his dick to fondle his balls. He watched his erection wobble in the screen, saw how flushed his chest was. He was so aroused. He was so angry.

“Then his cock was out and…hhhhnnnnn.” He moaned at the memory, how big Alfie was all swollen and ready. He stopped talking for a moment to just touch himself, thrust into his hand and let himself feel the build. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back. A small smile curled up naturally. “It’s like my mouth knew what it wanted without me thinking at all,” Isak said to the ceiling. He took himself to the edge.

A minute later, with a hiss, he stopped. “You don’t know what my face looks like but I trust you can imagine something. And then you can imagine Bradley’s load: a little bit in my hair, the rest dripping from my lips, down my chin. I had cum in my jeans and now cum on my shirt.” Isak gave a test squeeze to see— “Ahh.” Too soon.

“I had to change. Or undress, whatever. Before it dried and stuck. He helped me to my feet. I walked here, to my bedroom. Got rid of my clothes. He’d done the same on the way, so he was naked. He got a towel from the bathroom and ran it under some water and cleaned me up. That was nice. All of it was nice. We climbed into bed.”

Isak twisted around then, took a look at the space where they had been lying back on Monday night. They had moved slowly across the sheets and then collapsed. Alfie had nudged Isak onto his back and kissed his skin where it was damp: around his neck, the dip between his pecs, the stretch right below his tan line. Isak turned back to the camera and began a luxurious, twisting stroke.

“He went slower this time, maybe worked on me for about half an hour. He kissed and sucked and bit a little. Just nibbles, kind of soothing actually. I remember thinking that I might fall asleep if I kept my eyes closed too long. And maybe I did? Because then I did that thing where your body snaps awake because it thinks you’re falling. But I wasn’t falling…it was this surge of fear. I thought that the camera was still on.” Isak dragged his fist up and popped it off his cock. The lube made a satisfying noise, and the sudden rush from the release of pressure felt good. He squeezed the base again, dragged, and popped. Drag, pop. Then he rested his open palm on the tip and gently rubbed in tiny circles, slicking his hand further with precum.

“I didn’t think much of it then. Bradley took my sudden movement as a position change, and before I knew it my legs were up and he was eating me out. I didn’t think much of anything else then either, not with that tongue in my ass. And a round of applause for him, really, because there was another half hour up and gone. He rimmed me straight into Tuesday.”

Isak returned to a steady stroke. “I highly recommend that by the way. I wasn’t exactly supervising the whole process but I’m pretty sure he didn’t end up needing any lube after that. You know, when he hopped up onto his knees and just…unnghh.” He bit his lip. “All the way, just filled me right the fuck up. There was tongue and then there was dick in two seconds flat. My ass got whiplash.”

A pause. “This part adds to my suspicion that I fell asleep because…he had a condom on. But that definitely didn’t happen after the rimming. I’m not exaggerating those two seconds. And once he was in he didn’t leave, so that was some sleight of hand shit, distracting me with his teeth while he rolled one on. Points for that, too.” As unfavorable as he was feeling toward Alfie (despite currently masturbating to the thought of him, for an audience), he had to give him credit for being safe.

“So, he’s in me. Fits perfectly, blah blah blah. But…you know when you’re fucking and sometimes you’re really mixing it up, trying a little bit of everything? Not like experimenting, but just your moves. Fast, slow, this angle, that. You do it to find what feels good, and then what feels great, and then to delay that greatness. Not be overwhelmed by it because it’s too soon. You can feel good for a little while longer because you know the greatness will come.” Isak snorted at his own pun, shaking his head. “Well.” He regripped. “That did not happen either.”

Isak’s dick was hot in his hand, pulsing. He knew what it was going to take now and he was done dragging it out. The story was almost over. “He found my spot. He was always so good at that. He found the spot, he found the depth, he had my legs spread, and he just…went. He didn’t get faster, just steadier. Unrelenting. No twists, no surprises. Not stopping even…as he was…running out of breath.” Isak pumped like Alfie had pumped, until his exhales became whines, wishes for release. He struggled to keep talking, but he was going to finish. “His upper body was frozen above me, locked, while his dick was this piston…in and out, in and out. I couldn’t handle how good it felt. Everything was buzzing and tight and just…not…stopping.” Isak’s hand was a blur, his lungs heaving air. “I couldn’t tell him I was coming be—…I was…I’m…I’m coming, I’m c—…ahhhhhhhhh.“

Isak’s eyes clenched shut, knees rising, hand milking. His body wanted to curl into the orgasm again but he knew not to. He forced himself to pay attention, and he watched the last few drops of cum squeeze out from his tip. He groaned as the orgasm rolled through the tail end of its waves. His free hand found the spurts that had traveled further up and he dipped his fingers into what was collecting on his abs. He waved them in front of his chest, to let the liquid catch the light, and he watched it on the screen. 

He glanced at the chat. All tips. No comments.

“It was great from the start. All the way through. And then we broke up.”

Isak wiped his hand again, leaned forward, and closed the room.

* * *

He didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, Sana especially. He had spent the whole week thinking about it, twisting it around in his head every which way, and ended Friday still confused and hurt and angry. Saturday morning didn’t change any of that. But Sana could tell something was wrong and kept squinting at him until he gave up. “Seriously Isak? What’s going on? I know you love Emir but we’ve spent this entire meal talking about his preschool options and even I think that’s weird. You’re avoiding something.”

“Have you talked to Alfie?”

“No. Last I heard, from you, was about dinner on Monday.”

“Okay. Well. Yeah. That’s when we broke up.”

Sana’s poker face was impeccable. She respected the news with a moment of silence but then launched into her investigation. “Are you sad about it?”

Isak was about to say yes, his mouth opening, but he stopped when he realized: “I don’t know.”

“Did he break up with you or did you break up with him?”

“He broke up with me. That’s why he came over for dinner. Pizza, then ‘I don’t think we should see each other anymore.’” Isak left out the frustratingly excellent sex that happened in between.

“Did he say why?”

“He didn’t think our lifestyles were in sync.” Again he left out some pretty significant details, but this was definitely not the time to reveal his side hustle. He was relieved when Sana accepted this short answer and didn’t press for details.

“Do you agree with his assessment?”

Isak gave a small shrug. “He had valid points.”

“Are you interested in changing any parts of your lifestyle to be more in sync with his? And…the root question of that would be, is a relationship with him worth those changes?”

Isak laughed now, at how structured Sana’s line of questioning was. She had no room for emotional reactions when there were future motivations to figure out. He could answer this honestly though, because it’s what he’d been working through over the past few days. “Not right now, no. I…I like what I’m doing. I like who I am.” He pushed the end bits of his brunch around his plate. “I don’t want to give anything up.”

“Clearly he doesn’t either, so it sounds like a good decision for the both of you.”

“I guess.”

“Something is still bothering you though.”

“I just…I thought we were on the same page about…all of it. Like we were keeping things casual, I don’t think there was a lot of pressure to be a couple or let anything get in the way.” Isak nervously scratched at his head. “So I’m kind of upset that there was something, just now, that he didn’t agree with. Or maybe he didn’t agree with it from the start. But I had been very honest with him, so I don’t like that he hadn’t been honest with me.” He let out an exhale, managing to express himself without exposing himself.

“I’m sorry I can’t account for that behavior. But I’m glad it’s something you discovered before it got too serious.”

“I don’t think it ever would have gotten serious. I mean, I would have liked that. He’s a nice guy and we had fun together. But looking back he definitely kept me at arm’s length.”

“Have _you_ talked to him? Does he know any of this?”

“I don’t think so. He just said his little speech and I…nodded? I agreed. I don’t know, it was really late, and he had to get home. He's still busy at work. And I haven’t talked to anyone about it except you. You’re the only one who has met him.”

“Well I’m definitely your best option for counsel.”

Isak gave her a smirk and a nod. “That you are.”

“So I’m going to recommend you tell him what you told me. You’ve been feeling like this for a week, it’s been bothering you and festering and you owe it to yourself to be heard. He may have had valid points, but so do you. And, not to do him any favors, but he should know so he doesn’t fuck someone else over like that either.”

Isak would consider it. Technically it had been quite an amicable break-up, due to his general acceptance, and he didn’t know if he wanted to make things worse. There was always a future too, if either of their lifestyles _did_ end up changing, more naturally, and they ended up more in sync than they were now. He’d wait and see.

“Thanks for your help, Sana.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’m back on the husband-hunt for you now.”

“Hah! Well…no rush.”

“Of course not. I do not rush matters of the heart. And now that I have more data I can make better evaluations.” Their waitress came over to clear their plates. Sana settled in with her mug of tea. “So aside from the honesty, trust, and communication issues, how was he otherwise?”

“Like would I be interested in another super fit, advertising junkie with a uh, very healthy sex drive?”

“Yes. I need to know if I should cut off the number of hiking selfies and branded cocktail parties at a certain level when I’m stalking on Instagram.”

“Did you have a cap before?”

“No. Previous criteria included facial hair slash general grooming skills, perceived height, and career potential. How about age?”

Isak laughed. “I feel like I’m filling out a dating profile.”

Sana tutted. “I may have struck out thus far, but I’m determined to beat some app algorithm.”

“Let’s cap it at 35, still no one from school, and only 50% of their photos should be selfies, with 10% of those involving some sort of exercise. While you handle that math, I’ll handle this.”

Sana tapped the notes into her phone while Isak pulled out his wallet. He flagged down their waitress for the check.

“Hi! Actully, your bill was taken care of. Would you like another coffee?”

“Excuse me?”

“The gentleman who was sitting behind you paid for your meals. He said it was a token of his appreciation.”

Isak whipped around, his knees knocking into a leg of the table and sending their mugs skidding across the top. Sana’s hands flew out to steady them. No one was sitting behind him anymore; both tables were empty, and only cars passing by in the street.

“What’s going on?” Sana didn’t understand why Isak was in such a shock.

“Your meal was paid for—“

“Did he have a name? Do you know who it was?” Isak stood.

The waitress shook her head. “I haven’t seen him here before, but this isn’t my regular shift.”

“What did he say again? Exactly?”

“He came up to me at the counter and asked to pay for your bill. He pointed at you and said ‘As a token of my appreciation.’”

Isak ran.

* * *

It felt like a year had passed in the time it took for his second phone to turn on. He paced his room, the phone in a death grip. When the screen lit up with notifications he swiped directly to Snapchat and scrolled for NY152. There was one photo, sent minutes ago: shot from above, it looked like Even was holding a bouquet and wearing dress shoes. Isak took a screenshot before it disappeared, and then he read the caption. _Had to run to a gig. Hope you enjoyed brunch! See you Monday._


	12. 15:50

Isak couldn’t wait until sixteen. He couldn’t wait for a message to pop up in his inbox. He opened his own room and sent the link, and then sat at his desk for another ten minutes.

He was still angry, but it had absolutely nothing to do with Alfie now. Alfie was the furthest thing from his mind. All he could think about was Even: Even, who had been sitting behind him, Even, who had FOUND him, Even, who had probably _listened_ to him, Even, who had paid for his fucking food, and Even, who then disappeared for two days. Isak turned on his camera and looked at his reflection. Even had _seen_ him. Again. That face. Isak stared at his own betrayal.

**TwoIsCompany has entered**

The chat moved to the bottom of the window and their cams were side-by-side. Even was shocked to see Isak’s face but recovered quickly and smiled at the surprise.

“Fuck. You.”

The smile disappeared. “Wh—“

“Fuck. You.” Isak was so angry he didn’t have anything else to say. No other words, just, “Fuck you.” Silence crackled in its wake.

Even waited another moment, then whispered, “I can see your face.”

“I know. But there’s no point in hiding from you anymore. Not when you can pull the kind of shit you did on Saturday.”

“Oh my god.” Even dropped his head into his hands, but then popped right back up. “I’m sorry Isak. I just wanted to do something nice. I didn’t mean to…I didn’t think I was putting you at risk.”

Even looked distraught at the realization of what he’d done. He’d slumped back in his seat and gone quiet.

Isak sighed. “I’m not in danger. Not yet. Sana keeps texting me because I literally ran away from her and I don’t know how to explain it. But I think that’s all, that’s the worst of it. At least you didn’t walk up to us.”

“I almost did. I almost turned around so many times to tap you on the shoulder.”

“Please don’t do that. Never…if you see me, please don’t acknowledge me. Do you go to that restaurant a lot?”

“No. That was the first time I’d been there, because I had to eat something before I got on the train. I won’t go back.”

Isak muttered a curse. He didn’t want his online life crossing over into his real life, but he also didn’t want this. “You shouldn’t have to do that. You can eat wherever you’d like.”

“Do you eat there a lot?”

“Every Saturday, brunch with Sana.”

“That sounds nice. It was good food.”

Isak watched Even for a minute, still shrunken away from his computer, looking down at his keyboard. Isak felt his anger dissolve into something else.

“Thank you for paying. Situation aside, that was…sweet.”

Even finally looked up. “All I wanted to do was make you smile. I’ve never really seen you smile.”

“You’ve never really seen anything. I’m surprised you recognized me.”

“It was your laugh. For a while I couldn’t place it because it just felt familiar, but I couldn’t…picture what I knew it from. So I didn’t really confirm it until I had to go, and I only glanced sideways at you while I was paying. I don’t know what would have happened if I would have lingered, or if you had seen me.”

Isak hadn’t thought of that either. This was all new territory. It had been a simple wish of ignorance, walking around the city anonymously, but once he had seen Even on camera, deep down he knew he wouldn’t have been able to ignore him on the street. “I guess we’ll find out…eventually.”

Even watched Isak fiddle with his phone on the desk. “We don’t have to. I don’t want you to feel trapped like that. No one should feel trapped like that. We’ve never crossed paths before so it probably wouldn’t happen anyway, you know? We’re not _changing_ our lives to avoid each other. We’ll just…be on screen.” Even poked at his camera, and it made him laugh when Isak jerked away from the finger.

“I think I just need to know one thing.” Then Isak would let it go.

“Anything.”

“What pharmacy do you use?”

Even threw his head back with a laugh. “Ohhhh I think I get to keep some secrets too. Heaven help us if I ever show up at your counter.”

Isak brushed it off with a shrug. Even was right, it was unlikely that they would cross paths. He could relax. He also noticed how fast he felt the ease return. He had been so angry all weekend, and now after just a few minutes of talking, after just seeing Even…somehow it was all okay.

“So…I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I did hear a bit more about your break-up. More than what you’d shared on camera anyway. Can we talk about it? Talk about…Alfie?”

Isak forgot about that. Now Even knew who Alfie was. But he also felt like he didn’t have to ask Even to keep him a secret either, not with the way he said Alfie’s name. His voice had dropped to a whisper. He was asking permission.

“Yes. His name is Alfie. And…I don’t know. You’ve heard the most about him probably, all of my frustrations. Sana was the one who introduced us but they aren’t close friends. I think it will all just…fade away.”

“But Sana said you should talk to him.”

“Oh dude, you were _really_ listening in, huh?” Isak smirked.

“I mean, it was a fascinating conversation to overhear. And I’m quite invested in the relationship.”

“Okay, well. It doesn’t exist anymore, so.”

“Why did he walk away?”

“Because of this.” Isak gestured at the camera, the screen.

“I thought he was cool with it. Wouldn’t you…if he was on camera with you, I would think it wasn’t an issue.”

“He’s more okay with it in practice than in theory. Or like, what we were doing for fun was just that…fun. But when he had to think about the future, or think about what he was doing with me in more of a long-term way, he didn’t know if this was a…smart choice.”

Even’s face wrinkled in disgust. “So he can enjoy it when it gets him laid but he doesn’t want to be associated with it.”

“Yeah, that’s part of it I guess. I’d say it’s less about the camming and more about me though? Like if I stopped camming, I don’t know if that would make him want to stay, make him want to get closer to me or consider me more as a boyfriend. If that would let the relationship grow more. There’s just something about _me_ that doesn’t work for him.”

“That’s tough. Feels like an easy out for him then, and the fault is still on you.”

“Mmm. Whether I’m camming or not I’m probably not his future.” Isak sighed, done with going back and forth over Alfie’s motivations. No matter what he wasn’t interested. “And I’m kind of glad he did it now. That he didn’t drag this out or let me get my hopes up.”

“Oh, right, Sana’s already moved on to finding you someone new.”

“Yeah. I’m glad she’s not offended either, that I’m not clicking with the people she knows.”

“Maybe you need a different matchmaker!” Even through the screen Isak could see the glint in Even’s eye, a plan already forming.

“God…” Isak rolled his eyes. “I think what I _need_ is a break.”

“Ah. Sure. Maybe after exams then.” Even picked up his phone and started scrolling, the tell-tale move that Isak had seen Sana do many times before. Isak noticed his case.

“A rainbow?”

“Hmm?” A second later Even realized what Isak was talking about. “Oh yeah, one of my favorite shots. Sonja had a screencap turned into a phone case for me.” He put down his phone and moved to his keyboard. “It was maybe…two years ago? A couple was rained out of their ceremony; they were going to do it outside but had to cram into the reception hall at the last minute. They were pretty bummed out about it but when the rain slowed to a drizzle I noticed this giant rainbow had appeared. I ran outside and got this nice panorama, then grabbed the photographer and couple and made sure they got some solo shots. Here.” Even pasted a link into the chat. “It’s in there, toward the end.”

Isak opened the link and recognized the music. He’d already watched this one, sometime last week, when he’d clicked backward into Even’s account. He’d watched them all actually, but he remembered loving that rainbow. As the video played he tried to act a bit surprised, or whatever his original reactions had been.

“I’ve gotten better, really worked on my style since that wedding, but there are just some things you can’t improve upon.”

The shot was still epic. Matching the swell of the music, Even had panned across the sky, chasing the sun as it emerged from the clouds and then twisting 180 degrees into the burst of colors. Back on the ground the groom was leading the bride outside. He reached the edge of the lawn where they were originally supposed to be wed and spun her out, showing her off to the sun. She spun back in and dipped; they kissed under the arch. Light rain drops sparkled off of her dress. Even thought he heard Isak let out a little “awww.” He searched his face for more emotion. Isak kept them in check though, this time.

“That’s beautiful.”

“Thank you. Sonja knew how much I loved it, that I had managed to catch it, and she thought it could double as a business card, almost. Like now, where it naturally became a conversation about my work.”

“How is she doing?”

“She’s fine.”

“Have things improved at all or….”

“Not really. It feels like they’ve gone back to how it was before we found you. I hate to call it normal, but…it’s back to normal.”

“Is that what you want?” Isak felt like he was starting in on the Sana Method. He wanted to return the favor, or pay it forward, that emotional clarity that everyone needed.

“No. I don’t want this anymore. But I also don’t know what else I _do_ want? Or how to get it? I don’t know. I don’t know what it’s like to want something. Or maybe I do, but I don’t know what it’s like to let myself want something.” Even had shrunk back again.

Isak thought for a bit, watching Even breathe through his own thoughts, and bit his tongue. He wanted to just say, “break up with her!” but he suspected it was a knee-jerk reaction, a personal desire for someone to join him in singledom. And Isak didn’t know what their relationship was like, if this was truly called for. A month-long sexy fling wasn’t exactly comparable to Even & Sonja’s committed cohabitation. “I’m going to write some stuff down. Maybe it will help to map it all out.” Isak tugged his notebook over and fished a pen out of the cup next to his tripod. Even sat up in attention, leaning in to try and see what Isak was writing.

“So what I’m seeing from a few conversations with you, is that you’re happy with your job. You love what you do, it’s a good challenge, and it provides, right? You can survive on this.”

Even nodded. “The work is great. Sometimes I’m worried I like it too much.”

“So that’s fine, we’re not going to touch that. The apartment? You like where you live?”

“The apartment is great. Sometimes I’m worried I like it too much.” Even flashed a cheeky smile and Isak laughed. “No but really, when I do think about um, not being with Sonja, my first thought it who gets to keep the apartment.”

He hadn’t written down much yet, but Isak scribbled a note tying Sonja to the apartment. “You share it equally? Like it wasn’t one of yours first and then the other joined?”

“No. We found it together. Split the rent.”

“But she doesn’t spend a lot of time there?”

“Certainly not as much as me. She brings home takeout and we eat in front of the TV. We go to bed. We wake up and she’s gone to work, or to see friends, or…something. It’s her apartment too, and she’s living her life in it as much as she needs to. I’m here more often because it’s my office, and it’s my social life.” Even gestured at the screen. When Even goes to see friends, he means logging on to watch Isak.

“It does sound like it would be easier for her to leave though. If it came down to it, she doesn’t need the apartment as much as you do.” Isak wrote this down, not bothering to wait for Even’s confirmation.

“I think…it would be strange to live here without her. Like I know I just said she’s not here a lot, but it’s still, it’s still this thing that meant we were together. I don’t know if I could live here alone.”

“Well you’re still together, so we don’t have to worry about that just yet.” Isak could sense Even getting anxious, not actually enjoying the hypothetical situation they were moving toward. “But that does lead me back to Sonja and like, why you’re with her. Still. You wanted her at some point, but where did that want go?”

When Even didn’t say anything, Isak started to tell a story and wait for a correction. “You were young, in high school. You saw a beautiful girl. She saw a beautiful guy. You hooked up a few times, feeling lucky and proud and excited.” A small smile, maybe a tiny laugh, was twitching at Even’s mouth. Isak couldn’t tell if it was because he was spot on or getting everything wrong. “High school romances are fun, and then they’re comfortable, easy. You’re glad to at least have that. Maybe you realized you love them when graduation rolls around and you feel like you need to make the next step. And you don’t want to do it without them.”

Isak waited then for another cue, some kind of direction. But Even just shook his head and let that smile grow. “I don’t know if the story is important anymore. But I like listening to you tell it.”

“If I kept going it probably wouldn’t have a happy ending.”

“That’s okay. Not everyone gets one of those.”

“Don’t say that,“ Isak chided.

“It’s true.”

“Nothing is true until you can prove it.”

“Would you like to see my spreadsheet of the couples I’ve shot who have then broken up? That’s proof.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Whatever. They had happy endings for a little bit.”

This made Even laugh. “Maybe that’s all we get: happy endings for a little bit.”

Isak wrote down a few more things, what he knew Even liked and might lead him to something that he would want. None of them were because of Sonja, but she deserved some credit. “And Sonja was a happy ending, for a little bit.”

Even agreed.

“Do you think…are you still hoping she’ll be one again? That you’ll get back to _that_ normal?”

“I don’t know. Probably not. Because even if we did, how would we explain what this is right now? Neither of us really want to acknowledge that this is bad, that we let it happen. We both know it but we can’t say it. Or I can’t say it to her. That would look like…blame. Can’t get back to the happy ending without wading through this shit.”

Isak made an exaggerated show of writing down “wading through this shit,” slowly mouthing the words for Even.

“Is that my to-do list then?”

“More like my wish list.”

“Is your under-35-year-old with only 5% exercise selfies on there?”

“Oi you nosy bastard!”

Even giggled, but then calmed down. “I will admit, it was kind of rough hearing how difficult it seemed to be to find a guy for you. I haven’t been in the game lately, but if you’re having that much trouble, having to strategize that much with Sana, then damn. What hope do I have?”

“Oh shut up. You’ll do perfectly fine. I can’t believe someone with a dick like yours believes they’d have trouble finding someone to fuck.”

Even spun his chair away in embarrassment. Isak heard him from off screen. “I honestly forgot that we did that.”

“Are you kidding? That’s how this whole mess started! Talk about blame man, I 100% blame your dick for all of this.”

Even slid back into frame. “Um, none of us would be here if it weren’t for _your_ dick, so don’t even _try_ to blame me.” 

They stared at each other until Isak broke. “Fine.” He surrendered with a smile. “Let’s both blame each other and move on. Both of our dicks are at fault.”

Isak picked up his pen and wrote that down. _Both. You let each other go._

* * *

During the evening sessions Even didn’t chat much. He made sure Isak knew he was watching, but didn’t engage. He’d heard most of what Isak was talking about already anyway, whether it was from their Monday camming or quick snaps they’d taken to sending each other throughout the week. As much as Isak had wanted to draw a line, keep Even in his digital world along with the rest of them, he found himself thinking about him anyway. During class, buying groceries, hanging out with Jonas, just constantly thinking about what pictures he should send him, what locations he should share, and waiting for updates from Even’s day too.

Isak didn’t feel threatened anymore, just like he hadn’t felt threatened by Alfie knowing everything. He was still sticking to his rule of not meeting Even in person, but he let him be a comfortable presence in both of his worlds. It was a relief too, now that he had someone he could share his _whole_ life with, not having to hide anything or choose his words wisely. What he had been afraid of before now felt like a hint of freedom, a release.

He started looking forward to Mondays. He didn’t like how the weekends dragged out when Even was working. On Fridays he could be naked but on Mondays he could be with Even, so his week shifted back and forth like a seesaw. And in the middle he kept looking over his shoulder, hoping for a glimpse of his friend from the other side of the camera.


	13. 23:11

Isak went to the pharmacy on Friday morning. He didn’t need anything; he just wanted to check it out, familiarize himself with the layout before he dove in. He was starting the day after his last exam, so he wouldn’t have much time to prepare after all of the studying, and wanted to take advantage of the free morning.

He did a few loops, casually browsing and walking past the pharmacy counter. There was a young woman inputting prescriptions at the front, and Isak could see an older man behind her counting pills. He had black hair cut short, and when he looked up Isak could see he was East Asian. He couldn’t get close enough to see his name tag, but then saw the plaque on the wall: it was highly likely that that was the lead pharmacist, Tom, and his manager for the summer. Isak left before he was noticed.

Even snapped him from inside a movie theater, a bag of popcorn in front of a fuzzy screen. Isak replied.

➢ You left your apartment!  
➢ Got bored waiting for your show, had to find another one  
➢ How many tokens?

Even didn’t respond until Isak was in class.

➢ Too many, should’ve saved them for you  
➢ You’re a good friend and a GREAT customer

Isak had dinner with Eva and Jonas and filled them in on Alfie. Eva was sad for him, but Jonas gave him a hearty pat on the back, confident in Isak’s future. “Always good to start summer single.” A quick look from Eva made him continue. “Unless you’re in a wonderful relationship with Eva Kviig Mohn.” Eva rewarded his quick fix with a kiss and then they continued on with dinner, collectively marching past Alfie like good friends do. By the time Isak was on his way home for his show he felt ready to focus on something else.

* * *

“Hi Bee. Hi New York. Bad Girl. Looks like we have a lot of anons tonight too.” Isak watched the chat list fill up, getting a feel for the crowd and making sure Alfie wasn’t making an appearance. He hadn’t heard anything from him since last week and was hoping it would stay that way. He just wanted one less thing to worry about.

**anonymous:** im naked why aren’t u

“I’m on camera, why aren’t you?”

**anonymous:** touché.

“Sorry.” Isak still didn’t like it when he was sassed too much in the chat. He particularly wasn’t in the mood to play along tonight either, since he had a lot on his mind. “I’ve just been thinking a lot about all of this. About sex and sexiness and how I create it for myself. Like for a long time it was just me and you, right? I felt like I knew what I wanted and what you wanted and we had a good thing going.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** when ure naked, yeah

“Oh my god, fine,” Isak groaned, then started pulling his t-shirt over his head. He kept speaking through the fabric. “Here I am trying to have a heart-to-heart with you guys and you’re just all dick dick dick dick dick.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** save the heart 2 heart for monday

Isak knew she wasn’t referencing his lengthy chats with Even but he froze anyway, caught off guard by the immediate association he had with it.

**misterbee:** take it as a compliment, hardy.  
 **misterbee tipped 100 tokens**  
 **misterbee:** i don’t stay up this late for just any ass

“You sound like Bradley.”

**anonymous:** pls don’t break up with us  
 **anonymous:** if u do let us watch

“I’m glad we all got something out of that. Unfortunately I’m no longer jerking off to him, no matter how hot it was.”

**anonymous tipped 10 tokens**

“But anyway, that brings me back to the whole sexiness thing.” Isak stood and removed his belt, then his pants, sitting back down in a pair of black briefs. “I can’t remember what I used to get turned on by. When I was with Bradley, from day one, he took over. His mouth, his skin, his dick, even the sharp edge of his calf muscle when he flexed his legs.”

**024wolb:** pour one out for that sexy man

“I don’t want to think about him anymore, but I don’t know what I should go back to thinking about. How did I feel sexy before?”

**blackberriezzzz:** time to restock the spank bank

“Essentially. There’s also the issue of the cam, too. Is this still sexy?” Isak ran his hands over his chest, flexed his abs as they moved lower.

**anonymous:** works for me  
 **misterbee tipped 200 tokens**

“I mean, I get that it’s still sexy for you guys. But do I like it? Do I like showing you my body and sharing my life with you? It used to give me such a thrill…” Isak glanced down at his lap, where his dick remained soft and covered. “Now I’m not sure where my boners have gone.”

**anonymous:** try fingering urself

Isak laughed, pulled out of his wistful contemplation with a terribly logical solution. “I think maybe I got distracted trying to be sexy for someone else. I’m not sure why ‘performing’ for Bradley was different from performing for you. Unless maybe this actually isn’t a performance. Or…having this twisted a personal relationship into something else. I don’t know. This is all just one long apology for not getting hard tonight.”

**misterbee:** as much as we enjoyed two men on camera, maybe involving him wasn’t the best idea?  
 **TwoIsCompany:** You’re sexy when you’re you

Isak appreciated the support, the well-timed tips and kind comments. On a very shallow level he needed that validation, that even if one person rejected him he still meant a lot to others. Or at least his dick did. He slowly drew his waistband down over his bulge, tucking it under his balls.

“That’s how it all started, right? I wanted to show you this. I wanted to hear your fantasies and bring them to life.” He touched himself lightly, holding his hand aloft and letting his fingers drag across the ripples of his skin. “Late at night we could help each other.” Isak willed his old self back like blood to his dick. He shifted on his bed to give his audience a better view. They all needed something. They were all searching and hoping. “I probably do need some time alone to figure this out. To remember what I want to see when I close my eyes.”

Isak did that then, let his eyelids drop closed while his took his cock in his hand and pulled it up against his belly. He lengthened with each stroke but it was more of a physical reaction than arousal. He saw nothing in the darkness. When he opened his eyes again he relied on the chat to guide him and the suggestions that were pouring in. The anonymous commenters were still set on getting him to finger himself.

“I like when there’s teamwork.” Isak chuckled and leaned forward, just enough so his chin, bottom lip dipped into frame. “Let’s crowdsource this orgasm, yeah?”

Isak kept stroking, and brought his free hand up to his mouth, slowly pulling back all of his fingers into a fist except for the middle one. He took it in, knuckle by knuckle, licking around it. Isak sucked on his finger for longer than necessary, letting it seduce the room. He made sure they could hear it when he pulled it out.

**TwoIsCompany:** Yeahhh

* * *

Isak woke up to a restocked spank bank. His Snapchat was full of dick pics, plenty of men hoping to fill Alfie’s void and reinvigorate Isak’s fantasies. He had managed to perform last night, squeezing out a shy orgasm about halfway through the hour, but it seemed his little speech had made more of an impact than he thought. Or his viewers just really wanted him to stick around. He stayed in bed and tapped through the dicks, admiring most and chuckling at the corny captions that accompanied them.

There was a brief moment, toward the end of his review, when Isak did miss Alfie. He’d received a rather impressive dick, long and pink, and he immediately thought that he should show it to him. He could practically hear how impressed Alfie would’ve been, if he could have rolled over and showed him his phone. But Alfie wasn’t there. Alfie had never been there in the morning. That had been the point.

“I need someone I can show dicks to,” Isak said to the ceiling. Then he rolled out of bed and got ready to meet Sana.

* * *

Emir was already on a swing by the time Isak walked up, squealing with every push from his mother.

“Finally! Your turn.” Sana stepped aside to let Isak take over. She fished her phone out of her bag and began the impossible task of photographing a moving child. Isak set his feet and continued Emir’s gentle arc. “The good thing is this will keep him happy for hours. The bad thing is you won’t have any feeling left in your arms when you’re done.”

Isak almost let a masturbation joke slip out. “I needed the workout anyway.”

“So…I’m not going to be angry, anymore, about how you ran away from me at brunch and then just never responded to my texts for a whole week. I’m definitely not harboring any resentment toward that strange behavior or blaming myself for your swift exit.” Sana was still taking pictures so Isak was shielded from the full death stare, but the shame he felt from avoiding the whole situation made his mouth dry up. He eventually choked out an apology.

“I didn’t know what happened. It was very strange. And then when I figured it out on Monday I didn’t want to admit that I had gotten so scared. I’m sorry I left and then I’m sorry I didn’t explain.”

“Are you going to explain now?”

Isak sighed into a heavy push. Emir screamed. “It was just someone I’d been talking to online. We’d been…well yeah, we were talking. But we hadn’t met yet. So he was just this person on the internet and then all of a sudden he was there, in a body.”

“But he wasn’t there. Did you find him when you ran out of the restaurant?”

“No, he’d gone earlier, when he paid.”

“So how did you know?”

“He messaged me later that he’d seen me.”

“Does he know what he did? You looked like you were going to have a heart attack.”

“Yeah, we talked about it. He won’t surprise me like that again.”

“Good. Or at least he should introduce himself next time, be polite about it.”

“He thought paying for brunch was the polite thing to do.”

Sana shrugged. “I’ll let it slide. Doesn’t mean you’re off the hook for next month though.”

“Hah. I’ll let him know he should pay on your week next time.”

They both noticed then that Emir had gone quiet. Isak caught the chains and slowed the swing so Sana could approach. “Are we done with the swing, little one? Do you want to go climbing instead?” Sana tugged her son out of the seat and set him on his feet. He reached up to hold one of Sana’s hands, and Isak’s on the other side. They walked him over to the jungle gym.

“So should I call off the hunt?”

“Huh?”

“Is this guy your next boyfriend? Can I stop pitching you to every gay man I know?”

“Is that what you’re doing?!” Isak hefted Emir up to the top of the slide. “Just shoving me in every guy’s face?”

“Not _every_ guy. I’m sticking to your parameters. But it’s not like I’m swimming in gay men so it feels like I’m hitting up all of them.” She dropped to a squat at the bottom of the slide and held open her arms to catch Emir.

“It is just now occurring to me that I am being rejected all across Oslo and I have no idea about it. Maybe you should stop.”

“No, that’s the best part! You aren’t actually being rejected, you’re just not…being…selected.”

Isak gave her a withering look when she handed Emir back to him for another ride. “I’ve been thinking about it anyway, and after Alfie it might be good for me to stop dating for a bit.”

“Going solo?”

“I think so. I need time to figure out what I want. Focus on my exams, work. Maybe have a summer where I’m not chasing a boy around town.”

“Okay. That sounds reasonable. I’m fine putting my services on pause and I’ll accept that you’re not dating but…you are aware that you have a guy buying you breakfast, right?”

Isak blushed. “Brunch. He bought brunch.”

“That…is the weakest denial I’ve ever heard. Hall of fame denial. It’s so good I’m going to tell it to Emir as a bedtime story. Wow. Once upon a time, Uncle Isak had a guy chasing him so hard he was buying him breakfast but Uncle Isak wanted to insist he was going to stay single for a while and he said it didn’t count because it was… _brunch_.”

Emir was wriggling in Sana’s arms so Isak walked closer to free him. “He’s not…we’re not…we’re just talking. We’re just friends I think. He has a girlfriend!” Isak shifted Emir to his hip and reached for his phone with his free hand. “I have a picture.” Isak opened the photo of Even and Sonja and shoved it in Sana’s face.

“ _That's_ who bought you breakfast?”

“Brunch!”

Isak swung Emir over his shoulders, linking his thin legs around his neck and letting him grab his hair. He held him at his waist in case he decided to bail.

“I happily retire my services in pursuit of your…friend.” Sana returned the phone to Isak’s pocket with the lightness of a petty thief. “And before you say anything your continued denial has been noted.”

Isak tried anyway. “We haven’t even met. He has a girlfriend. All we do is talk, just like you and I are doing now, just like Jonas and me. We’re going to be friends, now that I’ve asked him to stop scaring the shit out of me.”

Sana tutted.

“Sorry, stuff. Scaring the stuff out of me. Still no words yet, right?”

“No, and if the first one is _that_ one then you’re definitely going to need to find new friends.”

The bells of the church rang out across the park. Sana checked the time. “Shall we walk back? We’ll need to go slow so Emir can point at everything in the shop windows.” Isak tried to nod his head but it was kept immobile by Emir’s grip. Sana assumed correctly anyway and led them down to the street.

They spent the next half hour taking their time along the sidewalk, Sana watching what Emir was pointing at and telling him the word for it. Their steady exchange gave Isak some more time to think, both about his decision to just be single for a while and about Even as something other than a friend. He certainly thought Even was cute, and pulling that photo up just reminded him how devastatingly so he was, but it was an unattainable cute. It was the kind of cute that he associated with every attractive straight man: a thrill in the moment but safe beyond that. Cute with distance. Cute with a screen and girlfriend in the way.

And maybe that’s why he was so attracted to him on a basic level, because he was safe. As much as Even teased him or got under his skin or straight up scared him, he also knew that it wasn’t done with bad intentions. It was done to delight, to make him smile, to get him to relax and be himself. As threatened as he felt, whenever he wanted to run, he returned to Even because he made him feel that much safer. He wasn't really a threat, romantically or otherwise. He could probably also show him dick pics for fair commentary. He’d play along.

They paused at a women’s boutique and went through an entire closet’s worth of words. Isak moved closer to the window so Emir could press his hands against the cool glass. Sana chuckled. “You both look very intent on buying that dress.”

“Hold my wallet, Sana. Don’t tempt me.”

“You could probably pull it off, with those legs.”

Isak smiled, but then realized, “Wait, do you mean I have dainty legs?” He shot one out to the side and tried to flex.

“I mean, I understand why hiking is such an issue for you.”

“What a risky thing to say to a man holding your son two meters above the ground.”

“I’m surprised your legs have held up under the extra weight!” And with that, Sana started walking backward, a smirk daring Isak to take the bait.

“Oi! Emir, your mama is in trouble.” He lifted the boy to the ground and held his hands for balance. They waddled after Sana in a slow, squealing, chase.

* * *

“Two things.” Even opened his cam and immediately made his demands. “One, can I have your phone number?”

“Uh…why?”

“So we can text.”

“We do that on Snapchat. With filters and everything.”

“As much as I love when you turn your face into an advertisement because you’re bored at the library, I’d much prefer being able to text you normally. So the stuff doesn’t disappear.”

Isak squinted at Even. “That only sounds mildly creepy.”

“It’s difficult to have conversations sometimes when I read a message and it disappears. Sometimes I’m busy or distracted. Also…I like to keep things.”

“You had me for a minute there, but then you went right back to creepy.”

“Conversations are nice! I like to keep nice things.” Even rolled his chair backward, kicking himself toward the wall behind him. He ran a hand across the post-it notes. “Jokes, inspiration, drawings, comments. Nice things.”

“I’ve always wondered what all of that was.”

“Sometimes it helps to spin away from the computer and just remember the nice things.” Even scootered himself back to his desk, his voice getting louder as he closed in. “Anyway, I’d like to text you and not lose track of our conversation for once. You can still send me pictures of what your face would look like if you were an alligator or whatever.”

“Well not if you don’t appreciate it.” Isak’s study session hadn’t gone so well yesterday, and Even received the brunt of his distraction break: every single filter on Snapchat.

“Please, Isak.”

Isak looked at the two phones on his desk, one which he snapped with Even from and the other that held his real life. He wasn’t sure which number he should give Even, but he knew it should be the phone he carried with him all of the time. While Even had his own reasons for exchanging numbers, Isak realized this would allow him to streamline a bit. If he was texting with Even on his main phone he could leave his second one at home more often, without worrying he’d miss a message. “Ready?”

Even held up a pen and pad of post-its. He wrote down the number as Isak recited it, then whipped the neon green piece of paper into the air. With another kick of his legs he flew back to the wall and slapped it on. Then he paused for a minute to actually put the number in his phone.

“Now for my second thing.” Even rolled back to the desk. “Please do not get mad.”

“Are you about to do something that will make me mad?”

Even tapped around on his phone, then looked into the camera. “Yes.” A moment later Isak’s phone lit up with a text from a new number. Isak swiped it open.

It was a photo of him from Saturday, with Emir on his shoulders, following Sana out of the park. Before he could react Even quietly tried to explain. “I saw you this weekend. I was working a wedding and we’d just stepped outside and there you were. I had to take a picture. I didn’t even think, it was just a reflex. I don’t know if you saw me. I’m sorry if this scares you. I realize this is…very creepy.”

“Even.” Isak finally drew his eyes away from the phone back to his laptop. “It’s okay.” Technically he had adhered to Isak’s request; he didn’t acknowledge Isak beyond a quick photo from a distance, though the lack of consent was a bit strange. But at least there wasn’t a heart attack this time. And Isak was…flattered that Even had noticed him. “It’s okay. It’s a nice photo.” Isak smiled to try to erase the guilt that was creasing Even’s forehead.

“I’m sorry. I was so shocked to see you again that my first impulse was to capture you.” Even mimed holding up his camera. “Like the rainbow.”

Isak smiled in earnest now.

“I thought you were supposed to be at brunch.”

“Sana is fasting, so we’re doing play dates instead.” Isak looked back at the photo. It was a good shot, though if you thought too hard about it you’d be able to tell that it was taken from a distance. Still, Emir looked really cute, having fun bouncing on Isak’s shoulders. “Can I send this to her?”

“S-sure. She might ask questions though.”

“Oh, yeah. Well I sort of explained you on Saturday.”

“Does she know about your cam?”

“ _Fuck_ no. But she knows you’re a guy I’ve been talking to online, and that we haven’t met yet. I’ll probably tell—” Even’s back shot up straight and the sudden movement interrupted Isak. “What?”

“You said ‘yet.’ We haven’t met yet.”

“Right. We…haven’t…met.”

“But we will?”

“Oh.” The hope pouring out of Even was palpable, and almost unbearable. He was clinging to a single word that had just slipped out. Isak cleared his throat. “Um. Yeah. I guess? At the rate we’re going at least. It’s bound to happen.” He watched Even deflate a bit when he did not share the same level of intention. Isak tried to turn it into a joke. “We’ve managed to be in the same place two Saturdays in a row so if I were a betting man I’d put money down on the end of the month.” He added a wink for good measure.

“Do I have to wait that long?” Even wasn’t letting go. The question settled down, heavy between them. It was patient, but it was there, trapping Isak’s jokes and redirects beneath its weight. He had to answer. He had to tell the truth.

“No.”


	14. 9:04

_Never mind, he’s not a boyfriend he’s a STALKER_

_He is neither. Post the photo, it’s cute_

_I will. Does he need photo cred?_

_I’ll ask…when I go meet my stalker for a drink_

_BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND I’m too busy to find the siren emoji but you can hear me screaming yes?_

Telling Sana about it meant it was real. Really happening. Confirmed, on the calendar, not a surprise appearance or chance run-in but a planned, agreed upon, date. No! Not a date. A meeting. A celebration, at best. Isak had decided he could kill two birds with one stone, posting up at a bar after his first exam to unwind, as well as be relaxed enough to let Even approach. Even kept calling it a date, leaning forward on his fists and smirking into the camera, but that was just the kind of teasing that Isak was used to by now.

But he was still nervous. So much so that he sent Even a link on Wednesday morning and texted him to join.

“What’s wrong?” Even logged on immediately, shocked by the strange time.

“I have to cancel.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah. It’s…I can’t focus, and I need to be studying. I’m too nervous about meeting you.”

“Okay. We don’t have to meet. Or we can wait until after your exams.”

Isak rubbed his palms down his face. “Nooooo, then I’ll just spend weeks thinking about it, or being on edge whenever I walk outside. God it makes you sound like a murderer plotting to kill me.”

“Well, technically I did shoot you on Saturday.”

Isak dropped his hands and stared at Even. “You know what? Let’s meet. You deserve to be slapped for that and I can’t do it over cam.”

This sent Even laughing and spinning away in his chair. Isak remained stunned by the horrible pun. When Even returned he let his giggles fade out. “I have a suggestion though. Leave the cam open and go study. That works the best for me.”

“Huh?”

“I get so much work done during your shows because I can put you in the background and focus on my editing.”

“Oh, well…thanks, I guess.”

“I mean, otherwise I’m thinking about you constantly. But when I know you’re there, when I can just click over and see you, I can focus on other things. So maybe if you keep me on camera you can just study. I promise not to bother. I’ll be working too.”

Even was right, that was exactly what Isak needed to do: shove him into the background. He didn’t like what else he was implying, that Isak couldn’t stop thinking about him, but maybe he was right about that too.

“I haven’t been thinking about you constantly.”

“Of course not.” Even pulled a large pair of headphones back over his head. “But let’s just try this and see if it helps.”

Isak watched Even’s eyes flick away, probably back to the editing he was doing before Isak texted. “Is Sonja home?”

“No, she’s at work.”

“Then why the headphones?” Isak had never seen Even wear them before. He liked how they made his hair poof up at the front.

“So you don’t have to hear the same eight bars of music over and over again while I stitch this clip.”

“Oh.”

“Now go open your notebook and do your own horribly repetitive process that will make you resent your career path.”

Isak smirked and did just that, flipping open to the pages of practice sets he had assigned himself.

**TwoIsCompany tipped two tokens**

* * *

A little before his evening show was to start, after a solid day of studying and minimal distraction from Even, Isak got up the nerve to ask him. “Hey.”

Even’s eyes snapped to his screen and he waited for Isak to continue.

“Can I talk about you? To the room? I’m not going to use your name, but you’re...going to be part of my day tomorrow and I’d like to talk about it.”

“Uh...sure. You can use my code name if you want.”

Isak let loose a small grimace. “I don’t know...I don’t think I want them to know that you’re there, or that you’re a cam person who is going to be a real life person. The last time I had a crossover, well….”

“Got it. I guess you never really use anyone else’s name either.”

“No. I try to protect them even more than myself, even though I’m technically using them for um, content.”

“Happy to be content. Unless you say something mean.”

“When have I ever been mean?”

“I don’t remember when it was but you definitely pissed on someone’s hairstyle for like, twenty minutes one time.”

That was Jonas, definitely. “Well he probably deserved it. But don’t worry, you have nice hair.”

“Thank you.” Even fluffed his poof. “But…what _are_ you going to say about me?”

“Oh, just that I’m meeting someone. I do have to keep studying, but I want to give them something else to think about. Maybe try on some shirts when I need a break.”

“You mean you didn’t decide what to wear as soon as we picked the time and place?”

“No, I pretended we didn’t actually do that to stop myself from going crazy with fear. Did you?”

“Of course.” Even nudged his camera to face the closet over his left shoulder, where a suit was hanging on the outside.

“A fucking tie?”

Even turned the camera back to his face. “Yes, but…it’s actually not for you. I have a couple of pitch meetings tomorrow, so I need to be fancy for those. And then I will meet you and we will drink away everything that’s been stressing us out for the past week.”

Isak felt a twinge of guilt. They’d spent most of the day in quiet, focusing on their own work, but he had also taken advantage of the opportunity to talk to Even when he needed a break. He hoped he hadn’t distracted him from his own preparations too much. “Well I’m going to let you go. I need to eat something before I start the show.”

“Can’t wait to see your selection of t-shirts.” Even almost sounded earnest.

“You could not watch and be pleasantly surprised.”

“And miss out on you fawning over my hair? Never. See you, Isak.” Even gave a small wave and let Isak close their room.

* * *

Isak was probably the most stressed out person who had ever just finished an exam. Other students were fleeing the classroom as if floating on air, flowing around a frozen Isak just outside the building, officially no longer giving a fuck about statistics. Isak was staring at his phone, waiting for something to happen, ideally a text from Even cancelling the meeting.

He waited for twenty minutes. He watched the last of the students and the proctor catch a bus. Then he finally gave in, not wanting to be that asshole: he texted Even that he was five minutes away and unglued his feet from the sidewalk.

He’d chosen a restaurant near school because he didn’t want to reveal any of his other usual locations. He had briefly considered the inconvenience he was imposing on Even, but wasn’t willing to give up on his terms. This was the only way the meeting was going to happen. Besides, Even didn’t seem to be bothered by the location. As he walked he kept checking his phone for a reply from Even, perhaps a delay with a client that would buy him some time. Instead, just as he was about to turn the corner to approach the restaurant, he received a photo of a bowl of french fries: _Greasy as fuck_

Isak stopped and took a deep inhale. He released his breath with a slow shudder. He walked.

The restaurant was large. The bar was at the center, a square that the bartenders paced around and around, serving patrons on all four sides. Right now the restaurant was almost empty, halfway between lunch and dinner, and only one bartender was on shift. He was standing at the corner the furthest distance from the door, chatting with his only customer. A bored hostess approached Isak when he arrived. “Joining us for a late lunch?”

“Um, no, I’m meeting someone.” He pointed at the bar, declining a table. The hostess said something in response, but Isak didn’t hear her clearly, because he noticed then that the bartender had shifted away and revealed… “Him.”

It was a whisper, a reflex, the only response possible to the siren call that was Even’s smile. And it wasn’t even aimed at Isak; he was just an innocent bystander, a witness. But it still called to him, and he moved without realizing what he was doing. He wove his way through the restaurant, somehow navigating the maze of tables without taking his eyes off his target. As he rounded the corner, already drinking in the sound of Even’s laugh, his styled hair, his fucking tie, his pace increased. 

And then he stopped. The bartender glanced at him. He reached out and tapped Even on the shoulder. “Hello.”

Isak could see the smile grow in Even’s profile, and then Even slowly turned to meet his voice. “At last.”

“You...” Isak sputtered out, and then forgot what else he was supposed to say. He started over. “Hi.”

“Hello. Take a seat.”

Isak stumbled onto the stool next to Even. The bartender attempted a smile. “Can I get you something?”

“For all of the things I do know about you, I don’t know what you drink,” Even mused.

Isak didn’t know who to respond to, so he just spoke into the air between the two men. “Oh, just a beer is fine. And some water.” When the bartender walked away Isak’s gaze dropped to his lap. Being that close to the smile was overwhelming.

“How was your exam?”

“Weird.”

“How so?”

“No, I mean this is weird.” Isak finally looked up at Even. It felt like he had just arrived, appeared out of thin air, and not like he’d been sitting there for the past twenty minutes. He looked like a new person. “You’re talking...like we’ve known each other forever.” That was it. Even’s ease and level of comfort was off-putting; it was confusing to see someone for the first time but feel like it wasn’t the first time, that they were just picking up where they’d left off yesterday.

“Haven’t we?” Even leaned in with his teasing tone, but when he noticed Isak’s discomfort he tried to scale it back. “Sorry. Um, do you want to pretend we don’t know each other?” The bartender returned with Isak’s drinks. His eyes went wide as he caught onto the conversation. “Same tab, please.” Even quietly instructed and the bartender left again.

“Thank you.”

“Should we start over? Hi, I’m Even.” He extended his hand.

Isak looked at it, again struck by the feeling that it was new. He’d seen it before on screen but there it was, a real hand. He’d wondered what his skin would feel like, how warm or rough it would be, and now it was there in front of him, waiting for him to touch it. Ever so slowly Isak extended his own, sliding it into the curved space of Even’s palm. “Isak.”

His hand was cold and a little damp, probably from playing with his own nearly empty glass. But it was strong. The confidence that he had seen on screen, that he had seen when Even was chatting up the bartender, flowed through his grip and squeezed around Isak’s fingers. “Nice to meet you, Isak. This is a nice place.”

Isak wasn’t ready for when Even pulled his hand back. He chased it with his own before recovering. He took a sip of beer. “I had a birthday party here once.”

“Oh? Mind if I ask how old you are?”

Isak shot Even a look. “Wait...are you pretending you don’t know me or do you really not know how old I am?”

“I don’t know how old you are. I trust you’re...legal.”

The bartender dropped a glass into a sink but simply walked away from it, not wanting to hear any more of their conversation.

“Jesus Christ. Way to make it less weird, man.”

Even stifled his laughter. “But...seriously...”

“Of course I’m old enough.”

“I don’t know, this could have been a trap. A long con. I could’ve been sitting here, enjoying my fries, apparently waiting for the police to show up because I’ve been paying an underage dude for...sexual favors.”

Isak dropped his face into his hands. “Please stop talking.”

Even tried to reassure him with a squeeze of his shoulder but the pressure just sent ice through Isak’s body. Isak shrugged his hand away. This was not going well, and would be classified as a first date from hell if it was actually a date and hell was full of really attractive men. No matter what, Isak’s mind was screaming at him to just stand up and leave. Fight the siren. Be the asshole. This was too uncomfortable, and he didn’t want to ruin the one thing that had seemed to be working out.

“Okay, how many do-overs do I get?” Even stopped joking, sensing how on edge Isak was.

“I’m sorry. Maybe this was a bad idea.” Whatever had compelled Isak to Even from across the restaurant was now dragging him in the opposite direction. He took one last gulp of his beer. “Thank you for the drink. Thank you for coming out. I’m sorry. S...sorry.”

Before Even could say anything Isak pushed off from the bar and let his feet carry him away.

* * *

_What the fuck. Log on when you get home._

Even had sent the text about a minute after Isak had left the restaurant. He hadn’t turned around to see if Even was following, or whatever damage he was leaving in his wake. He just booked it to his bus stop and hoped Even wouldn’t show up while he was waiting. His escape was clean though, and he made it home without any further weirdness. Now he just had to decide whether he could actually face Even again.

He waited a couple of hours, changing his outfit and downing a beer in the meantime. He replayed the whole afternoon, taking stock of his emotions and trying to figure out why it felt so strange. Then, with fewer answers than he had started with, he finally sent Even a room.

“I figured out why it was so weird!” Even greeted him in the same way he usually did, halfway through a thought from earlier. Isak felt his whole body relax at this familiarity.

“Why?”

“I didn’t offer you any of my fries. They were excellent, and would have fixed everything.”

Isak gave him a small smile for the effort. “The fries, huh.”

“Obviously. And I’m sorry I let it happen. I thought it was just going to be a really chill hangout, just like when we chat, but I didn’t know how different it would be talking to you directly. I should’ve ordered another bowl of fries in advance.”

Isak accepted the apology wrapped up in his joke. “I didn’t think it would be different either. I was nervous about it, but I didn’t know it would feel so...wrong?” Even’s eyes dropped at the word. “Or not wrong, but...yeah, different. Like it was fine seeing you from a distance but as soon as I approached everything felt so warped. Like I wasn’t supposed to be doing that, talking to your face or touching you.”

“How does it feel now?”

“This is fine. This feels normal. And it makes me think the meeting happened with someone else.”

“It’s still me. Same face. Same tie.” Even flipped up the slim navy fabric that was still loosely knotted around his neck. “You changed though.”

“Just trying to get comfortable.”

Even nodded, understanding what Isak was really saying. “So...next time we’ll get fries, yes?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

Even knew not to ask when the next time was going to be. That was likely what added to the pressure that made Isak unable to handle the meeting. So he settled back into their old habits of inconsequential chit chat. “How did your exam go though, really?”

“Oh, fine. Every answer was basically ‘You’re meeting Even after this, you’re meeting Even after this.’” Isak mimed scribbling answers in midair. “But I think I did well with such a distracted brain.”

“That’s good.”

“And your pitches?”

“Great, but I had the same issue with a distracted brain. One company emailed while I was at the bar though, which I got excited about and earned a free drink with.”

“Congratulations. He was all over you, by the way.”

“Who?”

“The bartender. You could’ve told him you managed to tie your tie that morning and he’d still give you a free drink for it.”

“What?” Even chuckled in disbelief.

“Oh my god are you kidding me? I could tell he was flirting halfway across the restaurant, and you were so playing along.”

“I'm pretty sure bartenders are paid to flirt. But also maybe I flirt when I’m nervous.”

“What?! How...how does that make any sense?” Usually the exact opposite happened, at least for Isak.

“I don’t know. A lot of pent up energy...maybe I release it through compliments.”

“I need to start a new list, one for the absolutely ridiculous statements I hear from you _daily_.”

“Be careful, that notebook is going to be more Even than statistics by the time you’re done with it.”

“And that will be entirely your fault.” Isak plucked the notebook from the bag at his feet and made a show of turning to a new page and starting a list. “The question is, do I have enough pages left to make this list retroactive?” he wondered out loud, flipping paper. “It appears I do not.”

Even laughed along through Isak’s entire bit. They were both glad to be back on steady ground.

A couple of hours later Isak stepped out of frame to change again. Once he had donned some flannel pants and an old t-shirt he kicked his leg in front of the camera like a can-can dancer.

“Ohhhh, only the most fashionable wear for the bedroom,” Even admired.

“Despite my extra-curriculars I’m quite modest in my evening wear.”

“Full of surprises, aren’t you?”

Isak returned to his chair, dropping into it with such force that he almost lost balance.

“Careful there, cowboy.”

“What’s your schedule like tomorrow?” Isak had another day of studying ahead of him and wondered whether they could repeat their rather productive Wednesday.

“Ah, I’m actually meeting up with a couple of other photographers and we’re heading north to do some drone work.”

“That sounds cool. Is this for like, the non-wedding projects you do?”

“Yeah. It’s for someone else’s client but I wanted to tag along and see how they do it. I learn a little bit, maybe help out, in the very least get some reel work. But um, that means I won’t be online for a few days.”

“Oh shit. What am I going to do without you?” Isak added a sarcastic gasp just in case he sounded too earnest, though he had to admit it spoiled his plans to study with Even in the background.

“I have no idea. I mean, I have a pretty good idea about Friday night, but the rest of the weekend sounds pretty fucked for you.”

“You and your drones, just ruining my life.”

“That’s what we do. But hey, I’ll be back on Monday. Probably in time for a late lunch. Was thinking about fries, or maybe...there’s this nice cafe in Majorstuen that I like to go to. It’s quiet there, especially during the week. Good pastries. I’ll probably hang out there for a while.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Might miss our usual time in the chat.”

The idea of not seeing Even for such an extended period of time, despite the day’s rough attempt at a meeting, was unsavory to say the least. He could tell how lonely he was going to be already, and made a mental note to arrange some activities that would keep him distracted from the distance. Maybe Sana could give Susie the day off and he and Emir could try to learn some interesting words. By Monday he’d be desperate though.

“That’s fine. I’ll need to study for my last exam anyway. I should find a spot where I won’t be disturbed. Maybe a quiet cafe...with good pastries.”

“Yeah...” As Even caught on he tried to keep his smile contained, but was unsuccessful. “You should do that.”


	15. 16:34

Even texted early Friday morning, a photo from the road. They were already deep in the woods but still had another five hours to go. The updates came regularly and each photo was more beautiful than the last. Isak replied each time with the same picture of his desk. The day passed as well as it could with the distance, with Even in the background, in the north.

By show time Isak was ready to never look at another metabolic pathway again. He closed approximately a million browser tabs and opened up a room on the cam site just in time. It filled quickly.

“You are a sight for sore eyes.”

**misterbee:** right back atcha  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** why are u at ur desk?

“I was studying, forgot to move my camera.”

**anonymous:** r u feeling sexier this week

“Yeah, a little. It comes and it goes.”

**blackberriezzzz:** that’s what good boners do

Isak laughed. He wished Even was there to appreciate the pun, if not make one himself.

**anonymous:** speaking of boners, let’s see it  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** pretty please with my cherry on top

“I didn’t know you still had that, Bad Girl. But since you asked so nicely….” Isak stood and pointed his camera down at his desktop, so no one would see him when he walked all the way to his bedside table to get his lube. He was a little surprised he had let himself go so unprepared for his Friday night show, but he didn’t regret how much studying he’d accomplished the whole day. As he walked back to his chair he shoved his pants down and stepped out of them without dropping his pace. When he readjusted the camera everyone got a nice view of his dick.

**misterbee:** oh how i’ve missed you  
 **anonymous:** i just wanna kiss it  
 **anonymous:** aww look at it go

“I’m going to try to do this standing…though sometimes I end up on my knees.” The chat continued while he adjusted his shirt and applied lube.

**misterbee:** how was the meeting?

Isak shrugged. “A little weird, but it’s over now.”

**anonymous:** which shirt did you wear

“The black one, like you told me to.”

**anonymous:** maybe we should have picked the white

“I could’ve been naked and it still would have been weird. I’m afraid I can’t blame the shirt.”

**misterbee:** naked meetings usually ARE pretty weird  
 **misterbee:** unless it was a hookup WAS IT A HOOKUP

“ _God_ no, Bee. It was literally just a meeting. Fuck. If that was supposed to be a hookup it would’ve been a fucking disaster.” Isak leaned forward, resting his weight on one hand on his desk, the other picking up the familiar grip on his dick. He twisted his hips a bit so his length wasn’t in shadow. “But thanks for the reminder that I need to get fucking laid.”

**anonymous:** i volunteer dot gif

This also reminded Isak of Even and his extensive use of gifs in conversation, which was a side effect of switching from Snapchat to text. Isak still wasn’t sure if he liked it, but he had to admit that Even had an excellent selection. Even had sent that exact gif a couple of times, and Isak had also been the recipient of Even’s thesis on the Hunger Games trilogy camera work as a bonus.

“It’s funny, I had been pretty dry for a while, months, before that guy, and now it’s only been a couple of weeks and I’m dying for dick.”

**blackberriezzzz:** good boners do that too.  
 **anonymous:** wait were you meeting bradley?

“No! No, I haven’t talked to him since we broke up. This was someone else.”

**misterbee:** how is it that i’m staring at your cock but all i can think about is your mystery man.

“Alright, we need to move on. We don’t talk about the ex, we don’t talk about the other guy. He was just…helping me study.” It was true, Even helped him study. But Isak was very much aware that he was jerking off and thinking about him now, so he did his best to steer the conversation elsewhere.

**anonymous:** that’s a euphemism if i ever heard one  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** hope you’re wearing a condom, hardy. practice safe studying

Isak let go of himself, his wet hand hovering in the air and his dick bobbing with momentum. “Really,” he deadpanned.

**anonymous:** no don’t stop

“I’m serious. Talk about something else. Give me something else to fantasize about.” Isak resumed. If he had to he could open his second phone and peruse some of the dicks he’d saved, but he wasn’t in a rush. As long as the room could distract him from Even, he’d be fine.

**misterbee:** YOU are the fantasy hardy, not the other way around. We’re all stroking it to YOU  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** *flicking it  
 **anonymous:** have you ever jerked in front of a mirror

“Well I can see myself now, so I guess…I always jerk in front of a mirror.”

**anonymous:** if i looked like u i would 2  
 **anonymous:** maybe you’re autosexual  
 **21twinkies:** or just a narcissist

“The only reason I watch myself is to make sure I’m not exposing myself.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** news flash, we can all see ur dick

“I mean my face.”

**anonymous:** y dont u just wear a mask  
 **anonymous:** this one guy i watch wears sunglasses and a bandana. im not sure if he’s going to jizz or rob someone

“Yeah, I don’t think I want to be known for that, like, the guy in a mask.”

**misterbee:** you’re just…headless.

“I just…I’ve watched people like that too and it’s kind of distracting?” Isak remembered some of the cams he’d seen. There had been one guy who used a voice distorter too, which made it sound like a robot was having an orgasm. Combined with the fleshlight it was just too much. “This way I could be anyone. You can put whatever face you’d like on this body.”

**anonymous:** i want to put my face on ur body. rub it all over ur chest

Isak chuckled. He flexed his pecs in appreciation.

**anonymous:** oh yeah do that again

He flexed a bit more, getting into the attention. They threw out suggestions and requests, so he had a selection to choose from. He let slip a few moans, allowed his breathing to get heavy, moved his hand to his balls, and changed up the angle a few times. He did what he knew would work for him, and it wasn’t long before he was properly aroused, chasing an orgasm instead of his viewers. His legs went weak as the hum built in his groin, and more and more of his weight rested on his left arm. His right hand became a blur, and the mic picked up the slicking sound of lube being squeezed at the tip. He let control of the rest of his body slip away, opening up to the rush of pleasure. He closed his eyes. His head tilted back. His chest was heaving. In the hazy, pulsing darkness his subconscious gave him a visual: the way Even’s mouth dropped open, lips separating with a silent pop, right before he smiled.

“Fuuuuuuck. Fuck fuck fuck oh, shiiiit.” Cum had spurt onto his desk, dangerously close to his keyboard. Isak’s hips thrust forward as he rode out the orgasm, but he had regained enough awareness to point his dick up and let his shirt catch the rest. “Ungh…uhhhhh…oh, yessss.”

When he was done he carefully stripped off his shirt and wiped off his dick, his hand, the desk. He tossed it to the floor. His breathing returned to normal as the buzz faded. Feeling in his legs returned. Tips rolled in. He tried to ignore what he’d seen when he closed his eyes. He remained hard.

Isak came again at the end of the show, a quick, frantic jerk-off as he raced the clock to the hour. He had a tidier orgasm that he could just scoop off his belly; he closed the room just as he brought his fingers to his mouth. His second phone lit up shortly after, but he ignored it in favor of putting on clean underwear and a fresh t-shirt. He double-checked that everything was logged off and then climbed into bed.

Even texted a few minutes later: _How was the show?_

_Go to bed_

_Can’t, sun is still up_

_Go to bed_

_Fine_

The last thing Isak saw before he fell asleep was an orange sun, flaring at the edge of a mountain, shining right into the open flap of Even’s tent. When he pressed on the photo he could watch Even wiggle his feet in his sleeping bag.

* * *

On Saturday Isak went to the park with Sana and Emir. Then he went to the grocery store with them, pushing the cart and entertaining the little boy while Sana built meals in her head. He purchased a frozen pizza for himself and spent a quiet evening on the couch.

On Sunday he caught up on his inbox, which he’d been ignoring in favor of studying and Even’s texts. When he’d answered everyone he stood and stretched, feeling quite accomplished. He went to the gym to burn off some energy, and sent a couple of headless mirror selfies to Snapchat. It was a good business day.

On Monday he showered and shaved. He chose a white t-shirt and put his notebook and laptop in his backpack. He Googled the café.

It was a few blocks away from the closest bus stop, which gave Isak some time to process what was happening as he walked. He was going to see Even again. He’d seen plenty of selfies and beautiful views over the course of the weekend, but now Even was back in the city and waiting for Isak. His last text was from the window of the café looking out. Isak recognized the planters and sidewalk signs from the photo as he approached. When he looked up at the window, there he was. Him. Isak gave a small wave before opening the door. A jingle announced his arrival and a barista appeared. He powered through, not letting himself think.

“Iced mocha, please. And a cinnamon bun.”

The café was small; Isak only had to take two steps to the counter, and when he turned around all he needed was an extra step to the stools in the window. Even was clearing the newspapers from the seat next to his, and Isak hopped onto it as soon as he was done. “Welcome back.”

“Thank you.”

“You look exhausted.”

“I am.”

“Was it fun?”

“It was. And challenging and educational and a little bit silly.” There was something in his voice that told Isak it was more than just a little bit silly. “Do you want to see?”

Isak nodded.

“I’m just finishing up all of my imports and organizing the files. Here, click through this folder. Just double tap.” Even slid his laptop in front of Isak and started the first clip for him. “It’ll all look better with editing and music but it’s still fucking gorgeous raw.”

Isak got comfortable and made his way through Even’s video files. They were mostly chronological, a time lapse of the car ride, a stop at a cave where they played with colorful smoke bombs, their final destination on the edge of a cliff overlooking a river, another time lapse as they set up camp. At some point Even stood to fetch Isak’s order, placing it within reach as he continued to watch.

“Ahh! Oh my god. Did he die?”

“What? Oh. No. I just stopped recording.” Isak had watched a clip where one of the guys slipped down a muddy part of the trail and disappeared over a steep edge. “He was a bit banged up but nothing serious. And this was probably one of the more tame trips I’ve been on, not too many daredevils in this crew.” Even leaned in and tapped open another file. Taking advantage of the pause Isak sipped his drink. “The light in this one is sick.” It was a fast-paced trail ride, but the camera was steady. Evening light filtered through the trees in a mesmerizing show. “Almost rode off the trail because I was so distracted by what I was catching.”

“That’s amazing.”

“It’ll probably end up in a commercial for a drug to be quite honest. Something for weight loss or arthritis. But it’s still beautiful.” Even pulled his laptop back, switching its position with Isak’s snack. “So, how was your weekend? Just studying?”

Isak had been less consistent with his updates simply because they weren’t interesting to someone busy chasing light. “You saw most of it. Studying. Saturday with Sana and Emir.”

“Cute name.”

“He’s a cute kid. But he’s teething now so it’s just this constant battle between what he wants to put in his mouth and what he’s going to throw on the floor.”

“Sounds like me in high school.”

They both laughed.

“Anyway, yeah. Otherwise I was at my desk trying not to fall asleep.”

“You have one more exam, yes?”

Isak nodded. “Tomorrow. Then I start my internship on Thursday.”

“Oh right, the pharmacy.” Even twisted back to his laptop and started tapping around, talking while he worked. This was what Isak was used to seeing while he was on cam, but it was a bit strange out in public. He ate the rest of his cinnamon bun and carried on the conversation.

“Meant to tell you, Sana likes your instagram. She’s not going to follow you but she spent quite a lot of time scrolling through your feed.”

Even faced Isak and beamed. “Thanks! I know it’s not very personal but it’s one of those...brand things.”

“Another business card.”

“Yup.”

“It’s a very pretty business card.”

Even’s smile twitched, which meant he wanted to say something but was holding his tongue.

“What?”

“You don’t want me to say this.”

“Oh?”

“It will make you uncomfortable.”

Isak pursed his lips. He was dying to know, now, but trusted that Even was telling the truth and not just trying to rile him up. “Fine. Tell me later.” He gave Even a sidelong glance, lingering as if promising to hold him to it, and then dipped to his side to grab his bag. He drew his laptop out and set up shop alongside Even’s.

Just like when they were on cam, they were quite productive working next to each other. They didn’t talk much, but occasionally Even would interrupt if he wanted to share a funny part of one of his videos, or Isak wanted to share a fascinating fact about liver enzymes. Even graciously feigned interest. Around seventeen he stood to get an iced tea, and returned with a refill for Isak as well. He sipped and watched Isak out of the corner of his eye, waiting for a signal that he needed a break.

“And that’s not creepy at all.” Isak acknowledged the stare.

“Sorry. I uh...have a question. Sort of.”

Isak mentally bookmarked what he was reading then turned to give Even his full attention. For the first time since he arrived he had a good look at him, his jean shorts and loose t-shirt and the curve of his spine as he hunched over on the stool. He needed a shower, though he didn’t smell like it: just a bit of grease in the hair and a tell-tale smudge of dirt around the back of his neck. Isak felt like he should send him home, to clean and rest up, but he didn’t want him to leave. “What’s up?”

“I did a lot of thinking over the weekend, about my um, personal life. I know we haven’t talked much about it, but I’d like your opinion on...Sonja.”

Isak didn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. His mouth opened and closed like a fish taking in water as he silently tried to find an answer. Unfortunately all he could think of was what Alfie had said, and he wasn’t going to open the conversation with a compliment about her tits. “I...haven’t talked to her at all, I’m not sure. She seems nice. She’s beautiful. Maybe, a bit distant?”

Even jumped in to save him. “I think I’m going to break up with her.”

The door jingled with a new customer, a woman who held a leash but left the dog outside. Luckily it was long enough for her to reach the counter without tugging on the dog’s neck. Isak continued to make fish faces. “That’s...um...if that’s what you want.”

“You’re right that we’re distant. I didn’t talk to her at all this weekend. I’m assuming she’s at work now but I don’t know. I don’t think I care. Anymore.”

This sounded familiar: a general apathy toward the relationship that meant it barely existed to Isak. “I know you came to me as a couple but lately she’s seemed more like a roommate. The kind you like because they’re never there.”

“Hah, well, yeah I guess that’s nice. She crawls into bed eventually but her side might as well be on the other side of the world.”

“Big bed.”

Even smiled at the joke but dropped his eyes to his hands, which had fallen into his lap. His computer display fell asleep. “I think I’m going to talk to her tonight after work.”

“Do you know what you want to say?”

“Not really. I don’t want to live together anymore. It doesn’t feel like we do but...I want to cut that last tie we have, as roommates.”

“I don’t mean to play devil’s advocate...I really don’t, but so far you’re just saying you want to live apart. Why do you want to end the relationship?”

“No no, this is good. This is why I wanted to talk to you about it. Um...I don’t think the relationship serves either of us very well. I love Sonja, she is nice, and she takes care of me. She’s been through a lot with me and has supported me in the ways that I needed it. But I get this sense that she feels...obligated to me? That this, that I am a duty she needs to fulfill, to clock in the hours, before she can escape. I don’t want her to feel like that, and I don’t want to feel like that either. I want her to be free.”

“What if she says that she doesn’t feel like that? That she already is free. I mean, it sounds like she has a lot of freedom.”

“Then...” Even sighed, and looked up, out the window. The woman left with her dog. “Then she’s not communicating with me how she really feels, because that’s not what the relationship feels like right now. Maybe I’m projecting, but then...I don’t know, why am _I_ feeling like she doesn’t want to be with me?”

Isak shrugged as if Even was expecting a proper answer from him.

“I think I’d rather be alone than with someone who isn’t being honest with me, or with themselves.”

This sounded familiar to Isak too. “You deserve honesty, but I think there’s an amount of growth to be expected. Not every relationship can be that pure from the start.”

“Yeah, but I think we were more honest when we were younger. Now we’re trying too hard to protect each other and it’s backfiring.”

“ _Now_ it sounds like you’re ready to break up with her. And have her move out.” This made Even smile again, which made Isak feel like he’d solved the problem.

“It’s a start, thanks.”

“I recommend you writing some of this out. The actual discussion can be overwhelming, and you might forget your points.” Isak thought back to his own break-up, and how, even though he had been on the other side of it, his mind had gone blank and he could barely argue his opinion. He didn’t realize until a few days later what he truly wanted to say. It was good that Even was working this out in advance.

“Shall i prepare cue cards?”

“Not, ugh....” Isak dipped his head back in slight exasperation, both at the suggestion and the joke of the suggestion. “You’re going to get nervous and then you’re going to end up flirting with her instead of breaking up with her and while I’m sure it would be beautiful i’m not really in the mood to attend your engagement party. I have an exam tomorrow.”

Even chuckled. “God I would never put her through a wedding. What a nightmare.”

“You’re a total bridezilla huh.”

“The worst.”

“Well that’s an alternative then. You could propose and maybe that will scare her off.” Isak shoved his laptop away with his elbow, resting it on the counter in a comfortable lean.

Even looked off into the distance as if he were considering the possibility of it. “Nice to have options....”

Isak admired his profile.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I’m closing in fifteen, boys.” The barista announced from the register. She didn’t have to yell or anything, and her voice had a softness to it as if she were waking them up from a deep sleep. Even tilted his head toward it.

“Thanks, Helene. We’ll pack up.”

“Do you come here often?” Isak did as Even instructed, closing his laptop and taking one last sip of his coffee. He hadn’t noticed a nametag on Helene when he arrived, so he thought Even might be a regular.

“Not really. I don’t work well away from my desktop set up. But I’ve been here before and I know Helene from high school.”

“Oh.” Isak glanced at the girl while he packed his bag and slipped off the stool. She was pretty. He wondered how many pretty girls Even knew, what his dating life would have looked like if he hadn’t been with Sonja this whole time. They looked suited for each other, especially in that one photo, so maybe it was silly to consider either of them on their own. Isak moved around Even to get to the counter.

“I paid,” Even whispered over his shoulder.

“Oh. Thank you.”

“It’s not french fries but....”

Isak continued to the door, laughing at the extended joke. Even followed him into the warm, late afternoon.

“Well, I think I’d better head home. Get some sleep, practice my break-up.”

“Okay. Um, let me know how it goes?”

“Sure. Maybe after your show? I don’t know how fast these things usually are.”

Isak smirked at the innocence of it all, that break-ups were somehow standardized and expected to go a certain way, completed in an hour or two. “Just text me if you want to talk. I’ll understand if you don’t, though.”

“I’m sure I will. You’re headed to the bus?” Even pointed in the direction Isak had come from, over Isak’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess.” He didn’t have any other plans until his show that night, so he might as well head back home, pick up where he’d left off with his reading.

“I’m going to walk this way, then. But before I go, I just wanted to let you know about this movie I’m going to see on Wednesday.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Going to treat myself after I wrap initial edits on the drone stuff. Might even go for pizza before.”

“That sounds really nice.” Isak held back his smile, seeing how far Even would go with his set-up.

“Haven’t decided which place to go to, since there are two I really like.”

“You have a tough decision to make.”

“I do. But I know that I’m going early, at eighteen, because the movie starts at twenty.”

“Jesus, how long does it take you to eat a pizza?”

“It goes significantly faster if there are two people.”

“You could ask Sonja if she wants to join.” That earned Isak a playful shove from Even, but not enough for him to lose his footing.

“Too soon, man.”

Isak giggled, but then returned to seriousness. “Text me which places you like and I’ll tell you where to go.”

“Helpful as always. Cheeky, but helpful.”

Isak smiled at Even, not sure what to say but still not ready to send him home. Even started walking though, backward, with the slow confidence of someone who was probably going to trip over the curb but didn’t really care. With no choice left, Isak waved goodbye.

* * *

_Are you awake? Want to talk but don’t want to log in to a sex site._

_Well this is the saddest booty call._

Isak had woken up at the sound of Even’s text chime and fired back the best joke he could think of at that hour of the morning. Then he switched over to FaceTime and dialed Even. He rolled to his side and buried half of his face back into his pillow, not really caring what he looked like for the call.

“Hey. Sorry. Thanks.” Even answered the call, blowing smoke out the side of his mouth with every word. He was outside, probably in front of his building. Isak could hear birds.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

“Desperate?”

“Yeah, like when you’re single for the first time in five years. Desperate measures.” Even flashed the remainder of his joint in front of the lens. Isak felt bad, really, understanding that Even had probably been through an emotional night that possibly wasn’t over yet, but he also had to hide a small smile in his pillow.

“Welcome to the club.”


	16. 8:22

Jonas made sure Isak got roaring drunk on Tuesday night. Between having been awake since four and eating nothing but coffee leading up to his exam, it only took Jonas a few rounds to accomplish his task. They didn’t even need to hit the second bar like he’d planned. Isak got chatty and then giggly and then almost fell asleep on Eva’s shoulder, so they walked him home and set him up on his couch with a mixing bowl just in case. Eva texted him before they left. _When you wake up don’t freak out. Jonas and I got you drunk and got you home. You had fun :) I didn’t find someone for you to hook up with though :(_

Jonas sent separate message: _Eva is the world’s best cockblock._

Isak did freak out on Wednesday morning, but it was after he’d read Eva’s text. He stood up too fast (had to consider the mixing bowl) but then rushed to his room as soon as the apartment stopped spinning. His camera was still set up from Monday’s show, and the unmarked package was still sitting on his desk. It didn’t look like anyone had been in the room, but he wasn’t sure. Eva could do some absolutely stealth work. He read her text again.

He FaceTimed Even.

“What are the odds that someone who came home with me last night saw my cam set up in my bedroom?”

“Uh, good morning, Isak. And my calculations for those odds depend on knowing where you woke up this morning.” Even was quite calm and alert for someone who had just been woken up by a frantic gay man.

“On the couch.”

“You’re fine. They probably dumped you and ran if you weren’t functioning enough to get to the bedroom in the first place.”

Isak breathed, processing Even’s logic. “Yeah, yeah. Right. Of course.” He spun around the room, looking for anything out of place. But it did seem like no one had been in there since he'd changed clothes for his night out.

“Okay you need to either put the phone down or stop spinning.”

“Sorry.” Isak stooped. “And sorry if I woke you.” He looked at the screen and realized Even had a bit of bed head, his bangs falling into his eyes and half of his face pressed and pink from whatever he had been lying on.

“No, it’s fine. I need to get started with my day. If I don’t finish my editing I won’t get my pizza.”

“Wouldn’t want that. Brace yourself, I’m taking you to the kitchen.” With his heartbeat returning to normal he could feel the rest of his body wake up, most notably his stomach. He walked Even down the hall.

“You have lovely baseboards.”

“Thanks, I chose them myself.”

“Really?”

“Even.” Isak stopped to give him a look and set up his phone against the coffee maker. He clicked up the volume and let Even witness the intricate process of pouring himself a bowl of cereal.

“Mind if I ask who exactly dragged you home and caused such a lovely fright this morning?” Even was sitting up on his couch, running a hand through his hair, trying and failing at being nonchalant. Isak could hear the worry in his voice.

“According to my phone, it was Eva and Jonas.”

“Ah, Jonas three thousand.” Instant relief. Even had become familiar with a few of Isak’s friends from a distance, after Sana had tagged him in his photo. He’d done some instagram profile-hopping, stopping only when he came dangerously close to double-tapping one of Isak’s cousins.

“Yeah. And Eva is a notorious snoop. I was so sure she would’ve gotten me drunk just as an excuse for free reign of the apartment.”

“I bet they were so annoyed you couldn’t stay vertical long enough to walk through your door that they dropped you and ran. That’s what I would’ve done.”

“Thanks.” Isak crunched.

“Hey, lesson learned. Put your shit away and you won’t be at risk.”

“Ugh, it’s just so annoying having to hide it.”

“Your other option is to not get sloppy drunk....”

“Fine, I’ll put my shit away.”

Even had moved to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He did some weird stuff with the angles and mirror to make Isak a little dizzy, mostly because he was concentrating too hard on the small screen trying to see more of Even’s apartment.

“Big bathroom.”

“Nope.” Even rotated in a slow circle to show how much space there actually was. “It can only handle one person getting ready at a time.”

“Good thing you’re single.”

“Shhh. She’s still sleeping.”

“Wait, she’s still there?!” Isak spilled some milk over the edge of his bowl.

“She lives here. And she’s called in sick to...process it I guess.”

When he’d spoken to Even early on Tuesday Isak had gotten the play-by-play: waiting for Sonja to come home, announcing right off the bat that he wanted a break up, and the ten ways she tried to talk him out of it, all of which were a little insulting. He had gotten angry toward the end, having spent two hours being told that he wouldn’t be able to handle anything on his own, and yelled, “What do you think I’ve been doing for the past year?” before storming out. Isak had been exhausted just hearing about it, so he knew Even had needed the rest of Tuesday to get some more sleep and handle the ice cold aftermath. Sonja did too, apparently.

“She’s stayed in the bedroom mostly. So I’m on the couch for now. We’ll have to talk eventually about the apartment, but I want to give her some space. It’s going to take some time to undo the last five years.” Even flicked off the light switch and returned to the couch.

“At least you sound a little less…tense about it.”

“I think the hardest part is done. Now we just need to figure out who gets the furniture.”

“That depends on how many floors she’ll have to climb to get to her new apartment.” Isak tried to add a little joke but Even was distracted by something else halfway through.

“Gotta go.” He ended the call.

Isak placed his bowl in the sink. He carried his phone to the bathroom in case Even was going to call back. He plucked his toothbrush from the glass next to the faucet.

* * *

“Fancy seeing you here!”

Isak had been the first to arrive at the Italian café and was nervous he’d selected the wrong one. He was scrolling back through his texts when he heard Even’s voice, and relief flooded through his shoulders. He turned to greet Even as he approached. “Oh, you know, just happened to be in the neighborhood and was getting hungry.”

“That happens to me all the time, especially when I leave my apartment and take a bus to Solli.” Isak rolled his eyes. “Care to join?”

“Please.”

Even led him into the restaurant, which was charming and quiet. The candles on the tables hadn’t been lit yet. “Could we sit outside?” Even asked a hovering waitress. She nodded, grabbed two menus, and sent them back out onto the sidewalk. “Do you mind?” Even asked Isak as an afterthought.

“No, it’s fine.” The day was starting to cool down, and it would be nice to enjoy the sun before spending a couple of hours in a dark cinema.

“I’ve been in front of my computer all day; might as well get some fresh air while I’m out. And let my eyes focus on something more than two feet away,” Even explained.

“I’ll sit at this table then?” Isak stopped walking, picking a seat that would put him at a distance from Even, but Even moved fast. His hand snatched Isak’s wrist before he could get too far away.

“Good joke.” Even held on until they had to separate at the same table and take their seats.

“Anything to drink before I disappear for a frustratingly unknown amount of time?” The waitress asked.

“Better joke.” Even pointed up, smiling at Isak. “I’ll have a Coke.”

“Same, please.”

The waitress disappeared. They picked up their menus.

“So, tell me about the movie I’m going to bump into you at later.”

“Oh, it’s just the latest superhero thing. Silly, but I like the director. I usually watch her more serious stuff but I want to see what she does with action and humor. See if it changes her style. Do you like superhero movies?”

“Sometimes. I don’t keep up with any of the series, but I’ll catch one if I’m bored.”

“Are you bored?”

“I will be, in about two hours.”

Even smirked. “I guess we’d better hurry. I’m thinking about the Cacciatore.” Even looked up and down the menu with the speed of someone already familiar with it but going through the motions as to not rush the decision. “You can try some of it if you want.”

“Do you recommend any others?”

“The uh… Salsiccia e…um…” He flipped his menu around and pointed to the last one on the left. “Please excuse my accent.”

“A valiant attempt.”

The waitress returned with their drinks and some bread and oil; they placed their orders and settled into conversation around bites and sips. The pizza came out hot and fast. Isak enjoyed Even’s recommendation, but they swapped a slice of their own to get a taste. He liked Even’s choice better. When Even excused himself to the bathroom Isak waved down the waitress to pay the bill.

“Your date took care of it already.”

“He paid?” Isak pointed to Even’s empty seat. The waitress nodded and walked away. Isak slumped back into his own chair, slightly put out for someone who had just been treated to dinner. He watched people walk past and finished his soda, waiting for Even to return.

“Ready to go? I think we have enough time to walk to the theater.”

“Uh, sure.” Isak pushed himself to his feet. “We should have split dinner though. You keep paying for things.”

“You don’t like that?” Even subtly directed them in the direction of the theater, toward the water, and they walked side-by-side.

“I just don’t think it’s fair. I feel like I owe you something.”

“You don’t owe me anything. I’m enjoying your company.”

Isak stopped. “Even?” Even stopped too. “Are you paying for me?”

“It’s a treat.”

“No, are you _paying_ for me?”

Even’s mouth dropped open when he realized what Isak meant. “N-n-no. No. Not like that. No.” He held up his hands, trying to stop the truth crawling up from Isak’s collar.

“Breakfast, coffee, this…are these just tokens?” The flush of shame was making sweat prickle at the back of his neck.

“No. Isak. No. Please. Please believe me. I am not paying for you. I don’t—I don’t know how to explain what I’m doing. But it’s not that. I’m just…trying to be nice? I don’t know.” Even kept talking, kept denying, just to keep Isak in front of him. He worried if he stopped Isak would run. “Look, you…you can pay for my movie ticket, my popcorn, buy all the fucking candy, whatever. You don’t owe me anything. I don’t owe you anything. We’ll make it fair. Please. That was never my intention.”

Isak’s guard was up, but he was still standing there. He was listening to Even, but even if he couldn’t hear him he’d still believe the begging, the regret, he saw in his eyes. He was afraid, but he also knew he shouldn’t be. Finally, he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Even deflated like a popped balloon. “No, don’t apologize. I understand how all of this looks. But I really am just trying to be nice. There are zero strings attached.”

“Okay.”

Even moved his hands from their surrender to Isak’s shoulders, slowly still, to not spook him. “Okay?”

Isak nodded. “Okay. And…yes, I’m going to pay for your movie ticket.”

“Great!” Even smiled and squeezed. “Oh man, a free movie _and_ I get to see how weird you look in 3D glasses. Tonight is really shaping up.”

“Oh fuck you,” Isak said, returning the smile but spinning out of Even’s grip. Even let him go, confident that he wouldn’t run, but then hopped to catch up and threw an arm around Isak’s neck.

“I know you can afford a movie ticket but _that_ might be out of your price range.” 

Even had to let him go again to narrowly avoid a punch to the gut.

* * *

“So, I completed school for the year, and as little reward I bought myself a present.” Isak held up the small, brown package that had been delivered on Tuesday. He had opened it already but repacked it for drama’s sake.

**badgirlbadgirl:** this feels like a makeup tutorial but for sex  
 **misterbee:** a…sex tutorial  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** teach me ur ways, show the camera what brands u use

Isak wiggled the box. “This is also a reward for surviving the first day of my internship.”

**anonymous:** was it hard? hehe  
 **misterbee tipped 50 tokens**  
 **anonymous:** orgasms are great for stress relief

“It’s why we’re all here, right? So without further ado….” Isak dropped the box onto the bed between his legs and gingerly opened the flaps, revealing a smaller white box inside. He fished around for an edge, then pried it out of its container.

**cumherebb:** is it a phone  
 **anonymous:** too small

The white box came into focus and they could see what was on the packaging.

**anonymous:** BUTT PLUG IT’S A BUTT PLUG  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** praise jesus  
 **TwoIsCompany tipped 100 tokens**  
 **misterbee:** oh hardy i love you  
 **cumherebb:** ooooo is that hush

Isak twisted the box around for a good look. Then he slid the bottom out to reveal the black plug. He plucked the silicone toy from its tray and threw the box to the floor. He kept rotating it. “It’s soft.” Isak was getting aroused just looking at it, thinking about what it would feel like. One hand dropped to adjust his growing erection in his shorts. “It’s the small size, since I’ve never tried a vibrating one before.”

**anonymous:** ur gonna love it  
 **blackberriezzzz:** vibrating!  
 **024wolb:** i’m gonna luv it

Isak reached behind him for his bottle of lube, but then rethought the order of things. He put them down so he could take off his shorts. While he was standing he remembered a towel. “Hold on.”

**cumherebb:** if it’s a hush i hope we can control it  
 **misterbee:** hardy doesn’t like remote stuff though. he’s never used one controlled by the room  
 **cumherebb:** there’s a first time for everything

Isak returned with a towel. The plug had promised a leak-free lube experience but he still had his cum to deal with. He flicked it out over the end of the bed and took his seat again.

**anonymous:** can i just say you have a nice dick even when it’s soft  
 **misterbee:** ^^^  
 **TwoIsCompany tipped 69 tokens**

Isak laughed. “Shut the fuck up, New York. Thank you Anon.” He coated the plug with lube and leaned forward to wipe a little extra into his hole.

**anonymous:** wait i wanna watch it go in  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** turn around  
 **damnUfine369:** show us ur rosebud

“Maybe next time. I…ungh…just want to focus on getting it in…first.” He braced himself against the cold and the pressure, spreading his cheeks with one hand and taking aim with the other. The chat watched his dick twitch and swell as his ass welcomed the plug, slow and steady. When his ring shrunk around the neck he removed his hand and wiped it on the towel. “Oh, that’s…that’s nice.”

**anonymous:** give us a wiggle.

Isak complied, rotating his hips and enjoying the plug stretching against the angles. He didn’t feel as full as he’d been before but it was a thick pressure, more than his fingers, and an added excitement with it being a foreign body. He rocked forward too, letting the base press on his taint. “Mmmm.”

**cumherebb:** add me on the app please  
 **cumherebb:** i have some great patterns to show u

Isak smiled. “I don’t think I’m ready to let you have the reins yet. But I’m open to suggestions.” He picked up his second phone and opened the app. He was glad he had prepared in advance—charging the plug and connecting to the remote—so his first time could go as smooth as possible. He hadn’t tested it though, saving the true experience for the room. “We’ll start out slow.” He swiped to the vibration slider and inched his finger up the screen. His other hand started stroking his dick in anticipation. “I’m still in the blue, haven’t felt anything yet.” He flashed his phone at the screen.

**TwoIsCompany:** You need a second cam for some picture-in-picture  
 **cumherebb:** or just let us control it from our computers

“Calm down or I’m kicking you ahhhh!...out.” Isak got distracted by cumherebb’s insistence, and his thumb kept sliding up the scale without him realizing. The low buzz tickled and he clenched in response. “Oh Jesus. I like this. Oh.” He moved up the scale a little further.

Even though he had said he was open to suggestions, the chat was a bit quiet after Isak’s warning. They were also happy to just watch as Isak experimented with the levels. They tracked his thumb sliding up and down, his fist stroking up and down, his hips lifting up and down. The plug wasn’t deep at all but just the feeling of it there made him want to ride it. He kept up a light commentary until he ran out of words.

He left the level about midway up the scale, finding a vibration that was comfortable yet thrilling. When he let go of his dick, letting it wave in the air with the buzz, he found that balance of control that let his orgasm move closer and closer to the surface. He’d probably enjoy it if someone else were operating the plug, if he couldn’t anticipate the intensity, the ramping up or the slowing down. The same way he couldn’t technically control someone else’s dick in his ass or someone else’s hand on his cock. Maybe next time. He set the phone down and gripped the edge of the bed. They watched his knuckles go white and his dick start to weep.

**badgirlbadgirl:** if this bitch cums handsfree i’m setting up direct deposit  
 **badgirlbadgirl tipped 200 tokens**  
 **TwoIsCompany tipped 300 tokens**

Isak stopped reading the chat. His gaze floated up, above the camera, losing focus of the wall, of the ceiling. He wanted to close his eyes. He knew what he’d see if he did. He knew what he’d imagine, whose dick, whose hands. Long fingers pressed to his chest.

He saw them without closing his eyes. He came and it felt like it would never end, a wave crashing forever toward the shore. He rode it as long as he could, until his hand blindly grasped for the phone.

* * *

“Hello. How was your first day?” Sana was practically shouting as she approached, climbing the hill to the park. At that angle and distance she was barely a head above the stroller she was pushing.

“Fine. A little embarrassing, but fine.” Isak kicked off the ground for a little swing that was immediately dragged down by his adult legs at a child’s height.

“What do you mean?”

He waited until she'd reached even ground. “I forgot my notebook, so I showed up and followed Tom around for an hour trying to memorize everything he said.” Isak stood and unlatched Emir. He put him in a swing while she parked the stroller by the fence. “Eventually he stopped and asked me if I needed to write anything down and I just stared at him like a dumbass. Then he went to his office and gave me this.” After a strong enough push to keep Emir happy, Isak pulled a tiny notebook out of his back pocket. It was a glittery pink with some kind of cartoon intended for kids.

“Professional.”

“He said it was extra stock. But at least it’s something. And now I’m afraid to not have it with me at all times.”

“What’s your schedule like?”

“Tuesday through Thursday to start. I need three days a week but he won’t put me on weekends until I’m ready.”

“So you get to carry this around until Tuesday.” Sana plucked the notebook from his hand. Isak gave Emir another push. “And I thought _my_ handwriting was supposed to be bad.” Sana attempted to decipher his notes.

“Turns out I’m not great at writing and walking.”

“Use your phone then. Pretend it’s just one long text message.” The look she gave him implied the “dumbass” missing from her sentence. Isak was stunned by this, by his own stupidity, at forgetting about the digital notebook that had been in his pocket the entire time.

“Shit.” Sana didn’t even have to reprimand him for the curse; Emir’s swing returned and nailed him in the crotch on her behalf. “Oof.”

“At least you learned…something.” Sana went back to flipping through the pages. “This literally looks like gibberish.”

Isak leaned over to see what she was trying to read. “That’s…steps to use the register.”

“These are not helpful secrets, Isak. You’ve failed me.”

“It was only one day, Sana. I didn’t even touch a single pill.” He couldn’t tell if she was joking. She handed back his useless notebook. “Besides, there’s probably enough information in here so someone could rob the pharmacy.”

“Great. Then let Jonas try to read your runes. Oh, by the way, have you noticed anything different with him?”

“No, why?”

“Eva thinks he’s acting weird. I haven’t seen him in a while though.”

Isak tried to remember if anything was off on Tuesday but most of the night had been lost to their celebrations. “I’ll see them tomorrow. I’ll keep an eye out.”

“It’s probably nothing. You know how Eva can build stuff up in her mind. Or maybe it’s just not noticeable around us.”

“Well now I don’t know if you’re trying to start a rumor or kill it.”

“A good friend does both.” Sana stepped in to take over the pushing. Isak stepped out of the swing’s path and chewed over her statement, realizing how much power she wielded in other people’s relationships. “It’s about information, Isak. You have to know how to get what you need.”

“You are terrifying.”

“Thank you.” She accepted the compliment with a gracious smile.

Isak’s phone buzzed. Even sent him a screenshot of the weather app. _Looks like I’m going swimming tomorrow._

_What a coincidence. Me too._

He switched over to his group chat with Jonas and Eva. _Want to go swimming tomorrow?_


	17. 10:45

It turned out that everyone decided to go swimming on Sunday. The heat wave was peaking, and even their early arrival time met them with crowds. Eva held her hand to her forehead, a visor against the sun, and scanned the docks. “How about over there?” There were some spots along the western edge that looked like they could accommodate all three of their towels.

“Probably our best option. The diving board is definitely a no-go.”

“Just do your little flips off the corner.” Eva started walking in that direction.

“Hey! They are not _little_ flips...” Jonas and Isak trailed after her.

Isak subtly checked out the crowd as they maneuvered through it, looking for Even’s blond hair and lanky frame without trying to appear like he was searching. He’d told him his vague plans with Eva and Jonas, which pool they would be at, but didn’t tell him what time or where or even what color towels to spot. He hadn’t wanted it to sound like he was asking Even to join them or disrupt his original plans, because then it would become a _thing_. An event. A meeting with introductions and two worlds mixing in a risky way. He half hoped Even wouldn’t find them.

And for a while it seemed like he wouldn’t. Isak and Eva spread out the towels and unloaded their backpacks: drinks, snacks, sunscreen, a small portable speaker. Jonas did his own scan for friends or other action junkies he could show off with. Isak and Eva took turns applying sunscreen to the other’s backs.

“Shit, I forgot my sunglasses.”

“I’d let you wear mine but I need them to hide my eyes while I blatantly rank half-naked men.” Isak groaned as he eased his body down to the wood surface, stretching out beyond the length of his towel.

“Isak, that’s entirely the point of being here. Surely you wouldn’t deprive me of our mission? We can take turns.”

“You already have a man who you can stare at all you want, no stealth eyewear necessary.”

“Looking is free.”

“Maybe in like an hour. Let me at least have the first round.” Isak let his neck drop back as he followed a nice set of legs walking past. Eva noticed and provided commentary.

“Married.”

“Do you have eyes on the husband?”

From her position Eva could see beyond Isak’s back without looking too obvious. She watched the pair of legs pause over another man who was lounging in a position similar to Isak’s: propped up on his elbows, ankles crossed. “A bit older but not bad. Very tan.”

“I could handle tan.”

Eva returned her gaze to Isak. “Would you really try to get with a couple?”

Isak rocked his head in lieu of a shrug. “It’s fun if you’re careful.”

“What?! You’ve done it? With whooooom?! And why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s no one you know and none of your business. God, why does every single conversation we have immediately turn to sex?”

“Because I have zero interest in your school nonsense and to be quite honest you’re always game to discuss fucking without getting your panties in a twist. Sex talk with the girls is either disgusting or technical or complete denial.” Eva scrunched up her face. “Do you know how many times Vilde has put me off my lunch? Ugh.”

Isak sat there, trying to think up something else to talk about, if only to prove Eva wrong about it all. A painful minute passed in silence.

“Oh don’t get all repressed on me. The last time that happened you met Eskild.”

“Hah! No, I was just trying to think about something else to talk about but I guess you’re right. Let’s talk about sex.”

“Bay-bee...” Eva sang the rest of the line. She glanced behind Isak to check out the couple again. “Promise me you’ll tell me the next time you have a three way?”

“Sure. I’ll send you an invitation.”

“Really?!” Eva nearly flopped onto her side in anticipation.

“Of course not! Jesus Eva. You want one so bad go talk to Jonas about finding a third.”

“Yeah like that will go anywhere. He’s barely said a thing to me all week, not even complaining about my latest aiding and abetting of capitalism’s crimes!”

“Oh shit, that’s serious.” Isak was being sarcastic but it did actually seem strange that Jonas was being so reticent. This matched the concerns that Sana had passed along, and he realized he needed to pay more attention to Jonas.

“Yeah, something is going on but he swears it’s nothing whenever I ask.”

“I’ll go...throw myself into the water and talk to him.”

“No! You knowing I’m complaining about him will only make it worse, I’m sure.”

“You’re not complaining about him. And maybe I noticed it on my own and want to see what’s bothering him.”

“Did you?”

“No. But I can still be a good friend.”

“Nice try.”

Isak pushed himself to his feet. “Here, now you can use my sunglasses.” He bent back down to transfer them from his face to Eva’s nose.

“Hurry back, we need to talk about sex some more,” Eva shouted as he turned away. Isak rotated back and flipped her off twice, then resumed his path toward Jonas at the end of the dock.

Somehow Jonas had acquired an inner tube decorated like a frosted doughnut and was tucked inside it a few meters from the end of the dock. He was shouting, egging on some guys waiting to jump in and rating their performances. When he noticed Isak he started flailing. “Isak! Isak! Do the thing!”

“Who’d you steal the tube from?” he hollered back. Jonas gave an exaggerated shrug.

Isak looked behind him to see how much space he had for a running start. There wasn't much. He wasn’t completely sure he could launch himself off the dock with enough air but he also decided it didn’t really matter. Even a belly flop would get Jonas hooting with delight. Isak took a few strong steps and leapt, arcing into the air for a dive and then curling into a somersault right before hitting the water. He sank into the muted depths of the harbor before unfolding himself and kicking back to the surface.

“Still got it, man.”

Isak smiled at the approval while he caught his breath and found his pace for treading water. “It’s the only trick in my book. Have to keep it tight.”

“We could try some backward stuff.”

“Nah, it’s too crowded for testing. Maybe another day.” Isak swam lazy circles around Jonas’s tube. They watched other guys make their jumps and leaps and twirls.

“Do you want to get married?”

Isak whipped around to face Jonas, who had asked the question to the sky. “What do you mean?”

“Do you want to get married someday. Commit to one person, legally. Have a party. Forget which day you had that party every year until you die.”

“Well when you put it like that....”

Jonas didn’t respond, not even to brush off the little joke. Isak realized he was being serious.

“Are you thinking about getting married?”

“I called her mom last weekend.”

“Jonas!” Isak swam closer to the tube and hooked his arms over the edge, forcing Jonas to look at him. “Are you going to ask Eva to marry you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if she wants to get married. That’s why I called her mom, to ask if she was like...expecting it.”

“If you don’t know if she wants to get married then...she probably doesn’t.”

“What if she does but I’ve been like...ignoring it? Or...I know I have very strong opinions. Maybe I overpowered her with them.”

“Well do _you_ want to get married?”

“I want to make her happy.”

They slowly spun around to find Eva on the dock. She was still wearing Isak’s sunglasses. She waved at them when she noticed them looking.

“I don’t think she would want to get married if you don’t want to get married. But you should just...ask her.”

“Like just propose?”

“No, like have a discussion. Find out if she wants to get married.”

“But...if she says yes, then does that count as a proposal?”

“Um. No? I think you could just be clear that it’s a...discussion about your future and what you both want.” Isak was trying to be helpful with the advice but Jonas’s question threw him for a loop. Asking someone if they wanted to get married definitely sounded like a proposal. And while prefacing a discussion to clarify that it _isn't_ a proposal makes it sound like you don’t want to accidentally propose, it also makes you sound like you don’t actually want to propose. “Shit.”

“Seriously. I’ve been worked up about this for weeks.”

“What did her mom say?”

“She said she didn’t think it was ‘high on her list.’” Jonas added air quotes to emphasize how strange it sounded.

“So maybe not then.”

“But does that mean it’s still on her list?”

Isak smacked his forehead against the tube. “Maybe you should just fucking ask her dude. I don’t know. Or don’t. Or at least don’t ask her until you know if you want to get married. I feel like I’ve heard too many of your rants to believe you’re even entertaining the idea of it all.”

“It certainly has its issues but I’m willing to look past them if it provides that conditioned happiness for someone. I have my opinions but I’m not immune to society’s influences either.”

“Okay now you’re sounding more like you.” Isak slapped Jonas’s shoulder; the sudden movement almost tipped them over.

“Do you want to get married?” Jonas asked again, when they’d regained their balance.

Isak thought for a moment, even though he knew what his answer was. He went with a joke instead, attempting Eva’s accent. “Are you proposing to me? Oh Jonas, I thought you’d never ask! God I’ve been waiting for this day since I was a little girl!”

“Fucker.” Jonas splashed water in Isak’s face. In further retaliation Isak pulled back his arms and flipped up the tube, sending Jonas over the side. Isak laughed, watching Jonas struggle to get back onto the pink plastic float.

“Excuse me, may I have my tube back?” A nervous voice appeared at Isak’s shoulder. It was a young boy, struggling with his doggy paddle, his long blond hair plastered across his forehead.

“Did this mean man steal your doughnut?”

“He borrowed it for a jump but then never came back.”

Isak shot Jonas a look while the kid continued to struggle. “Give him his tube back you meanie.” Jonas tipped himself over and out again. Isak caught the tube before it floated away. “Sorry kid. Thanks for letting us borrow it.”

“It’s okay. You make cool jumps.” The kid looped his arm over the tube and swam away.

“Thanks bro!” Jonas was charmed by the compliment and waved after the kid.

“Let’s go in. My legs are tired.” Isak swam toward the dock and Jonas followed.

Before they reached the ladder, Jonas grabbed at his shoulder. “Hey, don’t tell Eva about...what we talked about.”

“Sure.” Isak treaded water. Someone jumped over them and the splash sent water up Isak's nose. “Don’t propose until you’ve talked to her though. She’s noticed something is making you act weird, so just...have a conversation.”

Jonas swam around him and reached the ladder first. He climbed. “Honestly, how do you talk about something without talking about it?”

Isak grabbed the rungs and hefted his body up. “Well it’s not like you’re ruining a surprise pa-aaahhhh!” Something tugged on his shorts and his hands let go of the ladder in a reflexive attempt to not expose himself. He fell backward into the water. As he sputtered at the surface he heard a familiar laugh. Isak yelled Even’s name before he found him, swimming just a meter behind. Like the kid, his hair was plastered down and getting into his eyes. “A ‘hello’ would have sufficed, you dickhead.” Isak sent a splash his way and then resumed his climb. Once he and his shorts were safely on the dock he turned around to give Even a hand up. “I don’t need people trying to get me naked in public, thanks.”

“Just on camera, then?”

“Oi, shut up. Seriously.”

When Even stretched to his full height on the dock, Isak took him in, from the water dripping down his chest to the light hair below his belly button and the skinny yet shapely legs that seemed to make up half of his body. Sure he’d seen Even naked but he hadn’t seen him wet. “Do...do you want to join us?” Jonas had gone ahead, not noticing Even’s little prank or simply deciding to let Isak and his shorts fend for themselves. Isak pointed in the direction of their towels.

“I’d love to, if you’re okay with that.”

“I think so. You know who they are; it’s Eva and Jonas.”

“Your friends from high school.”

“Right, and they’re together.” Isak prepared Even as they approached, and then aggressively segued to capture Eva’s attention and control the conversation. “Eva, I’d like you to be the first to know that Jonas proposed marriage to me and I accepted.”

“Congratulations you two! I was wondering when it would finally happen. Have you set a date?” Isak tried to ignore the desperate look on Jonas’s face while he kept up the game.

“A week from the day you give me back my sunglasses.”

“Oh no, I think I’ll be out of town then,” she pouted.

“Please don’t get in the way of true love, Eva.” Isak held out his hand, waiting.

“You know if I give them back I won’t be able to check out the glistening god hovering behind you.”

“You can do that without the glasses.” Isak began introductions while she gave up the shades. “Eva, Jonas, this is Even.” Eva left her hand extended for a shake, and Jonas followed suit.

“Nice to meet you. Sorry to crash.”

“No, please, join us. We have limited space and number of sunglasses but the more the merrier.” Eva bumped closer to Jonas and dragged Isak’s towel with her.

Isak didn’t know where it came from, but Even now had a towel that he spread out in the newly exposed space. They both twisted down to the ground, bumping knees as they went. “Speaking of merrier, I probably found your third.”

“I’m sorry but what the actual fuck is going on here,” Jonas finally interrupted.

“Jonas please. You’re getting married to Isak next week and we’re going to have a three way with our new friend Even. Try to keep up.”

“Oh, right, of course. Now it makes sense.”

“May I be the first to congratulate you both?” Even leaned in over Isak’s shoulder. “I’m sure it will be a lovely wedding.”

“It’s going to be fucking gorgeous. Though I haven’t decided whether I want it to be in a church or outside.” Isak kept playing.

“Well you know my opinion about that.”

“Noted. Jonas darling, where do you want to get married?”

“Um...outside?”

“Correct.” Even flashed him a smile.

“Well I want to get married in the woods. Tall trees, white sheets and streamers flowing in the breeze, white flowers scattered about. Maybe a horse in the distance.” Eva detailed her entire ceremony, all the way down to the details on Chris’s dress. “Don’t steal any of my ideas boys.”

“Wouldn’t dream it. Jonas and I will have to come up with something on our own, something that is truly...us.”

“I’m not going if you’re getting married at the skate park.”

“Hell, _I'm_ not going if I’m getting married at the skate park.”

“Okay can we talk about something else? I’m starting to believe Isak and I are actually getting married.”

“You’d better. I already ordered my dress.”

“Even, how do you know Isak?” Jonas plowed right past Eva’s continued joking. Isak was laughing but stopped abruptly when he realized he didn’t have an answer for this and didn’t know what would escape Even’s mouth. He tried to catch Even’s eye.

“From uh, the internet.” Even leaned forward, letting him subtly press his leg into Isak’s hip.

“That’s wonderfully vague. Like, Tinder?” Eva waved her phone in the air.

“Something like that.”

“Grindr?”

“You’re getting warmer.”

“And I’m getting uncomfortable. Let’s go back to talking about the wedding.” Isak tried to redirect the conversation but chose poorly. Jonas rolled his eyes.

“Actually I do have a video you should probably watch. A friend of mine shot a wedding in the woods that was similar to what you described. Not that you need it, but it could be good inspiration.”

“Oh that’d be great, thanks! I forgot about videos. I could probably find more on Youtube.”

“That’s what Even does, actually. He’s a videographer, shoots weddings.”

“That’s cool! So you really know what you’re talking about.”

“He’s really good.” Isak breathed a sigh of relief that Eva had firmly moved past trying to figure out how they'd met.

“He’s only saying that because I make him watch what I’m working on.”

“I don’t know. Isak’s a snob. You’re either actually really good or he’s just trying to get in your pants. I don’t think he’d compliment you if he didn’t mean it.”

Isak blanched, which was quite a feat after a morning in the sun. It was second only to Eva’s attempts to make him die of embarrassment. “Ohhhh my god,” Isak groaned, turning over to lie on his stomach and avoid the laughter that he knew was dancing in Even’s eyes.

“I’m flattered either way.”

“So do you like…just constantly go to weddings?”

“I went to one yesterday. But not really, just weekends in the summer…” 

Isak turned his head to the side and propped his cheek on his forearms. He listened to Eva and Even talk more about weddings, their jobs, and global warming, and stared at the faint watch tan on Even’s left wrist. He watched the small muscles in his wrist and hand twitch as Even shifted his weight. When he let his eyes wander they followed the drops of water meandering down Even’s back and disappearing into the shadow of his shorts. In spite of the risky introduction, Isak was glad to be between two of his friends, listening to them connect, and the steadiness of their conversation lulled him into a comfortable doze. Occasionally a child’s scream would wake him, but all it would take was the sight of Even still sitting next to him to reassure him back to sleep.

When he woke up properly around midday, Even was lying next to him on his back, taking his own nap. Isak turned his head to the other side, where Eva was sitting up and Jonas was reapplying sunscreen to her back. “You should turn over and look this way so your face gets sun on that side.” Eva had put his sunglasses back on.

“Have I burned?”

“You’re just a little…uneven.” Isak followed Eva’s suggestion, flipping belly up. “Maybe put some more on too, since you were in the water.” She nudged the tube of sunscreen into Isak’s side.

“Thanks.”

“We were thinking about going to get lunch. Are you going to stay here for a while?”

“Probably. Where are you going?”

“Kebab?”

“Okay. Bring me back a chicken?”

“Sure. What about him?” Eva nodded at Even’s still form.

Isak shrugged. “We can share.”

“Okay. Watch our stuff.” She moved her bag closer to Isak. Jonas put his tank top back on and shoved his feet into his flip-flops.

“Back soon, fiancé.” Jonas bent down to slap Isak’s cheek as they stepped over him. Isak just chuckled. He sat up to dig out his phone from his own bag, but then returned to Eva’s prescribed position.

He texted Jonas: _That’s how you talk about a wedding without talking about a wedding._

“Are they gone?” 

Isak looked back at Even, who didn’t appear to be awake despite asking a question. “They went to get kebab. They’re bringing back a chicken one for us to share.”

Even's eyes popped open. “That’s nice. They’re nice. But while they’re gone you have to explain…a lot.” He rolled to his side and propped himself up on an elbow.

“Okay but…could you lie over on Eva’s towel? I’m supposed to be looking the other way.”

Even didn’t understand what Isak meant but he sat up anyway and crawled over Isak’s body to his other side. “Like this?”

“Yeah. I need to face this way so I get sun on this side. I was lying for too long on my back.”

“Ooooh. I should probably do the same.” Even readjusted so he was on his stomach, copying Isak’s position from before. He settled down with a sigh. “Okay. So. You’re not really marrying Jonas, right?”

Isak smiled. He could tell Even was joking too, but it wouldn’t hurt to clear the air. “I’m not marrying Jonas. He’s thinking about proposing to Eva. We were talking about it in the water because he’s not sure if she wants to get married.”

“Well she definitely wants a wedding at least.”

“Yeah. I was trying to get her to talk about it without exposing him. I hope he was paying attention.”

“It looked like he was.”

“I was actually kind of surprised that...that she had a full blown wedding dreamed up. I’ve never heard her talk about it before.”

“Maybe it’s one of those things where you want something so bad but you never mention it because…you’re afraid you’ll jinx it.”

Isak’s eyes shifted up to Even’s and locked on; he’d been staring at his mouth while he talked but now he wanted to see what else he heard in Even’s voice. “Like when you can’t tell anyone what you wish for when you blow out your candles?”

“Sort of. But stronger.”

“Like when you want to get married but refuse to even hint at it and then your boyfriend can’t tell whether he should propose?”

Even chuckled and Isak felt the rumble through the wood below them. “Yeah, like that.”

Isak’s gaze relaxed and wandered. “It’d be good for them to get married. For most people, committed couples, I don’t know that a wedding really matters. But they’ve been off and on for so long that they just need that…kick.”

“Do they live together?”

“Yeah. Moved in right after high school. It’s funny…some days they feel like an old married couple, in love but tired of each other, and others they feel like barely a hook-up, flirty and brand new. I don’t know how to describe it, but like, they’re non-linear. And I can never tell where they’ll end up.”

“Sounds like it’ll be down an aisle of dried pine needles, surrounded by family and friends.”

Isak sighed. He could see it, what Eva was dreaming of. It was a mix of her description and that video Even had taken of the light streaming through the trees on his trail ride: the movement of the light and the breeze, breathing through the stillness of a couple making a lifetime of promises to each other.

Even interrupted with another question. “So they’re getting married. At what point then, am I having a threesome with them?”


	18. 22:17

Isak realized on Monday morning that he hadn’t spoken to Even about plans for that afternoon. His day was wide open now that school was over, and he was fine with that, but it meant that sixteen loomed on the horizon a bit bigger than usual. He didn’t know if Even wanted to meet up somewhere or stick to a cam session, during which he could work in his office. Before he could send Even a quick text though, he had an idea. A test.

Isak showered and took his time with lunch, cooking a decent meal but saving room for dessert. Then he took a bus to the cafe around fifteen. He was early enough to get settled, have a drink, and if he had to leave at sixteen then the trip there wouldn’t have been a complete waste. It was empty when he entered. “Hi Helene.”

“Hello! You’re Even’s friend, right?”

“Yes. I’m Isak.” He extended his hand over the counter. She wiped hers on her apron and gave him a hearty shake. “Do you happen to know what his usual order is?”

“In the summer he gets iced tea. I don’t brew it often but when I have it he likes the hibiscus flavor. Otherwise it’s just black or green.”

“What do you have today?”

“Let me check the pot. If I’m almost empty I’ll start a hibiscus.”

“Great, thanks!”

“Anything else I can get for you?” she called out as she disappeared to the back.

“An iced mocha please.” Isak moved to his seat in the window and pulled his laptop out of his backpack. He didn’t have anything to study, but he also brought along his internship notebook; he could transcribe his notes for a digital version, which would be handy on his phone and help his retention. He got to work.

A few minutes later Helene barely interrupted him to slide his order onto the counter. “Yell if you need anything. Wi-fi password is on the chalkboard,” she whispered before she disappeared to the back again. Isak glanced at the board but realized it hadn’t changed since last week. He sipped and typed until he heard the bell chime over the door.

“Fancy meeting you here.”

Isak smiled but finished typing before he looked up. “Hey.”

“Is this for me?” Even pointed to the glass of pink tea sweating in front of his seat.

“Yeah, I asked Helene for your regular.”

“Thank you! And just what I need after that walk.” Even took a big gulp, then removed his backpack and popped himself onto the stool. “I didn’t realize until I was halfway here that we hadn’t agreed to meet up, but by then I was too thirsty to turn back.”

“I figured I’d just take a chance. I didn’t want to drag you away from your computer though, so I thought if you didn’t show I could just head home and log on.”

“Oh god, please, always drag me away from my computer. I’ve also been trying to avoid the apartment in general, so this is great.”

“Is Sonja still there?”

“She went back to work today but she spent the weekend using up all of my post-its and flagging everything she wants to take. Which also means she was accusing me of removing post-its on things she forgot she didn’t want in the first place.”

“Has she found a new place yet?”

“She’s been talking to this one dude about a room he has available but I don’t know how fast that’s proceeding.” Even took a few more gulps of the tea. “I’m trying not to rush her because I want her to end up somewhere safe and comfortable. But also...my back hurts from the couch.” Even rolled his shoulders and cracked a few vertebrae to emphasize the stiffness.

“I’d offer you mine but I doubt it’s any better.”

“I appreciate that.” Even clapped Isak on the shoulder, giving him a little squeeze and a shake.

“Maybe she’ll put a post-it on it and you could buy a more comfortable one.”

“Only if you’re offering to help me carry a new one up two flights of stairs.”

“Okay yeah, you should start removing them.”

“What level of friendship do you need to reach to have moving furniture privileges?”

Isak noticed that Even’s hand was still on his shoulder, but with a lighter grip, softer squeezes. “Well, considering I refused to help Jonas and Eva move in together, and I’m about to marry the guy next week....”

“Ohhhh this is tough. I’ll have to propose before she moves out.”

Isak giggled, but then dropped into seriousness. “I know you know this is all a joke but...I do want to say that I’m not really the type to um...have multiple partners and stuff.” He wasn’t sure why he felt the urge to defend his honor to Even, even though they had their shared history and continued to tease about attractive men.

Even gave a stronger squeeze but then let go of his shoulder. “Isak...that’s fine. I wasn’t taking it literally when Alfie would call you a slut. And even if you were one, no judgment. Congratulations in fact. Get it.” Even tried to hold back his smile toward the end but giggles blew out his cheeks until he busted a laugh.

“Even!” Isak tried to shove him off his stool. “Fuck you, I was just trying to explain.”

“Explain what! You do you. Or rather, you do whoever the fuck you want. I don’t need an explanation. I just need a time and place so I can watch.” He couldn’t hold back his laughter at all now. Even collapsed forward, burying his face in his crossed arms.

“I’m starting to think it’s literally impossible to have a serious conversation with you.”

“I can do serious.” Even snapped up, instantly turning somber and staring Isak down. “We can talk about retirement plans and how many kids you want and the trend toward overmedicating patients as an unethical business practice.”

Isak waited for him to crack again, but he didn’t. And then he realized Even had been paying attention when he was talking about part of his thesis, not just letting him ramble while he edited video on another screen. Isak felt a wave of kindness in return. “You were listening to all of that?”

Even looked confused. “Are you asking if I listen when you talk?” Isak nodded once, starting to feel silly for such a question. “Of course I do. That’s...the whole point, right? You want to talk, I want to hear what you have to say.”

“Oh.”

And then Even couldn’t resist. “I’m not just here for your dick, dude.” Even braced himself for another shove, which Isak predictably delivered.

“No rough housing please, boys. I have _tea cups_.” Helene reached around them to deliver another round, then gestured at the shelves of delicate cups decorating the walls along the window.

“Sorry Helene. Thank you.” Isak gave her a look and she nodded in response; she’d add it to Isak’s tab.

“Shit, I’m going to get addicted to these again, aren’t I.” Even used the straw in his second cup in an attempt to slow himself down.

“Just doing my job!” Helene sang from the register.

“She’s good. So is this.” Isak drank his much faster.

“The problem with freelancing is I can’t quite expense five teas a day to my clients.”

“Five a day? Damn.”

“It’s why Helene is so nice to me.”

“Oh so you just pay...all of your friends.”

“Yup. Don’t think you’re getting special treatment, kid.”

Isak clutched his chest through his t-shirt. “You mean I’m not the only one?”

“You naïve fool!” Even put on a weird accent that Isak thought was an attempt at a 1920s Hollywood starlet. Or maybe just a southern belle. “No self-respecting young man walks through town without at least three lovers and a husband hiding in the French riviera.”

Isak laughed at how ridiculous this was getting, but he didn’t have the nerve to play along, put on an accent of his own. He laughed until Even laughed and then they just kept going. The noise eventually drew Helene away from her tidying up. “What’s so funny?”

Even looked at Isak, tears forming in his eyes causing them to sparkle more than usual, and managed to blurt out, “No fucking clue.”

* * *

He didn’t have time to chat with Eva but Isak fielded her texts all day long on Tuesday. He snuck his phone from his pocket when Tom wasn’t looking, or when he had a basic assignment that Tom left him to handle on his own.

_I shared my notes with Sana. We are officially intrigued about Even._

Isak played dumb. _Why?_

_Because you’re meant to be together but she says you think he’s straight._

Isak tried to ignore how Eva’s observation gave his heart a flutter of hope. _He just recently broke up with a girlfriend. He still lives with her._ Isak did not include _I watched him fuck her._ He returned to alphabetizing the fulfilled prescriptions waiting for pick-up.

_None of those sentences mean he isn’t attracted to you. Also you did not see how he looked at you on the dock._

Isak called Eva on his lunch break. “What do you mean, how he looked at me?”

“While you were sleeping. We were having a lovely conversation but the whole time he kept looking down at you, like he was checking that you were okay. He tried to be subtle about it but even Jonas noticed.”

“That sounds...” Isak didn’t know what it sounded like, but he knew it made something drop in his stomach. He went with deflection. “...creepy.”

“No I mean it was sweet. Like he couldn’t stop thinking about you even though you were right there.”

“I think you are reading too much into a dude you just met.”

“And I think you’re not reading enough. But anyway, he’s definitely not interested in anything with me or Jonas.”

“Oh my god Eva that was 100% a joke. If you’re serious about a threesome you need to not go after my friends.” Isak dropped his voice after “threesome” when he remembered he was in public.

“Okay but if it were Magnus or Mahdi I was checking out you would have absolutely no problem with it.”

“Because that’s Magnus and Mahdi!”

“So why is Even any different?”

Isak roared in frustration and then remembered he was in public again.

“Ugh you’re so perfect for each other. Okay I gotta go, thanks for confirming what Sana knew from the start.”

“What.”

“Siren emoji, siren emoji.” And Eva hung up.

* * *

On Wednesday night he was tired. He’d spent the whole day on his feet shadowing Tom, who was kept running back and forth between counting pills and dealing with a few nightmare customers. Isak contemplated calling off his show so he could go to bed early, especially since he didn’t have anything to do for the hour. He rallied though; when he went to check his set-up he decided to move the camera to his bed so he at least could be more comfortable. He texted Even: _If I fall asleep on camera please call my phone to wake me up._

Isak pointed the camera at a corner so they could see most of his body while he was lying down, but his head was still out of frame at the other end. He stretched his laptop further away so he could read the chat and type if necessary. Once he was changed into pajamas he was ready. He extended himself along the bed, leaning on his side to face the camera and shoving a pillow under his armpit for some support.

 **badgirlbadgirl:** THE BED  
**misterbee:** a new angle tonight?

“I’m too tired to sit at my desk, and I don’t need to do anymore studying. So you get to watch me...lounge.”

 **anonymous:** let me come over and feed you grapes

Isak’s stomach growled at the idea; he hadn’t had much of a dinner. He dipped his hand up under the hem of his shirt to massage away the noise. “I haven’t eaten grapes in a while.”

 **anonymous:** i can’t tell if that’s a euphemism for something else

“No, just grapes. I used to eat them a lot when I was a kid. But I don’t think I buy enough fruit now that I’m on my own.”

 **misterbee:** nutrition is important.  
**anonymous:** NUTrition is important.  
**misterbee:** that too.

Isak chuckled. As tired and uninspired as he was, he was glad he could always log on and literally talk about anything. It probably wouldn’t make sense to most cammers, with such a small, inactive room and not much skin, but it was worth it to Isak to hang out with these people and share the little things. He liked being connected. “I should do a proper shopping list one of these days, and go to the market. I’m always just picking up frozen shit when I’m hungry.”

 **badgirlbadgirl:** the true single life  
**024wolb:** how is that going by the way

“My frozen dinners?”

 **024wolb:** no being single again

“Oh it’s fine. I didn’t realize how much pressure it all was, how much stress. Like it’s fun but it’s also this constant worry of whether I’m doing things right, whether or not he’s happy, or what I’m supposed to do or say.”

 **anonymous:** that sounds like zero fun

“Well, no, you guys saw some of the fun. It was nice hanging out with Bradley too. But after it was over all I really held onto was the negative things, because I’d been rejected. I guess this is my way of rejecting him back.”

 **misterbee:** i’m sorry hardy, break-ups are never great.

“Yeah well, it’s just good we didn’t get too far. Like at least we didn’t live together, and now have some long drawn-out divorce.”

 **TwoIsCompany:** Ahem

Isak ignored Even, even though that was exactly what he was referencing. “I have my one friend who was setting me up with some people, and she’ll probably start hounding me soon for more dates.”

 **badgirlbadgirl:** i’m surprised you need someone to help you

“I don’t know if it’s help, really. More like, a vetting process? I trust her opinion and it’s nice knowing when you already have a tiny connection to someone. And also maybe I’m really lazy.”

 **badgirlbadgirl:** smh making a woman do your work for you

Isak laughed but apologized. It was a bit of emotional labor that he was passing on to Sana, despite her insistence that she wanted to do it. He should do better and scroll through Instagram on his own, make the effort to slide into a DM with his own two thumbs. “I wish I could open up Tinder with you guys and we could rate some potentials.”

 **anonymous:** omg yes do it  
**misterbee:** that would be fun

“I’m afraid it would be a little too revealing.”

 **anonymous:** do u sleep naked

“Um. Sometimes.”

 **anonymous:** talk about revealing.  
**anonymous:** we can watch u sleep naked

Isak didn’t understand the sudden jump from dating to sleeping but he rolled with it. “I actually thought I was going to fall asleep earlier because I’m really tired from work. But you guys do a decent job of keeping me awake.”

 **anonymous:** damn it.  
**anonymous:** everyone shut up so he’ll fall asleep.

As if all of them had agreed to it, the chat went silent for a good few minutes. Isak laughed. “This is like the exact opposite of how these cams are supposed to work.” They stayed silent though, which made Isak laugh harder. Eventually he went quiet too.

But his hand started moving, revealing. His shirt went up. He watched his breaths expand his belly on screen. His skin was dark from the weekend in the sun.

 **anonymous:** no one move. don’t scare him off.

Isak decided to keep going. It wasn’t a bad way to pass the time, and he liked an occasional sexy surprise as much as his viewers.

**misterbee tipped 20 tokens**

Isak hooked a thumb into his waistband at his hip. When he pushed down the fabric he could see the tan line from his shorts. He thought about getting rid of it with some skinny dipping, but he’d only ever done that once during daylight, and not for an extended period of time. Still, the thought of being naked outdoors excited him, and his erection interrupted the slide of his pants past his butt.

 **anonymous:** he might not sleep naked but he definitely doesn’t wear underwear.

Isak rolled onto his back and lifted his hips. His semi flipped up toward his stomach and his pants finally made it down to his ankles. He kicked them the rest of the way off. He kept his shirt on but bunched it up for better access to his nipples. He gave them a tug before rolling back onto his belly. “Despite what I’m about to do I like to keep my bed dry, so I don’t usually go without some kind of fabric between me and the sheets.”

 **anonymous:** WHAT  
**anonymous:** what u gonna do  
**anonymous:** pls pls pls don't piss the bed

Isak took the pillow and shoved it underneath his hips, popping his ass into the air. He reached under to rearrange his dick, getting comfortable and letting the tip poke out to the side. He lifted his hips and gave a slight thrust so the camera could see his full hardness before it disappeared under his weight. It was going to be a dry hump but the friction felt good.

The chat was really enjoying this less-is-more approach, once they caught on. They watched as Isak swiveled his hips and the red tip disappeared and reappeared from the soft cushion. He gently pushed his laptop and phone to the side so he could rest his weight on his forearms. He let his head drop into his chest while he focused on the rubbing. The camera picked up the light grunts that he huffed into his shirt.

 **024wolb:** dear god look at that pre-cum  
**badgirlbadgirl tipped 50 tokens**  
**badgirlbadgirl:** we’re getting wet tonight folks

Isak could feel the wetness against his hip and again when he pressed his skin into the damp pillow. He hiked his knees up a bit for more power behind his thrusts. It had been a while since he’d been in this position, humping forward into something instead of back on a dick. The last guy he topped flashed through his mind, a friendly cub he’d picked up at the club during freshman year. Then he remembered Alfie and his offer to bottom, which had never come to pass.

“Ohhhh god, uhhnnnn.” He let his hips drop and changed to rapid fire thrusts into the pillow, letting his weight trap his dick. He wanted to reach back and slip a finger in his crack, play with his hole, but he also wanted to see if he could come without it. He knew what he could do with ass play, and how fast. Without it he had a challenge. Rare Wednesday night tokens urged him on.

 **anonymous:** fukkin love this angle  
**anonymous:** like i can see right down his slit

Isak ramped up his speed and the sounds came with it. He was breathing heavy with the exertion; he realized he’d need to work on his stamina if he wanted to top for a show. But then he was getting ahead of himself. “I don’t...even know...if he’s a bottom.”

 **misterbee:** who?  
**anonymous:** WHO

Isak wasn’t watching the chat though. He’d turned his head to the side so he could pant freely. His palms were spread on either side of his head, fingers scratching at the sheet while his hips took off on their own. He was fucking his pillow, shaking the bed with the force.

“Ugnnhh yes, yes. Fuck. Oh god, I....”

He slowed, lengthened the stroke. He grunted with every push. He was so engorged, right on the edge, that half of his cock appeared from beneath his hip. He drew it back, and then resumed the fevered thrusting of impending release.

“Jesus Christ I...ahhh, I wanna fu-uck you...so bad. Ummppphh. Yes, oh yes, I’m gonna...I’m gonna come.” Isak held his breath. Every sensation in the world rushed to his dick, leaving him light-headed and floating as he came, jizz arcing over the edge of the pillow onto his sheet. He sucked in a breath, and then gasped out a name.

His phone buzzed. Even was calling.

Isak rolled onto his back, his deflating dick dragging cum up onto his belly. He stretched out an arm for his phone. “I’m live right now,” he rasped.

“I’m aware of that. Are you aware you just said my name?”

“What?!” Isak almost bolted upright before he remembered the camera. He rolled back and killed the feed, smashing at the keyboard until the room disappeared. He sat up. “N-no I didn’t. When.”

“Just now...when...you finished.”

Isak looked down at his crotch and the mess he’d made. “Are you sure?”

“Uh...yeah. You were moaning but then there were definitely two syllables that were just...Ev, en.” He sounded it out without the extra noises Isak had been making.

“Bullshit. You’re just trying to embarrass me.” Isak cradled the phone against his shoulder and grabbed his pants. He shook the pillow out of its case and used the case to wipe up anything wet.

“Why the fuck would I do that.”

“Because...I don’t know, this is the kind of jokes we make! This teasing shit. Of course you’d pull something like this during a show.” Isak was angry now, that Even made the joke in the first place and wasn’t letting it go.

“Isak, you...fuck. Look, I’m sorry I interrupted while you were working. I didn’t mean to make you stop. But I heard it. You said my name and I...I was just so shocked that I had to call. I’m not trying to embarrass you or make this awkward I just...what did you mean?”

Even’s voice had softened in fear. Of what, Isak didn’t know. He tried to remember what he’d been thinking about leading up to his orgasm, but it felt like chasing a dream after you’ve woken up. He knew he’d seen Even before, pictured him when he closed his eyes, but he hadn’t closed his eyes this time and he wouldn’t have been so careless, even in the throes of an orgasm, to say it while on camera. If anything he knew to save that shit for the shower.

“I don’t think it meant anything, if it happened. I’m sorry.” Isak sighed and went to his closet for a clean fitted sheet. The line was silent for a while; Isak didn’t know what else to say and was slightly distracted by having to clean up. He put the phone down and turned on the speaker.

“I think I broke my headphones.”

“What?” He walked closer to his phone.

“My headphones are broken. When I heard—or didn’t hear you say my name I like...whipped them off my ears and they hit the ground too hard.”

“Were you working?”

There was a long pause, so long that Isak had enough time to move his camera and laptop back to his desk.

“No. But I’m not going to let Sonja overhear you fucking a pillow.”

“Is she there now?!” If she hadn’t heard him fucking a pillow, she definitely would’ve heard Even saying that he had been fucking a pillow.

“No, she’s still at dinner with her parents. If she comes back I’m going to hang up though.”

“Jesus,” Isak muttered. “She really was just...never home.” If Even had been watching him and talking with him this whole time without her knowing, she could barely be considered his roommate let alone his girlfriend. Although, she wasn’t that anymore either. Isak collapsed into his chair, feeling a wave of exhaustion hit as the adrenaline drained away.

“Yup.”

“Well, hey. Send me a link to your headphones and I’ll buy you a new pair. I probably made enough in tokens from tonight to cover them.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Actually I do. Besides, it’ll be like an investment for me. If I get you headphones, then you can keep watching me.” Isak realized what it sounded like as soon as it came out of his mouth. “Not that I expect you to watch, or tip...I just...I....” He recovered the only way he knew how. “Because you _enjoy my company_.”

Even laughed at the words thrown back in his face. “Fine. I’ll send you a link tomorrow.”

“Thanks.”

“You should go to sleep. I can hear how tired you are.”

“Yeah, and I have work tomorrow. Talk soon?”

“Of course. Oh, wait!”

“Eh?”

“I heard a song today…let me just play a little bit for you before you go, okay?

“Sure…” Isak waited, listening to Even’s keyboard. He flopped onto his bed. Then: Destiny’s Child.

_Say my name, say my name_  
_If no one is around you_  
_Say baby I love you_

Isak hung up.


	19. 22:52

Isak forgot he had cut his show short the night before. He had a lot of messages, snaps and an overflowing inbox, waiting for him the next morning. He answered a few while he had some free time before heading in to work.

_hi hardy - that was a short but sweet show. hope nothing bad happened; you left in a rush. just let me know if you’re okay. looking forward to friday. x_

_Hi Bee - Everything is fine, just had a personal phone call to deal with and then i was too tired to start up again. Thanks for checking in. I'll see you tomorrow. xx_

He also got the link for Even’s headphones. They were expensive, nice. He added them to his cart and tacked on next day shipping without batting an eye. Then he shoved his notebook in his pocket, put on his shoes, and walked over to the pharmacy. Eva texted him on the way inviting him to dinner with her and Jonas on Friday night. He gladly accepted.

On Friday morning he was supposed to sleep in, recover from three days on his feet. Even had other plans. Isak ignored the first two FaceTime requests, but finally swiped it open on the third. He pointed the phone at the ceiling and buried his face back into his pillow. “What.”

“So you’re not a morning person.”

“Not unless you’re buying brunch.”

“That can be arranged...again. But first, some wonderful news.”

“That couldn’t wait for a more decent hour?”

“No. Would you like to guess?”

Isak fumbled for his phone, lifted his head just enough to appear in the camera, and snarled.

“Alright, well. Sonja’s moving out.”

“Did you fucking wake me up to tell me something I already knew?” Isak jerked his head all the way up, properly pissed off.

“No, I mean it’s officially happening. She’s moving in with that guy on Sunday.”

“Oh. That’s great.” Isak calmed down. It _was_ good news. It probably could have waited until closer to noon to share, but he also wasn’t the one who had been exiled to a couch for the past week.

“Want to celebrate? I haven’t had a chance to get disgustingly drunk and yell ‘I’m a free man!’ to a crowded room that doesn’t care yet.”

“Ah yes, that rite of passage.”

“Yeah. Let’s go out tonight.”

“Um, I have a dinner and then the show.” Isak rubbed sleep out of his eyes. “You could get mildly drunk at dinner and not yell anything though.”

“Are you inviting me to crash something?”

“Sort of. Hold on.” Isak switched over to his messages and asked Jonas and Eva if Even could join them. He’d never seen Eva reply so fast. “Okay yeah, we’re eating with Eva and Jonas at eighteen. It’s a restaurant near my place.”

“Wait, this isn’t….”

“No! No. No…he wouldn’t do that so soon.” Isak looked up at his window, really considering it. Then, finally: “No.”

“Though I wouldn’t mind witnessing a live proposal.”

“I don’t think he’d be one to do it so publicly like that. Or with just…me as the only guest. But I haven’t talked to him since last weekend so I don’t know if he’s made any progress, decision-wise.”

“Doesn’t sound likely.”

“It’s just dinner.”

“Alright, I’ll meet you there. Anything else planned for the day?”

“Sleep. Maybe a shower. Maybe. You?”

“Working. Have to pick up some dry cleaning at some point.”

“Okay. I’ll open a room once I wake up.”

“See you.”

* * *

Isak swung the brown kraft paper gift bag as he walked from his apartment to the restaurant, feeling excited about dinner. He was going to pay very careful attention to Jonas and Eva and see if he could pick up on anything, perhaps some body language that would mean they’d talked about marriage a little bit. He still didn’t believe the proposal had happened, but was hoping for something a bit more serious than the entire sarcastic conversation they’d had on Sunday. Though even if nothing _had_ happened it still made Isak happy that his two friends were in love and thinking about their future.

As he approached the restaurant he saw Even standing outside, smoking. Isak felt a wave of concern. Once he was within earshot, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Hey.” Even smiled wide and stubbed out the cigarette. He blew his last breath of smoke out to the side.

“Is something the matter?”

“No. Everything has significantly improved, actually.”

“Okay, but…you were smoking. I thought that was a uh, desperate measure.”

“It’s always desperate measures around here. Shall we?” Even gestured to the door. “I think they’ve already been seated.”

Isak followed Even into the restaurant, getting used to the cigarette smell flowing in his wake. He didn’t mind it too much, but he’d already made such a strong connection between smoking and stress in Even’s life, so his mood soured as he worried what was wrong, and wondered by Even wasn’t telling him anything. Things had been fine that afternoon when they were on cam; something must have changed in the hour they’d been disconnected.

Eva and Jonas were sitting across from each other at the rectangular table, deep in conversation. They didn’t notice Isak and Even until they’d taken their seats next to them. Eva latched onto Isak’s elbow. “Is that a gift for me?”

“Oh. No, actually.” He lifted the bag he had forgotten he was carrying and handed it over to Even. “Sorry.” Even smiled but tried not to gloat. Eva was okay with it though, making note of the exchange.

“Special occasion?”

“I just broke his headphones, so these are the replacement. Nothing special.”

Even pulled the headphone box out of the bag to confirm. Then he looked back in the bag and saw something else. His face exploded in delight. “Post-its!” He pulled out the 4-pack of neon colors.

Isak beamed back at him. “Since Sonja used all of them.”

“This is perfect, thank you. Now I can add things to the wall.” Even repacked the bag and tucked it below his chair.

“That’s cute. Who’s Sonja?” Eva wanted context for why Isak was being cute with his gifts.

Even straightened up and smiled again. “My brand new ex-girlfriend and ex-roommate.”

“As much as I believe there are two sides to every story I will extend my congratulations. This segues so nicely into drinking.”

“Yes! Yes. Thank you. We need to drink.” Even slapped his hand on the table, which made everyone jump. Eva hailed a waiter.

* * *

Dinner went as well as it could for two people very intent on getting drunk and the other two who, by default, were charged with their safety. While Isak had wanted to spend the evening studying Eva and Jonas, he was far too distracted by every single thing Even did, from ordering the most feminine cocktails to extending his legs under the table and trapping Isak’s ankles between his. Even got silly drunk but didn’t tip over into messy drunk. He egged Eva on and made Jonas laugh, but he kept his wits about him and paid for dinner during a trip to the bathroom. Isak knew this trick by now but let him do it, appreciating his generosity and not wanting to dig up the same discussion again. He knew there were only good intentions there, and it helped win Jonas over.

“Thank you for dinner, man. That was very nice of you.”

“My pleasure. The least I could do for letting me crash the party.”

“I officially invite you to crash all the time. Isak doesn’t even need to be there. Just come.” Eva let her body fall across the table so she could pat Even’s hand in unnecessary reassurance.

“Was this supposed to be something special with him? Or is he always included on date nights?”

Isak’s eyes went wide as Even’s discretion began to slip away. Jonas only laughed though. “No, we’re just used to him having to third-wheel so often that it’s normal. Wouldn’t be date night without him at this point.”

Even’s face melted as if he were looking at a puppy. “Oh that’s…Isak, what good friends you have.”

“Yes, I’m so grateful for their lifetime supply of pity.”

“Oh hush, Isak.” Eva slapped his shoulder. “If you don’t want it, you can decline. But you always join and we usually have a good time if you remember to remove the stick from your ass before you arrive.”

Even leaned forward, resting his chin on his fists, thoroughly enjoying someone else having a chance to poke fun at Isak.

“Jonas, save me.”

“Nah dude, you have the stick. Use it.” The table laughed, Isak joining in eventually.

Then the alarm on his phone went off. Isak’s face dropped when he noticed it. “Oh. I need to go.” He’d set it for an hour before his show, thinking it would give him enough time to sober up a bit, or fight off Eva if she begged him to stay out longer. He swiped it away. Even checked his watch.

“It’s still early, no?”

Isak untangled his legs as he tried to push away from the table. “Just don’t want to be late.”

Eva looked between them, thoroughly confused. “If you two are about to go to a party without me….”

“No, it’s something else.” Even tried to reassure her as he stood. “It’s this thing on the internet.”

“From where you met?”

“Yes!” He pointed at her as if she’d just solved a linear algebra problem on a blackboard in the hallway. Then he bent down to retrieve his bag. “Headphones, internet, a whole mess.”

Isak watched Even prepare to leave with him, a bit stunned that it was happening, but he rolled with it. He didn’t want to interrupt his own escape, and perhaps Even would have an explanation once they were out on the sidewalk.

“Okay, well, have fun. Ignore any and all texts future me is going to send you as soon as you leave.”

“I’ll screenshot them twice.” Even walked around the table and bent down to kiss Eva on the cheek. He shook Jonas’s hand. “Thanks again guys. I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”

“Good night boys,” Eva sang as they stepped away. 

Isak led them outside. He opened his mouth to speak once they were alone, but Even beat him to it. “I’m not going to crash your show, but, if you’re early…could you invite me back to your place?” Isak stared at Even, stunned again by the seriousness of his plea. He looked…desperate.

“Um…”

“I just, we’re nearby, right? And I can be quick.” Isak’s mouth dropped open. “I just really want to see...your camera.”

Isak smacked his forehead. It took him a moment to regain his voice. “Oh my _god_ , Even. Fuck.”

“What?”

“I thought…Jesus. Never mind. Yeah, you can come over.” Isak shook his head hard, trying to physically dislodge what he thought Even meant from his brain.

“Yesssss!” Even flung his arm around Isak’s neck and spun him in the direction Isak had arrived from earlier. “This way?”

“Sure.” Isak hid the rest of his embarrassment in the shadow of Even’s shoulder. Even didn’t notice anything was wrong though, and kept rambling on about Isak’s camera while Isak subtly guided him back to his apartment.

“Like in general I’m curious about what people use, and no offense, but I don’t think you’d be able to understand if we just like…talked about it? But being able to see and use the camera, then I can demonstrate what the different specs actually do to the footage…And oh my god I can…I might ask you to change your set-up, just to take advantage of the light you have and, well, give my eyes a break, y’know? If you don’t mind. You can change it back if you’d like but just try it out, maybe just one show. I don’t know if you have a tripod or just a stack of books but you can really work with anything…”

Even continued to lean on Isak as they walked, his arm still slung around Isak’s neck and keeping him pressed into his side. Isak let himself wrap his arm around Even’s waist just so he wasn’t awkwardly cramped in on himself. Even didn’t seem to notice, as long as they could remain in step. Isak tried to listen to what Even was saying, make sense of it all, but he was distracted, again, by the slight movement of Even’s waistband at his hip, under Isak’s fingers. He almost wished Even was more drunk, or at least unsteady, just to give him an excuse to hold up more of him and tighten his grip.

“This is nice.” Isak stopped them when they arrived at his front door. Even let his head fall back as he looked up at the building.

“Only the best for my baseboards.”

“What?”

“Nothing. In we go.” Isak slipped out from under Even’s arm to unlock his door. Even fell into silence as he followed Isak up a few flights of stairs.

“What’s the opposite of dibs?”

Isak almost missed a step at the absolute non sequitur. “Uhh….”

“Because that’s what I call. The opposite. Opposite dibs for helping you move out.”

“When am I moving out?”

“I don’t know. But opposite dibs have no expiration. I am indefinitely never climbing these stairs with a couch.”

Isak chuckled as they reached his floor. “Noted.” He was surprised by how much he was learning thanks to just the right amount of alcohol in Even’s blood.

“Wait, I hear a dog barking.” Isak turned to see Even frozen a few steps behind him. He had his hands out as if he were sensing the dog’s presence in the air. “It sounds very cute.”

“Yeah, there’s a dog that lives on this floor. I don’t know wh—“ Isak was interrupted by a small weight hitting the back of his knees, causing him to stumble toward Even.

“Dog!”

The shiba inu that Isak had heard barking was loose, dragging a leash, and running circles around a crouching Even in search of attention. Even gave it freely, his voice going up an octave as he spoke to his new friend. “Oh my god look at you you little foxy thing you. You’re an absolute furball oh! A furball with teeth. Hello teeth. And tail. Look Isak, look at its curly tail!”

“Sorry sorry sorry.” An older man ran past Isak and lunged for the moving leash, trapping it underneath a foot and jerking the dog to a stop. Even took this as a chance to squish the dog’s face instead of helping return it to the owner. “She slipped out while I was locking the door. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. You helped corral my friend.” As the owner picked up the dog Isak pulled Even up by the arm.

“Thanks for being calm.” 

The dog yipped. Even cooed.

“Sure, we’ll call this that.”

The owner gave a small laugh and walked away. Isak let Even watch the wiggling tail disappear, then tugged him toward his door.

“You just lost five minutes of camera time.”

“Are you kidding me? Didn’t you see that dog? So worth it.”

Isak smiled. It had been cute, seeing Even so excited. He pulled out his keys and swiftly let them into the darkness of his apartment. He flipped on the lights. “You should get a dog. It could be your rebound relationship that is actually more like the love of your life.” Isak walked straight through the living room to the kitchen to check his second phone, which he’d left plugged in on the counter.

“Something cuddly to keep me warm at night, with a hint of unconditional love, huh?” Even’s voice became distant as it remained by the door.

“Exactly. It would at least be distracting.” Isak read through some messages but didn’t find anything urgent. He was good on time, still with about thirty mintues to go. He turned to the fridge and pulled out a couple of beers. When he finished opening them and turned back around, Even was leaning in the doorway to the kitchen, knocking his bag against his knee.

“So fucking distracting.” Even reached for one of the bottles. Isak met him halfway.

“You’re okay, right? Like…processing all of this Sonja stuff. You’re not just avoiding it all and it’s going to come back and hit you with a truck full of regret?”

“I…know I’m a bit drunk but I think you actually are not making any sense right now.” Even threw back the beer.

Isak tried to explain while he was drinking. “I just want to make sure you’re not regretting anything. That the break-up was the smart thing to do.”

Even had to gasp for a breath when he was done. “I think it’s kind of weird that you’re doubting the end of my relationship but yes, I think it was the right thing to do. We had been done for a while. We just had to say it out loud. And now I’m just celebrating the fact that we did. Not necessarily that it’s over, but that we finally saw the relationship for what it was.”

“Okay. Okay.” Isak nodded slowly and took a sip. The conversation was certainly sobering, and Isak started to regret going down that path. He wished for the dog to return. “You’re done. It’s official. Cheers.” They raised their bottles.

After another long drag, Even smacked his lips. “Alright. Camera. Let’s go.”

Isak left his bottle on the counter and walked around Even into the hallway. He had a flash of déjà vu, from when he had led Alfie in the same direction. He wasn’t nervous about it though; technically Even had been in his room before. He’d seen his bed, his voice had echoed off his walls. It would probably feel like déjà vu to him as well. He pushed open the door. “Voila,” he said in his worst French accent. Even walked past him to enter.

“Oh no. Oh no. My brain hurts.” Even moved around the room quickly, spinning as his mind wrapped itself around the angles he was already familiar with. He dropped his bag on the bed. “It looks smaller than I thought, but that’s…the camera.” He latched onto the camera, standing on the table at the end of the bed. He unscrewed it from the tripod. “Is it always on the tripod? And then just moved to the desk?”

Isak nodded, even though Even wasn’t looking at him. He didn’t really need an answer though; Even kept moving around, distracted by some sort of mission. He looked at the room through the viewfinder. “You look like you’re on a movie set.” Isak moved to his armchair in the corner and sat down, out of the way.

“I kind of am. Though it’s probably more like a porn set.” Even’s voice picked up the twang of a tour guide as he gestured to the bed.: “And to your left is where the talent nuts three times a week.”

Isak laughed. It was funny because it was true.

“I’ve walked on stickier floors though, so at least you have that going for you.”

“Gross.”

“The price of…high-volume nuttage.”

Even turned on the camera and continued to do his blocking. Isak heard an occasional shutter click. He watched Even move in silence, not really thinking anything, until…”Wait, have you worked on a porn set before?”

“Fuck no. I could never work under those lighting conditions. Made a few visits though, with friends.”

“Wow.”

Even turned on the lamp beside Isak’s bed, and then rushed to turn off the light switch by the door. The room softened.

“Mood lighting?”

“Technically, yes.”

“I think this is too dark though, especially when I’m on the bed.”

“The ceiling light is brighter, but it casts funny shadows most of the time. You look…lumpy. But you have a good camera, so I’m going to change a few settings and use the lamp and your computer screen to light you in a more flattering way.” As he explained, Even turned to face Isak and raised the camera to his eye. He took a few rapid-fire shots of Isak in the chair. Isak tensed at the attention. “Sorry, I didn’t ask first.”

“No, it’s okay, I just…” Isak laughed at himself. “I wasn’t ready.”

“It’s better when you aren’t. But that reminds me…I’ve been meaning to ask. Would you let me take your picture when we hang out? Or record you? Sometimes I want to just pull out my phone, like when the lighting is perfect in the window of the café. Or dinner was fun, and I wanted to take a picture of you three together.”

Isak tensed again, and had to talk himself down. This wasn’t a creepy person on the internet recording his shows. This was someone he knew using their talent and skill to capture their friendship. People would literally pay to have a professional capturing their good side all of the time. Isak let out a breath. “Yeah, sure. I get veto power though.”

Even smiled at the freedom he’d just been granted, to act on his natural urges. “Yes, but don’t veto this. You look great.” There were a couple more clicks, and then Even turned back to the room. “Are you going to be on the bed tonight?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Even shifted the small table and angled his laptop. He twisted the camera back into the tripod. Isak noted how fast he moved, how in his element he was with the camera, as well as in the bedroom. Isak could tell that the set-up was different, but he wasn’t exactly sure how. He’d let himself find out once he had to start the show; for now he would just watch.

“You’ll have to tell me what people say about this. If they notice anything different.”

“Are you not watching tonight?” A shudder of…something coursed through Isak’s body as he acknowledged Even’s usual involvement in person, crossing the streams.

“I will, I just don’t think I’ll get back in time to see the beginning, when people might talk about it.” Even was still distracted by the room. “I’ll have to adjust your Monday & Wednesday arrangement another time.”

“How about on Monday? Sixteen?” This caught Even’s attention; he turned to face Isak and smiled.

“It’s a date.”

Even did one last tour of the room and decided he was done. “You’re good to go. Except, can I use your bathroom real quick?”

“Sure. Right there.” He stood and pointed to the door behind Even. “Take your time.”

Even disappeared, and Isak turned to go back out to the kitchen. He didn’t want to be standing in his bedroom, waiting, expecting, when Even walked out. He trusted Even’s set-up, so he left without touching it.

Back in the kitchen he picked up his beer again. Even had managed to finish his before, so he downed the rest of his own and put the bottles in the recycle bin. He checked the time on his phone and responded to some messages. He grabbed at his crotch and took a snap to prepare his fans for the show. He sent the fifteen-minute warning.

Isak heard Even’s laugh and looked up.

“Getting started?” Even nodded at Isak’s jeans, where his hand was still cupping his package. He let go.

“Shit. Just posting a teaser.” He waved his phone at Even in explanation, but stopped abruptly when he realized it was open to a dick pic that someone had sent.

Even laughed harder and shook his head. “Oh god. Sometimes I can’t believe that…this is my life.” Isak felt that shudder again, the aftershock from his online life crashing into his real life. They stared at each other. When Even spoke again, his voice dropped. “I can’t believe I found you on my computer. I can’t believe I met you. I can’t believe I just rearranged your bedroom.”

“Well, you definitely did all of that, in spite of my best protests.”

Even smiled and walked closer, until he was across from Isak at the corner of the counter. His fingers drummed the surface. “You know I’ll stop, if you really want me to, right? We joke a lot, but I never want to make you uncomfortable or cross a line. I just need you to tell me.”

Isak nodded. He felt another shudder, but this was in response to how close Even was standing to him. He hadn’t realized his advances until Even was right there, with just a bit of granite in between them. “I’ll tell you.”

“Okay.” A beat. A step. “How about now?”

A shudder. Isak shook his head. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Now?”

Isak’s gaze dropped to Even’s mouth, the lips he’s seen, the ones he fantasized about. He watched them purse slightly when he leaned in and asked again.

“Now?”

He’d barely breathed out a “Never” before those lips were on his own, pressing hard and hot until Isak stumbled a step backward and they separated.

Even looked shocked. Isak didn’t know if it was because of the kiss or because the kiss ended just as fast as it had begun. He didn’t wait to find out. He reached, grabbing fistfuls of Even’s t-shirt, and braced himself for the crash of Even’s chest to his own when he pulled. His mouth was open and head tilted, ready this time.

For those lips. For that tongue. For the hands that finally found Isak’s waist and neck and jaw. For the heat and suction that drew blood up to his face and down to his dick. For the darkness when their eyes closed and the rest of their senses picked up the slack. They tasted and touched, taking in as much of each other as they could for ten minutes.

And then Even gently pushed Isak away. Their eyes readjusted to the brightness of the kitchen and the reality of what just happened. He wiped at the mix of their saliva on his mouth, gasping for breath. A shaky “Fuck,” escaped on an exhale.

“I have to go. You have to go.” Even broke his stare and grabbed his paper bag from the other side of the counter.

It took Isak a moment longer before he could form words, which was enough time for Even to start his escape. “W-wait.” He forced his legs to move, to chase. He caught up to Even at the door.

Even spun around and pinned him in place with a look. “I can’t believe this is my life.” Even kissed Isak again, just like the first time: hard, fast, heavy with meaning and over too soon. “See you online.” With another spin he was gone.

Pings from his phone snapped Isak out of his stupor, standing in front of his own closed door. He remembered where he was, what time it was, and realized he was late. Somehow he moved to his bedroom and sat himself in front of his camera. Muscle memory turned it on, but knew not to open a room just yet. He looked at himself in the screen, his face in the softer light, at the flush of his cheeks and the light swelling of his lips. He angled the lens down, stopping at his collarbone. He stared at nothing then, still stuck on what had just happened, until his eyes caught a burst of color in the screen, something behind him. Isak twisted around and crawled across his bed.

On a neon blue square, stuck to Isak’s wall above his pillow, was one of Even’s nice things: 

KISSING YOU


	20. 16:20

Isak opened the chat room but stayed quiet. He read the comments as they flowed, from anger that he was late to curiosity at the new angle and lighting to impatience that he wasn’t saying or doing anything. Or at least that they couldn’t see it. Isak’s right hand was up at his mouth, the tips of his fingers tracing where Even’s lips had been. His left hand was in his lap, covering his bulge. He wanted to share what had just happened. But he also wanted to keep it private, just for himself, for a little while longer.

The clock was ticking though; he didn’t know how far away Even lived, so he didn’t know how much time he had before he got home and logged on. If he wanted to talk about it with his friends without Even listening in, this was his chance. “I met someone.” The chat stopped when he spoke. “I met him a while ago, actually. But he kissed me tonight.”

**misterbee:** didn’t realize you had a date tonight

Isak gave a small, unseen smile. “Me either.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** was it good

His smile grew. “Yes.”

**misterbee:** is he there?

“No.” Isak twisted around though, and looked at the post-it on the wall. He turned back to the camera.

**anonymous:** bradley is still winning, 1 – 0, on the first date blowjobs then.

Isak got slightly annoyed. “It’s not really a competition.” Then he got even more annoyed that he hadn’t asked for a first date blowjob. That he didn’t realize it had been a first date. He probably would’ve worn a different shirt. “Fuck.” 

**blackberriezzzz:** whats wrong

“Well now I’m thinking about a blowjob, but the dick I want to suck walked away about fifteen minutes ago.”

**21twinkies:** happy to lend a hand  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** you could go chase him down. isn’t that how it works in the rom coms? you run after him and then the music swells and he drops to his knees…

Isak laughed. “That’s exactly how the movies go. They just have to fade to black for legal reasons.”

**anonymous:** not at MY movie theater

“I don’t know if Sean Cody counts as romantic comedy."

**anonymous tipped 50 tokens**  
 **anonymous:** different anon by the way. came for the dick, stayed for the dunk.

“Well I _am_ a full service cam.”

**cumherebb:** ok lets get to the servicing part

Isak’s hands went to his belt, ready to give his crowd what he’d promised. He noticed, as he watched himself undress, how different he looked with the new lighting. Even was right, he was less lumpy. He stood to remove his pants and made a few turns in front of the camera, tugging and cupping and admiring how he looked.

**anonymous:** we get it u have nice undies. theyre nicer when theyre on the floor

Isak moved to his left so his head would be out of frame when he bent over. He pushed down on the waistband and leaned over slowly; the room spent a full minute with just the shape of his ass jiggling at the side of the screen. Then he returned to the bed, kneeling at the edge.

**badgirlbadgirl:** wtf  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** did you get a dick implant or smthg  
 **misterbee:** you do look larger than usual  
 **anonymous:** this is still hardy right

“Shit.” He did look bigger, an extra inch at least. Whether it was the lighting or the kiss, he didn’t know. He gripped himself at the base and sent a silent thank you to Even for both. “Have you ever gotten a boner from kissing?”

**anonymous:** from making out sure  
 **anonymous:** from a lil peck no  
 **daddyshome:** what is up with u and boys with magic mouths

“Guess I’m just lucky.” Isak spread his knees a bit further apart. He started stroking with intention.

**anonymous:** ur gonna have a fucking amazing sex life if this is just from a kiss

Isak felt a thrill run straight to his dick when he read that comment, immediately imagining Even between his legs, under him. “We made out in the kitchen for a bit. Standing. Nothing below the waist. But I think it was something I’ve wanted for a while, and it was exciting to get it…without having to ask for it.”

**anonymous:** ur ass was probably asking for it

Isak thought about the evening, retracing his steps, his words. He wondered if he really had been asking for it, if he had been overtly flirting or throwing up signals. But he couldn’t think of anything that had been out of the ordinary. They had chatted like they usually do, crashed another hang out with Jonas and Eva, just like before. He’d invited Even back to his apartment but it was because Even had asked. He thought he had kept his fantasies where they belonged, in his head. So if they had come to life right there in his kitchen, it must have meant Even had them too.

Right?

Isak paused. His hand squeezed. What if…what if he’d been asking for it, and Even was just answering? What if he was just giving him what he wanted, if that’s what he thought he owed him?

**misterbee:** what’s wrong?

“N-nothing.” He resumed stroking. He powered through the doubt. Maybe it didn’t matter.

It was still a great kiss. Just like the one after it. And the next. And the next. Isak let out a low moan while he remembered, while he relived it. He licked his lips and felt the wetness of Even’s mouth. God, if only he could transfer that to his dick.

Isak paused again, but just to bring his palm to his mouth and spit. He added the lubricant to his dick. He tried to imitate the pressure of a tongue, of those lips, with the ring of his fingers. He knew it wouldn’t compare. But it was enough for now.

**anonymous:** fuk even his jizz is bigger

Isak’s chest was heaving from the force of the orgasm. He let go, his blood-heavy cock flopping against his thigh. He rose up on his knees and pulled his shirt over his head, rolling it so the cum didn’t transfer anywhere.

**TwoIsCompany has entered**

* * *

On Saturday morning Isak saw Eva sitting in the swing next to Emir’s, her butt squeezed into the plastic harness built for someone twenty years younger than her. Isak almost bailed halfway up the hill. She caught sight of him though, and yelled, then struggled to extricate herself.

“I was hoping you’d still be sleeping off a hangover,” he said as he finished his approach.

“And miss out on the recap? Please.” Eva finally stood up straight and raised a cheek for a kiss. Isak obliged, and waved hello to Sana. He held out a hand to high five Emir as he swung past, but the concept was lost on the toddler. “Okay, quit stalling.”

Isak sighed. “Sana, how much do you know?”

“She’s been here for five minutes. I’m caught up.”

“So…how was game night?”

“Uh, what?”

“Jonas said you guys were playing games. On the internet.” Eva mimed holding a gun like in a first-person shooter. “That’s what the headphones were for.”

“Oh, right. Yeah. We uh, played for a little bit but then he left.”

Eva pursed her lips and waited.

“What?”

“That’s it? He went home?”

“Yeah.” Technically it was the truth. Isak shoved his hands into his pockets.

“He’s lying.”

Eva’s head flicked to Sana then back to Isak. She caught the stern look he was giving Sana. “Isak, spill. Now.”

“He went home,” Isak repeated. He took a deep breath. The rest came out like a single word: “But he kissed me before he left.”

Eva screamed, which startled Emir so much he started to cry. “I _knew_ it! Yes yes yes yes yes!” She punched the air and hopped around in tiny circles. Sana slowed the swing and lifted Emir out to soothe him. “God I would’ve slapped you if nothing had happened. He was dying for it.”

“Really?”

“Are you blind?”

Isak shrugged.

“Do you still think he’s straight?” Sana carried Emir over to the slide. They didn’t have a choice but to follow. Isak and Eva posted up at the bottom and Sana lifted Emir to the top.

“I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“Because of Sonja?”

“Sort of. But not really. I know history doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”

“Looks like I’ll have to remove you from the Denial Hall of Fame.”

Emir screeched his way down the metal slope.

“Then what is it?” Eva caught him. She walked him back to Sana.

“We’re friends. But I don’t know if he is interested in me or…I don’t know. If there are other motives.”

Eva slowly looked at Sana to find out if she was missing something. “That sounds…super shady.”

“Maybe…he’s trying to seduce you so he can get to the pills.”

“No, no, not like that.” Isak had to laugh. “Like, emotional motives.”

“Okay, _now_ my brain hurts. Could you just look at it as…a kiss? Do you have to like, figure out your happily ever after right now, or could you just hook up, have a little fun with a very attractive man? Have your summer of singledom like Jonas told you.”

“I just don’t want to fuck it up. We _are_ good friends.”

Sana glared. Isak lifted his hands in apology.

“Look, I’ve had plenty of kisses with good friends that haven’t ruined anything. It’s possible. Just don’t overthink it.”

It was Isak’s turn to transport Emir. He probably was overthinking it, not letting the kiss be simply what it was: something nice. Something sexy. It was quite normal considering how everything had started. Isak didn’t know why it had been such a shock and left him so anxious when it was something he wanted and, frankly, was less intense than watching him finger himself to another orgasm thirty minutes later. He laughed to himself that he was getting worked up over a kiss.

“So…when is your next game night?” Eva smirked.

* * *

Isak wasn’t expecting to hear from Even all weekend because he had promised to help Sonja move. They were still dividing and packing things on Saturday, and climbing stairs on Sunday. Isak kept himself distracted with business and sleep. He checked his budget with last week’s payout and found Bee in his inbox.

_how’s your study buddy?_

_Figured it out, huh?_

_i’m just glad it’s improved from the disaster meeting._

_So far it has._

_will we get to see him soon?_

_I don’t want to jinx anything._

_that’s okay. still enjoying the single shows._

_Thanks, Bee. xx_

He tidied up his apartment and moved his camera back to Monday’s set-up, wondering what Even would change the next time he was over. Considering Friday’s response, maybe he would shift to always being on the bed, especially since he didn’t have to sit at his desk to study anymore. That might imply more masturbating though, and he didn’t want to disappoint his viewers if he wasn’t in the mood.

Late on Sunday afternoon Even sent four texts in the row. Once was a picture of his red, sweaty face, and he was visibly angry.

_I just moved my bed into my ex-girlfriend’s new apartment._

_Change of plans for Monday. Meet me here._

The last text was a link to a mattress store.

* * *

“So she got the bed.”

“She got the fucking bed.” Even met Isak in front of the store a little after sixteen. He walked right up to him and landed an angry peck on his cheek. “I offered to pay for it in full, to buy her a whole new bed that someone else would deliver and build. But no. She slapped a fucking post-it note on it on Sunday morning and wouldn’t budge.”

“One of _my_ post-its?”

Even nodded and clenched his jaw.

“Oh _hell_ no.” Isak tried to feign outrage, spinning to the door and whipping it open as if the perfect revenge would be found in a new mattress, but he barely got inside the store before he bent over in laughter.

“Sure, it’s funny to the guy who didn’t have to carry an extra-large double across the city.” Even walked in behind him.

“Extra large?”

“Sometimes I roll around. Most mornings I wake up diagonal. It pissed Sonja off when we had a smaller one at the beginning.” They stood side-by-side and took in the store, about twenty bare beds waiting to be jumped on. A woman in a sharp pantsuit made her way down the middle with her best sales smile on.

“Good afternoon, gentlemen. Looking for a mattress today?”

“Actually no, I’m trying to find a dinner table.”

Even sent an elbow into Isak’s side. Isak giggled an apology.

“Yes, we’re looking for a bed. Preferably an extra-large double. I like it on the firmer side, but we’re going to want to test some options.”

“Great! Have you slept on any of our mattresses in the past?”

“No. But I’ve heard a lot about them, and I looked up some of the spring options online.”

“And you’re interested in keeping the spring style?”

Even nodded. Isak was impressed by his quick transition from pissed off ex to professional mattress buyer. He stepped back a bit to let him handle his business.

“Okay, you’re going to want to start with this bed over here, and work your way down.” The sales woman pointed to the third bed from the front of the store and gestured down the line. “They’ll get firmer as you go. These are smaller than the size you’re going for but we guarantee the width does not alter the sleep experience. We recommend spending at least ten minutes on each mattress in your most common positions. It’s helpful to move, of course, to see how the bed responds to that. Consider getting in and out of bed while your partner is resting, and take into account frame height as well as relaxed situations, such as sitting on the edge. We’re aware that beds have myriad uses beyond sleep.”

Isak giggled again.

“We have a high-end selection of pillows on the beds currently, but if you’d like to test with something more similar to what you use, we have other options available.”

“Wow, okay. I think we’re fine to use whatever is out. I don’t have anything fancy at home.” Even looked at Isak for his preference, but Isak just shrugged and nodded. He didn’t realize he was going to be an active participant in the testing.

“Then please get started. We have refreshments at the back if you need a break. And I’ll be nearby if you have any notes or questions.” She gave them one more big smile and began her retreat. Even nodded his thanks then moved to the first bed. When Isak didn’t immediately follow he looped back and grabbed his hand.

“Get in loser, we’re going bed shopping.”

“What?!”

“It’s a quote from _Mean Girls_. But seriously, get in.” Even walked to the left side of the bed and sat on the edge, then let himself fall backward. “Oh that’s bouncy.” Isak hopped onto the other side to confirm.

“Too bouncy?”

“I think so. Next.”

Isak stood and crossed to the next bed, turning to sit.

“No, you’re always on the right side.” Even shooed him to the other side. Isak walked all the way around.

“Is that because you’re always on the left?”

“You’re a smart one, Isak.”

They moved quickly through the first three beds, Even not needing much to veto them. He didn’t actually lie down fully until the fourth. He patted Isak’s side to get him to join, then set the timer on his phone for ten minutes. At first they remained on their backs, staring at the ceiling in silence. Then Even spryly flopped onto his stomach, and the sudden movement made Isak laugh.

“What! I sleep on my stomach sometimes. We’re supposed to do this.”

Isak turned onto his side to face Even, pulling up his knees and tucking an arm under his pillow. “It still feels kind of…hammock-y. Like my body is dipping down.”

“How firm is your bed?”

“I don’t know. Average? It has some bounce to it.”

“Like this?” Even pushed up onto his elbows and lifted his hips, humping the bed a few times, shaking Isak out of his curled up form. He laughed at the utter shock on Isak’s face.

“Oh my god Even do not fucking hump the bed!” Isak hissed. He twisted around to see if the sales woman was watching them.

“She said we need to do this too! It’s _not just for sleeping_.”

“I don’t think they actually want customers miming sex acts. Just hop on the edge or something.”

“Like you do on Fridays?”

“Fuck off.” Isak shoved Even’s shoulder and used the force to roll away from him. Even shot his arm out and grabbed his t-shirt before he got too far though.

“Wait, the ten minutes aren’t up. Choose another position.”

“No, see how it feels when I get out.” His shirt stretched but eventually popped free of Even’s hand. Isak climbed out of bed and moved to the next one, lying down properly on his side.

“I didn’t like that.”

“Too much movement?” Isak called back, a bed and a half between them.

“Sure.” Even got up and joined Isak, starting on his back again. He reset the timer. They said nothing, trying their best to feel the bed with the weight of their limbs. Halfway into their allotted time Even spoke up, in a bit of a whisper. “I guess…I guess it’s good that she took the bed.”

“Yeah?”

“She took a lot of stuff. I was annoyed that it was a lot of work, but…one day of heavy lifting is worth not having to go home and be reminded of her whenever I want to sleep. She truly moved out.”

“That’s a nice way of thinking about it.”

“I’ll take another few nights on the couch for a fresh start.”

Isak reached out to pat Even’s hand in a show of support. Even flipped his own palm up and held onto Isak’s hand, not letting him pull back.

“I’m sorry.” His grip loosened but he still didn’t let go. “Can I hold your hand?”

“I think you already are.”

“I mean, when we’re not…in bed together.” Even chuckled at how strange the context sounded.

“If you want to.”

“I only want to if you want to.”

Isak didn’t let go, but he turned to his side so he could face Even more comfortably. “Is that why you’re doing this? Because you think it’s what I want?” Even mirrored him.

“No. I’m doing it because I want it. But I’ll stop if you don’t.”

The timer buzzed. Even twisted away to grab his phone, and Isak’s gut took the interruption as an opportunity.

“Even, are you gay?”

“What?” He snapped back around and his grip tightened in reflex. They were both a bit shocked at the question, but Isak powered through. Now that it was out there he needed to know.

“Are you attracted to men?”

Even swallowed, and thought for a moment. “My instinct was to respond, ‘If you want me to be,’ but I know that’s not the right answer.” He huffed a small, nervous laugh.

“I don’t want the right answer. I want your answer.”

Another moment of thought. Another small, nervous laugh. “You’re a man.”

“I’m glad you noticed that.” Isak smiled and the air lightened between them.

“I’m attracted to you.”

“Okay.” Butterflies let loose in Isak's stomach.

“I’m attracted to a man. I was attracted to a woman, for a while. I think I’ll be attracted to a man for a while now too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Definitely for the next hour at least.”

“You’re the wo-o-o-orst.” Isak rolled his eyes, his whole body, away from Even. It took some effort to pull his hand away, but eventually he left the bed entirely. He moved on to the next contender, and was relieved to hear Even scrambling to follow.

“This one feels like my bed. But fancier,” Isak evaluated. He rolled to his side again. He noticed when Even did the same that he was closer. Their knees touched when they tucked them up.

“That’s good. You like your bed, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Can you try another position though?”

“Sure.” Isak started to roll away again, but Even’s arm reached out and stopped his shoulder from going too far.

“Stay there.” Even rolled into Isak’s side until he was resting his weight on Isak’s torso. He nudged his right leg between Isak’s and his face into the crook of his neck. “Sometimes I sleep like this.”

“What a coincidence. Me too.” Isak adjusted his arms until they were comfortable, fitting under Even’s hollows and wrapped loosely across Even’s back. While he was serious about it, Isak hadn’t actually slept like that in a long time, so he relished the feeling and let his eyes drift shut.

“I don’t know how else to say this but I can’t wait to sleep with you.” Even’s whisper was warm on Isak’s skin.

He leaned into the heat and kept his eyes closed. “I think you already are.”

They stayed there for twenty minutes, just to be sure.


	21. 21:35

After Even paid for his new bed and arranged for delivery they went their separate ways. Isak went home with a kiss and a smile on his lips. Even had to get some work done so he couldn’t hang out with Isak at his apartment, but they turned on their cameras and ate dinner together at their desks.

“I think I need a hobby. Maybe some…arts ‘n’ crafts.”

Even glanced at the camera. “Are you bored?”

“Not right now, but for the show. I don’t have anything to…do.”

“Can’t you just talk?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think that’s enough. Sometimes the conversation doesn’t exactly flow.”

“Okay, so, knitting? Or you could work on a puzzle.”

“I’m serious,” Isak whined.

“So am I! There are people who solve puzzles on Youtube.”

“I don’t think I’d be able to get one in time for tonight.”

“Well…I’m going to state the obvious—“

Isak waved it away. “I don’t know that I want to start doing that for every session. It takes the excitement out of Friday.” Isak sighed. “I really should be reading for my thesis, but no one wants to watch me read.”

“Then cancel the show, read for a couple hours, and go to sleep. You _do_ have work tomorrow.”

Isak pouted at the perfectly good suggestion. “What do you want to watch me do?”

Even stopped working, focusing completely on Isak’s face. He thought for a moment, then let a smile grow. “The obvious.”

Isak blushed.

Even leaned forward, dropping his voice. “I want you…to…vacuum your carpet.”

Isak flipped him off, picked up his empty bowl, and left the room. He could hear Even’s laugh all the way down the hall.

* * *

On Tuesday morning Isak started his shift on the register. He rang up customers buying bandages and cough drops and listened to Tom whenever someone needed dosage instructions or struggled with mixing medications. He took notes in his glittery pink notebook, which he was able to do faster than pulling out his phone each time, and looked slightly more professional despite the cartoon on the cover. It quieted down around midday, so Tom came out from the back and asked Catarina to cover the counter. “Just for a quick lunch break. I want to check in with Isak here.” Caterina nodded and waved them away. Isak followed Tom out of the pharmacy.

They went to a grab-and-go store, and Tom paid for Isak’s sandwich, chips, and soda. They ate outside, finding seats on the concrete base of a fountain. “You’re not in trouble.”

Isak let out the breath he’d been holding since he left the counter. Tom laughed.

“Sorry man, didn’t mean to scare you. I meant to do this right when you started but as you can see the days can fill up pretty fast.”

“Yeah. Was last week normal?”

Tom scrunched up his nose. “A little bit busy but I’ve had worse ones. I’m glad you saw that level though. It was a good place for you to start. You liking it so far?”

“Yeah! Yes. I know I’m, uh, studying this and want this to be my career, but I didn’t realize how much more it entailed. Like inventorying tampons.”

Tom laughed again. “I wouldn’t say it’s a requirement to become a pharmacist, more of a side effect. But you’re dealing with medicating the human body and mind; you’re going to see and hear just about everything.”

They ate their sandwiches and enjoyed their time in the sun, out from under the florescents.

“You know, when I started I had a notebook too. At the end of the day I wrote down the…the wildest thing that happened that day. Whether it was the hour spent discussing vaginal suppositories, or the overdose happening in aisle two…I had pages and pages of the strangest things. Of course some of it was dumb because it was a quiet day. Like, one day I couldn’t open the register drawer for five minutes, and that was the worst thing. But it was good to learn from, and good to look back on, even now. To see how varied work can be, to see what I survived. To see what I helped fix.”

“So I’ll need a few more rainbow notebooks, huh?”

“I have plenty more in the back.”

Lunch didn’t last long, just half an hour. Tom didn’t want to leave Caterina alone, simply because “that always seems to be when the craziest shit happens.” But they talked some about Isak’s thesis, what else he was doing that summer, and how his schedule might change. He didn’t want to raise any flags with Tom, but he did request he keep his Mondays open.

“No problem. I like having days off during the week too. Makes life a bit easier when the rest of the world isn’t closed.”

“Hah, yeah.”

“If anything I’ll shift you closer to the weekend so Catarina can have those days.”

“Great.”

They crumpled up their detritus and took turns lobbing them into the nearby trash can. Then they walked back to a blissfully quiet counter.

* * *

On Wednesday Isak did what Tom had done: after his shift was over he wrote down the wildest thing he’d witnessed on the last page of his notebook. He’d work backward until he met his notes in the middle and would need a new one. He and Catarina closed up and Isak began the short walk home. He texted Even once he hit the sidewalk. _Dinner?_

_Pizza_

_The fancy kind that you can't pronounce?_

_No, the greasy shit you like_

_Enjoy :)_

He knew Even went for quick dinners, fast food, when he just needed a boost to get through a night of work. He didn’t press anything. He unlocked the door to his building and climbed his way to a hot shower.

Isak heard the barking before the tornado of fur hit his knees at the top of the stairs. He almost caught it, but it ran away just as fast. When Isak looked up he saw the owner leaning in his doorway, watching the dog run. Then he saw what it was running toward: pizza.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he hollered at the blond sitting in front of his own door.

Even was smiling, but distracted by trying to wrestle a ball from the dog’s mouth.

“Looks like we both picked up a stray,” his neighbor said as he walked past. 

Isak returned his smirk. “I bet yours is more well-behaved.”

Even chucked the ball down the hall and the dog flew past Isak again. Then he pushed himself to his feet, bending over to pick up the pizza.

“Should’ve known you’d start stalking me.”

“Oh I’m not here for you. I’m here to see your camera.”

Isak unlocked his door and ushered Even inside. “Monday was that bad, huh.”

“Torture. You didn’t look as cute as I know you are. Pizza is on me, beer is on you.” Even slid the cardboard box onto the counter in the kitchen then made a beeline for Isak’s room. Isak got plates and beer and set up their dinner on his coffee table.

It didn’t take Even too long. “I tested it with my height in the chair but remember to adjust it before you go live.” He dropped himself onto the couch next to Isak. “Jeez, that dog kinda wore me out.”

“How long were you playing with it?”

“Not long. Pizza is still hot. But she runs fast.”

“Was she loose in the hallway again?”

“Nah, she barked when I walked past and I knocked to see if she wanted to play.”

Isak gave him a weird look but couldn’t stop himself from smiling through it. “What a…random thing to do.”

Even shrugged. “Her owner was cool with it. Gave me a ball. Burned off some energy.”

“You officially know more about my neighbors than I do.”

“He’s nice. He has a kid but the kid never wants to walk the dog.”

“If the video stuff doesn’t work out you could have a second career.”

“I’ve always wanted to be a dogwalker….” Even mused to the room. Then with a grunt he leaned forward and served himself a slice. Isak was halfway through his own, grease catching at the corners of his mouth. “Don't think it pays as well though.”

“You mean you can’t survive on wagging tails and tongue licks?”

“Doesn’t quite pay the rent.”

“It does for me.” Isak smiled into his pizza and braced himself for a punch. When it didn’t come he looked at Even. Even had put down his slice and was observing Isak from the side.

“Sometimes I forget that that’s what you do.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s how we met.” Isak took a long swig of beer. He readjusted his position so he could look at Even face on, his left leg folded in front of him on the couch. “What exactly do you think you’re doing when you tip me tokens?”

Even shrugged. “Having fun.”

“Well…that’s all part of it.” Isak cleared his throat. “Although, according to Eva, we met playing…fucking…Call of Duty or some shit.”

“What?! I’ve never, I don’t even know how that works.”

“I think Jonas convinced her that’s what the headphones were for.”

“Do I need to like, Wikipedia it in case she asks about it?”

“Nah, she won’t. She wouldn’t know what she’s talking about either.”

“But is that what we’re going with?”

Isak smiled. He propped his elbow on the back of the couch and let his head drop into the crook. He liked what Even’s question implied. “Yeah, we can go with that,” he said softly.

* * *

Even cleaned up the pizza, wrapping the last two slices in foil and sticking them in Isak’s fridge. He got fresh beers and returned to the couch, clucking when he saw Isak had stretched his body across all of the cushions. “Where oh were am I going to sit now.” He looked Isak up and down. Without warning he dropped his full weight onto Isak’s chest.

“Ahhh!” The sudden pressure forced a scream out from Isak’s lungs. He squirmed under Even’s ass and pushed at his hip. Even did his best to remain balanced and drink his beer calmly.

“Mmm, you have a really comfortable couch. I should’ve asked to sleep here instead.”

“Get…the…fuck…off me.”

“Hmm? What’s that? Did you ask me to get you off?” He didn’t budge.

Isak grunted and finally got some leverage under Even, lifting him at the hip and knee until he fell toward Isak’s feet. Isak kicked out from under him, not really caring that the bottles of beer were sloshing onto the cushions. “Oi, you’re worse than a trip to the gym.”

“I love the way you compliment me.”

“Fine. You make me sweat and piss me off.” Isak kept kicking at Even’s hip, shaking him enough to stop him from taking a safe sip. “Have you seen this?” He gestured at the movie listed on the TV. He had been trying to find something to watch before Even attacked.

“Yeah, that’s fine. You know we’re not actually going to watch it.” Even took a rough sip of beer and put both bottles on the table.

“What?! After I spent so much time picking the perfect fiiiiiiilm?”

Even glanced at the television again. “Frozen?”

“A motherfucking classic.”

“Oh my god, just start it.” Even leaned over and crawled up Isak’s legs, letting them reextend beneath him. He wedged himself between the back of the couch and Isak’s side. He propped himself up on his elbow and draped an arm across Isak’s stomach just in case he was about to fall off. Isak clicked around on the screen and picked something else, something less musical. As soon as it was rolling he let the remote fall to the floor and turned his attention back to Even.

“You have an hour and forty-three minutes to help me think of what to do for my show tonight. Minus the credits.”

“Okay, so that gives me an hour and forty minutes to do this.” Even dipped his head into Isak’s neck and took a deep inhale through his nose; he smelled the pizza and peppers and sweat of a long day at the pharmacy. Then he opened his mouth and let his tongue lick it up in one long swipe.

Isak smirked, turning his head away to open up more skin to Even. “You gonna lick me clean?”

“Right after I kiss you dirty.”

Even lightly grabbed Isak’s chin and pulled his face back to his own. They started with pecks, light touches like quick hellos. Then he pressed his lips to Isak’s and pushed open his mouth slowly, filling the opening with his tongue. It was tender and lazy. Isak freed his arms and crossed them loosely behind Even’s neck, an insurance policy in case Even attempted to leave before the movie was done. Before Isak was done.

Even rolled on top of Isak, settling between his legs. His arms wove under Isak’s shoulders, fingers curling into his hair. He kissed and bit and mumbled his general appreciation for the body underneath him. The movie was barely a distraction. Isak was wholly focused on every inch of Even touching him, from the tongue flicking up behind his teeth to the socks rubbing against his ankles. He enjoyed the weight of Even wherever he felt it.

Especially there. Even drew back one of his arms to reach down and adjust himself. Isak let out a small whimper when Even had to lift up slightly, but sighed when the pressure returned, and in a much more comfortable position. Even took the noises as permission, but still asked. “Yeah?”

Isak ran his hands down Even’s back, pushing up on his shirt briefly, then moving toward a bigger goal. He got firm handfuls of Even’s ass through his pants and dragged him up his body, pressing his hips, his erection against his own. “Okay, yeah.” Even’s breath hitched, but he took direction well. Isak maintained his grip and Even moved beneath his hands, against him.

They listened to each other, what their bodies said and wanted. Isak spread his legs wider, pulling his knees up to cradle Even. He guided a bit with his calves against the back of Even’s thighs, which freed up his hands to return to Even’s neck. As if he weren’t already shouting it, between kisses, Isak breathed, “Fuck you’re so hot.”

“Right back atcha, babe.” Even moved his mouth along Isak’s jaw, back to his throat, and then down to his collarbone. He pushed away the vee of his button down, then undid one of the buttons to expose more skin. “I just want...to eat you.”

Isak knew he was going for a nipple. He arched his back, moving to meet Even’s trajectory. Just the anticipation of it sent a pulse right to his dick, which strained at the zipper of his pants. He could feel Even smiling against his chest, his thin fingers undoing one more button. “Bite,” he encouraged.

Even sucked, first, pressing his lips around the brown nub and pulling back his head. More pulses went to Isak’s dick, and he had to reach down too to relieve some of the pressure. He wanted to touch Even, to feel what he’d seen that one time on screen, but he was worried it would be too much, for both of them. He bucked up against him instead, and brought his hands back up to tangle in his blond waves. Even bit. Isak moaned.

Even worked his way down, popping buttons and moving from smooth skin to the soft hair that disappeared below the belt. Isak’s skin glistened from the spit in the blue light flickering from the television. Even’s mouth closed in on Isak’s covered dick, defining it with his lips, sucking the air out of Isak’s lungs. Then he followed the trail he’d made back up, with slow detours to the nipples. Isak was seconds away from busting out of his pants, except he was pinned again, at the mercy of Even’s weight and his tongue.

But he slowed down. Even had done a great job of ramping up their heart rates, and now he was dialing them back. Their hips stilled and jaws relaxed. Even’s hands still roamed beneath the loose fabric of Isak’s undone shirt, but it was just a survey of Isak’s torso, taking stock of the body he’d enjoy more of at a later date. With less of a fevered pursuit he could mentally note the sweat collecting at Isak’s lower back, the bones that popped out when he rolled his hips, the dip of his belly below his rib cage when he was on his back, recovering his breath. Some things he recognized from what he saw on camera, his brain saying déjà vu even though his fingers were finding it anew. Other things were unexpected, like how Isak’s hands responded to Even’s mouth, and where, exactly he would guide a body that wasn’t his. He returned to Isak’s neck. He felt Isak’s grip release from his hair.

“You’re a fucking tease.” The accusation came in hot breaths against his ear. He sucked on Isak’s skin in response, in confirmation. Isak’s groan made his lips tingle.

“You started it. You and your moaning and stroking, every fucking week.”

Isak got his hands under Even and pushed him away, but he didn’t go very far thanks to the couch. “You don’t have to watch.”

Even barked a laugh. Isak noticed how red his lips were, puffier than normal. “Sure. I don’t have to eat. I don’t have to breathe. I can just…stop.” Even dove back in and Isak’s arms gave way.

“So fucking dramatic,” Isak mumbled, while he enjoyed how dramatic Even was being right below his ear.

Even popped off of Isak with a small gasp. He pushed himself up to a sitting position, or at least as close as he could get without kicking Isak away. He ran his hands through his hair, undoing the damage Isak’s fingers did. “It really is difficult to stop though.” He spoke to the movie instead of Isak. “I get a little bit more of you every time and…it requires every ounce of strength for me to not take…more.”

Isak was flattered but the frustration that Even was biting back made him furrow his brow. He tried to sit up to meet Even’s eye. They had to untangle first. “I really appreciate how restrained you’ve been. I don’t think I realized that’s what it was. But I think what we’re doing is good.”

Even glanced down at his crotch, then slid his gaze over to Isak’s. He huffed out a laugh. “Sure as hell looks like it.”

Isak blushed but didn’t hide it. He had more important thoughts to sort through. “I’m still…I’m trying to figure out what you are. Aside from an absolute gentleman and horndog. You’re my friend. And I don’t want to lose that. But I also don’t know what else you could be, to me. What someone from the internet, from my cam, can become. I’ve never done this before.”

Even listened to Isak. He understood. He nodded, and then couldn’t resist a joke. “So I’m your first?”

Isak punched him. “You’re nothing if you don’t stop saying shit like that.”

“You love it. I think you would die if you couldn’t roll your eyes five times a day. You just hate that I give you exactly what you need.” Even tackled him before he could get another punch in. 

“Five? That’s fucking generous of you.” Isak tried to wriggle out from Even’s pin, but he was just making it worse for himself. “Try a million. Try infinite. I haven’t stopped rolling my eyes since you sent me your picture.”

“Yeah, well…I’d roll my eyes at that photo too.” Even panted from the effort and eventually gave up. Isak relaxed when he had nothing to fight. They both tried to shake the memory of Sonja.

“Look. I know. We’re still going slow.” Even gave him half of a smile. “You’re not mine to lose.” Even leaned into Isak for a soft kiss, gentle and unassuming. When he pulled back the rest of his smile was there. He looked from Isak’s lips, still slightly puckered, up to his eyes, drifting closed in satisfaction. He whispered: “Yet.”

* * *

After the movie, including the credits, Even pushed himself up off the couch. Isak buttoned his shirt. Even carried their empty bottles into the kitchen.

“You…you could stay, if you want. I know you still don’t have a bed, so you could sleep here.” Isak offered from the couch, where he was struggling to arrange himself comfortably in his pants. Even returned and dropped a kiss on the crown of Isak’s head.

“Thank you, but I really do need to go home and work. I’m on a deadline. Besides, you have a show.”

“You shouldn’t have come over if you had work to finish. I thought your little pizza stunt meant you were done.” Isak finally stood, and followed Even to where he was shoving his feet into his shoes.

“Work never ends. But I absolutely had to fix your camera, and give you something to do for the show.”

“Huh?” Isak looked back in the direction of the bedroom, wondering if he left something else in there again. He turned back around when he felt Even palm his hard-on. “Jesus.”

“You have fun solving _this_ puzzle.”

There was another quick kiss and then he was gone.


	22. 3:42

Eva didn’t crash another play date with Sana, but she was there in spirit. “You are absolutely _covered_ in hickeys.” Sana flicked at the collar of Isak’s polo, making him flinch. The marks from Wednesday had faded some but were still visible, and Isak couldn’t quite pull off a scarf in that weather. Sana held up her phone before Isak realized what she was doing, and the evidence was already on its way to Eva before Isak could spin away.

“Come _on_ , Sana.”

Sana dropped down to Emir’s height in the sandbox, leaning in to get his ear. “Look sweetie, do you see Uncle Isak? He has love bites. That’s what it looks like when someone likes you very very very much.”

Isak’s phone pinged with a message from Eva. _We’re going dancing with Eskild tonight. You, me, and your hickeys._

In turn Isak sent Even a text: _You’re not allowed near my neck for the next month._

_I’ll suck on something else._

Isak shoved his phone in his pocket but that did nothing to hide his blush.

“I can’t believe they let you sell pills in that condition.”

“Catarina offered to apply some concealer but Tom was okay with it. I just…stayed away from the registers.”

“Get him under control or use an ice pack.”

“Oh yeah, nothing sets the mood like stopping to apply an ice pack in order to _reduce inflammation_ ,” he finished with his pharmacist voice.

Sana waved him off. She wasn’t here for a breakdown of their makeout sessions, no matter how much she was channeling Eva. “Whatever. It seems like it’s going well.”

“Yes.”

“When can I meet him?”

“Would you like to go dancing tonight?”

“Isak, please. You know I can’t ask Susie to stay on such short notice.”

“Then next week? He’ll pay for brunch.”

“How generous of…him.”

Isak tapped at his neck. “He owes me.”

“Looking forward to it, then. And work is going well too?”

“Yes! Despite all appearances, I think I am less of a dumbass than when I started. Catarina is, obviously, nice, and Tom is too. He cracks a lot of bad jokes though. Absolutely horrible puns. I think it’s a side effect of staring at brand names all day, trying to turn them back into real words.” Isak dropped down to the edge of the sandbox and helped Emir shovel his pile of sand into a different pile of sand.

“I have a nurse like that. Lives for every time someone gets prescribed Floxin. Little do Daiichi Sankyo know what that’s doing for their brand.”

“Heaven forbid any of your patients get an ear infection.”

Sana just shrugged. “You know I agree with you. Oh, that reminds me, I finally remembered the article you should check out. It’s kind of old, so I’m not sure how much you can cite, but I think it’s worth it for the thought process. If someone can argue so well against generics then you should be able to reverse engineer something. Or at least search rebuttals.”

“Okay, send it to me? I’ve been slacking a bit on my reading, but maybe if stuff starts piling up I’ll be motivated.”

“Slacking on your reading? Is that what kids these days are calling it?”

Isak flicked sand in her direction, which Emir immediately picked up on and copied. Sana jumped to her feet. “Mama won’t send anything until sand stops flying.”

Emir laughed. Isak dropped the toy shovel.

* * *

Even could tell Isak was worrying about something. “Seriously. What’s up?”

“Um…do you like to dance?”

Even shrugged. “Depends on the music. Depends on the crowd. Why?”

“I’m going dancing tonight, with Eva and Eskild. Do you want to come with us?”

“Ah. I’d love to, but as soon as my bed arrives I’m dashing to a wedding.” Even turned his camera to his closet again, where a suit was hanging, along with a bunch of tech bags piled beneath it. “Thank you for inviting me though. Who is Eskild?” He turned his camera back.

“An old roommate. A friend. If you go back about a year in my instagram you’ll see a bunch of him.”

Isak expected Even to pick up his phone and start scrolling, but Even sort of just looked off into the distance. “Isn’t it funny how you don’t really just meet anyone anymore. You’re always able to do some research. You always have a picture. No one is ever just…brand new.”

“They are if you meet them in the club.”

Even’s mouth popped open and he slowly turned to look into the camera. “Oh. You’re right.”

“You clearly don’t go to clubs very often.”

“Do you? I don’t think I’ve heard you talk about them much.”

“I definitely went more often before I started camming. And before everyone else started working. But I like going out. I haven’t seen Eskild in a while, and he and Eva are…well, they have a lot of fun.”

“Remember to put your shit away.”

Isak scoffed. “I’m not going to get sloppy.”

“I actually don’t believe you can dance without getting sloppy.” Even leaned back in his chair and watched Isak squirm under the truth.

“I…can. I do.”

“It’s not only you. Almost everyone needs a little bit of a mess in order to have fun.”

“That’s where Eskild comes in.”

“Then you _really_ don’t want him finding your shit.”

Isak stretched, just to avoid admitting that Even was right, and then caved when he didn’t have anything else to say. “Fine. Then I won’t cam you on Sunday when I’m too hungover to set it up again.”

“I’ll figure something else out.”

Isak heard Even’s buzzer then, a well-timed delivery. “Have fun tonight, Isak. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You too. Bye.” Even’s screen went black and Isak exited the room.

He spun around in his chair and mentally ran through his outfit options for the club, too lazy to actually flick through his closet.

* * *

Isak got sloppy. He started drinking at home, putting on some music, sipping beers, and trying on different shirts even though he went back to the first one he’d decided on. He felt silly doing it, since it didn’t really matter; Even wasn’t going to see him in it. But it was a way to pass the time until he had to meet Eva and Eskild outside the club at 23. By then he had a nice buzz, and he agreed to follow Eskild right to the bar for shots as soon as they walked inside.

“I was hyping Even up so much and he didn’t even show?”

“He’s working.”

“A gentleman of the night, eh?” Eskild gave Isak a little wink right before throwing back a second shot.

“He’s at a wedding.”

“There’s profit in a plus one.”

“Eskild,” Isak whined. If he let Eskild keep going he’d be crowned Even the Escort within ten minutes and refered to as nothing else until the day he died. The worst part is that Even would love it.

“One more shot and let’s go. Let's dance so I can pretend you’re paying someone to be your fake boyfriend.”

“Wait he’s fake?”

“Eva, please!” Isak actually needed another shot now, so he threw two back and gently shoved Eva toward the stage. Eskild hung back, ordering a few beers to go.

The DJ was great, a friend of Eskild’s, who was open to requests as long as Eskild paced himself. Apparently he promised to let Eskild on the mic to do the “It’s Britney, bitch,” line when the song came on, but that just meant Eskild kept looking over his shoulder and gesturing every three minutes. Isak danced with Eva and it was fun, relaxed. Neither of them were dancing for the room like they used to. They alternated going to the bar to keep each other refreshed.

Around 2 Eskild started pouting. “I have, at best, twenty more chances.”

“Slip him some cash if you’re that desperate.” They shouted at each other over Ellie Goulding.

“He’s the DJ, not your boyfriend.”

Isak shoved Eskild into a couple behind him, which Eskild didn’t particularly mind. He joined them for a few songs.

“Isak, are you in lo-o-o-o-o-ve?” Eva drawled, throwing her arms around his neck in an attempt at a hug. She tried to push him away almost as quickly though, and adjust her focus on his neck. She pressed a finger into the faint bruise of one of his hickeys.

“Eva, are you in lo-o-o-o-o-ve?”

Eva’s eyes lit up in a moment of clarity. “I am. I’m in love with Jonas. I’m in love with you. I’m in love with…Eskild!” She pointed to him, crooking her finger until he shimmied back to their group. “Eskild, who do you love?”

Eskild had a list. He danced and shouted names, from Noora to the beautiful boy he blew in the bathroom the night before. Isak zoned in and out, picking up on some of the people when he didn’t let the music overwhelm him. He danced in a circle, his eyes skimming over the crowd, squinting against the strobe lights. He felt bad when the song changed and it wasn’t Britney Spears, but Eskild seemed to be distracted enough. Now he and Eva were just yelling about how much they loved Jonas to each other, their bodies vaguely swaying to the beat. Isak felt a hand brush across his shoulders and his whole body followed the touch in a slow circle. He wasn’t dancing for the room, but he let the room dance with him.

The DJ announced last call. Eskild gestured at them for one more, but Isak brushed it off. He was on a good level, didn’t want to tip over the edge. He drew Eva into him and they sang Whitney Houston along with everyone else on the floor. They traded “How will I know”s until Whitney faded and the lights began to climb.

“Aww come on, one more!” Eva shouted at the stage, raising her arms. As if on cue, the club plunged into complete darkness. An excited murmur ran through the crowd. Isak looked around, unable to see beyond Eva and Eskild in front of him. He wanted to reach out, curious at what he’d touch. They waited for a sound, a note, anything.

A flash of light lit up the DJ from behind. His arm shot up, pointing to the sky, and a voice floated down.

_Say my name, say my name._

Eskild screamed, Eva joined him. Isak wanted to drop to the floor, but knew, even in his state, that that was a bad idea. His head fell back, eyes closed, smile growing. He reveled in the serendipity, the pleasure of your favorite song coming on the radio, but even better. He pulled his phone from his pocket, unlocking it to record video of this unbelievable moment.

The song shifted into a remix, lyrics on repeat and a bassline growing with every round. Eskild was behind Eva, arms wrapped around her waist, grinding his hips into her ass. The whole club rolled with the slower song as it gently lowered everyone back down to earth, into their bodies. Isak put his phone away and joined them. He stepped in front of Eva and picked up their rhythm.

Isak noticed Eva’s eyes go wide only a second before he felt hands at his own waist and a voice at his ear. “Say my name, say my name.” Isak spun around into Even’s arms, pulling him even closer at the neck. He buried his smile in Even’s shoulder with a hug, then leaned back to look at him. It was pointless to shout over the music, to try to talk in the last minute of the song. He just mouthed, “You?” and Even nodded in response. They danced. They kissed, open and consuming, just like the song. Eva screamed again. When the lights came back up Eskild tucked a bill into Even’s waistband.

* * *

They stood outside the club for about twenty minutes, chatting and sobering up. Even did quite well under Eskild’s relentless scrutiny and teasing, but he did keep the cash in exchange. “I was not expecting a stress test at 3 in the morning,” Even said as they walked away, escaping.

“That…is Eskild. I’d like to say he’ll ease up as you get to know him but I don’t think he actually will.”

“Looking forward to it.” Even reached over for Isak’s hand, partly to steady him and partly to just hold him. “Um, which way are we going?”

Isak looked up from their intertwined fingers, orienting himself. “I don’t know where you live. I think I’m pretty close.”

“To yours then?”

Isak faced Even and nodded. “A sleepover.”

“I love sleepovers.” Isak resumed walking, pulling Even along. He caught up, letting go of Isak’s hand in favor of throwing his arm around Isak’s neck and holding him tight to his side. Isak’s own arm took its familiar position around Even’s waist. “Do you know the best part about sleepovers?”

“What’s the best part?”

They were walking in sync, at a decent clip. Even risked letting the sidewalk go in favor of kissing Isak’s ear, nipping at the lobe. “Not sleeping.”

They made it back to his building in record time.

Isak led Even down his hallway but stopped next to his door. He turned to lean his back against it, angled so his hips jutted out in front of him. “Find my key,” he demanded.

Even had watched him put his keys back in his left pocket. He dipped his hand into the right one first, slowly. “I feel…something.” Isak spread his legs, opening up his crotch for Even’s fingers.

“The key?” He looked up into Even’s eyes, towering above him.

“Bigger.”

Isak angled himself to meet the long fingers pressing through the thin material of his pocket. He let out a small sigh of relief with the contact. Even dropped his head and breathed it in. He drew his hand out of the pocket and flipped it north, running it up under Isak’s t-shirt, spreading his fingers across his belly. He held Isak in place there, and shoved his free hand into his left pocket for the key. He found the metal but left his hands there for the length of a kiss.

“By the way, you definitely said my name on camera.” Before Isak could deny it, Even spun him around and trapped him between his chest and the door. Even shoved the key into the lock.

“That’s rich coming from the guy whose dick is trying to poke another hole in my belt right now.” Isak reached back to feel Even up but Even had the door open by then and pushed him away, into the apartment.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that you make my dick hard, and you said my name whilst fucking a pillow. And before you give me your weird little what-the-fuck face, that’s a direct quote from Jane Austen.”

Isak laughed all the way to the kitchen. He filled two glasses from the tap. He turned and handed one to Even. They drank, staring at each other over the rims.

Isak swallowed his last sip hard. “So what if I said your name? No one knows it’s you. Or that it’s a name.”

“That’s not it. I just want you to admit that you were thinking about me when you were coming.”

Isak dropped his glass into the sink a little too hard. He tried to brush it off with a shrug. “Maybe.”

“Oh, come _on_.”

Isak stared down at his feet. “You know I like you. This shouldn’t be a surprise.”

“I know you like me. I like you too. But I want to know how much you _want_ me.” Even’s glass joined Isak’s. He stepped into Isak’s space, leading with his knee between Isak’s legs. He pressed in with the rest of his body, all the way up to Isak’s jaw, where his lips landed. He caught Isak’s whisper at his throat.

“I want you.”

Even exhaled, slow and hot down Isak’s neck. “I want you, too,” he murmured into the hickey he was about to renew under his skin. As soon as Isak felt the wet tip of Even’s tongue though, the draw of his lips, he wiggled away.

“Nope nope nope, I was serious. No neck.”

Even was ready for an alternative. He grabbed for Isak’s belt, walking his hands along it until Isak twisted around and presented his front. Once he had it unlatched Isak walked his way out of it, spinning into the hallway. Even followed him, leather strap in his hand, catching sight of skin as Isak stripped his way to the bedroom.

“This is what I imagine your shows start out like. Behind the scenes.” Isak threw his t-shirt over his shoulder for Even to catch. “When you start out naked there was a strip show that we all missed.”

“Sometimes they’re too impatient for a strip. Sometimes I’m too impatient for a strip.” The pants dropped in the doorway. Even stepped over them.

“You actually cleaned up your shit!” Even looked around the room, noticing how tidy it was. Until Isak’s socks went flying, of course.

Isak was down to his briefs when he crawled into bed, all the way up to the pillows. He flopped onto his back, spread eagle. “Fuck. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I got here.” Even dropped the belt on the desk chair and folded Isak’s shirt over it. “There’s nothing worse than being horny and exhausted.”

Even chuckled to himself. “I know you like to stick to your schedule but sometimes those Fridays get rough. Almost fell asleep with my dick in my hand one time.”

Isak snapped his head up. “You would jerk off?”

Now it was time for Even’s what-the-fuck face. “Wh—Isak, that’s what _everyone_ was doing. We weren’t there to help you with your statistics homework.”

Isak fell back again, covering his face with his hands. “I thought you said I was just in the background, while you were working.”

“Yeah, when you’re doing your fucking statistics homework. But if you were jerking off, so was I.” Even undressed at the corner of the bed. His jeans and shirt joined the pile on the chair.

“I…Maybe it was because I couldn’t see you, but I always thought you were just sitting there the way you do when you’re working. God this is so weird, thinking about you watching me.”

“This relationship gets more platonic the longer I’m in it.”

“I’m sorry. I think it’s just how my brain works. It made two versions of you: the sex one, with Sonja and the tipping, and then just the everyday one, with your headphones and wedding videos.”

“ _Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet._ ”

Isak grunted his question, too tired to twist his facial expression to match. Even crawled onto the bed and followed Isak’s path to the pillows.

“Rudyard Kipling. Except I definitely wore headphones and tipped while I was imagining I was making you come. _But there is neither East nor West…._ ” Even stopped three quarters of the way up Isak’s body, pressing his mouth to the bottom of Isak’s rib cage. Isak gasped under Even’s selective touch, and the rest of his body tingled with desire for equal treatment. It was slightly painful, the pressure on his bones, but he missed it as soon as Even broke away.

“So, I need to press pause and like, make a disclaimer.” Even sat up on his knees next to Isak. Isak worked himself up onto his elbows, slow with the effort.

“You have my drunk and tired attention.” Isak did sharpen up though, when he noticed how nervous Even seemed.

“I’ve never…touched another man before. Besides myself. I want…I _want_ to touch you. But I’m scared because I don’t know how. I don’t want to do it wrong.”

Isak shrugged as much as he could in his position. “You’ve touched yourself. You know how. And it sure as fuck felt like you knew how on Wednesday.”

Even looked down at his hands in his lap, blushing. “There were clothes then.”

“Do you want me to go put my clothes back on? I can, I was just, y’know, impatient.”

“No…just…please don’t hate me if it’s bad.”

Isak reached up with one hand, circling it around Even’s neck, and drew him down for a kiss. It was a clumsy but successful move; Even extended his body along Isak’s, cradled between his warm skin and the cool cotton of the sheets. “Maybe we’ll…just rub…for a bit,” he said into Even’s mouth. He reached down to Even’s hip and pulled it toward him, on top of him. Their erections met and stiffened. Isak kept him distracted with his lips so the rest of their bodies could do what they wanted. It was just like Wednesday, with fewer clothes and no deadline.

For a while the only sound was the smack of their lips and the rustle of sheets. Isak would let little moans escape, to help guide Even, but they probably weren’t necessary. His hand found its way to the waistband of Isak’s briefs on its own. Isak raised his hips to meet it.

Even’s hand dipped past, cradling Isak’s balls through the stretchy fabric, then slowly dragging up along his shaft. Isak didn’t appreciate the tease, so he let go of Even to remove his underwear. Even rolled away, giving him space. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Isak scrambled after Even, ignoring the underwear still caught on his ankle. He climbed over him and pinned Even on his back, his hard dick slapping Even’s belly. He was panting from the sudden effort. “Touch me. Finish what you started, for once.”

Even stared up at Isak. Without breaking eye contact he freed a hand from Isak’s pin and brought it to his mouth. He licked it slowly, tongue flat, palm to fingertips. It hovered over Isak’s boner, swollen and already wet from arousal. “Please,” Isak whispered. “Please.”

Even lifted it gently. His breath shuddered at the touch, at the reality of it. Isak wasn’t breathing at all. Even held Isak in his palm, then closed his fingers around him. He tugged. Isak gasped, desperate for air, desperate for more.

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck,” Even murmured, over and over again. His eyes meandered down Isak’s body, taking in Isak’s mouth hanging open, the muscles straining in his neck, his nipples, dark and pointy. He took his other hand and ran it up Isak’s flat belly, grazing over those nipples and pressing into the pounding of his heart. He felt Isak leaning into his touch as he gave into the pleasure. Even stroked faster.

“Even. Fuck. Keep going.” Isak reached behind him to grab his own ass. He squeezed his cheeks as he humped into Even’s fist. He reached further back, one hand leaning on Even’s thigh, the other trying to grab Even’s length. Even jerked under him at the direct touch.

“Ahh! No, god, no, don’t.”

Isak let go instantly and shifted forward instead. He bent over as far as he could without obstructing Even’s movements. He strained for a kiss. Even met him halfway, then pushed him back up.

“I want to watch you come,” Even panted. “I want to see it on your face and feel it in my hand.” He squeezed Isak and drew out a long stroke. He twisted his fist as it returned to the base. Another drag pulled his foreskin up, and then back down revealed his head, wet and deep red. He could feel Isak’s pulse in his cock. He picked up his pace and raced past it.

“Oh fuck, oh yes, just like that. Even, don’t stop.” Isak threw his head back but quickly recovered. Even wanted to see his face. Their eyes locked on. Isak braced himself on Even’s chest.

“I know you’re getting close. Your breathing. The sounds you make. I can feel your dick twitching, your balls tightening. Ahhh, shit,” Even clenched his jaw and exhaled sharply through his nose. He arched up, but he didn’t stop stroking. He didn’t look away. “Fuck. Come for me.”

“Shhhiiiiiiiiii-hhhhh…” Isak came, spillinig hot, pearly jizz into the dip of Even’s stomach. Even milked him, steady strokes, until the last drop was clinging to his slit. He squeezed up to the tip, peeling the drop away with his thumb.

Isak was shaking, shivering, as he watched Even scoop up more cum across his fingers. He held them up to Isak’s mouth. Isak sucked each finger clean, trying to catch his breath in between. When he was done Even ran his fingers down the side of Isak’s face, and cupped his jaw. “You are so beautiful.”

Isak could see what Even meant in his eyes, and it was overwhelming. It was the truth, and it was uncomfortable, because he could tell that Even hadn’t been prepared to say it. He hadn’t known what sex with a man was going to be like, that he could create so much pleasure, for the both of them. So the sudden realization that it was beautiful, that they were beautiful, was too much. Isak swiped at the tears spilling out the corners of Even’s eyes. He brushed the tears and the sweat into Even’s hair. He leaned down and kissed at his salty skin. “Thank you,” Isak whispered. “Thank you.”

Exhaustion made its final sweep through the room. Isak rose up on his knees and shuffled backward, drawing Even’s underwear down his legs. They were wet with his own orgasm; Isak wiped him down with the bunched up fabric, cleaning off his dick and belly. He stood and tossed them onto his own dirty pair on the ground. He stretched.

“Are you going to sleep naked?”

“Are you?”

“I’m wearing socks.” Even wiggled his toes.

Isak chuckled. He pulled two pairs of clean boxers from a drawer in his closet. He lobbed one pair to Even and hopped into his own. “You don’t have to, but we’re definitely the same size. Well…mostly.”

Even laughed. He lifted his hips and pulled the boxers on. Isak walked over to the light switch on the wall and flicked it off. The sunrise lit up the room from his window.

“Shit it’s late.” He crawled into bed, meeting Even by the pillows.

“It’s Sunday.” Neither of them had anything scheduled, no work, no studying. “We can sleep.” Even rolled to his side and arranged Isak’s body to fit in front of his. Isak groaned at the effort then sighed into place. He reached back for Even’s arm, pulling it around him and into his chest.

“I want you. I want this.”

Even kissed a lullaby into his shoulder. They slept.


	23. 15:08

They slept well into the afternoon. At some point in the night they’d separated, Isak moving to the edge of the bed and Even’s head to the opposite corner. Their ankles touched though, feet tangled, still not letting go. When Isak woke up he thought he was alone again, as usual, but then he rubbed against Even’s socks. He smiled when he turned his head and saw the long lump taking up the rest of the bed. He wanted to reach out and run his fingers through the mess of hair on his pillow, but he didn’t want to wake him. He watched Even sleeping until he was afraid his bladder was going to burst. He slid out as smoothly and quietly as he could.

Isak took a shower, rinsing the club off of him. As he scrubbed down his body he replayed the evening in his mind. He thought about where Even had touched him, recalled the warmth of his hand and the hips that had moved beneath his own. His groin tightened in arousal but he did his best to ignore it, or at least not chase it away. He dried off and tugged on clean underwear and shorts. When he peeked back into the room he was relieved to see Even hadn’t moved.

He tiptoed around the room collecting their clothes. Their underwear went in the hamper and he sniffed Even’s shirt to see if he’d need a fresh one. He figured he’d play it safe though; he pulled out a clean shirt, underwear, and pants and made a pile with a towel at the end of the bed. He knew he couldn’t offer Even much in terms of breakfast or lunch, so he’d make up for it in cotton. Isak went to the kitchen to scrounge up something for himself.

One bowl of cereal with questionable milk later, Isak returned to his room. Even was still sleeping. He went to his computer, figuring he could get some business out of the way in relative silence. He muted the volume and typed softly.

_hot show. been studying?_

Bee had done some aggressive tipping on Friday night. He liked when Isak used toys.

_Studying hard ;)_

_that’s what i like to hear. and see._

_I’ll do my best._

Isak took a snap of his messy sheets at the end of his bed, the length of Even’s legs a shadowy suggestion along with his “Need to change my bed” caption. He cleared out his inbox and updated his spreadsheet. There was some fluctuation in his weekly tallies, but nothing he hadn’t seen before, and nothing that didn’t throw his budget off. He’d covered the headphones easily and still had cushion to think of something else to buy for Even. Then he realized he didn’t know when Even’s birthday was. Or his surname. He googled his first name and videographer, then read his website to see if it was listed anywhere. He was surprised he’d let it get so far without knowing that kind of information, but he supposed he had done more with less in the past. He found the name and whispered it to himself.

“You’re stalking me while I’m in your bed.”

Isak whipped around, startled by the voice, and then shocked he hadn’t heard Even moving. He was sitting up, the blanket a pool around him. “I…I just realized I didn’t know your name. The rest of it.”

“Got it now?”

Isak nodded. He turned back to his laptop and closed out his searches. The cam site remained.

“I’m surprised you don’t use an ad blocker.”

“I don’t know…it feels kind of rude.”

Even laughed, but it was more a rumble, still heavy with sleep. “Those boob jobs are what's rude. Even Sonja was offended when she was logging on.”

“I don’t think I really see them anymore. I’ve trained my eyes to just…block out the sidebars.” He held his hands over the screen to show what it really looked like to him.

“You’re probably just taking them all in subconsciously. But hey, I’m not about to force you to redecorate your office.”

Isak smirked. He closed out of the cam site too. “Sorry if I woke you, I was just getting my chores done.”

“It’s fine. We slept for a while, yeah? Though it was very strange waking up here. Like I’d jumped through the screen and was watching you on the site, but from the opposite angle.”

“Literally behind the scenes.”

They smiled and nodded at each other, enjoying the new perspectives. Isak cleared his throat. “Well, uh, you are welcome to a shower, or if you just want to find something in my kitchen…I don’t have much. I need to go shopping later today. Or we can go out for something. _Or_ if you just want to leave, that’s fine. We don’t have to do anything. My milk is going bad I think. But I have some bread and ch—“

“Isak. Calm down. I’ll shower and we’ll go food shopping, okay? I just need…a minute.” Even glanced at his crotch, hidden by the blanket.

Isak let out a shaky laugh. “Ah, sorry, of course. I, um…I forgot, let me get you a fresh toothbrush too.” He stumbled out of his desk chair to the bathroom. He had a multipack of toothbrushes in a drawer next to the sink; he pulled out a new one and rested it next to his toothpaste. He looked at himself in the mirror, fixing his now-dry hair. He wondered why he was so nervous, why it was strange to acknowledge the morning wood that he had been sporting too, or why he’d been so awkward about getting Even out of bed. This is what he’d wanted. It had been his fantasy. Even was turned on, and in his bed. And Isak was hiding in the bathroom.

“Isak.” Even’s voice was muffled, but it drew Isak back to the bedroom.

“Yeah?”

Even had fallen back and pulled a pillow over his face. All Isak could see was his arms and a strip of his chest. And the tent he was making with the blanket. A groan came out from under the pillow. “It’s not going away.”

Isak let out a proper laugh then, his nerves shaken off by Even’s direct approach. Even humped the air blindly until he felt the bed dip from Isak’s weight. He tossed the pillow aside once Isak had crawled over next to him. “Help,” he whimpered.

“You look really cute all...disheveled.” Isak fell onto his side and ran a hand through Even’s waves, a half-hearted attempt at restoring the style.

“All of the guys at the wedding yesterday had my hairstyle. Slicked back. I think it was like, a group thing, to make them look like a squad.”

“A squad from the fifties? Like a gang? Retro?”

Even nodded, disturbing the flow of Isak’s hand. Isak moved it down anyway, along the back of his neck and then around to trace Even’s collarbones.

“They made me pose with them for one photo, even though I wasn’t dressed right.”

Isak smiled, imagining it. “That’s fun. Can I see the photo later?”

“It’s on Erik’s camera. I’ll ask for it.”

“Thanks. So far I only have one photo of you and it has that chick in it.”

Even barked a laugh. “Well you can’t have this one. Belongs to the couple.”

Isak’s fingers kept dancing across Even’s chest, a slow waltz while they chatted. He wasn’t purposefully ignoring Even’s boner, but he also didn’t feel rushed to address it. They talked more about the wedding and what it was like to work with Erik, who just recently joined the rotation of photographers that Even teamed up with. They’d gotten all the way to the benefits of handheld versus tripod filming before Even noticed how far down Isak’s hand had traveled. He was well beneath the blanket now, swirling his fingers through the trail of hair below Even’s bellybutton. Even cut a sentence short to let out a small gasp.

Isak leaned in to drop a kiss right above Even’s nipple, then got to work clearing the way to Even’s cock. “One time, I was sucking a dude off under a blanket, and he ripped the nastiest fart.”

“You really know how to set the mood.”

“I’m just saying…your legs are going to be cold.” Isak whipped the blanket away. The boxers took a little more effort. “I only do open-air blowjobs.”

There was a much bigger gasp when Isak’s mouth descended on Even’s tip, a strong suck right from the start. Isak had draped himself across Even’s belly to get comfortable, and positioned his hands at Even’s base. One gripped the part of the shaft that Isak would never fit down his throat and the other lightly caressed his balls. The subtle morning wood flared to a steely erection as Isak siphoned more blood down to the head. Isak relaxed and tried to see how much of Even he could take. His lips left a wet marker down Even’s length, and he tried to work beyond it with every bob.

Even was relatively silent. He was breathing too hard for complete sentences, but curse words floated out on every exhale. Isak could hear his head thrashing against the pillow and his hips wanting to do the same, but he held him down with his weight and kept on sucking. “Fuck…Isak…so…good….” He felt Even’s hands on his back, though they weren’t doing much: no force, just holding on. There was a bit of a pinch from Even’s nails during a particularly intense upstroke. Isak popped off briefly to catch his breath and let Even come back from the edge.

“You’re so fucking huge,” he huffed out, before descending again. He licked Even’s length, laving him with his wet tongue and following up with a tight fist. The mix of pre-cum and saliva made his pink dick shine with slick and let Isak’s hand fly. He brought Even to the edge again.

“Jesus, Isak…please.”

Isak kissed the tip, squeezed up under the head, and then began a steady, furious stroke to the finish. He felt Even’s balls tighten up in the palm of his other hand, and the rush of cum just as Even managed to announce it. “Oh fuck I’m coming!” Isak clamped his lips around the tip and swallowed every spurt.

Isak gulped down an impressive load, swallowing until he felt Even’s contractions slow, and then licking up any extra that had managed to escape. Even’s dick, still pink and stiff, flopped to the side when Isak let it go. He pushed up and back, removing his weight from the heaving body below him.

“Holy fucking shit.”

Isak wiped at the corner of his mouth, satisfied with his work. He fell backward, giving Even space to recover. Even’s hand reached out for his though, and squeezed in appreciation.

“Holy fucking shit. That was amazing. Thank you.”

“You are...welcome.” Despite the size, Isak enjoyed having Even in his mouth, the smooth, hot tool sliding across his tongue. He tasted good too. He was proud of himself for such a swift blowjob as well, the mark of a ready man and an inviting mouth. He wouldn’t mind doing something like that every morning...or afternoon. Isak checked the time on his phone. “Could you hop in the shower now? I don’t want to miss the shops.”

Even sat up with a grunt. “I will do...whatever you fucking want.”

“Thank you. Clean stuff there.” Isak pointed to the pile at the end of the bed.

“Not to compare anything to Sonja, especially after...that...but I do need to say that this is super convenient. I could never roll out of bed and put on a pair of her pants.” The bed bounced as Even swung out and stood.

“The perks of dating me, I suppose.”

Isak heard Even stop walking, and he realized what he’d just said, what he’d just defined. A small wave of worry rose up, that it had been the wrong thing. It had been quite casual, thus far, just meet-ups and run-ins and experimenting with their desires. They weren’t _dating_.

But then Even appeared over Isak’s face on his side of the bed. He bent over and kissed him upside down. “Speaking of dating, let’s meet at our usual time tomorrow and then do dinner? Not pizza.”

Isak nodded, smiling in relief. The wave of worry washed away. He tilted his head back and watched Even’s ass disappear into the bathroom, upside down.

* * *

They eventually left the apartment with a couple hours to spare. Isak took Even to his local grocery store and showed him what he usually ate during the week. He bought some things that Even liked too, just to have them on hand for future visits. Even played a little game, starting in the produce section, holding up things that vaguely resembled dicks. Bananas, cucumbers. He fondled a couple of small kiwis in his hand. Isak rolled his eyes hissed at him to stop but his giggle, every time Even ran up to him with something new, betrayed him. Even finished with a Coke bottle in the refrigerated section, digging through until he found one with Isak’s name on it. He paid for it and drank it as they walked back to Isak’s.

At the apartment Even helped unload the groceries. Isak pointed him to various cupboards and shelves in the fridge, and he learned a little bit more about how Isak navigated his world. When they were done Isak pressed Even against the counter and kissed him, tasting the spice from the soda and a hint of the mint from his toothpaste. It was sweet and slow and warm, and Isak liked how familiar it was now. He liked feeling Even’s body with his own, chasing his lips with his own, and recognizing every touch as something that’s burned through them before. He wasn’t afraid, when they separated, because he knew they’d come back to it later, tomorrow, next week.

“I need to go home and sleep in a very expensive bed.”

“Oh! Right. You haven’t slept in it yet.” Isak walked Even to the door.

“Which is fine. Yours is _very_ nice too.” And just like that, they were back to it, Isak’s back against the door. “Bouncy.” Even popped his lips with the word. Isak smiled into one more kiss.

“Go home. Eat. Sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And he did.

* * *

On Wednesday Isak met Jonas after work for dinner at a taco place. It was just them two, no Eva, both of them in pressed khakis and button downs. It still looked weird on Jonas though, to Isak’s delight. He tried to hold back a laugh as Jonas flicked open a paper napkin and tucked it into his collar. He'd rolled his sleeves up to his elbows too.

“Laugh all you want, but I’m not getting salsa on my shirt again. Eva couldn’t get it out and I had to buy a new one.”

“Aww you poor thing.”

Jonas nodded emphatically. “Exactly! I’m fucking poor.”

“You’re not fucking poor.” Isak flicked a tortilla chip at him.

“Relatively. Her mom had to help with rent this month.”

Isak shrugged. “It happens. I had help when I moved out.”

“Yeah, but only at the beginning, right? Now you’re fine, _and_ you’re still in school.”

“Drug money.” Isak grinned. It was a convenient joke, how profitable pharmaceuticals was, and his thesis inadvertently explained his income. “It’s awfully comfortable fighting the man from the inside.”

Jonas scoffed. “Weak fight.”

Isak shrugged that off too. He didn’t want to get into an argument that might force him to explain himself further.

“Anyway, a wedding will be damn near impossible unless something changes soon.”

Isak quickly chewed down his bite of burrito. “Have you proposed?”

“Not yet. But I want to. And I picked out a necklace already.”

“A necklace?”

“Yeah. I dunno. A gift. Something to show I’m serious.”

“You don’t think she would think you’re serious?”

“I don’t think she would think _either_ of us are serious.”

“But she has the whole wedding planned out.”

“I know, but after we talked some more it definitely sounded like…it was a total fantasy. And she was okay with that. Like she’s not actually expecting to get married in the woods, but it’s fun to plan something like that. To just think about the pretty, not worry about the money. Besides, actually arranging all of that would be a nightmare. Even if you have the money, who the fuck has that kind of time?”

Isak waited a beat. “People with money.”

Jonas shot him a look. “Well, even if we never get to the fucking wedding she’ll always have a nice necklace.”

“Have you thought about the proposal? Some kind of surprise or like, a flash mob dance? Even could record it.”

“First of all, we’re not getting engaged in 2012. And second, I’m not telling you my plans because Eva would sniff them out of you in under a minute.”

“Fine, but you just lost yourself one excellent lip-syncher.”

“Like you’re my first choice for anything involving lip-synching.” They both laughed, knowing exactly who Jonas’s first choice would be. Then they returned to their food for a bit, eating and thinking about money and marriage and what it was like to have one yet want the other.

Jonas finished his tacos first, moving on to the chips and guacamole. “Eva told me about Even.”

“Mmm?”

“Seems like that’s…moving along.”

Isak nodded and tossed the last bite of his burrito into his mouth.

“Didn’t know you liked Destiny’s Child.”

Isak chucked his crumpled up napkin at Jonas. He swallowed. “That was just a little joke we have.”

“Nah man, that’s cute. But based on that move alone I’d bet _Even_ would be someone who would propose with a lip-synching flash mob.”

The truth of Jonas’s observation sent a chill through Isak. He didn’t know what was worse though: that Isak could see it happening or that he wouldn’t mind it if it did. “Shit.”

“I know. And he _knows_ we’re already married. But he’d still try to win you over.”

“What a dickhead.”

“Maybe you should break up with him.”

Isak’s eyes went wide. “A break-up flash mob.”

“Fuck!” Jonas had the biggest smile on his face, and his chuckle grew into booming laughter. “Okay but…now we need the perfect song.”

“And Eskild. I wonder if he’s free this weekend.”

“No no no, obviously Sana needs to be right at the front. God she wouldn’t even have to sing along, just stare at him until his dick fell off.”

It was cruel but also impossible. Isak laughed because he knew how ridiculous they sounded. He knew how ridiculous the idea of breaking up with Even sounded. They threw song options at each other as they finished their chips and beers. They ended dinner by making a complete mockery of both of their relationships, having failed a summer of singledom so completely, before it could even begin.

* * *

Once again Isak didn’t know what he was going to do for his show that night. But he turned on his camera and checked his angles and opened his room right on time. He waved at the screen and updated everyone on his day, talking about the weird customers at work, which seemed to be a universal topic. Someone always had a great story to share in the chat as well.

The stories petered out about halfway through the hour though, the LOLs slowing. Isak was quiet, not sure if he wanted to actually talk about what was on his mind. He looked to his left, at the wall where a second post-it had joined the first. Even had added YOUR BED while Isak was brushing his teeth for the second time on Sunday afternoon. He turned back to the camera.

“I know this is probably a weird question to ask a chat room on a sex site but…what do you guys think about getting married?”

**misterbee:** i thought you were just STUDYING  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** tried it, don’t buy it  
 **anonymous:** i’ll marry u hardy  
 **TwoIsCompany:** Holy fucking shit


	24. 00:59

Isak grabbed his phone while the opinions poured in. _Calm the fuck down. I had dinner with Jonas tonight._

_Okay but I think my reaction is still valid. A warning next time, please._

Isak wanted to stare Even down through the camera but couldn’t. Instead he opened up his itunes and started [Carly Simon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZmCJUSC6g), quiet enough for them to hear but not distracting. He cut it after the second chorus, just to make sure the message was conveyed.

_Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha._

Isak went back to reading. It seemed like everyone had a story about marriage too.

“I didn’t know you were married, Bee.”

**misterbee:** only a few years ago. but we’ve been together since school.

“Why did you decide to finally get married? I’m assuming you were living together already.”

**misterbee:** i just wanted an excuse to kiss him at a big ol’ party. nothing changed really, but it’s nice that it’s official. we wear rings. and take trips on our anniversary.

“That’s sweet. And good enough reason for me!”

**badgirlbadgirl:** why this, hardy? I thought you were single.

“Oh it’s…it’s not about me. I have a friend who is thinking about it.

**anonymous:** mmhmm sure a fRiEnD

“Come on guys, I _just_ started seeing someone. You know this.” Isak wanted to spin away from his computer the way he would when Even’s teasing got borderline frustrating. “I really do have these friends who have been dating for a while. They live together and he’s thinking about proposing. But there’s this vibe where…I don’t think either of them need to get married. They’re fine, they’re committed.”

**anonymous:** then don’t rock the boat  
 **anonymous:** sometimes people get married for other people

“What do you mean?”

**anonymous:** like bee said, throw a party, let other people celebrate you. sometimes parents want it more than the actual couple, so it’s a nice display to make for them. so they have something to be proud of.

“I always thought that was weird, to do something as big as getting married just for the sake of someone else.”

**anonymous:** but if they’re committed and fine, then maybe it doesn’t feel like something that big. maybe then it’s just a party.

A few other people chimed in with agreements. It all depended on your perspective going into the whole deal. Isak started taking screenshots of the comments, but then realized they wouldn’t help if he didn’t remember what he was saying to prompt them, what points they were responding to. He leaned out of frame to grab his notebook from the end of his desk.

“This is all really helpful guys…thanks. I’m going to write some of it down for when I talk to my friend about it again.” He waved his little glitter notebook in front of the screen before flipping to the back and choosing a blank page.

**badgirlbadgirl:** u could probably moonlight as a marriage counselor. yknow, if camming doesnt work out  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** actually this whole conversation would’ve been pretty helpful about five years ago

“Hey, now you’ll be ready for your next one.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** not happening unless you’re offering, babe.

Isak felt a twinge of sadness on Bad Girl’s behalf. It must’ve been a difficult relationship if it ruined the whole idea of marriage for her. But he also realized he didn’t know the story, didn’t know her perspective. Maybe she hadn’t been open to it from the start.

He wondered if Even was open to marriage. He wondered what his perspective was on long-term, committed relationships, considering the one he had just ended. He wondered what happened when weddings became a job, when you heard I love yous every other weekend and turned them into paychecks. He wondered what Even still believed in.

The chat had moved on to wedding night sex.

**anonymous:** i think we fell asleep before either of us came.  
 **anonymous:** it’s the thought that counts  
 **anonymous:** guys, never spring for a hotel suite. u’ll be too tired to appreciate a luxurious fuck.  
 **024wolb:** let alone have 1  
 **anonymous:** exactly

Isak chuckled. He wrote that down, partly for the joke, but Jonas could still use that logic if he’s trying to save money. “No suite.”

His phone pinged. He held it up to read the text.

_I’ll cancel my reservation_

Isak laughed again. “Don’t you dare.”

* * *

Thursday at work was strange. Tom spent most of the day locked in his office. Isak took his marching orders from Catarina, but she struggled when he came back to her with questions. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand what he was talking about, but she wasn’t sure that she should be the one guiding him. She seemed to drag out her answers, looking over her shoulder, as if she were waiting for Tom to swoop in and finish her sentences. They all made it through the day without any mishaps, but it was tense.

When his shift was over Isak stopped by Tom’s office on the way out. The door was open a crack, so he took the opportunity and knocked.

“Yes?”

Isak leaned his head through the opening. “Hi.”

“Oh. Isak. Hi.” Tom glanced up at him but then returned to his computer screen. Isak was clearly interrupting his work so he tried to make it quick.

“I’m about to go, but I was wondering if you needed me the rest of this week? I didn’t know if any of those schedule changes we had talked about were going into effect.”

“Um….” Tom’s pause was so long it sounded like he’d forgotten to keep talking. Eventually he seemed to snap back. “Um, no. No, just…stick to the usual until you hear from…someone.”

“Okay. That’s fine. Have a good weekend, Tom.”

“Thank you, Isak.”

Isak registered the heavy tone in Tom’s goodbye, but quickly brushed it off in favor of thinking about the next four days. He quite liked the schedule he had currently, and was excited to plan some activities, see people. He left the pharmacy feeling considerably lighter after an uptight day.

He texted Even as he walked back to his apartment. _Are you working?_

_Yes but I’ll stop as soon as you come over with pad thai_

Isak’s heart jumped at the invitation. He stopped walking, pressing his shoulder to a building, so he could focus on the conversation.

_Where do you live?_

Even typed for what felt like forever. First he sent a link to a Thai restaurant. Then he dropped a pin for what Isak assumed was his apartment. _Let me know what you want and I’ll order for you to pick up. But go home and grab your pajamas first. We’re having a sleepover._

Isak’s heart did an entire gymnastics floor routine. He giddily searched the map and figured it would take about thirty minutes to go home and then get to Even’s. He spent five minutes against the wall trying to craft a cute reply.

_I’ll have the pad see-ew. I should be over in about 45 minutes with dinner and socks._

* * *

Along with socks, Isak shoved a t-shirt, jean shorts, boxer briefs, his toothbrush, four beers, condoms, a small towel, and lube into his backpack. He didn’t want to assume anything, but he also wanted to be prepared. He tried jogging to the bus but everything in the bag made too much noise.

Even lived in a fancy neighborhood, even more expensive than his own. He lived close to the bus stop too, which was nice. Isak backtracked to the Thai restaurant to pick up their order, then followed his map to Even’s door. His name had a little sunshine sticker next to it, though Isak quickly realized it was meant to cover up Sonja’s name. He buzzed, and Even unlocked the door.

Isak was nervous climbing the stairs. He felt underdressed for the sleek foyer with its mirrors and stylish mailboxes. The stone steps dipped in the middle from wear, but that just added elegance to the whole experience. He stopped when he reached Even’s floor to straighten his shirt and run a hand through his hair.

A door at the end of the hall opened, and Even’s head popped out. He smiled at the sight of Isak with his bags. He opened his door the rest of the way and leaned against the frame. “Welcome.”

“I don’t know why you were making such a fuss about my baseboards when you live…here.” Isak gestured at the hallway as he approached.

Even shrugged. “Can’t a guy appreciate a baseboard? Here, you can check out mine too.”

Even took the bag of food from Isak and walked inside to the kitchen. Isak followed. He took off his shoes and advanced slowly, not wanting to intrude before Even introduced him to his space. When he remembered the beer in his backpack though, he rushed to find the kitchen.

“I order from this place a lot,” Even commented when Isak walked in. “Did they give you shit about picking up our food?”

“No, but they did tell me to say hi to you.” Now it made more sense to Isak, knowing Even was such a regular. “So...hi.”

Even finished unpacking the food and walked over to Isak. He had a soft smile on his face, and brought his hands up to Isak’s neck. “Hi.” A kiss, also soft.

When Even broke away they were back down to business. “I’d say we can eat in the dining room but that...doesn’t exist anymore. Plates are in that cabinet.” He pointed. “Forks here.” He opened the drawer in front of him.

“I have beer in my bag.”

“Oh great, thanks.” Even pulled an opener from the drawer and then pointed to the fridge. “Help yourself. Couch when you’re ready.” Even was filling up his own plate. Isak slid his backpack to the ground and put two of the beers in the fridge. He set the other two on the counter and reached for a plate. He liked that Even was being so casual with his visit, not turning it into a more formal affair. It was normal, eating dinner on the couch after work. A more expensive couch, surely, but still the same. When he’d filled up his plate he carried it and his bottle into the living room.

“Um. This is...empty.” Isak didn’t mean to blurt it out, but he was shocked to see the room with literally nothing but the couch in it. Not even a table to set their plates on or a TV to ignore. Even had his food in his lap, his beer clenched between his knees.

Even laughed though. “Fucking post-its, man.”

“I didn’t realize it was this bad.”

“Our next ten dates might all be furniture shopping.”

Isak chuckled and sat down. He was going to mirror Even’s position but decided to leave his beer on the floor and sit back on the couch.

“I thought it would be more of a fifty-fifty split.”

“Technically she owned most of it, bought a lot of our furniture at the beginning. She started out with more cash than I did, had a better job out of the gate. So she took what was hers. I paid a little more in rent later on to make up for it.”

“And now you pay a lot more in rent.”

“Still got a better deal though. I’m not the one with roommates.”

Isak reached down for his beer and they cheersed over that.

They ate and chatted. Isak told him about his weird day with Tom, but just scratched it up to something personal distracting him. “So my schedule isn’t changing yet. I’m free tomorrow for whatever, and then we’re doing brunch with Sana on Saturday.”

“Same place, right?”

“Yeah. Sorry it’s kind of far from here.”

Even brushed it off. “It’ll be worth it. Do you think she’ll bring Emir?”

Isak was impressed with Even’s memory. “Not sure. Depends on her nanny situation. But it’s usually easier for her to eat without him.”

“Ah, okay. Afterward, do you want to go swimming? It’s going to be hot again this weekend.”

“Mm, that’s a good idea. I’ll pack a bag before brunch.”

They made plans to actually go furniture shopping on Monday. Isak started a list on his phone: multiple tables and chairs to start. They debated if Even needed a TV, since all of his entertainment was on his computer. Isak argued that the room needed something; if there was no TV then maybe some artwork on the walls or bookcases to take up the vertical space. Just something to look at. Maybe a plant. “I know I’m no interior decorator, but I can at least get you to the bare minimum here.”

Even tried to stifle a laugh but was unsuccessful. “Can…can I just…I thought of the cheesiest line.”

Isak rolled his eyes but played along. “Alright, hold on.” He returned his beer to the floor, and then his plate too. He turned to face Even and stretched his shoulders, cracking his neck. “Okay. Hit me.” He stared Even down, which just made Even’s giggles worse. “Come on man, you want to be cheesy? Be fucking cheesy!”

“Okay okay okay.” Even took a few deep breaths and returned Isak’s stare. “I like looking at you. Can I put you on the wall?”

Isak’s mouth dropped open. “That...wasn’t even cheesy. That was straight up _bad_.”

Even kept laughing and fell back into the couch. His plate and beer were in danger of falling as his whole body shook, so Isak plucked them out of his lap and put them on the ground. They were just about done anyway.

“Here I was expecting something cute because, I’ll admit, you can be quite smooth. But...but _hang_ me on a _wall_? Even. Even! I think I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. Let’s just rewind and go back to furniture. Jesus that was bad.”

“You’re right, not my best work. Fuck, I don’t even have a throw pillow to bury my face in in shame.” He looked around as if he just realized how empty his apartment was.

“I’m adding throw pillows to the list.” Isak twisted out of his head-on position and collapsed into the couch next to Even. He tapped a bit more into his phone, and then they just stared at nothing for a while. “Maybe...some prints of your favorite shots. He lazily pointed at the wall in case Even wasn’t on the same page.

Even’s mouth twitched into a small grimace. “I don’t know...isn’t that a little too...narcissistic? To admire your own shit all the time?”

“I don’t think so. Besides, you don’t really hang out in this room, right? So it’s more for guests. For them to admire your shit. You can be proud of what you’ve accomplished and captured.” He waited for the message to sink in. When Even didn’t argue, he continued. “And if you really don’t want to be, then buy a fucking TV.”

Even’s sudden laugh made his torso jerk forward, and he pushed into Isak’s side a bit. “Fine, I’ll buy a TV.”

“Make it big enough so I can watch your videos on it.”

Even let out a small groan but it dissolved into silence. He let himself lean on Isak, his head sliding down to rest on Isak’s shoulder. His hand found Isak’s and he held it in the space between their legs. His thumb rubbed circles over Isak’s knuckle. After another bit of comfortable silence, during which they dreamed of the blank wall’s future, Isak asked, “Can I see the rest?”

“Sure.” They both struggled to stand because Even wouldn’t let go of Isak’s hand. But they got up, and figured out how to coordinate carrying their bottles and plates back to the kitchen.

Even lead him down another hallway, pointing out the bathroom along the way. He didn’t think it was an important stop but Isak did, stepping inside to feel the space. He remembered what it looked like from their FaceTimes, so everything looked backward now. But Even had been right: it was only big enough for one person. “You have nice fixtures but—“ Isak stopped himself before he revealed too much. He swiped at the stainless steel faucet, then moved to leave the room.

Even stood in his way. “But?”

“You’re right, it’s too small.” He tried to be casual about the sidestep but Even could tell he was hiding his original intention.

“Too small?”

“Y-yeah. Too small for both of us to…brush our teeth together. Like…like how we did at my place.”

“Hmm.” Even didn’t believe him. “I definitely didn’t think about that necessary activity when I was originally looking for an apartment. I’ll take that into consideration next time.” He unblocked Isak’s path and they continued down the hall.

At the end were two doors opposite each other. “The left is the bedroom. The right is my office.”

With zero hesitation Isak chose the office. He pushed open the door. Even reached around him for the light switch. The room exposed itself under a gradual, dim glow. 

Just as it had been for Even seeing the room Isak cammed in, Isak was thrown by the different perspective. Now it was his turn behind the scenes. He immediately walked over to the wall of post-its. “I’ve always wondered what else you had up here.”

“Ah, you should have asked, I could have run the camera over them.”

“No, this is better.” Isak reached up and touched each one as he read.

Some were faded more than others. Some were taped up, having lost their adhesive over time. There were years of good things in Even’s handwriting, in thick marker and scratchy pen and light pencil, on all the colors of the rainbow.

GRADUATED

MARTIN

NOT PREGNANT

HIBISCUS

21K kr.

Isak looked for the one with his phone number on it. When he found it he smiled, and then he stopped. If he looked any longer he’d end up with more questions than he wanted to ask, at least for tonight. He turned back to Even, who was still standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets.

Isak decided to break the tension that had built in his silence. “So this is where you jerk off.”

Even threw his head back in a silent laugh. Then he extended his arm, showcasing his desk and chair. Isak dropped into the chair and sent it around in a spin. “Like everything else here, it’s very nice,” he remarked when he’d stopped.

“It has to be if you’re going to spend most of your days and nights in it.”

Isak turned to face the desk and took in Even’s set-up. He had two monitors and his camera on a small tripod. A laptop was on a stand to the left. Speakers bordered the monitors, and his headphones were still plugged in. Isak tapped the space bar and all three screens lit up. The project Even had been working on before he arrived was waiting for his return. “Sorry. I hope I didn’t fuck anything up.”

“Nah, I saved everything before I stopped."

Isak pressed the keyboard shortcut to minimize all of the apps. He was surprised to see an absolutely empty desktop, not even a background photo. “Nothing? No poorly disguised porn folder?”

“Not when that laptop gets plugged in to clients’ projectors.”

“I’m sure there’s something nested really deep.”

Even shook his head. “I just have the one website that I go to. You might be familiar with it.”

“Oh yeah, badboobjobs dot net. I have it bookmarked.”

They shared a chuckle. Isak stood up and walked around the rest of the room. It wasn’t huge, but it was intact, untouched by Sonja’s departure. Even had a loveseat along the third wall, surrounded by lamps and a coffee table. He had some photos framed above it. Isak crossed a soft rug to the closet. He opened one door to well-organized shelves full of camera equipment. A peek into the other door looked like mostly suits. A tall mirror caught the light.

“I don’t think I’ll need to add anything to the list for this room.”

“Good, because this is turning into quite an expensive sleepover.”

“Come on. You have thousands of kroner on that wall alone.” Isak pointed at the post-its.

“Yeah, but those barely hit my bank account before they went back into that closet.” He reached over to tap at the door protecting his equipment.

Isak surrendered the tease. “Fine. Invest in your career. Whatever.” Isak pushed past Even in the doorway and stood in front of the bedroom. “Is this the last room?”

“Unless you want to see my storage closet, but considering your reaction to my bathroom you’re probably going to be disappointed.”

Isak clicked his tongue. He opened the door. It was dark, but Even flicked on the light switch again and the room gradually lit up. “What a nice bed. Did you pick it out?”

“I did. Had some very fine help, too.”

With a running start Isak hopped onto the bed, landing almost in the center on his knees. He let himself fall forward, his face crashing with a huff in the pillows. He breathed in the unadulterated scent of Even’s detergent, almost overwhelming compared to the whiffs he’d gotten from Even’s clothes. Then he rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows to take in the rest of the room.

“It’s always been pretty empty. She didn’t take much from here.”

“Just the bed.”

Even smiled. “I have another closet now.” He walked over to the closet and slid it open to reveal an empty cave. “It’s great for hide-and-seek.” Even stepped inside and began to close it in front of himself.

“Wait!” Even paused at the sharpness in Isak’s voice. It softened. “Come here.”

Even slid the door back open and walked over to the side of the bed.

“No, here.” Isak pointed an inch from his own shoulder. Even crawled in to meet his finger. He pressed himself into Isak’s side.

“Here?”

“Yes. Now….” Isak twisted a bit to be able to talk face-to-face. “I hope you don’t mind that I just made you come out of the closet.”

Even didn’t seem to react to the horrible joke, but he ran his hand up under Isak’s shirt to his nipple. He rubbed it for a moment and then gave it a hard twist.

“Ahhhhh!”

“You have lost every right to call any of my lines bad because of whatever _that_ was.” Even left his hand under Isak’s shirt, cradling the bottom of his rib cage.

“Ahhh. Well…don’t fucking…walk into closets like that! You set me up!”

“I was just exhibiting the benefits of an empty closet for a game of hide and seek. I feel like that is a natural and kind thing to do, especially for those unfamiliar with the game.”

“Are you…serious? Even.” Isak pushed him away, but because of Even’s grip at his side, Isak went with him. Even ended up on his back. Isak pulled himself up to lie on his chest. After a few small grunts he was comfortable.

“This is a sleepover, we might play games. You don’t know.”

“Yeah but I was thinking more like, playing with your dick. Not hiding in a closet.” Isak lifted his head and leaned forward to suck on Even’s bottom lip, which had conveniently dropped down when Isak mentioned his penis. “You look way too shocked considering you’re the one who invited me over for a sleepover.”

“No no, I just…now I understand why there’s a giant bottle of lube in my kitchen.”

Isak laid a dull slap on Even’s cheek but followed it up quickly with another kiss. He hitched himself up Even’s body until they were the same height, neither of them straining for the other’s mouth. Isak rested his forearms on either side of Even’s head and let his fingers play with his hair while they kissed and licked and sucked at each other’s skin.

Isak steadilly decorated Even’s floor with their clothes. His shirt went first. Then Even rolled them over so he could take off his as well. Isak didn’t realize he had this skill until this very moment, but he was able to toe off his socks while giving Even a revenge hickey, high and tight under his jaw. They separated briefly to be rid of their shorts, denim flying in opposite directions. Then Isak drew Even back to the middle of the bed.

“All jokes aside, what do you want to do tonight?” Isak humped the bed just like Even had done in the store, although it was a bit more obscene with his erection.

“Yeah, let’s do that.” Even waved his hand at Isak’s general groin area. “With all of the uh, stuff you brought.”

Isak’s body went limp, his cheek pressed into the sheets that had already become a bit twisted from their tussle. His voice was small when he asked: “Do you want to fuck me?”

Before Even could answer, his dick jumped in his boxers, the surge drawing their eyes and making Even laugh. “Does that answer your question?”

Isak pushed up onto his elbows. “Not quite. If I listened to every dick twitch we would be in a very different situation.”

“Oh wait, let’s hear about that situation!” Even’s eyes glinted in a mix of genuine interest and teasing. He propped his head up on one hand and let the other rub across Isak’s lower back.

“Well I definitely would not be marrying Jonas, for starters.” Isak didn’t want to joke anymore though. “But seriously, are you ready?”

Even was serious when he responded. “Are you?”

“Yes.”

“Yes.” Even smacked Isak’s ass. “Jesus look at that jiggle.”

Isak smiled and wiggled his butt for Even a bit more. Then he pushed himself all the way out of the bed and ran to the kitchen.

He’d left his bag open on the floor in front of a cabinet. He was slightly relieved to see that the lube and condoms were visible from a distance, and that Even hadn’t pulled an Eva when he wasn’t looking. Not that it would’ve mattered; he wasn’t trying to hide anything from him. He grabbed the bottle and a couple of condoms.

When he walked back into the bedroom he had a thought: “I brought condoms but you might have…bigger ones?” He hadn’t paid attention to the sizes he’d pulled from his drawer. And perhaps Even had a preference. He tossed everything onto the bed.

“Oh. Hah. Maybe.” Even hopped out of bed and jogged around Isak to the bathroom. Isak realized he’d forgotten his towel, so he left too. Once he plucked it from his bag he followed Even back into the bedroom.

“What kind are they?” Even held it up so Isak could see the label. “Fuck,” Isak breathed. He’d seen those at the pharmacy. And now he knew what kind of dicks they were made for. “Okay. I think…I might have more trouble than you with this whole sex thing.”

“Do you think I’m too big?”

Isak straightened his spine and faced Even. “We’re going to find out.” He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Even’s waist. They rested their foreheads together, then tilted their faces up into a kiss. Even pulled more of Isak against him, his hands broad across Isak’s back.

They paused for a breath, and Even whispered, “Tell me everything, okay? What you want. What I should do. Stop. Go. Slow. Slower. Whatever. Everything.”

“Promise me the same,” Isak whispered back.

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

And they did. Their arms fell and their hands clasped together. They walked to the bed and shed their underwear. Isak spread the towel and climbed onto it. Even followed him swiftly, almost climbing onto Isak. Instead they both collapsed and kissed and groped. They warmed up.

Isak talked him through the prep that he needed. He gathered pillows to lean back on and spread his legs. He guided Even’s fingers into his crack and let him discover what every touch there did to him. Isak talked and gasped and moaned and Even listened to it all. Even reached for the lube on his own and poured some onto his first two fingers. He held Isak’s gaze while he inserted one into his hole. “I’ve watched you do this.” He slowly slid it in and out, feeling Isak’s ass accommodate the thin length. “I’ve watched you fuck yourself.” Isak’s eyes dropped to Even’s mouth, watching the little snarl Even made when he said “fuck.” “You squeeze your cheeks and bounce on your hand. You move pretty fast, and get to three fingers quickly.” Even tried a second, then, slowing when he saw Isak squint the beginning of a grimace. “I know it’s easier when it’s just yourself.”

Isak shook his head and let out a held breath. “I don’t…I don’t want easy. I don’t want fast.”

Even smiled. “Just good.”

Isak dropped his head back. “That. There.”

It took a little more time, and a little more lube, but Even got to three fingers. He wasn’t comfortable multitasking, still focused on watching Isak and controlling his fingers, so Isak stroked himself while Even worked. His free hand held down one of Isak’s thighs, and he made note of when they reflexively tried to close, what they were responding to. He pushed back. He moved his other wrist the way he’d seen Isak do it, corkscrewing into the tight channel. He made sure Isak felt the slow swirl.

“Even…Even. I’m ready.” Isak grabbed Even’s wrist to stop him. “Put a condom on.”

Even withdrew just as slow as he went in. He wiped his fingers on the towel. “I think I need to add towels to that list too.”

Isak laughed in spite of himself, in spite of his desire to maintain the mood, his impatient desire. “Shit. I’m going to need one of those signs. _It’s been zero days since Even made a joke while having sex_.”

Even smirked while he rolled on his condom. “You fucking love it though.”

Isak rolled his eyes.

“And if you get that sign, I get one that says _It’s been zero days since Isak rolled his eyes while having sex_.” Isak was about to deny the accusation but: “No no, I know the real reason why you don’t show your face on camera. You’re just rolling your eyes, constantly, dismissing every comment while you play with yourself.”

Isak had to actually stop himself from letting his eyes roll. He leaned back into the pillows and threw his arms across his face. Even, fully sheathed and lubed up, crawled between Isak’s legs and hovered over his chest. “Hey. Hey.” He waited until Isak lowered his arms. He smiled. “At least we found some signs to hang on the walls.”

Isak’s arms went right back up again. He groaned. “I hate you so much right now.”

“Really?” Even sat up and shuffled himself even closer, wedging his knees underneath Isak’s thighs. Isak dropped his arms again when he felt Even’s cock bounce across his balls.

Isak listened when his dick twitched. “Okay maybe not. Lube.” Even passed him the bottle. Isak applied more to his hole, then gave Even’s dick a couple more slippery strokes. He kept the bottle within reach. “Slow. Like a fucking turtle on benzos.”

Even chuckled. He lined himself up. Isak pulled his legs back and took deep breaths. Even could see the sphincter relax and the hole expand. It still looked impossible, but Isak had faith. He was opening up.

He had to fight himself against the heat and the pressure. Even went slow, slower than slow, but it was still a lot for both of them. Their breathing quickened into pants, from the tightness and the effort against the tightness. Isak didn’t know how long it was taking to get past his first ring, just get the tip in. Maybe it was forever.

Even’s arms, which were holding most of his weight on either side of Isak’s shoulders, started shaking. He dropped to his elbows gradually, trying not to hurt Isak or lose progress.

“It’s okay. More. Give me more.” Even was close enough now to kiss, so they did. Isak kept his eyes closed after they broke apart. “You feel so good,” he said, like it was a secret.

“You’re so tight.”

“Does it feel good?”

“Y-yes.” Even shuddered a sudden inch in. They both gasped, but more from shock of the speed rather than pain. It was exciting.

“Yes! Keep going.”

Even’s hips made a proper, if miniscule, thrust. Isak nodded, steady encouragement. With less fear of pain, their range of motion increased. Even dove for Isak’s mouth again. “I love it,” Isak gasped against his lips. “More.”

Even gave him as much as he could. He read Isak’s face, heard the strain in his voice when Isak asked for more. He pushed up and looked down between them. “You almost took it all.” Even withdrew a bit when he sat back on his knees.

“No!” Isak’s hands shot up to grab Even’s shoulders. “Don’t pull out.”

“Just a little. And back in.” Even pushed. He went in easier, faster.

“Okay,” Isak sighed. He relaxed back onto the pillows. “Okay. Do that again.” One hand went down to his dick, ready to ramp up the pleasure now that the pain was fading away. Even began short, slow thrusts, just a couple of inches of friction. His hands went to Isak’s waist, a steady grip to counteract his movement. “I have never…felt…this full.” Isak marveled at the sensation, knowing there was still more to come.

“Isak, you feel so good. You’re so hot.” As they settled at this threshold Even gathered speed. They weren’t going to try to achieve it all tonight, just something good. Even started the chase. Isak grunted to catch up, his hand matching Even’s pace.

“Yes…you’re fucking me. Fuck my ass.”

“So good.”

“Oh god.”

“Isak. Shit. So fucking tight.” Even’s hands were moving, to Isak’s legs, his chest, under his ass. His dick was still pistoning in and out at that halfway point but the rest of his body was restless, trying to distract him.

“Are you gonna come?

Even just gasped. Yes. No. Oh yes.

“Even, come. Come inside me. I’m so close. Please.”

With permission, he let it take over. He thrust a bit deeper, and control slipped away. He went full speed over the edge.

Isak watched all of Even tense up: his abs and pecs flashed into sharp relief, the cords in his neck sprung out. His face flushed dark with lack of oxygen. He was frozen, kneeling over Isak. The only movement was his dick ejaculating, heat and bursts of pressure as he filled the condom. Isak was fascinated. His own hand was still, his breath was trapped.

When Even finally gasped, his exhale was his best attempt: “Is….” His head dropped to his chest. His hips continued to jerk forward through the rest of his orgasm. He tried again. “Isak.”

“Even. So good.”

“Too…fast. I’m sorry.”

“No. Even.” Isak focused. He squeezed around Even’s dick, and Even snapped his head up with a groan.

“Oh fuck.”

“Stay in me.” Isak picked up his stroke. “Don’t move. I’m gonna come.” He held Even to him at his rib cage, even though Even wouldn’t dream of pulling out. His dick was still swollen, still stimulated by the incredible heat and vibrations of Isak’s body as he jerked himself with impressive speed. “I’m coming. Even!”

Isak dropped his dick as if it were a red hot bar of steel. He huffed out a couple of screams, sounding slightly like laughter, as his orgasm released. His dick jumped and spurt up onto his belly. Even’s groans joined Isak’s noise as he felt his ass clench. They both cursed the audacity of their pleasure. How dare it feel so good. How dare it keep going.

And yet Even didn’t let it stop. He picked up Isak’s dick and stroked, adding his own shallow thrusts to the mix. They stayed inside the thrumming buzz as long as they could, as long as their bodies could handle the contractions. And then, finally, they were done. Isak brushed Even’s hand away. He pulled him down to his chest. Even shifted his hips and let his legs splay out behind him. Isak’s cum squished between them.

“Isak.” Even pressed his arms into the mattress so he could hook them behind Isak’s back, hugging him from above. “Isak, what if I’m stuck.” They spoke into each other’s hair, too close to see their faces.

“Does it hurt?”

“No. But…it’s still so tight.”

“I’ll push you out when you get soft.”

“I’m inside of you; what if I don’t get soft?”

“I’m flattered, but unless you took a stimulant, you’ll be fine.” Isak brought his arms up and locked them around Even’s neck.

“I don’t know, man. You know how all of your drug talk gets me going. If you mention those turtles on Lithium again, we’re going to be in trouble.” Even gave him a half-hearted hump. Isak laughed, which made Even smile.

“Actually I think that’s quite dangerous. You’d need a ridiculously precise dose. I mean, they’ve done studies on fruit flies, but reptiles are a whole different class. I don’t even know where you’d start with that metabolism. Maybe if—“

Even interrupted him to free an arm and reach down. He caught the condom as he slipped out. Isak’s ass clenched at the vacancy. “See?”

“Fruit flies. Gotta remember that one.” Even rolled away, holding the condom aloft until he got to the edge of the bed and could tie it off. He tossed it in the small bin under his bedside table. Isak pulled the towel out from under him and wiped himself dry. He bundled up the dirty side and handed it to Even so he could wipe down his front. “Fuck. Even my dick looks exhausted.” Even dropped the towel and fell backward, his head landing at Isak’s hip. Isak’s hand automatically went to to his hair, brushing the damp strands off of his forehead.

“Hey.”

Even looked up at him through his eyelashes.

“That was really great.” 

They smiled at each other, proud and satisfied and adoring.

* * *

As tired as they both were, they kept talking until about 3. Even slowly righted himself in the bed, slipping between the sheets and trying to get Isak to join him.

“Wait, I need some water. Do you want a cup?”

“No, I’m fine.” Even stifled a yawn. “Glasses are in the cabinet to the left of the sink.” Isak slid out of bed. “Hurry back.” As Isak left he shut off the light.

In the kitchen Isak pulled his clean underwear from his bag. He tugged them on as he moved to the sink. Isak opened the cabinet Even had directed him to, but froze, a thumb still at his waistband. In front of the clear glasses he was expecting were five plastic pill bottles with safey caps, lined up neatly across the shelf. The first thing he registered was the name of the pharmacy printed on each label.

After a few seconds his curiousity took over. Isak plucked one bottle from the shelf and turned it around to read the prescription. A list of diagnoses immediately scrolled through his mind. He picked up the other four and read them too. The list narrowed down to a few, and then reconciled with the person he knew, he was almost sure which one they were all for. He replaced the bottles into their neat line, trying to not make noise from the pills shaking. Then he noticed the chart on the inside of the cabinet door. He quickly but quietly shut it before he could read anything.

Isak stepped to the side, to the sink. He washed his hands, then cupped a few gulps down with his palm. He glanced at his reflection in the dark window over the counter. He tried to rearrange his expression. Then he walked back to bed.


	25. 8:30

Isak was sore when he woke up. He couldn’t move, but that was more because Even was draped across his waist, nearly perpendicular to the entire idea of the bed. He shifted as much as he could without waking him, to get comfortable and find his bearings. 

He was in Even’s bed. He was watching Even’s hair rise and fall with every breath he took. He could see Even’s heels hanging over the opposite side of the bed, peeking out from under the sheet. His muscles were screaming for an ibuprofen. He knew that Even would have to wake up soon to take his medication.

He also couldn’t move because he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. So he just stayed.

Isak had managed to drift back to sleep right when a dull buzzing floated up from the floor. It was one of their phones in one of their pockets. Even wasn’t moving, so he waited it out; perhaps it was just a random phone call. When it started up again though, he decided to wake Even. He lightly brushed his hair and whispered his name.

“Ungh.” He felt Even grunt an acknowledgement against his stomach.

“I think your alarm is going off.”

After a second of registration, Even’s head snapped up. His body followed into a crawl, and he was off the bed and out of the room in a flash. Literally. Isak watched his pale ass disappear. Even’s phone continued to buzz on the floor. Isak got out of bed and started rifling through their clothes.

The alarm was labeled “pills, pills, pills (destiny’s child, 1999).” Isak turned it off. A photo of himself took up the screen. He stared at it, seeing himself in his room, in his chair, through Even’s eyes. For a moment he wished he could go back to that Isak, but then he remembered that that Isak hadn’t kissed Even yet. So maybe not. Isak tossed the phone onto the bed, collected their clothes, and searched for a hamper. He found it in the other side of Even’s closet.

When Even returned and noticed Isak was out of bed, he apologized. “Sorry for waking you up.” He walked past Isak into the closet.

“It’s okay.”

“Do you want to shower? I need to, but you can go first.”

A smile fluttered across Isak’s face, then disappeared. He wanted to joke about the bathroom. But something else came out instead, surprising both of them. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What?” Even wrapped a towel around his waist for some intermediary modesty. When he looked up all he saw was fear on Isak’s face.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re on medication?” Isak instantly regretted how accusatory he sounded. “I…I mean…were you going to tell me?” He slowly backed away from Even, bumping into the empty desk in the corner.

“Isak. Wait.” Even’s hands went up, the way he used to do when he felt like Isak was about to run. “What’s going on?”

“I saw your pills last night. I know you’re….”

“I’m bipolar.”

“Yes.” Isak swallowed so hard they both could hear it.

“Okay. Is that…bad?” Even’s voice took on a bit of an edge. He stepped toward Isak.

“No! No. I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t... _tell_ me about something so, so—“

“Isak, I’m going to stop you before you try to explain what my mental illness is to me.”

“Right. Of course. It’s yours. It’s you. But that’s what I mean. I thought I knew who you were. I thought we were telling each other everything.” He was having trouble explaining the difference. Isak wasn’t afraid of Even, or that he was bipolar. Standing in front of him now, he looked the same. He’s seen his eyes flash with a charge of emotion before, he’s met a challenge evenly. Even wasn’t better or worse, good or bad, now that Isak knew this information; he was just more. Isak didn’t understand why he had been keeping part of him hidden. So he tried again. “Isn’t it something you’d _want_ to share? With me?”

The fire died, and the next step Even took was softer. “I don’t want to share it with anyone.” Even searched Isak’s eyes to see if he understood. Then he gently circled Isak’s wrist and pulled him toward the door. They went to Even’s office. Even stood Isak in front of his wall of post-its and they took in the colors. He spoke to him over his shoulder.

“It’s not one of my nice things. It’s not one of my bad things, either. It just is. It’s part of me. I acknowledge it most days. If I can get away with it, I don’t. I don’t put it on my wall, but I don’t hide it either. I don’t tell people unless I have to.”

“I’m sorry.” Isak felt bad. He didn’t mean to embarrass Even, or at least draw attention to something that he did not think was worth it. He turned his head but didn’t try to meet Even’s eye. “I am not judging you for being you. And I won’t say anything else about it unless you want me to.”

Even sighed. “I want you to be comfortable. I don’t want you to be scared. Fear does a lot more damage than any of this is worth.” Even stepped right behind Isak and wrapped his arms around his waist. He nudged Isak’s face forward with his own.

“Pink. Top right. Martin.”

Isak found the note with his eyes.

“He’s my psychotherapist. I haven’t seen him lately. Probably not the entire time we’ve known each other. I email him sometimes. Send him my charts.

“Light blue, a few below Martin. That’s the phone number of my pharmacy.

“Yellow, top left. One of my favorite clients. They’re great to work with in general, but also they graciously gave me an extension on a project that I was struggling to complete during a depressive episode. Their empathy and trust is unparalleled considering I’m a freelancer.

“Purple. Graduated. Generally a nice thing for anyone attempting it. A fucking _beautiful_ thing when it takes an extra year and three different schools to accomplish.”

Next he pointed to NOT PREGNANT. “Neither of us wanted children with each other. I do not want children biologically. We made a mistake, and then we were relieved with the result. I know for a fact that I will not pass this on to someone else. That is a nice thing.

“And you could pick any of these things, and I’ll tell you why it’s there, why it’s nice, but you could also connect it to my mental illness. It’s part of me, part of everything. But I like it when people only see it because I’ve chosen to show it to them. Sometimes that doesn’t happen. Some people have witnessed an episode or have been inconvenienced when I’ve needed to prioritize treatment over them. And they’ve had the chance to judge me for it, devalue me because of it.”

Isak could feel Even shaking a bit as he explained, as he confessed. Even tried to disguise it by hugging him tighter and rocking back and forth slightly. Isak crossed his arms and rested his hands over Even’s.

“I’m not hiding it, I swear. I’m not ashamed of it. But I’m also not going to let someone else be ashamed of it either. I’m controlling it.”

Isak waited. He wanted to make sure Even had said everything he wanted to say. He listened for the inhale, the start of more, but it didn’t come. They were just rocking, reading and rereading the nice things, not having to face each other. So: “Okay.” Isak took a breath. He did not want to say something out of line, but he also couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Even. I need you to know that I care a great deal about you. I respect that this is who you are and how you choose to take care of yourself. But I also know that life can be unpredictable, and no amount of control can prevent certain things from happening. And if something were to happen, I would be devastated if I could not help you simply because I was unaware. I understand that all of this is on a need-to-know basis, but…well…I guess that’s it. I’m telling you that I need to know. Even if, in the end, I can’t physically do anything to help, or prevent something bad from happening. I need to know so I can keep the fear in check. So we are less afraid.” Isak stepped out of Even’s arms. He pressed a finger to the note with his phone number, and turned to look Even in the eye. Neon green. “I am part of it now. I am part of you now.”

Even resisted so hard. His face tightened painfully. He willed it away with all of his might. But the tears welled up and broke free, spilling down his cheeks in a salty race across his skin. He did not look away from Isak, he did not make a noise, but he cried. Isak stood tall and resisted with him.

Eventually Even held up a hand, another request for Isak to stay. He walked to his closet, wiping away the tears while his back was turned, and taking deep breaths to steady himself while he picked out a camera. He chose the Polaroid SX-70. It was loud when he unfolded it and checked for film.

When he returned to Isak he was composed, ready for work. He guided Isak into position with a firm hand across his chest, pressing him flush to the wall, centered and surrounded by his notes. He held up the camera and lined Isak up in the viewfinder. He stepped back, adjusting the focus as he went. Then the exposure. Then, without warning, the shutter.

“Wait,” Isak blurted out as the camera whirred and spit out his photo. Even tugged it free with one hand and collapsed the camera with the other.

“No veto. You should go shower.”

Even’s voice wasn’t quite stern, but it felt suddenly emotionless following the conversation and tears. Isak didn’t know what to say in response, so he just took Even’s suggestion and walked to the door. Even took the photo to his desk and peeled off a piece of hanging putty from the supply in his drawer. He returned to where Isak had been standing and pressed the photo onto the wall. Isak went to collect his clothes from his bag, a towel from the closet. Even stayed in the office.

The photo developed.

* * *

While Even showered Isak brushed his teeth in the kitchen sink. He opened the cabinet again to glance at the pills, make sure they were still there, that the truths they’d shared were undeniable. Then he walked around the rest of Even’s apartment to finish his list.

The dining room, which was more just a nook extending off the kitchen, still had art on the walls but no furniture. He took a picture of the modern chandelier so he would have a style to match a table and chairs to. He took a peek into the storage closet and understood what Even had meant; it could barely contain the broom and bucket it held. He was back in the living room when Even appeared, still damp but clothed, his hair dripping darkness around the collar of his grey tee.

Isak held up his phone to show him the list. “I think I have enough for twenty dates, if not more.”

“Exciting.” Even walked over and leaned in for a quick peck. “I don’t think I have time today though.”

Isak could hear what Even meant, recognized the tone of regret when they were forced to part; he had to work. “That’s fine. I really should get home.”

“Are you feeling okay about…all of that stuff before?”

Isak nodded. “It’s…kind of interesting actually. I’m getting to know these people at the pharmacy, but before I even meet them, the first thing I know about them is their name and their pharmacotherapy. That’s my first impression. Tom’s been talking to me about patient sensitivity and how to approach people with the right level of care and…lack of judgment. Even with a medical background there are these unconscious biases we have to work against. Anyway, I know we’ve always done things a little bit backward, but…no matter how I met you, how I learned about your diagnosis and treatment, it doesn’t change how or how much I care for you. If I’d known based on your pills and your name first, or if you screamed it out during sex, or even if I’d never found out—“

Even laughed.

“Hey! I’m serious. People say shit they don’t mean to say when they’re balls deep.”

“I am _well_ aware of that, _Isak_.”

Isak gave Even a small shove when he realized what he was referencing. “Alfie could never shut up when we were fucking.”

“I didn’t mind the soundtrack.”

“Whatever.” Isak shook his head as if to clear the air with his curls. “Thank you for talking with me.”

“Thank you for listening.” Even kissed him again, a sweeter, more innocent cap to the whole morning. Then they silently agreed that it was time to go. Even walked Isak to his door.

* * *

**daddyshome:** i think he got laid  
 **anonymous:** eh?  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** HARDY did u get some dick?

Isak had just opened the room and was still clothed. Everything looked the same to him on screen. “How could you tell?”

**daddyshome:** omg yesssss  
 **anonymous:** mazel!  
 **anonymous tipped 20 tokens**

“Oi did you just trick me into that?

**daddyshome:** twas an educated guess  
 **daddyshome:** but congratulations. hope it was good

Isak smiled, then checked the room list for Even’s name. He could picture him better now, sitting in his office. He assumed he was still wearing clothes, but then Isak thought about him being naked in his fancy chair and his dick started to plump up. “It was fucking amazing.” Isak leaned out of frame to grab his phone from the edge of the bed. _I’m going to talk about you._

_I’m listening._

“Definitely the biggest dick I’ve ever touched. It was our first time and I couldn’t get him in all the way. Well, I probably could have, but I didn’t need it. He got in, we got comfortable, and then it was a pretty quick come. But it was so good, getting filled up and then the release.” Isak was getting uncomfortable as he replayed the evening in his mind, sharing the highlights for the crowd. He stood up and unbuttoned his shorts. When the zipper went down his dick went up, practically pushing his jean shorts off for him.

**anonymous:** ooo commando nice

“I left my underwear at his place.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** BOLD move my man. now you’ll have to go back and get it. or he’ll have to bring it over.  
 **anonymous:** or he’ll just keep it and sniff it until he needs a new pair  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** i like the way you think

“No, it was by accident. I was picking up our clothes and ended up dumping everything into his hamper.” When Isak sat back down his dick flopped to the left and rested against his hip. He kept his shirt on if only for some contrast against his skin.

_I still have that outfit I borrowed on Sunday too._

Isak felt a tingle in his groin, a surge of bloodflow in response to the message. The idea of Even wearing his clothes, of them sharing that, was a turn-on, apparently. Perhaps because it implied the removal of their own clothes and the activities the followed. Or maybe just a simple intimacy, a comfort in being in each other’s closets.

Then he returned to the chat. “It’s funny…I’m perfectly fine with eating ass, but I’ve never felt the desire to sniff underwear. Like…is it somehow dirtier when it’s fabric instead of literally an asshole?”

**anonymous:** sometimes an asshole is actually cleaner than the underwear  
 **21twinkies:** friendly reminder that a good diet is just as important as an enema  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** omg can we not have this conversation again  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** i hope that dude who kept pushing fiber supplements isnt here

“I blocked him.”

**anonymous:** i bet he hates being blocked  
 **damnUfine369:** rim shot!  
 **anonymous:** HEYOOOOOOOOO  
 **TwoIsCompany:** I can feel Hardy rolling his eyes right now

Isak did actually roll his eyes at that.

**TwoIsCompany:** SEE your neck, you totally just did  
 **anonymous:** im glad im not the only one watching his neck instead of his dick  
 **anonymous:** ever since hickey night i can’t stop looking at it

“Well don’t worry, I’m not making that mistake again.”

**blackberriezzzz:** mistake?

“They’re not exactly very professional.”

**blackberriezzzz:** then you’re in the wrong profession.  
 **blackberriezzzz:** just buy a stick of concealer and let your guy go to town  
 **TwoIsCompany tipped 200 tokens**  
 **anonymous:** this is a pro-hickey chat

“I’m not against it; it just needs to be less visible. All I ask is that you suck on something that I can hide.” Isak lifted his shirt a bit to reveal his chest.

**anonymous:** i just googled if you can get a hickey on your dick  
 **anonymous:** YES YOU CAN IT’S CALLED A DICKEY  
 **anonymous:** but they kinda hurt :/

Isak wrapped a gentle hand around his dick, still only semi-hard and fading fast with the idea of a “dickey.” “Cute name, but that just sounds like a bad blowjob to me.”

**anonymous:** basically. and then ur reminded about it every time you look at ur dick for the next few days  
 **anonymous:** like a lipstick stain u can’t wash off 

Isak’s second phone flashed, so he picked it up. “Oh my god, which one of you just sent me a dickey?!” He actually had three waiting for him in Snapchat. He did not take any screenshots. “I think you should have an honest conversation with your partner if that’s happening.”

**024wolb:** giving constructive criticism is…risky…when ur dick is in someone’s mouth  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** I prefer to fill out a paper survey when we’re done  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** maybe offer a gold star

As silly as it sounded, Isak thought that was cute. He sent Even a blank snap with a gold star emoji.

➢ you have no idea what gold stars do to me

Even’s snap was quickly followed by another: a dick pic.

Isak coughed. His fingers fumbled trying to take a screenshot.

**anonymous:** still receiving bruised dicks?

“N-no. This one is…perfect.”

➢ May I show it to them?  
➢ Oooo my first time on camera! Yes

Isak switched to his camera roll. “Do you guys want to see what made me come last night?”

**badgirlbadgirl tipped 30 tokens**  
 **anonymous tipped 100 tokens**  
 **anonymous:** do you even have to ask

Isak waited a few seconds more just to make sure everyone was paying attention. Then he held the phone up to the camera and let the lens autofocus. Even’s long, hard dick, pointing up at his belly, sharpened on screen. Another wave of tips crashed in. Isak gave everyone about twenty seconds more to admire it, then he dropped the phone back onto the bed.

**badgirlbadgirl:** you are…have…one lucky asshole.

Isak’s dick had jerked to attention when he first saw the picture, and now he was dripping in appreciation. He flipped the phone back over and opened the photo again. “I am, aren’t I?” He held a finger on the screen to keep it open and gripped himself with his other hand. “So fucking lucky.”

The chat went quiet save for a smaller, steady flow of tips as everyone watched. Isak took his time with the photo, remembering what it had felt like and fantasizing about feeling it again. And it wasn’t even just about the beautiful cock; it was Even’s thin fingers circling the base, the light tufts of hair trailing upward, and the tightness of the muscles flexing in his groin. Isak knew what every inch of that picture tasted like on his tongue.

Even’s dick made Isak come for the second night in a row.

* * *

After Isak closed the room at midnight, he checked his inbox. He was a bit disappointed when he didn’t see anything from Bee. He sent him a quick message. _Missed you tonight. Send me a snap when you have a moment alone. I have something to share! xx_

He refreshed, hoping for another one of Bee’s quick replies, but the new message at the top was from Even instead. Isak clicked open his private room. Even’s office was darker than usual, but Isak could see he was shirtless, skin glowing pale from his computer screen. “Did you come?”

“Like half an hour ago, man.” Even scrunched up his face, slightly embarrassed by his speed. “Tilt up your camera.”

Isak was still naked, having removed his t-shirt to clean up. Instead of changing the angle of the camera he let himself lie down on his side, propping his head up on his arm.

Even pouted. “Wait but now I can’t see your dick.”

“You just watched it for an hour. Take a break.” Isak got comfortable, replacing his arm with a pillow, letting his post-orgasm fatigue settle in. He wanted to stay awake just to talk to Even directly, to look at him, but it had been an exhausting day as a whole. “Are we still going swimming tomorrow?”

Even nodded.

“Remind me to take a fucking picture of you at some point. You never sent me that wedding photo so all I have is your dick on my phone.”

“I don’t know, it’s going to be hard to top that.”

“Well you’d better try. I can’t exactly go around introducing you with that picture.”

“You literally did that to the chat.”

Isak waved away the technicality. “I owe you like half of the tips from tonight. Everyone loves a big dick.”

“You don’t owe me anything. That was a fun little experiment.”

“You’re still okay with it, right? If you feel like…regret or anything….”

“No no, I’m happy. It was quite an ego boost actually. But mostly I just liked hearing you talk about me.”

“If we keep this up I’m going to be doing it a lot more.”

“’ _If_ we keep this up’? You’re on the wall, babe.” Even thumbed over his shoulder. “There’s no going back now.”

Isak rolled his face into his pillow to hide the astronomically huge smile that exploded across his face. He could hear Even laughing at his reaction.

“Oh my god you’re the cutest.”

Isak peeked an eye out, revealed the corner of his upturned mouth, which earned him another “Awww,” from Even. He tucked away some of the pillow so he could speak clearly. “When I first saw Martin’s name on the wall I thought he was an ex-boyfriend. I didn’t want to say it when we were having the whole conversation, but I was so relieved when you explained.”

“What?! I thought you knew you are the first guy I’ve, y’know, been with.”

Isak shrugged as much as he could in his position. “Not necessarily that, maybe just someone you were in love with.”

“Nah…” Even let his voice fade away and his eyes drop. Isak could tell he was thinking about saying something else, so he waited. A small smile tugged at his mouth, and then broke open when he raised his eyes again. “He was just another guy I would pay to talk to every week.”

“Sometimes I wish we met under different circumstances just so you wouldn’t be able to make jokes about paying me.”

“I’ll stop making those jokes, but I’m going to need another joke outlet then. You know if we’d met a different way I’d just make jokes about _that_ , right? Like, if we’d met playing games online, I’d just joke about shooting at you, and then I’d turn that into a jizz joke, and then you’d roll your eyes right into your grave and at your funeral I’d joke about finally getting that kill. You’re never going to win, Isak.” Even snorted at his own layered joke.

“Ugh. You’re lucky your dick is huge.”

“I can already tell how often my dick is going to save my ass in this relationship.”

“And I can already tell how often your dick is going to ruin mine.” Isak sighed, resigning himself to a life of great pleasure and slight soreness every morning after.

Even piled on the faux pity. “What can I say…it’s a curse.”

They settled into that comfortable silence that they knew, happy to just look at each other in the dim light of their rooms. A few minutes later, Even spoke softly. “I know you’re tired but I don’t want you to sleep alone. I wish I were next to you.”

Isak pointed to the bed right at his shoulder.

“Yes, there.”

“I’ll see you in like…ten hours. And you’ll be unconscious for most of them.”

Even sighed then, pushing away from his desk and standing up to leave. Isak gasped when he caught sight of Even’s erection though, leaning in to get a better look. “Whoa whoa whoa, hold on. Don’t go yet.”

“Oh?” Even stepped back into frame, but he was closer to the camera now, so it was just his torso and it almost looked like his dick was talking, bobbing in the air. “Did you say something?”

“Don’t…don’t you want to take care of that before bed?”

“Take care of what?” He faced the camera head on and swung his hips a little.

“I can’t believe you were hiding that from me this whole time.” Isak sat up and moved back on his bed so Even could see all of him, could see how turned on he’d become at the sight of his dick again.

“I was hoping you’d be up for another round but I didn’t want to push it if you were tired.”

“I’m awake now. All of me.” Isak dropped an arm back to lean on and started a light stroke that got him fully hard. He watched Even return to his chair and push back a bit, so everything was in frame from the knees up. When he gripped himself at the base it looked exactly like the photo he’d sent, his length resting against his belly. Isak wanted to reach out and run his hand up it, knowing how soft yet firm it would feel.

“Honestly that was the hottest thing, watching you jerk off to my photo. I know I come pretty fast but that was probably a record for me.” Even’s breathing got heavy as he started his strokes, and he had to take more time between words. “But…I also noticed…something.”

“What?”

“The sounds…you make. On camera you…whimper.” Even tried to imitate what he’d heard, which ended up being a mix of his own noises and the way Isak whined when he was masturbating. “You really do put on a show.”

“You know why?”

“Tell me.”

They huffed out the conversation, half of their brains carrying it and the other half making sure their hands were moving apace. “Because they can’t feel the pulses in my cock. They can’t feel my asshole squeeze on my fingers. They can’t see the tension in my face or when I have to close my eyes. They can’t taste my sweat, or feel the heat when I come thinking about you. So I have to make noises.” Isak exaggerated his panting, he performed for Even.

“Oh fuck. Fuck, Isak.” The head of Even’s penis was a deep red, straining out of his foreskin and pumping out drops of pre-cum. His strokes were smooth and fast, too frantic to cover his full length.

Isak kept up, but he needed more. He pushed up onto his knees and his free hand sought out his hole. He didn’t have time to bother with lube, or even a hint of spit. He pressed a finger in just to feel something inside of him. “Once…once we get all of you inside, do you know what we’re going to try next?”

“Fuck. There’s more?”

“Oh yeah…ungh.” Isak found his prostate. Even noticed his dick jerk up into his hand. “I’m going to teach you how to do this. You’re going to fuck me so deep, and then you’re going to…ummmph…find a position so your goddamn giant dick can hit my g-spot.”

“Great…yes…it’s a date. Oh god, Isak. I’m so close.”

“Yeah? You gonna come for me? Let me see your load all over your belly?”

Isak was so used to closing his eyes when he was on cam, imagining whatever he wanted and not having to watch the chat. But now he had to strain to keep his eyes open, see his fantasy play out right in front of him. He wished it was happening in his bed, but it was almost just as hot knowing that he couldn’t touch Even. He had to talk him through it, listen for Even’s noises. He had to keep his senses heightened and keep Even engaged, without his hands.

Isak squeezed his dick and stroked his finger in his ass, gearing up toward the orgasm he could feel was about to explode on screen. Even had slumped down a bit in his chair, but his thighs were clenched together and arm tense with the rapid strokes. He moved a hand down to fondle his balls, and even in the dim light Isak could see them start to churn.

“Oh god it’s coming. Isak. I’m coming.”

“Come for me baby. I’m going to come too. Ahhh, Even!”

“Isak!” Even yelled, squeezed his eyes shut, and exploded: three rapid-fire spurts landed up his neck. “Fuuuuuuck,” he groaned as the rest spilled out, pooling on his chest then dripping back down to his throbbing cock.

Isak fingered himself to a simultaneous orgasm, holding his dick to his belly to catch his own cum. Only after he’d watched Even’s money shot did he let his own eyes close in relief. “Oh my god.” They collapsed, their bodies shuddering with release.

When Isak’s cum threatened to drip onto his sheets, he freed his hands and reached for his t-shirt again. They both mopped themselves up in silence, save for the ragged breathing their mics still picked up.

“Fuck. I can’t believe you make me come so fast, so hard, through a fucking computer.” Even marveled at the guy on his screen, his satisfied smile and smooth chest and softening dick. He watched as Isak pushed himself out of bed, and then waited for his return. Many things coursed through his mind while he stared at the empty bed, emotions and wishes he wanted to share, but knew weren’t right for this time, this way. He could hear Isak running water in his bathroom, then sliding open a drawer.

“We need to sleep.” The bed shook with Isak’s return; he was in a clean t-shirt and boxers, and crawled too close to the camera to reach his laptop. Even’s office lit up with the bright reflection off of Isak’s face and shirt, like a full moon playing tricks on the night. “It’s so late. But thank you for…coming.” Isak cocked his head and smiled at the wordplay. It was a tired phrase on the sex site, with cammers sending winking faces and signing off with _thanks for ~cumming~!!!_ , but here it felt honest and new. It made Even smile, which was what mattered.

“Thank you for staying. Good night, Isak.”

“Night.” Isak blew a kiss to the camera.

**Hard2Get has left**

* * *

Even was running late on Saturday morning. Isak met Sana outside the restaurant as usual, and they sat down to get started. Sana didn’t want to be rude, but she also promised Susie she’d be back in time to give her the afternoon off.

“I must admit, this is rather exciting.” They placed their orders, Even having sent his over text. “I don’t think I’ve met a boyfriend of yours since high school.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Well, not like an official meeting. Maybe in passing. But I don’t really remember anyone outside of my own failed attempts at matchmaking.”

“Oh. Maybe they were too casual.” Isak didn’t have a set rule for introducing people he was seeing to friends, and never for such an intentional meeting like this one. He wondered why this felt so different.

“So that means this is…not casual?” Sana raised her eyebrows, leading him toward the obvious conclusion.

But Isak just shrugged, not ready to define it for Sana. “I know you want to do your siren emoji bullshit, but we haven’t talked about it, really. We’re just dating.”

“Okay. Well, I will continue to use siren emojis with Eva and you can go back to denial island. That’s fine.”

Isak shifted in his seat. “Sana…why do you always say I’m in denial about things?”

“Because you are.”

“But…I’m not. That’s just…that’s the fact about the situation. We are going on dates.”

“But you’re denying your own emotions _about_ the dating. Like how you want it to be more. How you want to call him your boyfr—…” The word died on Sana’s tongue as her attention was drawn over Isak’s shoulder. Isak twisted around just as Even was leaning in to kiss him on the cheek, so their noses bumped and lips met awkwardly.

Even chuckled. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Isak’s eyes locked on to Even as he walked around him to the third chair.and took his seat.

“Hello, Sana.” Even bowed his head in greeting, not extending his hand like Isak had advised.

“Even. So nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise. Isak speaks so highly of you and Emir and Yousef.”

“I should hope so. I’ve heard lovely things about you as well.”

“Oh? Well that’s nice. Though I do wonder when that grace period will end.”

“It could be in a matter of minutes with this one.” Sana shot a sweet smile at Isak. The teasing had begun.

Brunch moved like a dream. Their food came fast and hot, and conversation flowed easily between all three of them. Even had picked up enough knowledge from listening to Isak to easily follow their discussions about the medical world, and Sana engaged with Even about videography on behalf of Yousef’s amateur skills.

“He’s great at capturing these little moments, and he has every good intention in the world of creating something nice, but he never takes the time to sit down and organize everything and edit it together. It’s all just a million little clips in his cloud.”

Even nodded in understanding. “Emir is a year old now, yes? He probably has just…so much footage, catching every little milestone, that it’s overwhelming.”

“Yes, that’s exactly it. So much changes in the first year too, so I don’t think he even realizes you can’t keep everything.”

“Do you have a baby book?”

“No. I’m more of a vaccinations-and-growth-percentiles type.”

“Well have him flip through one in a store or something. See what they suggest you catalog. Go for Emir’s first tooth, not every tooth. That’ll narrow it down a bit.”

“I should just hire you to do it, to be honest.”

“Too late,” Isak interjected over his coffee. “He doesn’t work for friends.”

“Really?” Sana turned back to Even for confirmation.

“Correct. Money and expectations make things messy, and I don’t want to ruin the good thing we already have going here.” Even was speaking about his and Sana’s newfound friendship, but he slid a hand across Isak’s shoulder and gave him a squeeze, referencing something else. Isak snorted.

“Well I’ll just pass along your advice. And maybe it’ll get easier as Emir gets older. Or if Yousef’s phone finally runs out of space.”

“That’s definitely an option. I had to do a gig without my memory cards once, which forced me to delete, edit as I shot. It was a painful but effective lesson.” Even took one last sip of his coffee and then moved to stand. “I’m going to go take care of the check and hit the bathroom. That should give you about ten minutes to gossip about me while I’m gone.”

Sana smiled and shooed him away, unashamed by his accurate prediction. Isak’s eyes followed him again as he walked away.

When he finally returned his focus to Sana, she was bent over completely below the level of the table. “Sana?” He ducked his head down, and found her hastily shoving something into his backpack. He reached out to tug it back from her. “Sana!”

“Isak, I haven’t restocked you in a month! I was trying to be more subtle about it.” They both returned upright, Isak’s bag firmly trapped between his feet.

“Okay, you’re hiding under a table now, but it’s less effective when I have to dig through twenty condoms to get my towel out at the pool.”

“Shake your bag. They’ll settle to the bottom.”

Isak slapped a hand over his eyes.

“But while we’re adjacent to the topic, please make sure he gets tested. I’m sure you do, because I nag you pretty regularly, but I doubt he’s aware.”

Isak kept his eyes covered and let out a sigh. “Honestly…at this point, I’m just glad you had the restraint to do all of this while he was gone.”

“I’m not a monster, Isak. Besides, I’m saving the truly embarrassing stuff for my toast at your wedding.”

* * *

Out on the sidewalk Sana thanked Even again for brunch and insisted he join again soon. “You don’t have to pay every time, of course.”

Even laughed. “I’d be honored, but I don’t want to interrupt your usual schedule, and my Saturdays can be a challenge with the weddings.”

“Oh don’t worry, Sana will find something that works for all of us, I’m sure.” Isak pulled on his backpack, hoping the rustling of the foil packets wasn’t as obvious to everyone else in earshot.

“Have fun at the pool, guys.” Sana waved, releasing them, and began her brisk walk home. They both pulled out their phones to check for messages now that brunch was officially over.

Even finished first, shoving his phone into his back pocket and looking around to see which direction they needed to go to get to the pool. Once he’d oriented them, he returned to Isak and noticed his furrowed brow. “Everything okay?”

“Um…yeah. I think so. Just an email from my advisor.” Isak held up his phone for Even to read the short message.

“He wants to meet on Monday. Is something wrong with that?”

“I guess not. It just feels weird.”

“Don’t you have to like…talk to them about your thesis and stuff? Maybe they just want an update.”

“Yeah….” Isak wasn’t totally convinced, but he sent a quick reply that he was free to meet before noon, and then tried to push it out of his mind. He was probably just thrown off but the curt tone, the lack of exclamation marks he was used to in their emails. “Anyway, that went well, right?” He turned his focus back to Even, and accepted the hand he offered. They began walking toward the water.

“Yes! It was great. I’m sorry I was late.”

“You were barely late. But you’re okay, right?”

Even nodded. “It was dumb. I woke up with my alarm but went back to sleep after I took my pills, and forgot to set it again. That’s all.”

Isak gave his hand a squeeze. “Maybe we don’t do the late-night stuff again.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, let’s not make any rash decisions here.”

Isak blushed slightly, flattered by Even’s enthusiasm for their private session. “I meant just maybe reconsider the timing.”

“Then let’s pencil something in for Monday too. If I recall correctly we’re usually free around sixteen?”

“But that’s when we’re going to find you tables!”

“Well the tables are just going to have to wait.”

They walked to the pool, building up a light sweat in the early afternoon sun, even with their leisurely pace. It was crowded again, but they managed to find a spot to squeeze their towels in. After a quick strip they raced to the water for some sweet relief, splashing around and tugging at each other’s shorts under the gentle waves. Isak surrendered after only a few minutes. He swam back to the ladder.

“I’m getting out before I pop a boner in public,” he explained before he climbed.

“Oh, sure, the water is what’s causing the problem here.” Even followed him out.

“Actually it is, because you wouldn’t dare grope me like that up here.”

“God I love a challenge.”

They returned to their towels and Isak laid out on his stomach, just to be safe. Even sat down cross-legged and reached for Isak’s bag. “I’m going to do your back before you fall—“ He stopped talking when his hand reached in. “Isak.”

Isak froze, but quickly realized he had no other option but to tell the truth. “Sana gives me condoms.”

Even shoved his shoulder. “You’re fucking kidding me.”

“No. She did it while you were in the bathroom.”

Even pulled the bag into his lap and started digging. “This is amazing. I love her. Oh my god.” Isak witnessed Even’s apparent glee in silence, both surprised yet not by his reaction. “Oh, I think this one is flavored!” Even held one up to the sun. Then he proceeded to upturn Isak’s entire bag, and a rainbow of foil spilled out onto the towel.

“Even!” Isak hissed. “What are you doing!”

“I’m going to sort them by size. Apparently you didn’t gossip enough. Some of these might not work.”

“I’m not exactly going around telling people your dick size.”

“Just text her my picture then.” It was Isak’s turn to shove Even. He rocked back, laughing, but recovered quickly and returned to picking out condoms.

Isak swiped his phone from the pile of stuff and sat up. Rather than fight Even and make a bigger scene, he let him continue sorting the condoms into neat piles on the towel. For the most part it just looked like he was calmly organizing the contents of Isak’s bag, and he wasn’t attracting any attention for it. Isak held his phone above them for a bird’s-eye-view of the sorting and snapped a photo. He wasn’t going to introduce Even with this shot either, but at least he now had a new lockscreen and could start a new album in his camera roll.


	26. 7:53

“Hi Helene.”

“Hi Isak. The usual?”

“Yes please.” Isak trudged over to his usual seat and let his backpack slide to the ground. There was an older gentleman perched on Even’s stool, but Isak was about an hour early, so he figured the man would leave before Even arrived. He tried not to disturb his coffee and newspaper.

Helene delivered his iced mocha and two cinnamon buns. “You look like you need a little extra sugar. Is Even coming?”

“Yeah, he’ll be here around sixteen.”

“Great, I’ll brew something for him.”

“Thanks.” Isak sipped his coffee and downed one of the buns. He didn’t think he was hungry, but it was the nerves that had made him skip lunch after his meeting and kept him distracted in the hours since. He paced himself with the second bun and replayed the meeting in his head for the twentieth time.

Marte had been her usual bubbly self when Isak knocked on her office door. She was in a more casual outfit than he was used to seeing on campus, but everyone was because it was summer. She welcomed him in and asked how his summer was going.

Isak settled into the chair on the opposite side of her desk, dropping his backpack at his feet. “Fine, great. I’m…kind of taking a break on the thesis but….”

Marte laughed. “That’s fine, have a proper break. We’ll talk about that more in September, okay?” It was meant to reassure Isak, but it just proved that he wasn’t there to talk about the thesis. Something else was wrong. He started jiggling his leg to release the nervous energy.

“So…what did you want to talk about?”

“How is your internship going?”

“Well…I thought it was going very well. Tom and Catarina are great; I’m learning a lot. I think, I hope I’m actually helping and not making extra work. This meeting makes me think I have the wrong impression though.”

Marte let a small grimace flash over her face before she composed herself. She took a breath. “I did call you in to talk about your internship. I’m glad you’ve had an educational experience thus far, but we need to implement a transfer at this point, and move you to a different pharmacy for the remainder of the summer.”

Isak’s mouth dropped open.

“I’m waiting on confirmation from the new pharmacy. We were hoping we could swap you with another student in the program to keep as much as possible in the balance for the pharmacists, but realized that wouldn’t be fair to the other student. So we’re trying to place you in a smaller pharmacy that isn’t in our usual network. I hope to have that confirmation very soon, so you can get started. This means that, effective immediately, you will not be returning to work with Tom.”

“Wh—Uh—did, did I do something wrong?”

“To be honest Isak, I’m not sure. We’ve never had to do this before, so there wasn’t any protocol in place to address the issue.”

“But what is the issue?”

“I’m afraid I can’t share that information. Confidentiality was requested due to the sensitive nature. But also I actually do not know the details, since the whole issue started with my supervisor. I’m simply letting you know what is necessary for your transition, and that’s the best I can do.”

“Okay. Okay.” He took a moment to breathe and try to process what he was being told. “So I am going to change pharmacies to complete my internship, but you won’t tell me why this change is happening.”

“Won’t, can’t. But that’s splitting hairs. You are correct.”

“But if it was something I did, or didn’t do, how will I know to not repeat it again? Make another mistake?”

“I trust your judgment, Isak. You have a good head on your shoulders. I believe the whole issue is much larger than any singular thing you did, so you shouldn’t worry about further changes.”

“Is this…does it involve anyone else? Any other students or pharmacists?”

“Not that I know of.”

Isak went quiet again.

“I’m sorry I can’t clarify anything for you, or ease your mind. But this transfer should solve the problem and you’ll be able to continue your work in just a slightly different environment. I think it will be a positive move for you, and you will have the advantage of work experience under different pharmacists.”

His voice was small when he spoke, as if he knew how pointless an argument was at this point. “Tom and I got along really well though.”

“I’m sure you did, Isak. I’ve heard nothing but praise in his assessments. But I think you’ll get along with someone else just as well. That’s your nature; I’ve seen you do well in group work and develop strong relationships in pursuit of your goals.”

The compliments did little to distract him from the overwhelming idea that he fucked up so bad that he had to change pharmacies. That he fucked up so bad no one could tell him what he did. His mind was racing, replaying each day, trying to remember every step he took. Marte was silent, unable to offer any answers to his unasked questions. She gave him time though.

Eventually, Isak felt the pressure of the silence, noticed Marte’s glances at her computer. He figured he could continue worrying about all of it just about anywhere besides Marte’s office. He tried to focus on the next steps, the proposed solution. “So I’ll…I’ll wait to hear from you for my new assignment?”

“Yes. I’ll email you as soon as I can with the pharmacy and your new supervisor. They’ll be briefed on the situation and you should be able to pick up right where you left off.”

“And…and will this be on my record in any way? Will it show that I had to transfer?”

“Not exactly. The name of your supervisor will change, but overall you will have completed a full internship and the change will not be a criterion for your final evaluation. I don’t foresee this being any sort of demerit.”

Isak took a deep breath. That was at least a small comfort. Perhaps it truly wasn’t a big enough issue if it wouldn’t be a mark on his name. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Isak, this will all be behind you very soon. I recommend you go out, enjoy the rest of your day. If I hear from the new pharmacy this afternoon, I’ll request a start date of Thursday for you, so that gives you some time to adjust and prepare for a new work location. So take this time as a little vacation, okay? Relax, have some fun.”

Isak gave her a wry smile, which she returned. Both of them knew the next few days would be full of worry. Isak tried not to blame Marte though, tried not to give her the brunt of his anxieties. She was just the messenger. He attempted a joke, even though his voice was a bit shaky. “And just when I was finally getting a hang of the register.”

Marte appreciated his spirit, and sent him off with more encouragements. “I’ll email you with the new pharmacy soon. I’m sorry to cause such an alarm but I’m sure things will be back to normal before you know it.”

Isak nodded and stood, shouldering his bag. He gave Marte a small wave as he left and walked back out into the bright summer day that she wanted him to enjoy.

* * *

Helene delivered a refill for Isak as well as Even’s tea. The gentleman was gone; Isak hadn’t noticed him leave. He checked the time. “Thanks, Helene.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just a stressful thing with work. The buns are helping though.” He fixed his face into a smile.

“That’s good. If you guys hang around until closing again I’ll give you whatever I have left over so they don’t go to waste.” Helene winked at him before she disappeared into the back.

Isak stared out the window in the direction he knew Even would arrive in. He’d thought about texting him as soon as he left Marte’s office but realized it would be pointless. He’d be interrupting Even’s work, as well as drawing out a conversation that would go much more smoothly in person. He could wait.

When he caught sight of Even from a distance, he felt himself relax immediately. Not completely, but noticeably so, a wave of calm washing over his frazzled nerves. He was tempted to get up and meet him outside, anything to hasten the presence of his smile, his touch, the rumble of whatever he wanted to say. But he waited.

It didn’t take long. Even’s legs carried him swiftly into the café and the little bell announced his arrival. Isak hopped off the stool and met him in a hug. Almost immediately Even pushed back in order to see Isak’s face. “Whoa whoa whoa, what’s wrong? You’re shaking. Hey. Hey. Let’s sit down.” Even guided Isak’s shaking form back to the stools and made sure he was sat firmly, supported by the counter. 

The second he had touched Even Isak lost control of his body. The tension he’d been holding in so tightly ever since the meeting let loose in a flood: he shook, his nose started running, his vision got blurry. His body was expressing how overwhelmed he was without his permission. Even stepped in close and pulled Isak’s head to his chest. He murmured small words with no purpose except to calm Isak, and ran his fingers through his curls.

“Thank you for the tea, baby.”

Isak sniffled against Even’s shirt. He pushed away from him then, not wanting to get snot everywhere. “Helene just makes it at this point.” He swiped at his nose.

Even, believing Isak had recovered enough now, took his seat. He scooted the stool closer though, and fit his knees on either side of Isak’s legs. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Isak’s breath was still shaky. He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes, attempting a hard reset, hoping they’d focus properly when he opened them again. But the tears were welling up and everything was swimming. “I think I just got fired.” A couple of tears escaped. Even took his face in his hands and dabbed the tears away with his thumbs.

“Okay. Walk me through this. What happened at the meeting?”

Even let go of Isak’s face as he straightened up. He offered Isak a small napkin but he declined with a slight shake of his head. He recapped the meeting for Even, as well as every possible theory he thought up while wandering around the city on his way to the café.

“Isak…you didn’t get fired. They just transferred you!”

“But…why? I must’ve done something, because Marte said they’ve never had to do this before. It…it has to be some kind of punishment.”

“I don’t think so. Or maybe it has nothing to do with you. Maybe it’s just the pharmacy, or Tom, couldn’t handle an intern anymore. Perhaps they weren’t suited for the program.”

Isak was about to accept this reasoning, until he remembered Marte saying they were going to swap him with another intern. Every assurance that Even attempted, Isak could argue against. Eventually Even paused to take a sip of tea.

“I’ll admit, then, that something strange has happened, but I don’t think you’ve been fired, nor is it your fault. Like you said, if you caused a problem, they should be able to tell you why so you can fix it, or prevent it from happening again. That’s just in everyone’s best interest.”

Isak nodded, agreeing at least with that. “Marte didn’t know. If it were that serious, surely they’d tell her?”

“Yes.” Even’s confidence did its job, and Isak’s mind started to slow down its obsessive swirl.

“Alright. So…I’m just waiting for my new assignment.” He glanced at his phone on the counter, gave a final sniff. He’d turned on notifications for his inbox but still checked every few minutes anyway.

“That sounds kind of exciting.”

“I suppose. It’s probably going to be further away from my apartment because I think where I was was the closest one. But Sana will appreciate the move.”

Even smiled, but was confused. “Do you work with her?”

“No. But she expects reports.”

Even's smile remained, but something changed in his eyes. If Isak had met his gaze he would see the delight bubbling up. “Isak…are you a narc?”

“What? No! No, I mean like how the pharmacy works, the reps we see, how we counsel doctors.”

“Maybe you’re being transferred because you’re a fucking narc.” Even gave Isak a gentle shove, which made him smile and blush. They were moving back into teasing territory, a surefire way to get Isak to relax about the whole situation.

“Come on. It’s just business stuff. I’m not sharing patient details or prescription rates.”

“Shit. I can’t believe I’m dating a narc.” Even shook his head and turned away from Isak. He sipped his tea and ignored Isak’s frustrated pout.

“I’m not a narc,” he muttered as he bit into his bun.

“ _The lady doth protest too much, methinks._ ”

Isak picked off a piece of his bun and chucked it at Even’s neck.

“Oi! Keep it up and you’re sweeping!” Helene hollered from the register.

Even hopped off his stool to apologize and pick up the food. When he extended his arm Isak noticed the bandage at the inside of his elbow. “Did you get your blood drawn?”

“Ah, yes,” Even answered as he made a quick trip to the garbage pail. “I went and got tested this morning.”

Isak laughed nervously, and waited until Even returned to his side. He tried to whisper: “Um, do I need to get tested?”

Even’s eyes went wide. “Oh, no no no. I don’t think so. I mean, not because of me. But Sana said…she said we had to, right?”

“What? When!” Isak remembered Sana thoroughly embarrassing him with the demand at brunch but he was sure that she hadn’t done it in Even’s presence.

“I messaged her to thank her for the condoms and she said she told you to tell me to get tested. And then also that you probably wouldn’t tell me so I should just go ahead on my own.” Even unlocked his phone to dig up the conversation.

“No. Please don’t show me. I do not need to know about this.”

“Jesus Isak, she knows you so well. ‘He’s going to be embarrassed, but….’” Even quoted from their exchange.

Isak crossed his arms on the counter and hid his face in them. “Helene, save me,” he groaned into the wood.

Even reached over and rubbed Isak’s back. “Oh come on, this is the responsible, adult thing to do.”

Isak popped back up. “Yes, get tested, great. Do not discuss it with my hijabi friend, please.”

“She started it!” Even’s hand dropped down to Isak’s waist. He gave the skin at the hem of his shirt a tickle. Isak flinched but tried not to shy away. He did not want Even’s fingers to leave. “Our conversation did not linger on our sex life any longer than necessary though, don’t worry.”

“Thank you.” He puckered his lips in an air kiss, to show his appreciation for the end of the conversation as a whole.

“Also, I meant to say this earlier: if you’re ever looking to kill some time, or need to talk, or just want to hang out, you are welcome to come over. I was home this whole time.”

“I know. I didn’t want to interrupt you though. I know you have to work.”

“Fuck work. If you’re having a nervous breakdown you should come over immediately. Or at least call me and I’ll come find you. You shouldn’t have to go through that alone.”

“Here’s hoping it never happens again. But thank you.” Isak leaned in for a peck in earnest, which Even happily supplied.

“And on the topic of coming over, since you don’t have to go to work tomorrow, do you want to sleep over tonight? After your show of course.”

“Hmm. Marte _did_ say I should have a little fun, take a vacation.”

“Great! You can do just that, in my bed.”

They giggled and muttered through some enticing, sexy plans. Even mentioned that he’d bought his own bottle of lube to match Isak’s, so he didn’t need to bring his for every visit. They inched closer into each other’s space again, legs fitting like puzzle pieces and hands never not touching. Isak caught up on Even’s day as well, and then they perused furniture options on their phones. By the time Helene brought out her broom from the back Even had purchased a set of chairs, an armchair for the living room, and a coffee table.

“That’s one perk of working from home; I’ll always be there for the deliveries.”

“You have an exciting few days ahead of you.”

“And you. Pack a screwdriver, babe.” Even stood, clapping Isak on the shoulder and then stretching. As much as he loved Helene’s café, the stools were not meant for the hours that they spent in the window, leaning into each other and planning their days. His current discomfort may have influenced his choice of armchair too, as they had searched for something big and soft with a matching ottoman.

Even walked to the door and Isak followed. Helene called out before he left though. “Isak, buns?” She crooked her finger at him when he turned. He stepped up to the register. “Here are the leftovers, as promised. But um, I also wanted to ask about…” She flicked her eyes over his shoulder at Even, who was responding to emails out on the sidewalk. “Are you…together?”

“With Even? Ah, yes. We’re dating. Is that okay?” The second he said it he wasn’t sure why he was asking Helene for approval. His brow furrowed.

“Yes! Of course! Totally fine. I just was curious. I know he was with Sonja for a long time but I’ve overheard some of your conversations. And I know how friendly he can be, touching and kissing sometimes. So I just wanted to know if that….if he was just a really good friend, or…”

Isak laughed. “Well, he _is_ a very good friend, but also a bit of a boyfriend, I think.” He blushed at the word, the definition.

“That’s nice. Sorry to pry. It’s just fascinating, the lives I get to watch from back here, and you guys are always just…being cute and having fun on Mondays.” Isak blushed a bit more. “Anyway, enjoy the buns. Might have to heat them up if you’re saving them for tomorrow. I’ll see you next week.”

Isak picked up the waxed paper bag. “Thanks, Helene.” He left with a jingle and joined Even on the sidewalk.

“What’s this?” Even put his phone away and flicked at the bag.

“She gave me the leftover buns. Instead of just throwing them away.”

“Oi! Why do you get the extra treats? She’s never given me free food.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m a lot cuter than you, so….”

“Well, I can’t argue with that.”

Isak basked in the glow of his own compliment, but then gave Even some credit. “Actually she said we were both really cute.”

“Not going to argue with that either.” Even stepped closer to him for a kiss. His hands took a light grip at Isak’s waist, and Isak’s arms wrapped loosely around Even’s neck. Their light pecks deepened into open mouths and hot tongues, heavy breaths exhaled through their noses. Sweat prickled on their skin. Isak pulled himself to Even, and they didn’t stop until a passerby bumped their shoulders trying to walk around their entwined forms.

“Whoops, must’ve been too cute.”

“The struggle is real. But hey, you take these home.” Isak pressed the bag into Even’s chest. “Eat them if you want. Or save them for breakfast. I’ll be over after the show.” He stole another kiss, then spun Even in the direction of his apartment. They went their separate ways.

* * *

“Thanks for the advice, guys. I know I shouldn’t get so worked up about this but…I’m just sitting here thinking about it, constantly.”

 **TwoIsCompany:** You need a distraction  
**badgirlbadgirl:** hell, *i* need a distraction  
**anonymous:** how many tokens for a distraction

The chat had been helpful for most of the hour, listening to Isak unload his worries about his job and offering reassurance and advice. He was certainly less anxious about it than before, having walked through everything with Even, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to get a few more outside opinions just to be sure. He offered as much detail as he could without giving anything away, and everyone seemed to agree that the transfer was harmless. Even tipped small amounts here and there as he supported other people’s points. Isak needed to focus less on what might have happened and more on being prepared for the new location. Except at this point, with ten minutes left in his show, everyone wanted him to focus on something else entirely.

“Not tonight. I actually need to leave soon, and I still haven’t packed an overnight bag.”

 **badgirlbadgirl:** booty call?  
**anonymous:** except what do u call a booty call that brings a change of clothes  
**anonymous:** bananas in pyjamas  
**TwoIsCompany:** Pack something cute.

“This is like those sleepovers I’d have as a kid, with a pair of superhero pajamas in my backpack plus like, twenty toys.”

 **024wolb:** toys?

Isak clicked his tongue. “Not those kinds of toys. Like action figures or…a football. Stupid stuff that we never actually played with because my friend would have their own toys anyway. But I had to be prepared.”

 **badgirlbadgirl:** now it’s just pajamas and condoms

“That is…terribly accurate.” Isak then remembered Even’s joke before they had parted earlier. He leaned out of frame to shoot him a text. _Do I really need to bring a screwdriver?_

_Hah, no._

While he had his phone open he checked his email. He had received a message from Marte that he’d missed during the show. He decided to wait to open it until he was at Even’s though, when he could have someone nearby in case he collapsed into another puddle of nerves. Maybe he’d even wait until the next morning, as to not ruin tonight’s fun. He pushed his phone aside and prepared to say good night.

“Well, I think I’m going to go see if I have any cute superhero pajamas. Thanks again for hanging out with me. I’ll see you on Wednesday, and maybe we can pick out an outfit for my new job.”

 **anonymous:** dress to impress

“Exactly. Have to impress the boss.”

 **anonymous:** i meant for tonight.

“So did I.”

**TwoIsCompany tipped 100 tokens**

* * *

Isak’s second visit to Even’s apartment was no less intimidating than the first. He could navigate his way there without a map now, but the trip still held the thrill of a new experience. He daydreamed various scenarios as he traveled, ways they would fall asleep and then perhaps breakfast in bed the next morning. He didn’t let his thoughts get too explicit though, since he was in public, but his body still held a low-grade buzz the whole way there.

Even was ready and waiting for him at the door again, leaning casually against the frame. He probably would have pulled off quite a suave seduction on sight, but Isak burst out laughing when he saw his outfit: proper blue and white striped pajamas, a matching set that only five-year-olds or eighty-five-year-olds wore. “You’re a banana in pajamas!” Isak exclaimed as he approached.

“I’ve never heard of that before but when I googled it I was shocked by the resemblance. Had to pull out my formal pajamas for the occasion.”

“Oh? What’s the occasion?” Isak paused for a kiss before being ushered inside.

Even shrugged. “I don’t know. You’re here.”

“Excellent point.” Isak kicked off his shoes and went straight back to Even’s bedroom to deposit his bag. 

Even hollered after him. “Drink? Food?”

“Water, please.” 

He noticed the brand new bottle of lube sitting conspicuously on the bedside table. That was probably the occasion. Isak smirked and walked back to meet Even in the kitchen. He was doing that casual lean again, but the pajamas were still working against him. Isak couldn’t hold back his giggle. “I feel like I came over just to make sure you brushed your teeth and tuck you in.”

“You can do that too.” Even slid Isak’s glass of water across the counter to him. They sipped and shared flirty, knowing smiles.

A buzz in Isak’s pocket reminded him of the email he’d been saving. “Oh! Marte emailed me.” He shifted closer to Even so he could read over his shoulder and pulled out his phone. They read her short message in silence.

“No….” Even breathed.

“What?”

Marte had sent the name of the pharmacy and contact info for Isak’s new supervisor. It was an independently owned pharmacy, different from the chain he’d been working at. It was probably going to be smaller. It sounded familiar but he didn’t recognize the location. Isak was about to copy and paste the address into his maps app to plot his commute when he noticed that Even had shifted away. He was at the cabinet next to the sink with one of his pill bottles in his hand.

It quickly dawned on Isak. “No,” he repeated.

“Yes.” Even held up the bottle to show him the label in confirmation.

“Fuck.”

A small smile crept up onto Even’s face though. He reached for one of Isak’s hands and held it between them, taking a deep breath. “Isak.” Even dropped to one knee, pulling Isak’s gaze down with him.

“What are you doing?” Isak asked, even though it was clear, even though this was a universal sign. His heart was racing because it knew what Isak didn't want to acknowledge.

“Isak.” The air in the room got tight, but Even didn’t feel it. He just smiled wider. He offered the bottle in his other hand. “Will you be my pharmacist?”

Isak gasped, his breath caught in his throat as his mind caught up to the joke. He wrenched his hand out of Even’s and gave him a hard shove; Even had to catch his balance on the floor. The pills in the bottle rattled with his laugh. “You fucker.”

“Well? I’d like an answer.”

“I’m not going to be your pharmacist you idiot.”

“But you’re going to work there!” Even handed him the bottle and then pushed himself to his feet. Isak compared the label to the address on his phone.

He sighed. “Yes. Starting Thursday.”

“This is exciting! You’re going to be like, two blocks away from me.”

“Ah, is that where we are?” Isak pinched out on the map to orient himself.

“Yup. And you’re with Christian?”

Isak switched back to the message. “Yes.”

“He’s nice. I have his number on my wall.” Even winked.

Isak rolled his eyes. He took a minute to reply to Marte then, confirming that he’d received the assignment and that he’d report to the new pharmacy at nine on Thursday. His heart rate slowed, the task grounding him, the teasing returning to normal.

“God…this is…like, calling it a coincidence isn’t enough.” Isak shook his head.

“Fate?”

“Sure.”

Even took his bottle back, lining it up with the others in the cabinet. They returned to sipping their drinks. Isak stared at the floor, clearly processing something. Even watched his face struggle with concern.

“Hey. It’s a good thing. It’s a good pharmacy. And now you’re in my neighborhood. We can like…take lunch breaks together.”

Isak looked up and realized Even was reacting to his worry. “Sorry, of course. I was just thinking about something else. But yes, this will be…interesting.” He tilted his head, giving the word a small smile.

“I know you’re not actually going to be my pharmacist. I don’t think I’m even going to need a refill until after your internship is over.”

“I’m not worried about that. I don’t think I need to avoid you or uh, disclose anything. I just remember…I remember I used to be afraid of this. Before we met. I was afraid you’d show up at my school, or at my pharmacy. And now….”

“And now we’re this.”

“Yeah.” Whatever it was, Isak agreed to it.

“It’s nice.” Even reached for Isak’s hand again, just like before, but he didn’t pull a stunt. He just drew Isak into him, watching his face tip up to meet his, pausing for only a millisecond before their lips met.

Isak relaxed into the kiss. He stopped thinking. He pushed everything aside except for the man in front of him, and just focused on the hands spreading across his back, his own tucking up under the soft striped fabric. Their tongues and fingertips made slow and steady discoveries of each other, touching and tasting in all the right places.

At some point Even whispered, “Bed,” into Isak’s skin.

* * *

The first thing Isak saw when he woke up was the bottle of lube. It was confusing, but only because it meant he was on the wrong side of the bed. He could’ve sworn they’d fallen asleep properly. He pushed up onto his elbows and twisted around to find Even.

He was diagonal again, but considering the reversed position, all Isak could think was that throughout the night Even must’ve crawled over him to reach the other side. He took a moment to take in Even’s impressive ability to absolutely consume a double bed with a single body. Then he checked the time on Even’s phone, since his own was on the other side of a sleeping form.

With about an hour before Even needed to wake up, Isak started his morning as quietly as possible. He slipped out of bed to go to the bathroom, tapping his erection down so he could pee and then brush his teeth. He went to the kitchen for another glass of water, and plucked a pill bottle from the cabinet to stare at the label. He was probably going to be printing those very labels in a couple of days, answering that phone number when people called it. He’d go back to that Thai restaurant for dinner and meet some of Even’s neighbors when they were picking up antibiotics. Even was right: it was going to be a good thing.

Isak put the bottle back and returned to the bedroom. He was starting to feel a bit on display, walking around Even’s apartment naked, and figured he should take a shower before getting dressed. His plan was interrupted though, by the sight of Even sitting up in bed, rubbing sleep from his eyes. His hair was sticking out everywhere, his belly a soft roll above the sheets that pooled around him. He was thoroughly cute and innocent, with zero intention of sex appeal or seduction, yet Isak started to swell at the sight. He crawled onto the bed in an attempt to disguise his response, coming to rest on his stomach at Even’s waist. “Hi.”

“What time is it?”

“About 7:45. Did I wake you?”

“Not really.” Even ran a hand through his hair. “But I think my body sensed when you were gone.”

“Sorry. I’m back.”

“Thank god.” He leaned over to kiss Isak’s shoulder, then let himself fall back into the pillows. Isak thought he might attempt to go back to sleep, but then he noticed Even’s morning wood tenting the sheet. He reached out slowly and lightly massaged Even’s upper thigh over the sheet. “Eh?” Even lifted his head to get a look at exactly what was happening.

“So I have a question.” Isak moved his hand up to Even’s groin and pulled back the sheet. He rubbed his fingers into Even’s pubes but purposefully avoided his dick., just circling the base as it wobbled. “More of a curiosity, I suppose. I don’t know if you have the answer.”

Even’s head dropped back. “Isak.” He exhaled heavily through his nose.

“I know how fast you come. And I’m not saying this to embarrass you or anything. I personally love it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good, that _you_ love it.” Isak’s hand roamed up to Even’s bellybutton and back down to his thighs. “Watching you come helps me come too.”

“I have…yet to hear a question.”

“Well now that I’m thinking about it, now that I’m watching your cock get so hard and pink…” His fingers scraped up Even’s length with the lightest touch, making it jerk up to his belly. “I guess it’s two questions.”

Even pushed himself up onto his elbows. “Isak.”

Isak looked up at his face and gave him a smug smile. “Mmm. Say my name.”

Even let out a low chuckle. “Isak. Please.”

“Since you asked nicely, here are my two questions.” Isak’s fingers moved down to Even’s balls, one for each question. Even spread his legs to give Isak more room to fondle. “First, do you know how fast I come when you’re fucking me?” His fingers swirled from one ball to the other. “Second, do you think you can get me to come before your alarm goes off?” Isak took a firm grip of Even’s cock at the base and gave it one steady tug upward. Then he popped to his knees and lunged for the bedside table. He heard Even scrambling for his phone.

“To answer your questions, I’m not sure, but we’re definitely going to fucking try.” They met back in the middle of the bed. Even took the condom.

“I’m going to ride you.” Isak gave a hearty shove to get Even on his back again.

“Do I need to….” Even wiggled his fingers.

As tempting as it was, Isak didn’t think he had the time. “I should be okay from last night. Still going slow though.”

Even had a look of great concentration as he took in the new information and gave himself a few prep strokes before rolling on the condom. Isak squeezed a healthy amount of lube onto his fingers and tested his hole. He was definitely still a bit loose and wet from the night before. After one more squeeze and swipe he lifted a knee over Even’s body and sat on his stomach.

“You have twenty minutes or one erection to fuck yourself silly, whichever comes first.” Even’s smirk made sure Isak didn’t miss the pun. Instead of rolling his eyes he rolled his hips back onto Even’s sheathed dick, trapping it behind his balls. The sensation wiped the smirk off of Even’s face and shut him up; Isak was pleased with the move’s effectiveness. He rose up onto his knees and reached back for Even’s dick; it was firm and heavy with blood, a substantial weight in his hand. His asshole tingled, clenched with excitement. He breathed into a relaxed state and slid down onto the thickness. Even’s hands flew to Isak’s hips and a groan crescendoed to the ceiling.

“I’m going all the way, baby.” Isak pinched his eyes shut as he took in the last couple of inches, a first for them. There was some pain, but gravity helped him power through it, and Even kept absolutely still waiting for it to fade from his face.

“You’re so fucking tight. So hot. Fuck. Never move. Let me just stay inside you forever.”

The encouragement just made Isak laugh. He could feel exactly how much Even was loving his ass right then, and knew it would only take a few squeezes to get him to the edge. But they had twenty minutes, and Isak was going to make each one count.

Once he was almost to comfortable he leaned forward. Even’s breath hitched with the movement and Isak covered the small gasp with a kiss. He liked being close at the beginning, so he could hear the little noises Even made, what he mumbled in appreciation, and feel his hot breath on his skin. Isak lifted his hips further and felt Even’s fingers dig into his hips. Even adjusted his grip to get more of his ass cheeks, but also to make sure he wasn’t going to pull off completely. Just to prove he wasn’t going anywhere, Isak dropped back down, bottoming out. He felt Even’s groan rumble beneath his thighs. Isak did this a few times, slowly fucking himself on Even’s cock, letting him feel every muscle drag and squeeze. He pushed up on Even’s chest to get a better angle, weaving up and down. “Mmm yeah baby. You’re so big. Filling me up.” An experimental thrust sent Even’s dick right into Isak’s prostate, resulting in a yelp and a full-body shudder. “Oh fuck.”

“Oh shit, did I—“

“No no, that was good. Yes.” As if to support his claim Isak dripped a drop of pre-cum onto Even’s belly. He scooped it up and started stroking himself, matching his speed on Even’s dick.

“Okay, uh, yeah. Ungh.” Isak watched Even give another little thrust as he struggled to return to a sexier mindset. The fear of hurting Isak seemed to hang around though, settling into the crease between Even’s eyebrows.

“Hey. It’s fine.” Isak kept up his rhythm. “I like it. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s…ah…it’s a good pain. It’s just intense, not hurting me.” He was losing his breath as he increased his pace. He was riding smoother and longer, and he was amazed by how high he could extend before Even’s tip threatened to pop out. He maintained an angle that didn’t hit his soft spot though, to keep his pleasure in check. Even slid his hands from Isak’s ass to his front, fingers spread and running over the ridges of his hip bones. They moved up his waist to his ribs, to his pecs. He thumbed Isak’s nipples. He took in Isak’s words and watched how his body responded. It was fine. It was good.

“Bring up your feet, your knees.” Isak reached back to find Even’s knees. “Yes.” With his knees up he had Isak trapped between his thighs and his hands. “Even. Fuck. Even I need you to fuck me.”

The slow ride had been fun, but now it was time to get off.

Even understood what Isak was going for. He widened his stance for leverage and cupped Isak’s ass again. He tested a couple more shallow thrusts, which pushed Isak forward onto his hands. He had to let go of his own dick to brace himself.

“Yeah? You want this?”

“Yes. Oh fuck. Give it to me. All…all of it.” Isak wanted length and speed and Even delivered. His thrusts turned into a steady pounding, and their heavy breathing was drowned out by the slap of skin. “Don’t stop.”

Even didn’t want to. It felt too good. But he knew he was going to come soon, and he felt like he had to fight his hips if he was going to hold off for Isak. He shuddered to a pause. “Wait.”

“No. Go. Even, fucking go. I need you to come.”

Even resumed. Isak dropped down to give him a reassuring kiss, and then hovered over him, open-mouthed. They panted their pleasure into the inches between them. His warning was quiet, still a regret. “I’m going to come.”

“Yes. Come inside me. I want to feel it.” Isak picked up when Even started to slow, returning to fucking himself on a stilled dick. He squeezed his ass, milking that beautiful cock and coaxing out the come. He was working it. He dripped sweat onto Even’s tense body and didn’t let up until he heard him choke.

“Guh! I—“

Isak felt the spurts through the condom, the heat flaring deep inside. “Oh Jesus.” He stopped moving, shifting his weight to one hand and grabbing himself with the other. He stroked quickly, efficiently, chasing Even’s orgasm with his own. Even’s hips bucked involuntarily, which helped Isak along. Isak focused on Even’s face though, the tension still tight under his skin. He wanted to come in the hollows of his neck and then lick up the hot pools of jizz. “Oh Jesus! Oh, fuck!”

As soon as his first shot his Even’s chest, Even rose up to meet Isak. He trapped his hand, his dick between them, and his cum simply went wherever it could. Isak was frozen in pleasure, so Even had free reign to lick into his open mouth and suck on his lips. He reveled in the second wave of pleasure that came from feeling Isak’s orgasm in his ass. Then they dissolved into loud, erratic huffs as they came down.

Even fell back and let his feet slide down. Isak collapsed onto his chest. Eventually Even would slip out, their heart rates would slow and their breathing would sync up. But for now they were just doing their best to regain control of their bodies.

When Even’s alarm buzzed from somewhere on the bed, neither of them moved.


	27. 22:59

Isak went home on Wednesday morning to shower and get some clean clothes. He actually packed a whole separate bag, since he’d need nicer options for work and wasn’t sure when he’d be back. Well, aside from that night for the show.

“I realized on my way back that I have to go home tonight for the show,” he said in greeting when Even met him at his door.

“Eh?”

“I packed a whole bunch of clothes because I didn’t know when I’d be back at my apartment. And it turns out that’s…tonight.”

“You could broadcast from here if you want, to save yourself the trip.” He took Isak’s bag from him and walked it to his bedroom. Isak paused in the hallway to consider the option.

“That’s…probably not great. I appreciate the offer though.” Even just shrugged when he reappeared, unconcerned by his decision. “I’d probably fuck something up with your camera.”

“I mean, I could set it up for you. Move it away from the post-its.”

“No, like…I have so much muscle memory with my room. Being in a new place I’d move around and probably reveal something, somehow. Besides, it would be weird to sit at your desk.”

“Why? You sit at yours.”

“Well yeah, that’s my desk. What would you do if I decided to whip it out in front of your fancy laptop?”

Even smirked. “Watch.”

Even barked out a laugh when he saw Isak’s usual exasperated expression. He stepped in close and grabbed at his waist. “Come on. You do know that I also whip it out in front of my fancy laptop. It wouldn’t be an issue. So do whatever you’d like, but the offer stands.” He spun Isak’s body into the office. “I gotta get started. Wave your hands if you need something, or just like…go find it yourself.” Even kissed the back of Isak’s head and gave him a small shove toward the couch. He dropped down into his desk chair. Isak walked to the couch and slid off his backpack.

Most of Tuesday had been spent in bed, Even brushing off work in exchange for being lazy and naked. Isak felt guilty about the full day of distraction and planned to return home on Wednesday, but Even convinced him to stay. “You could sit at home on your laptop, or you could sit here on your laptop. And if you’re here, then I get to look at you.”

“You’d get to look at me anyway if we turned on our cameras.”

“Okay, well then if you’re here I’d get to touch you. And also we can build the furniture that’s supposed to arrive between eight and seventeen.”

“Ah, the ulterior motive.”

But it was enough to convince Isak to stay, that even if he was disrupting Even’s day he could at least be of some service. He pulled out his laptop and spent the next few hours on research. They only interrupted their own concentration every fifteen minutes or so to look at each other. The chairs arrived at noon.

Isak dragged the flat boxes into the living room, and Even carried in a wireless speaker. He disappeared once to dig up a set of screwdrivers, but then he joined Isak on the floor in a pool of cardboard and plastic packaging and wooden legs.

“Want to DJ?”

Isak shook his head. “I don’t...I’m not sure you’d like my music.”

“You’ve played some good stuff on cam. Give me your phone.”

Isak handed Even his phone, unlocking it as it went. “Please do not judge me too much.”

“The only thing I judge is the number of power ballads. If you have fewer than twenty, then we’ll need to talk.” Even scrolled through his library and Isak avoided his evaluation by aggressively reading the instructions for the chairs. They seemed pretty straightforward. He picked up a screwdriver and got started. It took Even about five more minutes, but then he connected the phone, cued up some Whitney Houston and returned it to Isak’s side.

“Did I pass the test?”

“Of course, babe. I’d bend the rules for you, but you have two Celine Dion songs anyway.”

“Well I _am_ a gay man. I must admit that those were likely purchased by Eskild though. Emergency karaoke, I think.”

“I’m impressed by the kind of life where karaoke would be an emergency.”

“Stick around and you’ll get to experience it first hand.”

“Can’t wait.”

Whitney, Mariah, and Celine serenaded them through three chairs. Even went back to work while Isak finished the last one. He left the complete set in the living room, to fill up the space and not block the dining room for when the table arrived. He got a drink of water, cleaned up the trash from the boxes, and returned to the office.

“Dinner?” Even asked as he walked behind him.

“What are you thinking?”

“You should get to know my neighborhood. We can go to one of my favorite restaurants and do a drive-by of the pharmacy.”

“That sounds good. But if it’s fancy I’ll have to borrow clothes. I only have enough nice pants for work.”

“Not fancy but…trendy.” Even spun around to check Isak out, giving him a gratuitous look up and down. “You’re fine.”

Isak smirked. “Of fucking course I am.”

“Oi!” Even chucked a pad of post-its at Isak’s back and they rebounded onto the coffee table. Isak just laughed, collapsing onto the couch and dragging his computer into his lap. “So cocky,” Even muttered as he put his headphones back on.

They returned to their work for another couple of hours.

* * *

Isak enjoyed dinner, and the restaurant was exactly as Even had described: trendy, but not fancy. Everything felt quite casual, yet he also felt like he was making a statement just being there. Which, he understood by the end of the night, he actually was doing. Or at least Even was. He’d been introducing Isak to his friends who worked there, the hostess and the bartender, as well as some neighbors they met on the street during their post-prandial walk. Isak caught their looks of surprise when they realized who he was: not Sonja. Even hadn’t gone as far as introducing Isak as his boyfriend, but the way they carried on at the table, the hands held on their lazy stroll, definitely said something.

“Well, this is it.” Even stopped in front of a small storefront, Isak’s new office starting tomorrow. It was dark, inside and out.

“It looks like it’s asleep.”

“I would definitely describe it as…sleepy. But that’s why I like it, because it’s quiet and Christian is very patient with everyone.” Even stepped forward and peered in through the window. Isak moved to his side so their hands weren’t clotheslining the sidewalk.

He wasn’t nervous. He could handle sleepy. He could handle the four aisles of sundries and tall pharmacy counter at the back. He’ll learn a new register, count the same pills, memorize different faces and names. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. If the rest of his summer was this quiet, that would be fine.

“What time do you have to report?”

“Eight.”

They walked the hours backward, figuring out when Isak would have to leave, to shower, to wake up, to fall asleep.

“And you have your show.”

Isak nodded. “We’ll drop you off and I’ll take the bus back?”

Even let out a light sigh. He pulled on Isak’s hand until they were walking in the right direction, then drew him close to his side. He dropped his hand and hooked his arm around Isak’s neck. Isak knew where his arm needed to go and he synced up his steps. They didn’t have anything else to say or see, having covered most of Even’s usual haunts within walking distance of the apartment. So they settled into the silence of a couple that simply needed to be next to each other. They moved forward together. Yes, this quiet would be fine.

The show was quiet as well. Isak had already picked out his clothes for work so he didn’t have anything to show off. He also didn’t need to vent his anxieties, finding himself completely calmed by the walk. The day had done a great job of shifting Isak into Even’s world: his apartment, his meals, his acquaintances. He casually mused over the progression of their relationship.

**anonymous:** you sound different.  
**badgirlbadgirl:** these are sighs of contentment

“I don’t think everyone needs a relationship. Some people do so well on their own. But it’s been really good having someone to talk to and listen to. They’ve been a great comfort.”

**21twinkies:** i think were being replaced  
**024wolb:** where’s that thanos meme. i don’t feel so good, mr. hardy

“Oh no, I still like talking to you guys. I’m just saying…I can tell him just about anything and he always knows what to say. Or do. And as much as I love hanging out here, you don’t get to see or hear everything.” He waited a beat. “You’re both fucking corny as hell though."

**badgirlbadgirl:** you OBVIOUSLY love it  
**badgirlbadgirl:** might even get off on it  
**badgirlbadgirl:** knock knock

“Who’s there?”

**badgirlbadgirl:** olive

“Olive who?”

**badgirlbadgirl:** olive YOU  
**TwoIsCompany:** I’m writing that one down  
**TwoIsCompany tipped 10 tokens**

“I definitely do not get off on bad jokes but I think we’ve found someone who does.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** marry him

Isak laughed. “Okay.”

For the next twenty minutes the chat shared the worst jokes they’ve ever heard. Even contributed some pretty bad ones that Isak hadn’t heard yet, which was impressive in itself. But Isak had a good laugh, indulging in his sillier side. Toward the end of the show he felt another wave of admiration for this group, these funny people who hung out on a sex site just to exchange puns. He was grateful they had found each other.

The trip back to Even’s was swift, a blur. Isak was tired, and relieved to see upon arrival that Even was just as ready for bed as he was. There was a glass of water on the bedside table and his clothes had been hung up in the empty side of the closet. “Thank you,” Isak mumbled as he stripped down to his boxers.

“I don’t know why, but it feels like the night before the first day of school. I’m so excited even though it has nothing to do with me.”

“Um, yeah. Tomorrow is just another Thursday for you.” They moved to their respective sides of the bed and climbed in at the same time.

“Maybe I’m just excited for you. Fresh starts are nice.”

Isak nodded. They both shifted toward each other in the middle of the bed, finding comfortable positions for the night ahead. “Do you want to fool…around?” Isak asked around a yawn.

Even chuckled and lifted an arm to tuck behind Isak’s head. “I think you just answered your own question.” He leaned into Isak’s shoulder though, and started sucking on his skin. Isak’s eyes fluttered shut, and he rolled his body into Even’s.

“We can…we can do stuff, I just might fall asleep.”

“Mmhmm,” Even hummed as he sucked. His hand pulled Isak in flush at his waist, then slipped down the front of his boxers. He hummed another question in response to what he felt. “Hmm?”

“Y-yup, I’m awake.” Isak swallowed hard, a gulp that Even could feel all the way down his chest. He pushed Isak onto his back with his own body, almost straddling one of his legs, but not letting himself get in the way of his hand. He tugged at Isak’s erection. He licked up his throat.

He broke away for a breath. “You can sleep as soon as we’re done.” Even withdrew his arm from Isak’s neck and made quick work of pushing Isak’s boxers down to his ankles. He got rid of his own underwear in a similar fashion, then returned his body over Isak’s. Their legs fit together. Even spit into his palm and ran it down Isak’s dick. With a bit of slick they could rub against each other smoothly, quickly. “Happy hump day, babe.”

Isak choked on a laugh, but it immediately evolved into a gasp. Even’s lips were back on his neck, fingers twisting his nipples to attention. He let his body respond to Even’s touches and direct them both onward in a different language. They kissed and humped and grunted until it became just the swish of the sheets and a soft thump of the bed frame against the wall and the moans of their pleasure spilling across their bellies. They were easy orgasms, light but effective. Nothing earth-shattering, but enough to draw up smiles and beckon sleep a little faster. Even wiped them both down with a discarded pair of underwear, then let their bodies come together again. Isak was asleep as soon as he felt Even’s full weight blanket him.

* * *

It was raining on Thursday morning, so Isak borrowed Even’s umbrella for the walk to work. He showed up right on time, meeting Christian on the sidewalk as he arrived.

“Isak?” Christian confirmed over the rush of cars splashing through puddles in the street.

“Yes, hello!” He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but Christian was older with a thick, low ponytail of white hair. His pressed khakis were stuffed into large rubber boots, and he had reading glasses hanging from his shirt pocket.

“Hold this please?” Christian passed him his umbrella to free his hands; Isak held it over his head while he unlocked the door. “Thank you.” He held open the door with his knee and they separated to shake out their umbrellas before slipping inside. Christian flicked on the lights inside and then held out his hand for a formal introduction. “Isak, hello. I’m Christian.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Umbrellas go here.” There was a bucket by the door where Christiand dropped his with a thunk. “Those are the lights. I have the keys. And this is the ol’ pill mill.” He waved his arm across the illuminated aisles and smiled fondly at his small store. Isak took it all in.

“Very nice.”

“Nothing fancy compared to where you were, but I have my stake in the neighborhood and we manage. Now I’ve never had a, um, intern, but Marte has been giving me tips.”

“Are you the only person who works here?”

“Yes! So I have the best boss.” Christian gave him an exaggerated wink and even nudged him with his elbow. Isak had to laugh. “Occasionally I’ll hire a teenager to run deliveries for me, but I don’t have enough demand for that regularly. Most people are fine coming to the shop, or I’ll drop things off on the way home. But don’t worry, Marte said that’s not something you should be doing.”

“That’s quite a personal touch though, having your pharmacist deliver your medications to your door.”

“Well, I know it’s a service at the other ones, you can get things delivered. And that’s important for people who aren’t able to actually come here. But I also like to talk to folks and make sure they doing okay, considering the situation. It helps me understand the drugs better.”

Confusion and judgement flashed across Isak’s face before he could neutralize it.

“Oh not like that.” Christian started walking away, down the aisle toward the back of the store. “I’m not, despite my looks, a full-blown hippie trying to disprove big pharma. I just prefer hearing how treatments work on patients rather than in studies. I’m not sure I trust one without the other.”

Isak followed, pulling a fresh notebook out of his back pocket.

The morning was slow, according to Christian, but that just meant he had plenty of time to talk Isak through his entire operation. They went over the register and practiced scanning prescriptions and ringing up boxes of tissues. Then they spent hours going through his shelves, and Christian turned it into a quiz on generics. A little before lunchtime he was able to watch Christian help a lone patient picking up a Z-Pak, but that was the only interaction he had with the outside on his first day. He filled up five pages in his notebook by the time Christian unhooked his keys from his belt.

“I only have one set, so until I can get another one made you’re just going to have to…be on my schedule I guess.” Christian had locked up his shelves and shut down the register.

“Oh, um. What…what will my schedule actually be?” Isak couldn’t believe he’d gone the whole day without knowing when he’d need to return, but his brain was nearly overflowing with new information at that point.

“What was it over at Tom’s?”

“Tuesday through Thursday, open to close.”

“Okay. Marte said you needed three days a week.” Christian unclipped his phone from the holster on his belt and opened up his calendar. “Would you be able to do Friday and Saturday this week, and then back to Tuesday next?”

“Sure,” Isak confirmed, without really thinking.

“Great. I don’t want to overwhelm you, but I also don’t want you to miss out on anything. I’m not really sure what happened with Tom, but it seemed like Marte wanted to keep this as…steady as possible.” Christian looked like he wasn’t sure what he meant by “steady,” but didn’t have any other word to use instead. “Anyway, tomorrow you’ll have a proper lunch break and fewer pop quizzes, though you did really well considering you’re still in school.” He clapped Isak on his shoulder and guided him to the door. They paused to retrieve their umbrellas. Isak flicked off the lights and followed Christian out onto the sidewalk, where he shook out his keychain and showed him which remaining keys locked up the front of the shop.

“Well, it was a good day, Isak. Thank you for your help.”

“Thank _you_ , Christian.” Isak extended his hand for a shake, which Christian heartily pumped.

“Same time tomorrow, then.” He sent Isak off with a salute.

* * *

Even was cooking dinner when Isak buzzed up, so he had propped open his door and returned to the kitchen instead of waiting. Isak smelled the curry from all the way down the hall.

“How was it?” he asked over his shoulder, once Isak arrived.

“Fine.” Isak pulled his notebook out of his back pocket and tossed it onto the counter. He walked up behind Even to see what he was cooking, and kissed the back of his neck in greeting.

“Just fine?”

He took in the rice warming on a back burner, the thickness of the sauce in the pan. Isak estimated that it was almost ready, so he spun away to get plates and silverware. “He only had one customer the whole day, but it was still a full day. Just him telling me how everything worked. It almost felt like he was going to hand me the keys at the end and say, ‘You’re on your own tomorrow!’”

“You’re working tomorrow?” Even clicked off the burners and peeled a plate from Isak’s pile to start serving up rice.

“Oh, yeah, I have to work tomorrow and Saturday to get my three days in. Which reminds me, I need to cancel on Sana.” Isak pulled out his phone. Even finished while he typed, and carried their plates into the living room.

_Drama. Changed pharmacies this week. Have to work on Saturday, so need to cancel brunch. Back to regular schedule next week. Sorry for late notice!_

Sana responded immediately. _Changed pharmacies? What happened? If Even is free we can still meet without you._

_I’ll pretend to not be offended by such a swift replacement. And I’ll call you tomorrow during lunch._

Isak went to Even’s fridge and selected a couple of beverages, then ripped some paper towels from a roll to use as napkins. He joined Even on his couch and placed the drinks on the chairs they were using as a table. “Sana wants to know if you’re free on Saturday for brunch.”

“But you’re working?”

“She…doesn’t mind if I’m not there,” Isak huffed. Even smiled at his attempt to hide the hurt.

“As much as I’d love the date, it’s a wedding weekend.”

“Oh, right.”

“Send my regrets though.”

_Even has another wedding. Sorry._ Isak could feel Sana narrowing her eyes at his message but at least it was true. He was sure they’d manage a tête-à-tête on their own anyway. He set his phone aside and attacked his plate.

After they sated their initial hunger, Even asked for more about Isak’s day. “What do you think of Christian?”

“He’s very nice. Very smart. I’ve now had two managers in a row with horrible senses of humor though.”

Even smiled. “Oh yeah, he’s…he’s peak dad humor. Just the worst.”

“Is it me? Do I have some sort of…draw for the world’s corniest population? Christian, you, everyone in the chat…I must be sending out some kind of signal.”

“I’m not going to speak for Christian, but you look really cute when you’re annoyed. You roll your eyes or scrunch your face…and whether you’re laughing at the jokes or pissed off at them, it’s a win-win for me.” Even shrugged and returned to his plate, as if that had answered Isak’s question completely.

“So I’m just going to have to suffer for the rest of the summer.”

“No pain, no gain.” Even tilted his head at Isak and gave him a wink. Isak pressed his palm into his face and shoved him away.

“Well now I understand why you like him so much. He’s probably your source material. Your guru. Your path to enlightenment and bad jokes.”

“The truth. The light.” Even waved his fork at the ceiling.

Isak chuckled. “It truly was fate then.”

Even laughed too, but then got serious. “I’m glad you get along though. You deserve a more positive experience than whatever the fuck happened. I think you’ll have fun with Christian. And yeah, learn a lot.”

Isak nodded in agreement. “It’ll be fine.

They ate and drank and settled into the couch to keep talking, nudging away their plates so they could put their feet up. They stared at the still empty walls, at each other, at their phones, and let the evening wind down. They went quiet for a bit. Isak was scrolling through instagram when Even spoke up again.

“I think…I think you do send out a kind of signal.”

“Mmm?”

“You react. You respond. To good things and bad things. Good jokes and bad jokes. So we keep making them just to get that reaction. You’re a great audience.”

“I have a shit poker face, you mean.”

“Well, considering you don’t even show your face on screen and you still keep signaling to the chat room, I’d say you have a shit poker body too.”

Isak sent a soft elbow into Even’s side.

“See? You’re so…giving with your emotions.” Even’s voice went soft. “But I mean that as a compliment. I like it. It’s a joy to just…know how to be with you, and not have to doubt anything. I know how to make you roll your eyes. I know what will make you blush. I know when you’re pissed. I know what will make you laugh, genuinely. I’ve learned so much already just because you’re so generous and you don’t hold back. And if I don’t know something, I still know that I’ll learn it eventually, and there’s a comfort in that too.”

Isak dropped his head onto Even’s shoulder. He wondered if Even could feel the heat in his cheeks, if Even knew that he was making him blush. Probably. “I feel the same way about you. But you can also be…mysterious. A puzzle.”

“Puzzles are fun. I’ll take it.”

They were silent, except for the shuffle of their bodies. Even lifted an arm to go around Isak’s shoulder, and he squirreled his own into the tight space between Even’s back and the couch. “And…the thing about puzzles is…you can do them on camera.”

* * *

Isak hadn’t missed Even’s double entendre but also did not turn it into a conversation. He took it as a hint toward a question that he would want to ask later, but not then. Instead they just took their time moving from the couch to the bed, their workdays having consumed most of their energy. They simply slept, together.

But Isak thought about the hint while at work on Friday. It wasn’t anything distracting—he was focused on his second day and took the slightly busier shop in stride—but by the time he was back at Even’s for dinner the hint had evolved into an idea. He drafted an email while they let their meal digest on the couch.

“You’re right, I do need a TV.”

Even’s phone had dropped to his lap. He stared at the wall.

“Do you want something to watch?”

Even sent him a sidelong glance, curious about Isak’s tone.

“Not that. That’s later. But you can watch my feet while you massage them.” Isak fell to his side and swung his legs up into Even’s lap. His heels knocked Even’s phone into his crotch, pushing out a small huff of pain. “Sorry. But I’ve been standing all day.” He added a bit of a whine.

Even pitied him, and tugged on the toes of his socks to remove them. He started with Isak’s left foot, pressing his thumbs into his arch and making hard, small circles. Isak’s leg spasmed from the triggered pressure point; a low moan rolled from his chest.

“That reminds me, any plans for tonight’s show?”

Isak laughed into the back of the couch. “Yes, actually.”

Even kept pressing. “And?”

“And it feels good to be prepared. No stress.”

“Well that’s nice but I was kind of hoping for a little preview.”

“Are you going to watch tonight?”

“Of course.”

“Then I won’t spoil it for you.”

Even’s mouth popped open in a mix of shock and disappointment. “Don’t I…I feel like I should get a hint. Like…those are boyfriend privileges.”

“Oh?” Isak pulled his legs into his chest, ripping his feet from Even’s grasp. “Boyfriend privileges?” His heart was beating fast, but he tried to disguise it with playful teasing.

“Yeah. _The Perks of Being Isak’s Boyfriend_ by Stephen Chbosky. They made a film too.”

“Never heard of it.”

“It’s on Netflix.”

“Shame you don’t have a television then.”

Even lunged for Isak’s feet, pulling them back into his lap. He resumed the massage, but pouted through it. “So no preview?”

“I’m sorry you’re horny like, two hours early, but no.”

Isak started to calm down as Even didn’t make further reference to their relationship status, as it evolved from an announcement to a basic fact. He was his boyfriend. They were boyfriends. He wanted to say it out loud, again, but Isak settled for just mouthing the word, hiding his face behind his phone. Boyfriend.

An hour later, after he pulled his entire body from Even’s grasp at the door, Isak went home. He was going to stay there for the weekend, since Even would be away for most of it anyway. He slung his bags over his shoulders and mapped out the rest of his show on the bus ride. Some of it was going to be unpredictable, but he had the catalyst for his plan outlined in the email. When he stepped off the bus he opened up his drafts. Isak renamed the message he’d typed up earlier: Boyfriend Privileges. He tapped send.

* * *

Even’s link to a private room was waiting for him when he got back to the apartment. Isak took his time setting up though: camera, table, lights, a once-over of his ass in the bathroom mirror and a new pair of underwear. He had a barrage of texts waiting for him when he finally sat down on his bed, begging him to log on, thirty minutes before showtime.

“Hi.”

“This isn’t a boyfriend privilege, this is boyfriend torture.” Even was naked. Isak squinted at the bottom of his screen, trying to see if the shadow there was actually Even’s erection.

“You get to play with me for an hour. That’s a goddamn gift.”

“Is it in right now?” Even tapped around on his phone and the butt plug vibrated in response, but it was just buzzing next to Isak’s computer.

“Soon.”

“It’s so…complicated.” Even focused on the app.

“It’s a vibrator. Up is more, down is less.”

“But like, you can make patterns. Ooh! Or music! Jesus, imagine a bass drop on this thing.”

“No EDM in my asshole please.”

They went over the rules, the rest of the set-up. Isak was going to insert the plug on camera and announce that his boyfriend would be controlling it for the evening. The room would know that Even would be watching, but not know who he was. Isak recommended typing like he normally did, but Even doubted his abilities. “My hands are going to be occupied.”

“That’s fine. I just mean, don’t give yourself away.”

Isak watched how giddy Even was while he was still experimenting. He would miss it during the actual show, being able to see his delight and seduction. They listened as he maxed out the vibration, and Isak laughed at the way his head bobbed when he seemed to be scratching out a house beat on the slider. There probably _was_ going to be some EDM in his asshole.

As the clock ticked down, Isak made his final preparations. He fetched a towel and his lube, sent a picture of the plug to Snapchat. Even watched for glimpses of him as he moved about the room. He waited until he was seated again, at the last minute, right before Isak angled his camera down.

“Isak.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for this. For trusting me.”

Isak’s whole body collapsed two inches as he melted in relief. “I was worried it would come off as…selfish. A demand for orgasms or…or making you work for my show.”

“No. You were right. It’s a gift. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They smiled softly at each other, communicating in the silence what the gesture meant for them. It was about sex, and the way sex was about trust. They understood what they were actually demanding and offering. Isak gave him control. Even would give him what he wanted. They were going to perform for their audience.

Isak didn’t want to leave Even’s gaze, but he was out of time. “I’ll see you when we’re done.” His screen went black. Even scrambled to find his public room, to return to Isak’s bedroom. A crowd was waiting.

**anonymous:** BUTT PLUG BUTT PLUG BUTT PLUG  
**badgirlbadgirl:** WHERE  
**blackberriezzzz:** he posted on snap  
**winkwankwonk tipped 20 tokens**

Isak picked up the butt plug from the table and waved it in front of the camera. “Are you ready?”

Even could hear the smile in his voice.

**TwoIsCompany:** Are you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> want to read what even does to isak with the butt plug? check out natalie's continuation of the friday night show in [Friday at Twenty-Three.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16167695) don't forget to tip them some tokens ;)


	28. 2:14

It took Isak a while to realize what the noise was. He grabbed for his phone on his bedside table to check the time: 2:14. As his brain processed the time, his location, the sound, he woke up. Someone was knocking.

He stumbled to his closet to pull out some pajamas, awake enough to know appearing at a door in the nude was never a good idea. Nor was appearing at a door at 2:14 in the morning, but perhaps it was an emergency. “Give me a minute!” he hollered from the hallway, to get the knocking to stop. When he finally made it to the door he opened it to reveal Even in one of his suits, pulling off a very good lean against the frame.

“Hey. Sorry it’s late.”

“Is something wrong?” Isak rubbed his eyes to get them to focus, to confirm that Even was being _that_ sexy standing at his door.

“I missed you. Didn’t want to sleep without you. May I come in?”

“Oh. Sure.” He stepped aside to let Even in, then locked his door after he’d passed. He could smell a heavy mix of cologne and sweat roll off his back as he removed his jacket. Even tossed it onto Isak’s couch. “I’m gonna…go back to bed.”

Even watched him retreat to his room, then hurried after him. “Hey. I can leave if you want. I’m sorry I woke you.”

Isak stopped at the entrance to his room. He gave Even a confused look. “No, you’re here. It’s fine. Do you want to shower?”

“Oh. You sound…pissed.”

“I mean, it’s the middle of the night and you made me get dressed to let you in. I’m pissed that I’m awake, but not pissed at you for it.”

Even took a moment to understand the distinction and conclude that he was off the hook. “Okay.”

“And I’ve decided for you: no shower. Just take off your clothes.” Isak pulled off his shirt and pants as he finished his path to the bed. By the time he was nude he was back under the covers. Even undressed but took more care with his suit, draping it over Isak’s chair in pieces.

“I know I should have called—“

Isak waved the apology away. “It’s a nice surprise.” He let his arm flop down over his face, and then rolled into his pillow. He waited for Even to climb in before he adjusted further. Once he could roll right into Even’s chest he stuck his face directly into his armpit.

“Ah, that tickles.” Even’s arm shot up.

“You smell good.”

“I’ve been sweating since ten.”

“You smell like you.” Isak’s voice was muffled by Even’s body, and further distorted when he started pressing kisses into his skin. Even relaxed under the more intentional touching. He settled into Isak’s pillows and let Isak overtake his body. Isak fell asleep halfway across his chest, the warmth and steady breathing dragging him back under.

* * *

On Sunday morning they were woken up by Isak’s phone, instead of Even’s. It was safe to say that Isak was grumpy. “Who the fuuuuuuck is calling.” He blindly felt for his phone and cracked a single eye to check the screen. Even grunted, his way of asking who it was while still, somehow, remaining asleep.

Isak swiped open the Facetime. “Fuck off, Eva.” He angled the phone so the camera was looking right up his nostril, in retaliation.

“Shan’t! Good morning.”

“This had better be an emergency.”

“Your nose hairs are an emergency. Don’t you have a trimmer?”

Isak hung up and shoved his phone under his pillow. Even grunted again when it started buzzing through the duck down.

“I swear to god Eva!” Isak threatened as he answered the call. He rolled to his side to protect Even from the noise.

“Isak, it’s not an emergency, but I have _news_.”

“Are you pregnant,” he mumbled, still not taking the disruption seriously.

“Isak!” Jonas shouted from offscreen.

“Well why else would you be calling at fuck o’clock in the morning?”

Even laughed at that, repeating it in a giggle. “Fuck o’clock.”

“Who was that?” Eva shoved her face into her phone as if that would help her see past Isak and reveal his bedmate.

“Please focus, Eva. Make your announcement and then let me go back to sleep.”

Jonas pushed into frame. “I asked Eva to marry me.”

Isak perked up and focused on the screen then, taking in his best friends’ smiling faces. They were waiting for his reaction, which was a bit delayed. Even managed to speak first. “Congratulations!”

“Well wait, hold on. Did…what did you say?” Isak noticed the necklace as he asked the question, the answer staring him in the face. But he also realized a couple was unlikely to call to announce a rejected proposal. That’s more of a text-from-Jonas-a-day-later kind of thing.

“I said yes, of course.”

“That’s great, you guys.” Isak softened, his irritation at the wake up call evaporating swiftly. “Congratulations.” Jonas was beaming. Eva played with the chain of the necklace. They pressed their heads together, both to fit in the frame and to bask in the warmth of the news. “How did it happen?” Isak propped himself up on his elbow and angled his phone on the bedside table, for a more respectable view.

Jonas shrugged. “I just asked. We went out to dinner and it was nice and it felt like a good moment, so when we got home I gave her the necklace and asked.”

“We’re working on something slightly more romantic to tell other people.”

Isak scrunched up his face. “Why?” He was slightly offended on Jonas’s behalf.

“Everyone always wants a grand story. You know the girls expect nothing less than an apartment full of roses and tea lights.”

“I don’t think so. If they know you, and know Jonas, this…makes sense. No one’s going to be upset by this. Whoever thinks you’re going to get engaged during a parade doesn’t deserve to hear how it really happened.”

“I agree.” Even popped up over Isak’s shoulder, surprising all of them, including Isak, who hadn’t noticed him shifting closer behind him. Eva yelped.

“Alright, everyone just calm down.” Eva had shoved Jonas out of frame to get a better look at the screen. Even was giggling into Isak’s back. Isak tried to neutralize their reactions, which seemed to be feeding off of each other.

“Oh my god, I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”

“Bullshit, that’s exactly what you were hoping for.” Isak rolled his eyes. Even dropped down behind Isak, removing himself from the conversation. He kept his presence known though, by licking Isak’s skin between his shoulder blades. Isak kicked at his legs. “And don’t act so shocked. What else do you expect calling at this hour on a weekend?” He realized what the off-camera movement looked like, so he stopped.

“If I were a meaner person I’d accuse you of stealing my thunder. But I’m not, so I’ll let you go back to…bed.” Eva winked, which pissed Isak off.

“Grow up, Eva.”

“I _have_. I have a fiancé now. Anyway, would you and your siren emoji like to join me and my fiancé for lunch?”

He heard Even mumble a “yes” into his lower back. He was on the move. Isak tried to remain still. “That’s fine.”

Eva suggested a time and place, which Isak readily agreed to. Eva was happy to sign off quickly in order to make a few more announcement calls, knowing they’d have a fuller discussion about recent developments in the near future. Isak was relieved. He hung up right as Even bit into the top of his ass cheek.

“You little shit!” Isak yelled as he wiggled his lower body away. 

Even was halfway down the bed now, and popped up with the most innocent look on his face. He pushed back the blanket until it was surrounding his head like a hood.“What?”

“Busting into my call like that, setting Eva off.”

“Oh come on, she knew. Like you said, this is no surprise. You answered the phone naked.”

“I answered the phone shirtless. There’s a difference.”

“Feels the same to me.” Even’s hand spread out across Isak’s belly. Isak’s dick reacted to the warmth and pressure moving closer to his groin. He exhaled a huff through his nose. “But anyway, if we’re doing lunch I’ll need to shower and borrow an outfit.”

“That’s fine. Do you need to shower right now?”

Even’s look of innocence morphed into lewdness, complete with dancing eyebrows. But his phone’s alarm interrupted the innuendo. He pushed on Isak’s belly to launch himself back up to his side of the bed, reaching to shut off the alarm. “Hold that thought.”

Isak watched as Even climbed out of bed and walked to his suit on Isak’s desk chair. After a brief fumble in a couple of pockets, his hand emerged clutching his morning doses. He disappeared into the bathroom for some water.

Isak was relieved Even was prepared for an overnight stay like that, that he didn't have to rush home, but wondered what his reaction was like to missed doses. He wondered if it had happened much. Probably not with Sonja, recently, and he supposed there hadn’t been any opportunities for other sleepovers before taking up with Isak. But he knew that no one was perfect, and strict regimens leant themselves to mistakes. By the time Even returned, Isak had rolled onto his stomach and was deep in thought over the effect of Even’s therapy on his day-to-day life. His eyes noticed Even’s lean form moving about the room though, and latched on. He looked over his shoulder.

“Might as well shower now that I’m up.” He crossed to Isak’s closet and began rifling through his clothes. He tossed options for the both of them onto the foot of the bed. Isak admired his body from a distance.

Even looked soft and smooth, a body at rest except for the occasional twist and turn, which drew a hipbone or quadricep to the surface. His hair was styled from work but rumpled from sleep, and his hands automatically combed through it as he weighed their sartorial options. Isak took in the jaw and collarbones that he loved to mouth, the small nipples that weren’t as sensitive as his own but still responded in time. Even had a subtle waist and low hips that fit into Isak’s palms like they were molded for him. And that dick, swinging between his legs, lightly slapping at his thighs, deserved an hour of observation on its own. “You’re so handsome,” Isak murmured without realizing it.

Even looked up from the clothes. His face was expressionless. “Thank you.”

Isak blushed, as if he had been caught ogling, even though his stare had been innocent.

“You’re quite a looker yourself.” Even’s mouth turned up at the corners in a proud, appraising smirk. Isak blushed further. He didn’t say what he’d said in order for Even to reciprocate, but a comment like that rarely went unmatched between them. “I’m not rushing to cover you up, but how about these shorts and this button up shirt?”

“What are you going to wear?” Even swapped Isak’s outfit with his own, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a silly childhood cartoon on it. “Oh, that’s a pajama shirt.” Even looked at it again but just shrugged.

“I’ll make it work. I used to watch it when I was a kid.”

Isak smiled at the picture that popped into his head, a young Even sitting in front of a tv, his hair somehow still in its slicked back style. He appreciated the grown man standing tall at the end of the bed, the body from head to toe, but he knew it would not be there without the heart and mind it held, the one of a child before they’ve been shamed into restraint. Isak was grateful that there was space in Even’s life for all of him, and that he was welcomed with open arms.

Even found the stack of clean towels on his own, then disappeared into the bathroom again. Isak stretched back out onto his stomach. He stared at the two post-its on his wall until his eyes grew heavy and fluttered shut.

* * *

When Isak awoke next, it was as naturally as possible, gently pulled from sleep by the smell of food. He checked the time—a much more appropriate hour—and hopped out of bed before his stomach got too loud. Even was in the living room, hovering over a plate of some sort of breakfast-looking mash. He thumbed over his shoulder at the kitchen when he saw Isak approach. “Frittata on the counter.”

“What the fuck is a frittata?”

“It’s good, is what it is.”

Isak laughed and went to fetch himself a plate. He served himself a large portion before he even knew what it actually was. He joined Even on the couch.

“Egg, salmon, broccoli.” Even pointed at the prominent ingredients on Isak’s plate in explanation.

“It smells great.”

“You should try eating it sometime.” 

Isak shot him a look and speared a chunk of salmon. “Thank you for cooking.”

“You’re welcome.” They ate in silence, save for the noise of their forks on plates. Even finished first and swapped places with his plate and phone on the coffee table. He cleared his throat as he absentmindedly scrolled through something on his screen. “So uh, I had some thoughts in the shower. Shower thoughts.”

Isak encouraged him to continue with a vague sound while he chewed.

“What did Eva mean by your siren emoji?”

Isak swallowed, then confessed. “You.” He was sure it would be explained sooner or later, so he might as well do it plainly. “It’s what Sana and Eva would say when I talked about you but insisted we were just friends. Like, alert, alert, we’re actually talking about a boyfriend.”

Even’s face was expressionless again, which made Isak a little nervous, but then Even jumped to his feet and ran back to the bedroom.

“It’s supposed to be cute!” Isak hollered, in case Even needed reassurance that it was a positive thing.

“It is cute.” Even returned just as quickly. “But it made me think about something else. Unlock, please.” He presented Isak’s phone to him, and he dropped his fork to tap his code into the screen.

“What are you doing?”

“I think you’re supposed to ask that _before_ you unlock your phone for someone, but don’t worry. I’m just…finding out what my name is in your contacts.” There was a short pause until he found it. “Even Cam?” Even flashed the phone at Isak as if he needed to prove what Isak already knew.

“Yeah, Even. From the cam site. That’s who you were when we exchanged numbers.”

Even still looked like he didn’t understand. “I dunno, sounds kind of risky for you. What if Eva had seen my name over your shoulder or something?”

Isak shrugged. “Maybe your last name is Cam. Or that was a reference to your videography business. Whatever.” He was confident that it could’ve been explained away without revealing anything.

“You could have just put nothing. That would’ve been safer.”

“I think…I think I needed something to signify that you were a crossover. Everyone in my phone has that, at least at the beginning, a note to where I know them from. Alfie—“ Isak noticed Even’s quick scroll at the mention of the name. “Well, before I deleted him, Alfie was ‘Alfie Insta.’”

“Huh.” Even nodded along, confirming Isak’s method as he scrolled through the names. “Eskild Roomie, Hans School, Tom Pharma. Aww, but Jonas has an emoji! Sana too.”

“What am I in yours?” Isak finished the last of his frittata and wiped at his mouth.

“Just Isak Valtersen. Everyone has a proper name because it’s a mix of personal and work. Also easier to find emergency contacts.”

“Practical.” Isak accepted the standard organization. As much as his sentimental side wouldn’t have minded being listed under a pet name, something clever, at least he wasn’t disappointed in the reality. Better to have no emotional hierarchy than to find yourself lower than expected.

Which is what prompted Even to make a quick edit while he had access. Isak noticed his hands switching from scrolling to typing. “Please do not prank text Eva.”

“You mean Sunglasses Eva Lollipop?”

“That one.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Even finished and covered his app tracks. He returned the phone to Isak. “Just did a quick search for anything dirty.”

“That’s all on the other phone.”

“Not even with Alfie?”

“Deleted.”

Another “Huh.”

“Were you…hoping to find remnants of my past relationships?”

Even shrugged. “Would’ve been interesting. I don’t expect anyone to have a clean slate.”

“That’s generous of you. But with Alfie I didn’t really feel like holding on to anything.”

Even held up his hands. “Fine with me. Are you done?” He nodded at their plates.

“Yes.”

Even cleared the table. Isak opened his phone to see if anything was glaringly out of place, but a few swipes didn’t reveal any alarms. He listened to Even packing up the rest of breakfast into Tupperware. He had Tupperware? “Hey,” he called out over the back of the couch. Even didn’t answer until he was done and on his way back to the living room.

“Yeah?”

“What were your other shower thoughts?”

“Oh. Hmm.” Even checked his watch. “What time are we leaving for lunch?”

“In like an hour.”

“Okay.” Even took a deep breath and huffed it out. He bounced on his toes and rolled his shoulders, shaking out his arms. Then he sat back down on the couch. Isak was thoroughly confused. “So, in the shower, I was thinking about your penis, and—“

Isak burst out a laugh, more of a reflex than a proper reaction. “I’m sorry. What?”

Even twisted to face him head-on. “Your penis. I was thinking about your penis.”

Isak tried to tamp down the second laugh that was bubbling up because Even looked completely serious. Not even a hint of sarcasm or a joke. He had truly been considering Isak’s genitals. “Okay.” Unlike every other time that Even has drawn attention to Isak’s dick though, he did not start getting hard. Even was scared, and Isak almost felt like they were both shrinking.

“So...I feel like I’m not doing things right because I’m not giving you blowjobs.” Even sped up as he talked, with “blowjobs” coming out in a rush at the end. He took a breath and then another rush. “I’m scared of giving you a blowjob.”

Isak laughed again out of shock. Of all the sentences he could have predicted, he didn’t think that confession would be one of them. “I’m, I’m not laughing at you. That was just very unexpected.”

Even was more concerned about his intention than Isak's impression. “And I don’t mean to insult you in any way. I like your penis! I like to touch it. Sometimes I just want to reach over and like...just...hold it. It’s a very nice penis. But I’m scared of putting it in my mouth. And I feel like you’ve been waiting for me to do it.”

Isak shook his head as he climbed across the couch to Even’s lap. Even sat back to give Isak more of a lap to straddle. “I haven’t been waiting for anything. I noticed that you didn’t want to so I’m not pressuring you, or asking you to. It is not the end of the world if I don’t get my dick sucked. Besides, you do such nice things with your hands already.” The aforementioned hands were holding Isak’s waist in place, fingers spread wide and warming his cool, exposed skin. In that moment Isak felt significantly more naked than Even, having not put anything on beyond his boxers, and he wondered if that was pressure in and of itself. But Even continued doing nice things with his hands, running them up to his ribs and then down to cup his ass cheeks, which was enough encouragement for Isak. “But is there something I can do to make you...less afraid?”

Even’s dropped his gaze down to Isak’s chest, or perhaps just into the space between them, as he thought about an answer. “Well, in the shower, I was trying to figure out how to ask if we...ask if we could practice?”

Isak choked on another laugh. “Practice a blowjob?”

Even nodded.

“Baby I think that’s just...that’s a blowjob. Practice or not.”

“But I mean, you telling me what I need to do, walking me through it. Not just your sexy talk but literally: do this, don’t do that, fun facts like when you’re going to jizz. Or maybe you won’t jizz, if I don’t do it right.”

Isak was sitting slightly taller than Even, forcing his face up if he wanted to meet Isak’s eyes. When he did Isak’s heart and dick skipped a beat; the fear and the searching in Even’s eyes was pouring out of him, silently begging for guidance as he was desperate to please his man, and desperate to do it well. Isak lightly dragged his fingers down Even’s jaw, from his ears to the collar of the tee. “God damn you and your beautiful face.” Even’s mouth had popped open, equally in awe of Isak’s features, and those full lips were an inadvertent invitation. They were doing another level of begging on their own. Isak brought one hand up and pressed the pads of his fingers to Even’s mouth. They traced the puffy outline and waited for them to purse in response. “I’ve felt these lips on most of my body. Every move, every touch, is good. Great. This mouth melts me. You can put it wherever you like, whenever you like. Right now, in five years, or never. I will be happy no matter what.” Even’s mouth opened further and he took the tips of Isak’s fingers in. The lightest touch to Even’s tongue, feeling how hot and wet and powerful that muscle was, sent a shiver straight to his balls. With his legs spread the fabric of his boxers was tight across his thighs, and his growing erection was threatening to pop the one button holding the flap in place. He wanted to adjust himself but he didn’t dare break eye contact with Even or cause him to lose focus. He was swirling and sucking and lord help him if he ever stopped. Isak’s breathing got shallow. His grip on Even’s shoulder tightened. He was settled firmly on Even’s lap but he was barely holding on.

Even pulled his head back, releasing Isak’s fingers one by one. It was mesmerizing to watch as well as feel, and it took Isak a moment to find words again. “Do exactly that, but with the head of my cock inside your fucking heaven of a mouth.”

Isak stood and shoved his boxers to the floor. His dick popped up and slapped at his belly. “On your knees, on the floor.” He traded places with Even, taking his seat. He was relieved to see, as Even dropped to his knees, his ridiculous bulge snaking down one leg. It was good that Even was turned on by this as well, that it was more than just a service or an education. Also that fear no longer reigned. Isak spread his knees and leaned back and invited Even onto his body. “Kiss me.”

Even understood what Isak meant, where he wanted his lips. He started on Isak’s thighs, working outside in, light kisses followed by massaging hands. He slowed his approach as he reached an invisible border, a line that only his hands had crossed before. He played it off as tantalizing, a tease, and his fingers forged on to disguise the slight shake in the rest of his body. Isak’s penis was stiff and swollen, with a small drip at the tip ready to drop down to his stomach. Even watched the member rise and fall with Isak’s breathing, and then give a slight jerk on its own. Perhaps it was that that made Even nervous, that the penis could act on its own accord, that it could somehow lash out at him for the wrong move. His fingers ran over Isak’s balls and wrapped around the shaft in a statement: I am in control. Isak moaned in pleasure and relief. Even sat up on his knees to get his face closer then, above. He was in control, but he aimed to please. He slid his hand up to the head and then dropped a kiss down to meet it. He felt Isak’s thighs shudder around him.

“You...know what you like. You know how I lick and suck. Start with that.” Isak tried to focus on vocalizing instructions. “Use your hand for most of it. You’re not deepthroating me or taking a lot in. You’re fine just at the tip.” Isak has to pause for gasps, which helped him not sound like he was reading out of a manual.

Even collected the pre-cum along his thumb and dragged it back down the shaft. He kissed down the underside, getting used to the texture of this skin on his lips. It was different, softer, but hot from the blood flow. It felt alive because of the pulse, but Isak coached him through that too.

“Fuck you make me so hard. I want you. My dick wants you. I could probably bust just thinking about you.” The look Even gave him, his mouth down by his balls, his eyes peeking around Isak’s boner, nearly pushed him over the edge. Even went down with kisses and came back up with his tongue, moving from touch to taste, all with a steady gaze. “Shit,” Isak exhaled, slow and low.

He did as Isak had asked: hand in place, mouth open, his whole cock was enveloped. Isak’s spongy head was in heaven and his shaft throbbing in Even’s grip. Even carefully covered his teeth and made an experimental bob, just one dip to see how far he wanted to go. He focused on keeping his jaw loose and lips tight, and found that his tongue did whatever the fuck it wanted to: flicking to a point, spreading flat, pushing his saliva into the slit. He was breathing hard through his nose, but more from the effort of concentration than the physical demand on his mouth. That was fine; it was the intensity of his awareness that might wear him down too fast.

“Relax. Take a break. I need it.” Isak ran a hand into Even’s hair, subtly pushing back on his head. Even popped off and loosened his grip, but even that was torture for Isak. He needed a break but regretted it instantly. “I know it’s a blowjob but it’s not supposed to be work.” Bless him, Even kept up a longer stroke while his mouth took a breather.

Even’s brow wrinkled though, in serious concern. “The more we have sex the cornier you get.”

Isak rolled his eyes.

“There it is,” Even whispered.

“I probably read that in a chat once. And I cannot be held accountable for what I say when your hand is on my dick.”

Even smiled and squeezed. “S’good?”

“Very. Do you like it?” Isak could tell from Even’s face that the jury was still out.

But: “I like it enough to keep trying to see if I really do like it. I think it’s too soon to tell. I’m too nervous.”

“Take all the time you need. Practice as much as you want. Practice…oh…just like that.”

Even had descended again, barely a warning in the hot breath on Isak’s tip before Even sealed his mouth. His hand was moving fast and tongue working in a more calculated pattern. His eyes stayed on Isak’s face to judge his effect. It was Isak’s hips though, that gave it away: when he started bucking involuntarily, his dick driving his desire for more, Even felt what he needed to do to finish. He stroked faster and matched a shallow bob to his fist’s movement. He strengthened the suction as he moved to the tip, then timed his breathing to the reprieve of the downward slide. He mastered regular. He moved on to exponential. 

Isak was biting his lip and holding back. He wanted to reach down to crush his balls, a bit of pain to steer his dick off track. But then it was happening, and nothing he could do would stop it. It was happening fast, and words weren’t going to make it out in time. His upper body lunged forward and he shoved Even off of him, hard. He roared. “Fuck!” Isak’s dick was flopping between his legs, holding the momentum from his abrupt move, and began spraying cum in tall arcs. Most landed on the floor between them, but when Isak opened his eyes he saw a strand splattered up Even’s forearm. Even was sitting back on his heels, stunned.

For a bit the only sound was their breathing. It was labored, the effort from both parties making itself known. Then Even whispered: “I did it.”

Isak smiled, proud of Even. Proud of his pride. “You did it.”

Even’s face was flushed, cheeks pink and eyes glittering, a post-orgasm glow. Isak looked down to see if he had come in his pants. “I love watching you come, but it’s fucking next level when it’s because of something I’ve done.”

“It’s always because of something you’ve done.” Isak reached out and cupped Even’s chin. “Even if you’re not here. It’s because I’m thinking of something you did earlier. It’s because I’m thinking of something you’re going to do again. It’s because I know you’re watching.” Isak’s dick was softening, exhausted from the restraint it had to endure, but it gave one dying jerk in agreement. Even noticed the movement in his peripheral vision and chuckled. Then he twisted his mouth to the side to kiss Isak’s fingers. Isak allowed the kiss, but then adjusted his grip and drew Even’s face to his. He could not deny himself those puffy lips any longer. He sucked on them in thanks, losing his breath again as he did. And he still wanted to do more.

Isak let Even’s face go and sent him to his feet with a nudge. He reached down for his boxers and used them to wipe his cum from Even’s arm, then the mess on the floor. “What time is it?”

Even twisted around to grab his phone from the coffee table, but before he could answer Isak’s hands were at the fly of his jeans. “Whoa. Isak. It’s time for you to shower.”

“Nope.” Isak laughed, having never unbuttoned his own pants from this angle, never seen a different dick pop from behind that zipper. He was on Even’s cock in an instant, scooping it up with his tongue and swallowing down.

“Fuck. Isak, we’re going to be…fuck. Late.”

But Isak simply did not care.

* * *

Even was excited for lunch. He was excited to celebrate the milestone with Jonas and Eva. He chastised Isak when they did, in fact, end up being late, because he didn’t want to disrespect the happy couple on their big day.

“Technically their big day was yesterday and I was _blowing_ you, Even. If I hadn’t you’d have to speedwalk to the restaurant with blue balls right now.” Isak hissed as they wove their way to their table.

“Hush,” Even threw over his shoulder, tugging Isak along. He didn’t drop his hand until he needed to free his arms for full, grand hugs with both Jonas and Eva. Isak followed up with slightly less enthusiastic but still heart-felt hugs of his own.

“I need every detail, now. Start from the top. What were you wearing? What did you order for dinner? At what moment did you realize what was going to happen?” He gestured to Eva with one hand, ladies first, and hailed a waiter with the other. Even was able to order champagne before Eva got too deep into her version.

Just as they had said on the phone, it wasn’t any kind of wild performance. But Even listened in rapture, smiling and cooing at the right moments in the story, which somehow elevated it from a Saturday night recap to a romantic highlight of the year. He egged Eva on in the best way, turning her into a blushing bride right before their eyes. Jonas listened in rapture too, enjoying it anew.

For most of the meal Even was focused on Jonas or Eva. He kept them talking so much that they could barely eat. But he also had his hand in Isak’s lap, his fingers wrapped up in Isak’s own. They tangled and squeezed for the next couple of hours, and didn’t let go until the stories and champagne ran out and it was time to leave.

“Don’t even _think_ about paying.” Even preempted.

Jonas threw up his hands in surrender. “Thank you. I should get engaged more often.”

Eva leaned into him, which automatically drew his face to hers. “Propose to me again.”

“Eva, loveliest, will you marry me?” Jonas responded without hesitation.

Out of respect for the occasion Isak did not roll his eyes at the sentimentality. He watched his best friend kiss his other best friend, and whisper a “yes” in confirmation. The institution of marriage did not deserve Jonas and Eva, but it was going to be blessed with them and appropriate their love story. History though, and Isak, knew that this love began long before marriage was barely even a thought, and would grow and last with or without it. Isak held up the last sip of his champagne, silently toasting this proposal and every proposal that was sure to come, and then threw the bubbles back. Even handed his credit card to the waiter and followed suit.

Eva turned her attention back to the table. “Jonas and I are going to my mom’s for a visit soon, but I can’t leave until I’ve thoroughly teased you about wearing Isak’s pajamas to lunch.”

“At least they’re wearing _something_ ,” Jonas muttered.

“True. But somehow this tells me more than the state of undress on the phone call.”

Even shrugged. “It’s easier to borrow clothes than pack a bag. And I was in a rush after the wedding.” His straightforward explanation and lack of shame about the situation ground Eva’s teasing to a halt. Isak might have succumbed to the interrogation and jabs at his sex life, but Even would never shy away from it. His confidence was contagious and made Isak’s blush fade away.

“Just tell us we’re cute and move on.” Isak stood. “Say hello to Anne Marit for me.” Since they were still holding hands, Even joined him. They separated to say their goodbyes, more hugs and kisses on cheeks, but their hands found each other’s again before they had stepped out of the restaurant.

The walk back to Isak’s was longer, a little bit due to the champagne buzz, but more from the feel of the lazy summer afternoon full of sunshine and unrushed love. They drew out the hours with a nap, with slow, then quick, sex, and then another nap. Even finally decided to go home after their dinner of leftover frittata.

“Tomorrow? The usual?” he asked between kisses at the door.

“Yes.”

“I’ll wash your shirt, so you’ll have pajamas at mine if you need them.”

Even hadn’t meant to speed up their parting, but the mention reminded Isak that he needed to do laundry for the work week. If he got at least one load done tonight he could scratch it off his ever-expanding list of Monday chores, which was growing due to the blissful ignorance of Sunday. Monday would come too soon, but it would also not come fast enough.

* * *

Isak has walked past the pharmacy three times before deciding he’d go in. The first two times were just by chance, the route he was taking to run errands, but the third time was a serious consideration of a visit. It was still nagging him, how in the dark he was about the whole situation, and while he was doing well with Christian, there were questions that no one was answering. So he went to the source. He tried to think of something he would need from the pharmacy that he could buy, but the only thing he actually needed were Even’s condoms, and that was not going to be the way to play off a casual run-in. So he squared his shoulders and finally walked in a little before lunch time, heading straight back to the counter.

Catarina was busy with a short line of patients. Isak stood off to the side and waited to catch her eye. He didn’t see Tom anywhere, but knew he was usually scheduled for Mondays and was probably just in his office. He wandered down the foot care aisle and looked at some of the compression socks. Christian had recommended a pair because his own ankles tended to swell after long days of standing.

“Isak?”

He whipped around at his name. Tom was standing at the half-door that separated the counter from the rest of the store. He didn’t have his coat on, so it looked like he was about to step out.

“Hi.”

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Oh, hah, I’m not here to work. I just wanted to stop by and see how you—“

“You can’t be here.”

Isak had been about to step closer to Tom so their conversation wasn’t exposed to the whole store, but he froze at Tom’s icy tone. “W-what?”

“You need to leave.” Tom swung open the door and moved to shoo Isak away, literally flapping his hands toward the exit. “I thought Marte explained. You have your new internship and you can’t be here anymore.”

Isak stumbled, trying to keep a respectable distance between him and an advancing Tom, but froze again in frustration. “Marte didn’t explain anything. I didn’t realize I was banned from the pharmacy because no one told me why I had to switch. I just meant to come by and say hello and see how you were doing, but I might as well get a straight answer out of you.” His tone was colder than he would have liked, and certainly not one he would have used with a manager. But Tom wasn’t his manager anymore and clearly didn’t intend to remain a colleague. He was going to make his demands. “What happened? Why did you send me away?” He didn’t mean to reveal his hurt, show how poorly he was handling the rejection, but his voice cracked with the question and the cover-up cough only made it worse.

“Isak, outside.” Tom commanded him like a dog, still shooing him. “We will talk outside.”

Isak finally caught Catarina’s eye as he turned to leave, and the silent look of pity on her face embarrassed him.

Tom continued to shoo him until they were a few blocks away from the pharmacy, and turned down a quieter road. He tucked into the side of a building and called for Isak to stop. Isak faced him but maintained the distance he seemed to prefer. He took a deep breath and kept his eyes angled to the ground. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. But I think this is the best option, and you truly need to stay away from me.”

“Just tell me what happened! I won’t...I won’t even bother trying to fix it! We’ve moved on, I’ll never see you again, whatever. But please, just tell me.”

“Isak....”

“Did I fuck up someone’s prescription? Inventory? Did I say something inappropriate to you or Catarina? I need to know so I can...do better next time. And I know that doesn’t matter to you but please, from one human being to another, I’m just asking for peace.” Isak was sad and desperate and begging on the street. He didn’t think it was ever going to get this bad, that the initial rejection had simply festered under his skin until it burst out of his chest, bloody and infected. He had nothing to offer in exchange for information either; he was powerless. He depended completely on the goodness of Tom’s heart to help him heal.

Tom closed his eyes and pinched his nose, raising his head but still not looking at Isak. For the first and last time, Isak heard him curse. “Shit. Isak, I know who you are. I know what you do.”

Isak didn’t know how to respond to such plain statements, and couldn’t understand why they were causing Tom so much distress. But then Tom dared to open his eyes, unsure of what to make of Isak’s silence. When their gazes met, that’s when Isak saw it. He knew who he was. He wasn’t looking at Tom anymore.

“I’m Bee.”

* * *

Isak didn’t know how he got home. He must have walked, or ran, because he wasn’t very far from there already, but he could not remember actually making the trip. The only thing that kept replaying in his head was Bee’s—Tom’s—list of how he found out. Isak had been frozen on the sidewalk, the realization turning his veins to ice and lungs to stone, and Tom just kept talking, letting the explanation pour out, recapping the past few months of exchanges with Hardy.

“Your voice was so familiar, but I couldn’t place it. Your laugh. Your accent too, when you speak English. Also the stories you would tell. I didn’t connect them at first, but thinking back those were the same nightmare customers I knew. Nothing clicked though, until I saw your notebook, the one I gave you. And then I saw your phone, and then...all of it made sense. Your goddamn hickeys. I was watching my intern three nights a week on a sex site.” Tom hid his face again. “It was wrong. It was so so so so wrong, probably illegal, unethical, immoral, just...everything."

Isak must have run. He must have escaped. His shame, Tom’s shame, was an infinite force propelling him away from the danger of worlds colliding. Or dragging him down into it. Maybe both. Because when he arrived at home, at the apartment that he thought would shelter him from it all, he found that he was no safer there. He looked at his computer, his desk, his bed, the walls that he’d seen reflected in his screen, washed out, a background witness. He picked up his second phone from the desk. The flash of the screen when he woke it up made him gag; he could not even bear to think of the messages he’s sent and received, the explicit photos and texts with...well it could be with anyone. The things he’s enjoyed and saved. The mere volume. He wound up and threw the phone into the opposite wall with a savage roar. It dented the drywall and fell to the floor with a thud.

Isak screamed again, at the room, at himself. He screamed once, loud, trying to push everything out of his body in one go, a swift extraction. But it was not enough.

He had to cry. He had to shake and lose feeling in his legs and collapse and cry. He fell to his knees at the scene of his crimes.


	29. 22:02

Isak went to work on Tuesday, as planned. He left his phone at home, useless since the battery ran out during his shower. He chatted with Christian and took notes and vacuumed the carpet, following Christian down each aisle while he led with a dust rag.

“Goodness this goes much faster with two people.”

Isak smiled. It was easy enough to do in this little store, where his mind was clear of everything but occasional customers and their drugs. His pockets did not ping for attention and the clock only seemed to drag when he looked at the one on the back wall, which wasn’t often. The day moved, swift and light, and carried Isak with it.

He was inventorying pill bottles and caps (somehow Christian always had an odd number) when he heard Christian call out, and his body seized up with fear.

“Even!”

Isak remained hidden in the closet. He knew Even wasn’t here for Christian, or anything pharmacy related. Even had been right: he was not due for a refill. He listened to Even and Christian talk and wondered if they could hear the thunder of his heart in his chest.

“How are you?”

“Fine, mostly. A little worried about something but that’s why I’m here.”

“Do you need an emergency refill of your Quetia—“

Even must have gestured to interrupt Christian. “I was actually wondering if I could see Isak? Is he here?”

“Oh! Yes, he’s in the back. I didn’t know you knew each other.”

“Ah, well, he’s...my boyfriend?” It sounded like a question, rising at the end. It wasn’t a question of Isak being his boyfriend, but a slightly too-late realization that he wasn’t supposed to disclose that to Isak’s manager.

“How nice. Small world, isn’t it?”

Isak’s mouth twitched a hint of smile when he pictured Christian’s reaction. His tone was the same one he used when Marit would come into the store simply to update him on the lives of her grandchildren. He cared, but wasn't particularly curious.

“Anyway, I’ll go trade places with him so you can have a chat.”

He fumbled with the bottles when he heard Christian approach. He didn’t want to face Even just yet, sure that he would fall apart if he saw him. He continued to make a bit of a mess to appear overwhelmed and too busy.

“Isak? Even is here to see you.”

“Oh?” he feigned ignorance when he looked over at Christian in the doorway.

“How far along are you? I can pick up while you go talk.”

“N-no, it’s okay. I need to keep going. Could you tell him I’ll just see him later?” Isak pushed a stack of lids along a shelf as if it were the most important thing he’d accomplished that day.

Christian paused. “Are you sure? He seems worried about something.”

“Yeah.” Isak waved him away. “I’ll talk to him after work.” He hoped Christian would accept that as Isak simply prioritizing work over his personal life, instead of what it was: hiding. He hadn’t made any kind of contact with Even for a whole twenty-four hours, which hadn’t happened since they first started talking. He wanted to talk to Even, of course, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to face Even. He didn’t know how to explain what happened, what he did. He didn’t know how to redeem himself. He didn’t know how to be someone worth listening to.

Christian made excuses for him. He could tell, even from a distance, that Even didn’t believe any of them, but Isak knew he wouldn’t make a scene. He held polite conversation with Christian for a little while longer, then left. Isak returned to his counting. He was not able to solve the mystery of the odd-numbered stock.

Isak walked to the bus stop after his day was done. If he kept going he could ring Even’s buzzer and invite himself up. Even was probably waiting. But he didn’t. He took the bus back to his neighborhood and returned to his apartment. He took another shower and dug out some flannel pajamas; he needed warm clothes in spite of the heat of the summer. He carried his dead phone to the living room and curled up on the couch. He slept, because it was the only way to stop thinking about it.

* * *

The dog was whining. It sounded like it was at Isak’s door, close enough for him to hear the whimpers. Perhaps it had gotten locked out by the uncaring teenager. Isak tried to ignore it and waited for someone to realize their dog was missing. He checked his phone for the time but it remained dark. He turned the TV on; it was late. He left it on, lowering the volume and letting the nothing show wipe his mind clean.

But then the whimpers turned into barks, sharp yips with a bit of a howl on the end. He ignored it for another few minutes, but a mix of concern and annoyance finally pushed Isak up off of the couch.

He was expecting a ball of fur to come shooting into his apartment once he opened the door, but what he got was a boyfriend yelping as he fell backward into the sudden space. Isak instantly wanted to close the door but Even’s head was now in the way.

“You’re home!” Even’s mouth was hanging open in shock as he looked up at Isak. Under any other circumstance Isak would find the position quite arousing, eyes wide, head at his feet. But he was annoyed. “I was buzzing you for a while and you weren’t answering.” Even scrambled to stand. Isak finally noticed the dog then, who began weaving between Even’s legs. Isak started to close the door now that Even was out of the way. “Wait, no. Shit.” Even pressed on the door to hold it open, but looked down at the dog. “I have to return her. But Isak, please. Let me in. Just…give me a minute.”

Isak’s jaw tightened while he decided. He still didn’t want to face Even, but he clearly wasn’t going to leave him alone. If he shut the door he was pretty sure Even would just sit back down, and the dog would begin whining again. Isak left the door open but walked away. He heard Even give a sigh of relief before commanding the dog back to its own door. Isak retreated to the couch.

As soon as he was rid of the dog, Even ran into the apartment. He stopped short when he saw Isak right there in the living room, sitting in the dark. Even in shadow Isak could see Even’s whole form melt. “Oh, baby.”

Isak didn’t say anything. He pulled his knees into his chest and dropped his gaze to the floor. Even approached slowly. He could tell he wasn’t exactly welcome, so he did not offer anything unwanted. He kept his words and his touch to himself. He sat on the couch, plenty of room between them, and hoped his weight on the cushions announcing the nearness of his presence was enough. Simply: I am here, within reach.

They remained there for another hour. Even was comfortable, but could see the tension in Isak’s position. It looked like the world was pressing down on his shoulders and it would never let up. The TV flashed at them in the darkness, illuminating their faces. Even swallowed because his throat was dry. “Isak?” It was a question: are you here, within reach? “Can you tell me what happened?”

Isak didn’t know if he could. He didn’t know if there were words for this. So he just gave a small shake of his head.

It was enough for Even though, encouragement that he could communicate something. So Even considered his next question carefully, shaping it to fit a yes or no answer that Isak could provide. “Have you been hurt?”

Had he? He was in pain. He was sad and angry and disappointed. He was frustrated and desperate. But he didn’t know what from. He didn’t know why. He didn’t know who had dealt the blow. Could he claim the effect if he could not define the cause? He nodded anyway. He noticed Even jerk out of the corner of his eye, lunge for him and then retreat.

“May I comfort you?” Even’s voice was tight. Isak looked toward it. He nearly broke at the offer, made so plainly and unconditionally. He nodded, and Even’s hand was instantly on his shoulder with a light squeeze. When that wasn’t enough it crossed to Isak’s other shoulder and pulled his whole body into Even. Isak let Even’s chest catch him and his shirt soak up the tears that were now flowing freely. “Baby, baby, baby.”

Baby, baby, baby. It was a refrain. It was words. It was nothing. Just sound repeated over and over again, to the beat of Even’s heart and the circles rubbed into Isak’s back. It battled the silence and didn’t let any other thoughts in.

* * *

Isak cried until he was sure he wouldn’t cry any more. He used the sleeve of Even’s t-shirt to wipe away his snot and then cursed at himself for it. “Hold on.” He left the couch to get a clean one, and a box of tissues to finish the job properly. Even changed shirts while he blew his nose with comical honks.

“Do you want to talk about it now?”

Isak shook his head. He would never want to talk about it. He would never want his secret known by more than the two people it involved. He turned off the TV and sat back down next to Even. He was tired. Even brushed his curls off of his forehead while he thought about what to say next.

“I hope…it wasn’t something I said or did. I would never mean to hurt you, but I know that it’s still possible.”

Isak whipped his face to Even’s in shock. “No! Of course not. You didn’t do anything. No. Please never think that.”

Even sighed, not wanting this to be the conversation. “I’m relieved I didn’t hurt you, but it’s happened in the past, and this is the kind of thing I tend to assume, correctly.”

“Why?”

“Well, in this case, my boyfriend bailed on our regular date and didn’t answer any of the million messages I sent, so I thought maybe I had done something wrong on Sunday. You didn’t even do your show, and the last time that happened was my fault too.”

“It wasn’t—“

Even interrupted with a roll of his eyes. “Fine, not my fault, but I was involved. The last time this happened you were terrified of me. You were running away. And today you were hiding from me at work.” Isak looked guilty then, which Even didn’t want either. He was getting frustrated. “Okay. So, it’s not about me. Was it about work? Did Christian do something?”

Isak shook his head. As difficult as sharing any of this was, he was also annoyed at himself that Even was getting so worried and worked up. He didn’t want to drag Even deeper into a mystery that would just cause _him_ undue pain. And if Isak hadn’t seen it coming in the first place, then Even certainly wasn’t going to guess what happened on his own. He sat forward, elbows on his knees, and steeled himself for the reveal, for his own betrayal. He fixated on a knot in the wood floor. “I went to visit my old pharmacy yesterday, to see Tom. I wanted to ask him about the internship. I wanted to find out what went wrong. He made me leave, and said I wasn’t allowed there anymore.”

Even didn’t interrupt, did not knock on Isak’s courage. His palm returned to Isak’s back though, and made slow, firm circles. He helped draw it out.

“We walked away so we could speak in private. He told me…. Do you remember misterbee, from the chat?”

“Sure, he was the first person to mess—. Oh my god.” Even tried to keep the fear out of his voice when he realized what Isak was about to say. “Is…he…?”

“Yes. Tom is misterbee. Misterbee is Tom. I’ve been having sex in front of my manager since November.” Isak was surprised by how easy it was to say, to admit. Maybe because by now it had been running through his head for a day straight; it was ready to pour out.

Even did not let his hand stop or slow. “Okay. Okay. Okay. Well. Okay. Does anyone else know about this?”

“No. He said no one knows, not even his husband. He didn’t tell the university, just told them it was a personal issue. He withdrew from the program.”

“Did he say anything else?”

“I don’t think so. He told me how he found out, and told me that no one else knows. Then I think I just ran away.”

“Has he tried to contact you since?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been ignoring everything.” Isak gestured at his phone. Even picked it up and went to plug it in. “Even, please. Not yet.”

“I just need to delete all of my stupid voicemails.” Even plugged it in and returned to Isak’s side though, not bothering to do that right now. “But okay. Back to this. I’d like to think that if you were truly at risk of something damaging, you would have heard from the university by now, or Christian would have talked to you. I think we can assume that Tom isn’t going to tell anyone and that your identity is safe. Everything else went okay at work today, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel comfortable enough to continue doing that?”

“Yes.” He could do that, he could continue as if that part of his life had been untouched. He also didn’t have a way to notify Christian of a sudden absence, and didn’t want to leave him without his expected help.

“Then I think the next step is to…go to bed. Unless there is more you want to tell me.”

Isak shook his head, but then: “Well, I owe you an apology. I’m sorry I ignored you, left you alone. Made you think bad things.” Isak twisted to face Even and took his hands into his lap. Isak watched as he played with Even’s fingers, which were loose and undemanding. “I did not handle this very well.”

“Which is understandable. I don’t know what I would have done if I were in your shoes. It's a very...intense, and grey issue. I think you were just trying to protect yourself.”

Isak shrugged. Perhaps that was what he was doing, but it wasn’t a conscious decision. Nothing had been in the last day and a half. It was either instinct or rote and he could not take credit for any of it.

“I accept your apology, and I follow it up with a request. If there ever comes a time when you need space again, when you just need to be alone or be sad or be angry, then let me know first? I will respect your decision, and let you feel what you need to feel, but I still need help knowing how to respond, what to do. Then I won’t stalk you at work or blow up your phone or torture your neighbor’s dog.”

Isak gave him the tiniest of smiles. “Yes. I’ll tell you before I ghost again.” He tried to add a hint of sarcasm to it but deep down he knew its truth. It’s what Even deserved. It’s what Isak thought he deserved from Tom. And no matter how bad it was, at least he knew now. He was still so afraid, but his fear was defined, and it had a limit. Even wanted a definition. Isak would give it.

Even smiled back. “You should tell Helene too. She was so worried. Actually, I should text her, because she probably still is.” He didn’t reach for his own phone though, did not take back his hands. It was nearly morning anyway, still an ungodly hour for an update on a failed meeting. “Actually, you should go to bed. You need sleep. I know you have a lot of very important things you need to get back to counting in that closet today.”

Isak twisted Even’s fingers into a trap, making him wince and laugh. They were both relieved that through all of this they still had room to tease. But Isak got serious then, letting go. “I don’t want to sleep in there.”

“Did you sleep out here?” Isak nodded. “Okay. I’m going to get you set up and then go home. I didn’t plan to stay over.” Even stood, but before he walked away he bent down and kissed Isak on the cheek. Isak gave him a proper smile for it.

He was fine with Even leaving. He was fine with the space, and the silence, more manageable now that he’d spoken his demons out loud. He knew he could wake up and go to work and another day would distance him from what had happened. He was strong enough now, to do that.

Even returned with his comforter, cell phone, and a glass of water. He handed Isak his phone to unlock. “It doesn’t have much of a charge but I’ll put it in airplane mode so your alarm will still go off.” Isak handed it back before he could see any of the notifications.

“6:30 please. Thank you.” He took the comforter out of Even’s other hand and fell to his side, bringing up his feet and tucking himself in. Even set the phone and water on the coffee table.

He dropped another kiss on Isak’s cheek and brushed his curls back again. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Call me if you need anything.” Then he couldn’t resist and pressed his lips to Isak’s, steady and sure.

“I will.”

* * *

“I was wondering what you were going to do.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever do a show again. Or, not an open room.”

“As long as I get my private shows, that’s fine with me.” Even winked and adjusted his own camera. He hadn’t been ready for a private chat, but was happy to see a link waiting for him in his inbox when he logged on at Isak’s usual time. “How was your day?”

“It was fine. Had to teach someone how to cut their pills in half, but in the end we just cut their whole bottle right there in the store. Spent most of it thinking about this, though.”

“Ah, yeah, you’re back in your bedroom.”

Isak nodded. “I wanted to see if Tom had messaged me here, but I’ve been scrolling through most of them and I don’t think I see him.”

“That’s good.”

“There’s a lot, though. And new ones every time I refresh.”

Even looked at his watch. “Well you’re supposed to be live now, right? You have a lot of people waiting. Not that you need to go live, but I mean, you have a dedicated audience and they miss you. I’m probably about half of those messages.”

Isak smirked. “You are.”

“Delete those too, please.”

“No. You’re cute when you’re desperate. And I haven’t even gotten to your voicemails.”

Even had tried everything: calls, texts, snaps, DMs on Instagram, and messages to his cam account. He’d texted Jonas, Eva, and Sana to see if they’d heard from him, and even had Helene on alert in case he showed up at the café. Toward the end his messages were rambling and didn’t have a point; rather than repeating himself, begging for a response, he just talked to Isak as if he were busy and would get the updates later. It was how he’d stayed hopeful. “Hi baby, I’m just finishing up dinner. I thought you’d be online by now but it doesn’t look like you’re doing a show. I’m going to hang around in case you log on, get a little more work done. Um…yeah. Give me a call when you get this. Hope you had something good for dinner. Remember there are those frozen burritos in the back of your freezer. Okay, chat soon.” He’d even called when he was at Isak’s door the night before, and one message was almost entirely barks from the dog.

When Isak finally got the nerve to check his phone after work, his heart had nearly burst with the outpouring of concern from most of his friends. But then he got upset with himself, ashamed that he’d caused so much distress, especially considering how much danger he thought he was in. All any of them would have wanted was for him to be safe, and they would have helped if he’d asked. But none of them knew, which actually _was_ his fault. His shame had doubled down on him. He sent texts to everyone who still hadn’t been updated by Even and apologized for the alarm.

He looked at Even. “Thank you for coming over.”

Even looked back. “I’m glad you’re feeling safe. Did you have dinner?”

“Yeah, I grabbed a sandwich on the way home.”

Sensing that he was in a better place to talk, Even let his curiosity take over. “I noticed your wall last night.”

Isak looked over his shoulder at the phone-shaped dent. The phone was still on the floor, obscured by the bed, and untouched. He hadn’t even checked if it still worked, though its battery would’ve died by now too. “I threw my phone when I got home on Monday."

Even took his time responding, both waiting for cues from Isak as well as figuring out what he should say. “If it still works, I can wipe it for you.” 

This got Isak up out of his chair to check. He picked up the phone and turned it over; the screen was shattered. The glass was still in place though, so he gingerly placed it on his desk and plugged it in. “It’s taking the charge.”

“What else did you use it for?”

“Snapchat. The email account for this site. Mostly dick pics though. I threw it because Tom is on there.”

“Oh shit.”

“Exactly.”

“Well…you’ll need to save the email account but that doesn’t really matter. Oh, but does it use that phone number for the two-factor authentication?”

“I think so.”

“You’ll need to change it to your regular number then, before we get rid of this one."

“Okay.” Isak didn’t really want to associate his cam account with his true identity, but he already had his bank account tied to it, so it didn’t really matter at this point. He logged into the account on his computer and started changing his settings.

After a few minutes he noticed Even fidgeting. “Ask what you want to ask, babe.”

“Without looking, how many dick pics do you think you have on the phone?”

Isak stopped. “Really?”

Even nodded earnestly, eagerly.

Isak sighed and gave in. “God…I don’t know. I’ve received thousands. A lot are repeats. I didn’t save most of them.”

Even waited for a number. “Ballpark.”

“Two hundred.”

Even’s mouth dropped open. “Do you know what that makes you?”

“A whore?”

“Not quite. A hoarder. You’re a dick hoarder. No one needs to keep that many dicks.”

“But they were…gifts!” Isak didn’t know why he was arguing this. He wanted to get rid of the phone, the photos, so much that he’d chucked them at his wall. Now was not the time to get sentimental over his collection. “I…I _earned_ those dicks!”

“I know you did, baby, and I’m so proud of you for that. But…hey…look.” Even paused to scramble around on his desk for a moment. When he popped up again he had a post-it stuck to his fingers. “Here, 200 DICKS. Here’s your trophy.” Even rolled his chair backward and slapped the pink square onto his wall. “We’re going to swipe through those dicks one last time, say goodbye, and then delete them. Your achievement has been commemorated,“—Even pointed to the wall as he shuffled his chair back to his desk—“but we’re going to wipe that phone clean.”

“Okay but…” Isak continued to pout. “What about yours? You’re there, one of two hundred.”

“That too. I’ll resend it to your main phone if you so desperately want it.”

“Ugh, no.” Besides, Isak had already sent it to himself. “Fine. You’re probably going to get a splinter from swiping on this thing though.” He held up the phone to the camera to show off the damage.

“A risk worth taking for two hundred dicks.”

Isak finished changing what he needed to change on his accounts. He deleted Snapchat, which probably still had a handful of dicks left unseen. Even watched him methodically clean up his digital history.

After a while, after watching Isak’s face slowly drag down with the weight of what he was doing, Even felt like he needed to speak up. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything bad.”

Isak waited for the truth to feel like the truth. “I hurt someone. I hurt myself.”

“That’s true. But you can’t blame yourself for it. I don’t think you should punish yourself for something you couldn’t stop.”

“It was foolish of me to start camming in the first place.”

Even shook his head. “I don’t know what to compare it to to show you how important your camming is. Maybe it’s like…if I said it was foolish of me to start making videos. If I hadn’t found something I enjoyed and could educate myself about and turn into a profitable craft.”

“That’s not the same. You can’t destroy a career, multiple careers, multiple lives, with your camerawork.”

“Okay not the best comparison, but I still want to make my point. You shouldn’t regret becoming a part of this community because it’s something that you needed, and wanted, and controlled to the best of your ability.” Even gestured to his screen, at the cam site they were using. “You didn’t approach it recklessly; you learned from mistakes and knew what precautions to take in order to continue. Anonymity is a risk in all situations that it exists. It was a risk you were willing to take, and a risk Tom was willing to take. Perhaps not anymore, but in a fantasy world like this, then…definitely. I took that risk too, and you quickly corrected me. This is a good thing. You were doing a good thing. You simply had…bad luck. The universe just happened to line up in this one particular way and you couldn’t have taken any steps to avoid it.”

Isak waved him off. “Whatever. It’s done. I can’t change anything now.”

“Isak…I just don’t want you to regret this. I don’t want you to give it up as some kind of punishment for yourself.”

Isak scrunched up his face. “I don’t think I’m doing that. You sound like Martin, by the way.”

“He probably _has_ said something similar to me in the past, so I guess I’m just…passing it along.”

“You mean you actually listen to your therapist?”

“I know! Shocking.”

The mood lightened, and Isak started to turn nostalgic. “Sexual activity aside, the chat was kind of like my therapist. Maybe not the best advice all of the time, but it was good to have someone to talk to. Someone who wanted to listen.”

Even agreed. “You’re not going to get an answer all of the time. But you at least get someone who hears you. That can be enough.”

“I’ll miss it.”

Eventually Isak closed their room. He was done going through his messages and needed to brush his teeth before bed. They ended on a funny note, waving goodbye to each other, and then to the boobs in the flashing advertisements. He left his second phone charging and returned to the couch to sleep. Out there he stared at the ceiling for fifteen minutes. He Facetimed Even.

“Should I come over? Or do you want to come to mine?”

“No.” Isak dragged the coffee table closer to the couch and propped his phone up. “Can we just talk until I fall asleep?”

“Sure.” Even was still at his desk. He put on some slow instrumental music in the background. They talked about weekend plans, Even’s shopping list, and the video he was working on. The conversation meandered back to what was still on Isak’s mind though.

“I know I haven’t been doing it for very long. Less than a year. But…I don’t think I was ready for such a sudden end. Poof. I’m done.”

“Well you’re not totally done. The accounts still exist. You’ll have one more direct deposit, right? You can always go back if you want, or need to.”

“I don’t want to. I don’t want to need it either. At this point it’s…tainted. And I think I got what I wanted from it already. But still.”

Even watched Isak consider the end of it all, come to terms with wanting something that he needed to push away. “I hear you.”

* * *

Even showed up at the pharmacy again on Thursday, but this time Isak didn’t go into hiding. “Fancy seeing you here!” he hollered over the counter as soon as he recognized who was at the door.

“There were a couple things on my list I needed to pick up.” As Even approached Isak noticed what he was carrying: two boxes of condoms. He whipped around to see if Christian had appeared at the sound of a customer, but he blessedly was still in the back.

“Jesus Christ Even, is this really necessary?”

“Well yeah, I thought you said we had to wait for your test results.”

“No, I mean do you really need to come here to buy condoms?” His voice dropped from a hiss to a whisper on the last word.

“Would…you prefer I go to the pharmacy by your apartment?” Even stifled a laugh.

“Too fucking soon.” Isak swiped at the boxes that Even had set on the counter and scanned them into the register. “I should charge you extra for that.”

“Oh I’m sure you’ll find ways to make me pay.”

“That is correct.”

Even tossed his backpack onto the counter and swiped his credit card. Isak packed the condoms away in a zippered pocket.

“Actually, I was thinking…what if this is how we met? What if you had never started camming, if Sonja and I had never found you? What if we’d never crossed paths until I came in one day to buy condoms from my pharmacist’s intern?”

Isak tried to walk back through Even’s logic, and was about to cancel it all out with the fact that if he wasn’t camming he’d still probably be at Tom’s pharmacy. But Even didn’t let him, he kept going.

“What if I visited you every day, paid you in attention and compliments, broke up with my girlfriend, and then kept asking for a date? What if we didn’t see each other on screen, but right here, across this counter? Would we…would we still be us?”

He didn’t seem worried; Even’s voice was steady and sure. But it was still a question, and Isak understood why he was asking. If Isak still wanted to reject his decision to cam in the first place, did that mean he wanted to reject meeting Even? Did he want to throw all of it away, the good and the bad, in order to save himself? Even held on to some confidence that Isak didn’t mean it, that if Isak could just change the situation, he’d still want to meet Even, and be with him. He wouldn't try to change _them_ And he was right. But he needed to hear it. He needed to know that neither of them could blame themselves for what they might lose.

“We would still be us.”

Relief flashed through Even’s eyes. Isak hadn’t realized there was so much doubt until he had to give his reassurance, but he swiftly wiped it out with a firm answer and then a joke.

“We would also need another cover story for how we met though. Even in a hypothetical situation it’s still because of your dick.” Isak flicked his finger at the boxes in Even’s bag. 

Even laughed. They were still them.


	30. 00:00

Isak was amazed by how quickly he seemed to recover once he was back to talking regularly with Even. That remained his sole regret as he continued to deliberate his next steps: not immediately going to Even when he was confronted with a disaster. He was wrong to go it alone. So he stuck to Even’s side as much as he could without feeling too clingy. He slept over Even’s on Thursday night and then dragged him back to his apartment on Friday for his last show.

“Are you sure?”

“Are _you_ sure?”

“I want to say goodbye. And I think they’d love to see you. Or just hear you.”

Isak wasn’t going to reveal anything. And it would probably be the tamest Friday show he’s ever done. He wanted to see whoever was going to tune in at his usual time, and give himself some closure. Even thought it was a good idea, but didn’t think Isak would want him to be part of it.

“Okay, but this is _your_ thing. I feel like I would be intruding.”

“Then you can just sit in the back, or off-camera, and watch. But I’m not going to exile you to the living room. And they’re definitely going to want to see you.”

Even smiled, honored. “Shall I change into something more…impressive?”

“If you mean your birthday suit, then no. I’m keeping my clothes on.”

“Oh.”

“Well….” Isak reconsidered while he chewed a meatball. “Actually you could be naked if you want. I’m not requiring it of you, but I’m also not stopping you.”

“God, wouldn’t that be a scene: me lounging behind you naked, you fully clothed, talking as if nothing weird is going on.”

And that is exactly what the scene was. The chat was going crazy. Even was silent, simply smirking at the speed of the comments scrolling up the screen.

**anonymous:** R U AWARE  
 **anonymous:** THAT THERE IS A DICK  
 **anonymous:** RIGHT BEHIND U

“Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for not camming this whole week, but I think I’ll be taking a step back from all of this.”

**anonymous:** COCK  
 **anonymous:** GIANT COCK  
 **anonymous:** RIGHT THERE  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** jfc hardy turn around

“I’m sure some of you noticed that my Snapchat is gone, and yes, I deleted it.”

**blackberriezzzz: didn’t notice snap. def noticed that fine as hell man in ur bed.**  
 **anonymous:** please  
 **anonymous:** im dying

“I’m not going to delete this account, but I will probably stop responding to and sending messages. I likely won’t be camming anytime soon either.”

Barely anyone was listening to him. Isak could drop his face into frame and no one would care. All they saw was Even’s dick, still a bit engorged from the recent blowjob, resting across his hip. When Even pulled one of Isak’s pillows over his lap, the comments came in even faster.

**anonymous:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
 **anonymous:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
 **anonymous:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“I say the same thing when he pulls out.” Isak jerked is thumb over his shoulder at Even, acknowledging his presence for the first time since he turned the camera on.

**024wolb:** wtf is going on  
 **anonymous:** for some reason hardy’s ass is not riding that dick  
 **21twinkies:** call the cops this is a crime  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** hello id like to report a tragedy  
 **024wolb:** who tf is that  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** we haven’t been formally introduced. i think it’s the guy he’s seeing. doesn’t look like bradley.  
 **anonymous:** it is. remember that dick pic he showed us?  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** omg

“They’re onto you, babe. They remember your dick pic.”

“I’m honored.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** holy fuck his voice  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** i just shoved my hand in my pants  
 **anonymous:** keep talking  
 **anonymous:** narrate an audiobook  
 **anonymous:** whatever  
 **anonymous:** fuckin recite the klingon alphabet

“They like your voice.”

“Do you like my voice?”

Isak twisted around to look at him. “I do like your voice.” That was all that mattered. Even didn’t care what the room said or wanted or demanded, because ultimately it didn’t matter. He only cared what Isak liked, what he said or wanted or demanded. Isak liked his voice so he used it.

“Come here.”

They had talked about this after dinner, how Isak wanted his last show to go. Even couldn’t let go of the idea of him being nude, and convinced Isak to just go with it for the laughs, to pretend like he wasn’t even there. He had agreed, but when it was nearing showtime and Even started stripping, Isak couldn’t ignore him. Even had his pants at his thighs when Isak pushed him down onto the edge of the bed. He sucked him off in a terrifically efficient manner. Then he let him continue undressing.

Isak had adjusted the camera low enough so Even could lounge at the head of the bed and his face would still be out of frame. This meant that Isak’s crotch was the focus in the foreground, as clothed as it was. He kept his distance as well, since he didn’t want to be tempted into more. But he couldn’t resist the voice.

“You know I don’t want to….” Isak warned as he walked on his knees back to Even.

“I know, you’ll get tired. But can we kiss for a little bit?”

Isak didn’t want to get tired, didn’t want to get sweaty, because they were supposed to go out dancing as soon as his show was over. Everyone was going to the club to celebrate Jonas and Eva, but it was now an established fact that his orgasms made Isak sleepy. He didn’t want to miss out on the club simply because he was too tired. He was also much more interested in an orgasm after the club. But he made it all the way to Even’s lap, moving the pillow aside so he could straddle him comfortably. “If we must.”

A satisfied “yes,” rumbled back into Even’s throat when Isak’s open mouth met his. Isak wrapped his arms around Even’s neck and pulled himself closer. Even adjusted his dick so Isak wasn’t sitting on it, and then let his hands roam wherever they pleased. He knew what the room was probably asking for, since he’d been there and wished for the same, so he teased them by dipping his hands where they couldn’t see: up the back of his shirt, down into his pants, then close between their bodies, in what little space was left. Isak gasped at the touch, stiffened. He pulled back and shook his head. Even’s hands retreated and rested near his knees.

**anonymous:** this is his last show nd he blockin all the action  
 **anonymous:** smh  
 **cumherebb:** turn up ur volume  
 **cumherebb:** u can hear his moans  
 **cumherebb tipped 20 tokens**

They were soft, and the distance from the camera didn’t help, but Isak _was_ expressing his satisfaction with Even’s body. His arms had unwrapped a bit just so his hands could tangle in Even’s hair, to tug and direct his head, keep his mouth where he wanted it. If he didn’t already feel it against his crotch, he’d be able to tell Even’s arousal by the force of his breath between kisses and the hammering of his heart against his own chest. Isak pressed into it, all of it, controlling and exciting and leading Even only as far as he wanted to go.

Isak remained clothed, but the fabric was pulled taut by his position and the return of Even’s hands. He flashed Isak’s back for the camera and stretched the cotton over the muscles that only he had the pleasure of feeling. He ran his hands down his sides, down his thighs, and then back up, stopping to squeeze Isak’s cheeks and highlight his crack. He pressed a finger into the seam.

**blackberriezzzz:** this is like the world’s sexiest wedgie  
 **024wolb:** imagine hardy in a thong  
 **024wolb:** no a JOCK  
 **anonymous:** fuuuuuuuuuuck  
 **anonymous:** he wore one to the gym once. thank jesus i took a screenshot  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** aww i just got sad that we won’t get anymore gym selfies  
 **anonymous:** what u mean  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** hardy is closing up shop. this is his last show.  
 **anonymous:** oh shit

The chat kept themselves busy while Isak and Even made out. They sent waves of tips when Isak started rolling his hips and when Even finally, successfully removed Isak’s shirt. They spread the news of Isak’s last show to new viewers and latecomers to the chat, and some of his regulars reminisced over his highlights.

**anonymous:** he was just so believable, you know?  
 **anonymous:** it was all real.  
 **anonymous:** half of the bitches on here moan like they’re getting paid by the decibel  
 **anonymous:** fake ass  
 **anonymous:** but when hardy does it you know he means it

As if to prove them right Isak got a bit louder; Even’s mouth had traveled down to his chest and latched onto a nipple. Isak pressed his hands against the wall behind Even, both to shield his head from the camera with his body as well as pin him right there. “Oh, keep sucking. Oh fuck.” Isak humped on Even harder while also trying not to move his torso too much. He wasn’t going to sacrifice one pleasure point for the other.

**badgirlbadgirl:** you say this like he’s not literally in front of us dryhumping his boyfriend  
 **anonymous:** but it’s the LAST TIME we get to see him dryhump his boyfriend.  
 **anonymous:** rip  
 **anonymous:** i came here to jerk off, not get emo wtf  
 **fillupphillip:** theyre boyfriends?  
 **fillupphillip:** do they have a channel  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** not really. this is hardy’s (pants) last show.  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** god i get sadder every time i need to say it  
 **fillupphillip:** sorry thx

Isak whined. He pushed off of the wall, releasing Even’s mouth and giving them both a chance to breathe. “Sorry, sorry, I’ll stop.”

“Fuck. No.” Isak dropped his forehead to Even’s, closing his eyes and trying to think. He wanted to figure out what he wanted. He hoped it would line up with what Even wanted. But ultimately it had to be his decision. He whispered it into Even’s ear. “Just make me come. I just need to come and then we’ll stop.”

“Hands?”

“Hands.”

Even kissed Isak on the cheek. He was relieved to have the consent, the access, and the goal. And he was going to move quickly, freely, to release Isak from the pressure. He undid Isak’s pants.

**21twinkies:** i hear a zipper!

“No underwear for the club then, eh?” Even looked up and smirked at Isak while he pushed the loosened fabric away from his dick.

“Less to bother with later.”

“Ohhhhh,” Even groaned for their future selves. He took Isak in his left hand with a soft grip. Isak arched into it. He offered his fingers to Isak’s mouth. “Let’s speed it up.” Isak took his middle finger in and rolled his tongue around it, depositing enough saliva for the job. He pushed down on the back of his pants, but just enough to show the top of his crack. He brought his hands to Even’s shoulders to hold on, and Even’s fingers wriggled into the cleft of his cheeks.

**anonymous:** rip that booty  
 **anonymous:** feel like i could ski jump off the slope of his ass  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** god i hope he scrolls back thru these comments

Even got the tip of one finger in, nothing really deep, but enough to swirl and make Isak moan. He pumped with his left hand and licked at the neck in front of him, close enough and bared for the touch. He made quick work of the orgasm since Isak had gotten himself almost all the way there to begin with. He felt it boil up from Isak’s balls and then vibrate to his asshole, echoing through his body in shuddering waves. He felt Isak’s breath catching against his tongue. He felt Isak’s warm cum spurt onto his thumb, his belly, his own erection. He felt Isak. 

Even welcomed all of his weight when Isak collapsed into his chest. He kissed Isak’s ear. He let Isak relax into his satiety until he fell asleep.

**anonymous:** ok but is he sleeping?  
 **anonymous:** his finger is still in his butt  
 **024wolb:** the butt wants what it wants  
 **anonymous:** like a gay man’s pacifier

Even let him nap for about ten minutes. Eventually he tried to slowly remove his finger, but the disturbance made Isak grunt and wake up.

“Shit.”

“It’s okay.”

“I thought I’d be able to fight it if it was quick.” Isak pushed himself up from Even’s chest; their skin pulled apart slowly from the tacky cum. “Gross.” Even grabbed Isak’s shirt and tried to wipe them down. Isak shuffled back down Even’s thighs and tried to hike up his pants. It wasn't the most graceful dismount.

“Oh no, there’s cum on the pocket.”

“Ugh, fine. I’ll just get a whole new outfit.” Isak twisted around so he could watch himself move on camera. He wriggled out of the pants. The chat cheered at finally being able to see two fully nude men. “Remind me what you’re wearing?”

Even bounced out of bed to retrieve his outfit from his bag. “I should have hung this up when I got here.” He flicked out a plain white button up. Isak evaluated it.

“You can iron it if you want but I don’t think it’s too bad. It’s going to be dark anyway.” Isak somersaulted his legs out of bed and walked to his closet.

**badgirlbadgirl:** literally no dicks in sight and yet there’s still an ocean in my pants. keep talking about ironing, boys.

“Would it be weird if I wore the same thing?” Isak thumbed through his options. “Wait, no, I have this.”

“Yeah, that’s good. You look good in pink.”

“And jeans?”

Even nodded, approving of the combination. They didn’t get dressed right then though; they put on clean underwear and returned to the bed. There was still another half hour to go. They sat next to each other and scrolled through the chat and answered questions.

“Do you guys remember when we were talking about marriage a while back? How I had a friend who was thinking about proposing? Well he did, last weekend. We’re going out tonight to celebrate at a gay club.”

**anonymous:** I LOVE gay weddings. A thousand times more fun than hets.

Even chuckled. “That’s true.”

“Well it’s a straight wedding. But tonight was planned by a gay friend, hence the club. But I think their wedding will be fun.” He turned to Even, looking for confirmation.

“Yeah. I mean, I haven’t seen how J does at the club but a good DJ can save almost any couple.”

“Oh right, power ballads.”

Even smirked at his rule. He reached for his phone on the table in front of them and typed out a question in the notes.

“Ah, I’m not sure. I don’t think I’ve ever used their names.” Isak shrugged. “I don’t think it matters much anymore though.”

“Well I’m not going to go wild with them now, but it’s nice to see you more relaxed about it.” Even reached his arm around Isak’s waist for a little squeeze.

**badgirlbadgirl:** speaking of names, does your boy toy here have one?

“Uh…let’s just call him ‘boyfriend.’”

**badiglrbadgirl:** not even a proper nickname?

“I had one, but I think that’s just between Hardy and me. We get to keep a few secrets around here.”

**anonymous:** baby  
 **anonymous:** daddy  
 **anonymous:** master  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** just tell us if we’re getting warmer.

Netiher of them did, but they both laughed as the nicknames rolled in and steadily became more ridiculous. They managed to move from sexual names to pet names to food groups pretty quickly.

**badgirlbadgirl:** is he sweet? i’m gonna call him softee. to match hardy.

“Softee?”

**badgirlbadgirl:** like the ice cream

Isak looked at Even then, and his eyes floated up to the swirl of his hair. “Sure, that fits. He can be soft and sweet. With a little twist.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** yessssssss  
 **anonymous:** now the real question is: do you lick your ice cream or do you bite it?

“Both,” they replied at the same time.

“But actually,” Even mused, after the laughter died down, “he could probably call me anything and I’d drop everything and run.”

There was something about being on camera, in the chat, talking to a screen, that made Even feel less ashamed of his honesty. He probably wouldn’t have said that to Isak’s face, even though he was right there next to him. But because he was talking through a filter, it came out easily.

And that’s how it had been for most of their relationship. They told each other things, they talked about each other, face to face, in pillow talk and over meals. But some things, some secrets, spilled out on camera because that’s the only way they _could_ spill: with the screen’s buffer, or the anonymity of an audience.

Hundreds of people could pick their dicks out in a crowd, and now they also knew that Even would do anything for Isak. They heard it in his words and in his voice. Isak felt it in his heart. He looked at Even’s profile and sent it right back. “Me too.”

**anonymous:** they’re both certified softees.  
 **anonymous:** ugh

Then Even turned to face him. “You fuckin’ shithead.”

Isak’s eyes went wide in shock at the sudden profanity and his whole body recoiled. But he recovered quickly and retaliated: “Hey, you ice cream motherfucker.”

Even leaned in as if he had truly been beckoned. “You wanted to say something, asshole?”

“No you little cocksucker.” Isak’s voice rose and fell instantly. “I want to kiss you.”

“Then do it, jerk.”

Isak pushed Even hard in the chest and he fell backward. Isak caught him before he rolled off the bed and pinned him at the edge with the weight of his body. He kissed that motherfucker.

**winkwankwonk:** this is disgusting. they’re so in love  
 **winkwankwonk tipped 200 tokens**

Isak kissed that motherfucker for a while. Even rolled him over, both to escape the peril of falling off and emphasize his point when he called him a shithead again. A quick glance at the computer showed that they weren’t in danger, that they were only on screen from their nipples to their knees, so they made out comfortably, focused wholly on moving their mouths the way each other liked.

**anonymous:** where’s the boner? doesn’t he get a boner from kissing him?  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** that was his first kiss though. probably a surprise boner  
 **badgirlbadgirl:** he might have it under control now  
 **cumherebb:** no man can control a bone if it doesn’t want to be controlled.  
 **anonymous:** the struggle is real

Isak kept his boner under control though. He was aware of how much time he had left, and as much as he enjoyed it, he didn’t want to spend it trapped under Even. He nudged and Even released him. They sat up and returned to the chat.

“I do want to repeat that...this is it. I won’t be doing my regular show anymore, and I won’t be talking to you all like I usually do.”

Even scooted back on the bed, letting Isak take center stage for his goodbyes.

“I’ve had a lot of fun here, with you, and I’m so grateful you tuned in every week. I’m grateful that you were here when I needed you the most, and I hope I’ve been able to provide something that you needed too. Thank you for the tokens, the distractions, the bad jokes, the help on my homework. Thank you for watching and for listening.”

**anonymous:** fuk im gonna cry  
 **anonymous:** don’t go

“Orgasms aside, I’ve had a lot of fun.” He repeated himself with a huff. He didn’t know what else to say, or if he could actually say what he wanted to say. “I’ll miss this. I’ll miss you.”

**badgirlbadgirl:** we’ll still be here if you ever want to come back, hardy.

Isak believed her. He believed they would miss him as much as he would miss them, that they would all be waiting next week, hopeful that he’d appear again. And he would be tempted to log on.

But he couldn’t. He really couldn’t. This last show was still too much of a risk, even with blocking Alfie’s and Tom’s usernames. This life wasn’t worth that risk, for him. He had to say goodbye now, before he didn’t have a choice.

“Thank you so much.” He read through each name in the chat list, trying to personalize a sign-off for everyone that he could. Large, final tips added up as they said thank you in return. Slowly the list dwindled as people left. Then he just sat there.

He saw Even extend a hand in the screen. He reached back to hold it.

At midnight he closed the room.

* * *

They got dressed and took the extra time to walk to the club instead of taking the bus. Even listened while Isak processed his decision. He held his hand.

“Sometimes I wonder…what if I had just gone all the way? Quit school and cammed professionally.”

“You’d probably have to masturbate more often.” Even wasn’t joking; he was taking Isak’s considerations seriously. “That’s a lot of pressure on your dick to perform, probably daily. And then your entire income is dependent on that.”

“It would’ve been interesting, at least, to just be able to show everything though. I’d have to do it more frequently, but I’d be able to do it without fear. That would actually be less pressure. I could show my face and talk about my life. I could masturbate in the morning.”

“You don’t masturbate in the morning?”

“Not really. When I was on my own I would kind of just…save it for later?”

“Okay, but…we wake up hard like, every day. On my own I would regularly jerk it in the shower, and then again at night during your show.”

Isak shrugged. “It kind of helped get into the mindset, a little deprivation. Then I would know I would be ready for the camera.”

“Ah. Well then yeah, you could masturbate in the morning. Livestream from the bathroom.”

He would have had so much more freedom with a dedicated career in camming, and he wanted to mourn its end, but he tried to keep things in perspective: it would have come with other costs. He wasn’t ready to give up his family and friends, nor his passion for medicine. He didn’t doubt that he wouldn’t be able to find a different family, different friends, through the camming world—in fact he already had—but they all still lived a life in secret, hidden from a society that was ashamed of itself. Isak didn’t know how different it would be to walk down the street if it was in a world that pretended his body, his work, didn’t exist. So he wasn’t going to find out.

Young people roamed the city, moving from restaurants to bars to clubs, in search of the next, better, thing. Isak and Even moved with them, speaking casually about the evolution of their sex lives. The night was too drunk, too loud to listen in to their secrets.

“You could still do that, you know. Just for me.”

“Eh?” Isak was dragged back to the present, away from the future he couldn’t have.

“If you want to keep camming we can just do it privately. In fact I’m not sure why we didn’t switch over earlier, but just...doing regular video chats on Skype or something.”

“Oh. I thought that was a given.”

“Great! I just wasn’t sure how much of camming you were done with.”

“Well I’m not going to livestream from the shower but I still like watching you work. And I’m going to have a lot more free time on my hands in the evenings.”

“We can solve that with date nights. Going out to dinner, pissing off the waiter when we stay at our table for too long, getting so drunk we can barely walk home, and then fucking until we fall asleep. Boom: sorted.”

“We’re not doing that _every_ night.”

“Of course not. Just Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Oh, and Sunday afternoons.”

Isak smiled. That was the future he could have. That was the future he was going to have, a summer with Even, every day filled with him. Whether he was a camboy or not.

* * *

Even’s alarm woke them on Saturday morning, mere hours after they returned from the club. Even had planned ahead though, and brought his pills and a glass of water to the bedside table before they’d fallen asleep. He rolled over, clumsily drank them down, and rolled back to Isak in under a minute. Isak grunted at the coldness of the hand that had held the glass. Even rolled away almost immediately.

“Well I didn’t mean that,” he grumbled. He twisted around to follow the path of the warmth.

“Don’t move.”

Isak opened his eyes at the request. He froze in the middle of the bed, on his back, comforter twisting at his waist. Even had stood to fetch his phone from the desk. “What’s going on?”

Even dropped to his knees, his eyes level with the top of the bed. Isak strained to look down at him, but tried to remain still. He watched Even’s eyes dart back and forth, and then his head moved along the edge of the bed like a lioness stalking her prey through tall grass.

“Are you…hunting me?” He felt like Even was going to jump up and pounce. He was not awake enough for this.

“No. The light.” Even brought his phone up then, having found the right angle and height. Isak remained still, trapped under the focus of the lens.

The light had followed them home and held on to the pink morning behind their closed eyelids. Now, with the sun higher in the sky, it streamed down into Isak’s room with only a hint of yellow. It pinned Isak with its beams, and everything was still save for the dust dancing above his belly. Even wanted to capture it all. He took photo and video and didn’t let Isak move until he’d memorized it with his own eyes.

“Okay. Thank you.” Before Isak could sit up Even had crawled onto the bed, shoulders rolling as he did, in fact, stalk Isak. He crawled right over him and cast a shadow; he dropped a kiss into the darkness. “You’re free.”

“I know.” Isak wrapped his arms around Even’s neck and pulled him down, trapping himself further. “Did you catch it?” he murmured into Even’s ear once it was close enough.

“Let’s see.” He gave Isak the kiss he was aiming for, and then rolled off of him to get his phone from the end of the bed. He returned to the pillows and held the screen above them.

Isak gasped. “Oh shit.”

“Yeah?”

“Even.” Isak pulled the phone from his hand and held it close to his face. He marveled at the first photo, then swiped through a line-up that got minutely and consecutively better. “Is that what it looked like?”

Isak’s belly was a rolling hill of soft, faded hair haloing tan skin. There were shadows from his ribs and his belly button, and in the blurry distance his head and the pillows were a dark mountain range. Curtains of light fluttered this way and that in each exposure. The dust was alive.

Isak marveled at the photo. Then he marveled at Even. “How did you see that? How did you catch that? It’s…magic.” 

Even tilted his head into Isak’s shoulder. “It’s what happens when I watch you.”

Isak played the video and they watched him breathe. They watched the focus slide to the foreground and a lens flare make a lazy arc. Isak dropped a hand to see if his belly was as warm as it looked. “Can you teach me how to do that?” He gave his phone back to Even.

“Do what?”

“Find the light.”

Even furrowed his brow, but then let the initial thought go. “I can try, but I think I just get lucky.”

“Okay.” Isak let it go too. He watched Even open up an editing app and start working on one of the photos. Then he decided to interrupt. “Hey.”

“Hmm?” Even closed his phone to give Isak his full attention. 

Isak was smirking at his own joke just thinking about it. “Want to get lucky?”

Even rolled over again.

* * *

“Ugh.”

“What?” Sana asked around a mouthful of waffle.

“Even’s caption.”

“Hey! I thought it was cute.”

Isak’s phone pinged when Even had tagged him in his latest Instagram post. It was the photo of the light over his stomach from that morning: _lucky_. Isak flipped his phone to Sana so she could see it and judge.

“Is that you?”

“Yes.”

Sana shrugged. “Yeah, cute. Kind of looks like you just had sex though. Isn’t your whole profile supposed to be about light?”

“It _is_ about light.” Even didn’t correct her about the timing of the sex though.

“Sorry. The nipple was distracting.”

“Hey!” Isak splayed his hands across his chest in faux modesty. “Please stop checking me out on my boyfriend’s Instagram.”

Sana just raised her eyebrows, letting Isak feel how ridiculous he sounded without any additional commentary.

“I _have_ received a few inappropriate DMs already. And a proposal for a boudoir shoot.”

“So I’m good for business?” Isak preened for Even.

“Best business card ever.”

Isak tilted his cheek toward Even to receive the peck he thought he deserved. Even delivered.

“If you’re going to carry on like that I’m going to stop coming to brunch. I’m paying for waffles, not a show.”

“Well, you’re _not_ paying. Even is.”

This made Even laugh loudly, the hint of irony going right over Sana’s head. Sana brushed it away. “Anyway, how was the club last night?”

“It was fun. Eskild was sorry you couldn’t make it.”

“He should be. He knows I need more than a day’s notice. But I actually don’t mind too much. I wasn’t in the mood to go out after such a long week.”

Isak sympathized. “Sometimes it’s really not worth it. I needed Red Bulls all night just to keep up.”

“Did Eva have fun though?”

“I think so. Even actually danced with her more than me.”

“Eskild kept stealing Jonas and leaving her on her own! I was just trying to be nice.”

“It _was_ nice, babe. I just meant that you would have a better sense of her enjoyment because you spent more time with her.” He patted Even on his thigh.

“Oh. I thought you were annoyed that I wasn’t dancing with you.”

“Well _sure_ , but I was busy with the drinks. And constantly explaining to Magnus that absolutely none of the gay men there were trying to hit on Vilde.”

“But the ladies….”

Isak pointed at Sana in agreement. “The true threat.”

“Well I’m glad she had fun. We’re having lunch tomorrow to begin the planning.”

“All of the girls?”

“No, just me and Chris.”

“Ah, well that will be chill.”

“That is very much the point.”

“Have I met Chris?” Even interjected.

“Yes, she was there last night. The one in silver.”

“That was Chris?! She said her name was…Annabelle Louisa Peter Christianson the Third. Made me repeat it back to her like ten times.”

“ _That_ was Chris.”

Sana giggled into her tea. “She added Peter now?”

“Wasn’t it Erik at one point? No, Elizabeth!”

“Ha, ha. Good joke. Fuck, she was stressing me out that I would forget one.” Even grumbled into the last of his coffee. Then he stood for his usual bathroom-and-paying-the-check run.

“Okay, so what’s the plan?”

“Do you have your suits?”

“Yeah.” He toed his bag under the table.

“We’ll go back to mine to change, and then I can pack up Emir?”

“Great! Even will be excited to meet him.”

That was an understatement. Even was over the moon about the playdate, lighting up as soon as he heard what they were going to do. He practically skipped to Sana’s house and bounced on his toes while she unlocked her door.

“I haven’t seen someone so excited to meet Emir since Mama.” Sana ushered them inside.

Susie walked Emir into the living room, where Even was pacing. “We just finished his bottle so he’s ready to go.”

“May I?” Even held out his hands but waited for permission. Sana nodded. He dropped into a squat to introduce himself to the toddler.

“Susie, just a few more minutes while I change, please? Isak, you know where the bathroom is.”

Isak and Sana went their separate ways to change in preparation for the pool, while Even made fast friends of Susie and Emir. Isak could hear him screaming in delight from the bathroom.

“Watch out, Isak. It looks like Emir has a new favorite uncle,” Susie warned when he returned. He pouted and traded with Even, taking the toddler and pointing him back down the hall.

“It took me months to dethrone Elias and this is what I get? Betrayal?” Emir’s face dropped, sensing the disappointment in Isak’s voice. Isak wiped it away though with a quick toss, throwing the boy into the air and turning him back into the giggling mass he was a moment ago.

“It’s probably because he’s so funny-looking,” Sana said as she walked back to the living room, loud enough for Even to hear. “Is Uncle Even funny-looking?” She cooed at Emir, and he nodded, which made Isak laugh. “He does that to every question I ask, by the way.”

“I don’t care, I believe it.”

Sana walked Susie to the door, dismissing her for the afternoon. They confirmed her schedule for the following week. Isak helped Emir wave goodbye. Even appeared at their side and joined in.

“I’ll message you about that job!”

“Thank you! Bye, all.”

Sana closed the door and whipped around to shoot Even a glare. “Excuse me, are you trying to steal my nanny?”

“No! She is just interested in modeling and I know some guys who would be happy to shoot her in her free time.” He emphasized “free time.” Sana’s face relaxed. Even turned to pick up the beach bag Susie had packed. “I won’t need to steal her until we have kids of our own.”

Even moved to the door. Isak and Sana shared a silent scream behind his back.

* * *

Sana led the march to the pool, with Even behind her with the bag and Isak’s backpack, and Isak following them both with Emir. It took him five intersections to work up the courage to ask Even about what he’d said. While they waited for a light to change he stepped in close. “Hey. I…um, I thought you didn’t want kids?” Isak noticed Sana’s head twitch slightly as she listened in.

“I don’t want _my_ kids.” He was casual in his explanation. “But we could use your sperm with a surrogate. Or adopt. Or steal this one right here.” Even smiled and lightly pinched Emir’s arm, but when he looked past him to Isak’s face he realized he might have just confused Isak further. Isak’s face was still slack with shock. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean…I just assumed. I don’t know if you want kids, but like, if you do, _if_ we eventually decided to have one there are ways…and they could still be part of us no matter how we became a family. I’m not uh, expecting anything, but I love kids. I’d love the chance to add to the world that way, guide someone to goodness. Or not, if it’s not your thing, that’s also fine. Like I know it’s not everyone’s destiny. I just…yeah.”

“I didn’t realize you were thinking about that.” Isak managed to whisper, a step up from the stunned silence that Even struggled to fill.

There was a flash of pain across his face before he answered. “I think a lot about our future.”

Isak switched Emir from one hip to the other, to free his arm. He took Even’s hand in his and squeezed it. He did not know what to say, let alone understand what he was feeling, but he knew he had to reassure Even. He would do that until he had an answer.

The light changed but no one moved.


	31. 1:01

Two weeks later Isak’s last direct deposit hit his account. Even though he had a general idea of the amount, he still let out a low whistle when he saw it all there. Even turned his chair to face him. “Eh?”

“My last paycheck.” Isak logged back into the cam site to confirm there wasn’t anything outstanding. “I only did the one show that week but it’s…I think it’s the most I’ve ever earned.”

“It was your last show. Folks had to get their tips in.” Even turned back to his desk but snorted at his private joke. Isak understood it though, and chucked a throw pillow at him. Even just chuckled and picked up the pillow, hugging it to his chest while he watched footage on his computer. Isak focused on the little bit of bookkeeping he needed to do, updating his spreadsheet and checking his budget predictions. It was a nice windfall, but it was the last. He had to make adjustments so he wouldn’t burn through it all.

Even heard him muttering to himself and exhaling loudly. “Something wrong?”

“I think I need a second job.”

“You could try camming.” Isak did not have a second pillow to throw so he waited for Even to turn, looking for a reaction to his joke, and flipped him off instead. “It’s not funny, this is…I made so much money camming. It covered most of my rent.”

Even stopped joking and scootered his chair over to the coffee table where Isak was hunched over his computer. “Are you not going to be able to afford rent next month?” He wasn’t whispering, but the concern had made his voice drop.

“No, I can…I can probably manage next semester with all that I’ve saved and what I’ll get from the internship. But that also requires us to seriously cut back on nights out.”

Like Even had planned, they’d spent many evenings testing their alcohol tolerance at restaurants around town, keeping Isak distracted from his chat-free nights. They alternated paying for each date to keep it balanced, but not painstakingly so. They offered up their credit cards freely because Isak hadn’t bothered to calculate for his future yet. So now that he was going to reel in his spending, Even would too, to keep the balance.

Even nodded solemnly. “We can cook. I don’t mind drinking less. May I look at it?”

Isak spun his laptop around so Even could review the numbers. He was already aware of how much Isak spent, mostly because he was right next to him as he did it, so Isak didn’t have anything to hide. He also thought it would be helpful if Even could find any additional adjustments for him to make. After all, he managed his own business, his own life; he had years of experience on Isak.

Even didn’t have any tricks up his sleeve, though. All he could do was compliment the detailed accounting and help him brainstorm. “Do you know of anything you’d like to do part-time, for the summer?”

Isak shrugged. “Not really. I mean, getting paid to masturbate is still at the top of the list. Retail doesn’t quite stack up.”

“But you do have that experience behind a counter.”

“True. Wouldn’t hurt to get more. Diversify my register knowledge.”

Their chatter was lighthearted, but it looked like this was going to be Isak’s path: some kind of retail position that he could do on the weekend, building on his customer service skills. He’d start checking out his options at local shops tomorrow. “Think Helene needs help?”

“And lose one of her five regular customers? Probably not. But you should ask anyway, she could use a good laugh.”

“Unfortunately she’s probably going to lose one anyway. Those iced mochas add up.”

Even shook his head. “Helluva drug.” He pushed himself back to his desk.

Isak tested his budget, cutting out expenses to see how long he could make his savings last. “I think I have enough to get me to London,” he muttered to himself. He could afford rent through December if he just cut back. If he got a job he’d be able to do it comfortably.

“London?”

Isak waved it off. “Oh, I just meant the spring. I’m probably going to do an exchange semester then, and Sana and I had been talking about where I should go. London is a popular choice for my program, but I haven’t decided anything yet.” Isak hadn’t looked up from his computer while he clarified, so he didn’t see how shocked Even was by the explanation. 

Even kept his voice steady to belie it. “I didn’t realize you’d be going abroad.”

“Well I need to get through my internship first, and then my fall classes. But yeah.”

Even didn’t turn it into a conversation. He focused on his computer, and Isak poked around his spreadsheets a bit more. Once he was satisfied with his financial outlook, he did a quick scroll through his inbox on the cam site. He still received messages, though the frequency was dropping off. He read them all under the guise of making sure his identity hadn’t been compromised, but really he just took comfort in the kind notes from friends. The outpouring of support, even as he was leaving them, was generous and heartwarming. He went back to it when he needed an emotional boost. 

Isak reread a few of the messages. He resisted replying, even though his fingers itched to. He noticed Even taking a picture of him in his peripheral vision, but did not move or acknowledge it. He was used to this by now, and no longer worried about how he looked. He trusted what Even saw. He let himself recover from the afternoon of money management and then closed out of the cam site.

* * *

Isak went home on Monday to pack clothes for the rest of the week. It was far too convenient not to stay at Even’s when he had work, and they almost had a regular schedule now. He’d shower, pack, and meet Even at the café for their date. They’d figure out dinner plans there, and then take leftover pastries home for breakfast.

Helene had an iced coffee waiting for him at the register when he arrived. “Thank you!” he hollered across the empty café, hoping she’d hear him from the back. He took his usual seat.

“I wasn’t totally sure since you stood me up, what…three weeks ago? But you seem to be back on track.” Helene appeared at her counter wiping her hands.

Isak dropped his head, silently asking for forgiveness. “It wasn’t my best week.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’m just teasing. It was the first time I was like, ‘Okay this is a standing date, I’ll be ready for them now,’ and it turned into Even sitting in the window and crying.”

Isak’s head snapped up. “He was crying?”

“Well he didn’t talk to me, but he sat there and stared at his phone and I definitely heard sniffling.”

“Oh jesus,” Isak muttered. Helene could tell how upset this made him, so she tried to turn it around.

“It looked like a break-up was happening, live, right in front of me. But then you both showed up the next week looking like you just got married, so. Yeah. Just a bad day, I guess.”

Isak just nodded, not offering any further detail and trying not to fixate on the past. It had happened, they had apologized, and made the mutual decision to not let it happen again. Isak was doubly sure now that it would never happen again. They would not cause that kind of pain. That was not part of their future.

A text arrived from Even just then, lighting up his screen. He apologized for being late and promised to arrive in five minutes. Isak hadn’t been worried, but it was still nice to be reassured. And it pulled him out of the mood he’d sunk into.

“I’m glad my favorite soap opera is back.”

“Is that what we are?”

“It’s what it feels like sometimes. Daytime television. It’s good I don’t have a lot of customers on Monday afternoons so I don’t get distracted.”

“You make us sound like drama queens.”

“I mean…last week you guys were plotting out how to steal someone else’s child. It kind of felt like you were joking, but you also talked about it for like, thirty minutes.”

Isak laughed. It was true: they had spent a significant portion of their date last week joking about how to steal Emir. Even had had a second playdate with him at brunch and was officially smitten.

“Our friend’s son is very cute and we hang out with them on the weekend. It’s just a running gag at this point. I think.”

The hint of doubt made Helene laugh. “See? It’s hard to tell most of the time. I know he’s big on jokes but it can turn serious in an instant.” She snapped her fingers. “Watch out.”

Isak was well aware of that tendency, for both of them, to joke about something to test the waters, and then turn it into a proper conversation when they felt safe enough. It’s exactly how they ended up seriously considering their future for a family. They were too distracted by Emir at the pool, but Isak had thought more about it and they’d discussed the differences between adopting and using a surrogate. He hadn’t committed to anything with Even, and admitted that he hadn’t thought much about anything beyond school, but he listened to Even and they played with hypotheticals. Once they had established a comfort level, they returned to their jokes. While no one was wishing death on Sana or her loved ones, they figured out that their best option was to be fifth in line for taking care of Emir if something happened to his parents. Future playdates would work to secure a higher ranking.

Isak changed the topic while he still had Helene at the counter. “Speaking of serious, would you perhaps need any assistance here, of the employee variety?” Helene didn’t react, so he tried to clarify. “I mean, I’m looking for a part-time job and wondered if you needed someone to work here.”

Then Helene laughed. Hard. Loud. Head thrown back, hands on her stomach, shoulder-shaking laughter. “Oh my dear sweet Isak.” More laughter. “No. I’m selling coffee out of a closet. I think I can handle it here on my own.”

Isak shrugged. “Was worth a shot.”

“Besides, you are so much more valuable to me as entertainment. I don’t even need you to buy drinks. Just keep sitting in that window and kidnapping children.”

Even arrived with a jingle of the bell. He smiled at Helene’s laughter, and figured from Isak’s sheepish look that he just missed a prime teasing opportunity.

“Tea?” She managed to ask around her giggles.

“And the joke, please.”

“Isak just asked if I was hiring.”

“Oh, baby, no.” Even walked to his side and enveloped him in an exaggerated hug, laying the pity on thick and drawing more attention to the slip. “I told you that was a bad idea.”

“Well maybe it gets really busy on Saturdays, I don’t know,” Isak mumbled into Even’s chest. “It’s not like we’re literally her only customers.”

Even let him go and took his seat. “If she actually needed the help I’m sure she would’ve asked you first. And it does get busy on Saturdays, but everyone is patient and she handles the line well.”

Helene returned with his tea. “I will keep you in mind Isak. Sometimes I think about being open on Sundays, and then I would definitely need help. But for now you’re just my show.” She nudged his shoulder and went back to work. Isak didn’t catch Even’s shocked expression until she had moved away.

“No, not that,” he whispered. “We’re like a soap opera to her.”

Even’s guard still went up for Isak’s safety, but he relaxed when he dismissed it all. “You know your work is boring when two dudes drinking is considered entertainment.”

“Well it’s more like two dudes drinking and talking about stealing children and drugs and dicks…oh, and your whole rant about having to set things on fire. Or it’s just one dude, crying. Anyway, I can see why she’d be intrigued.”

Even straightened on his stool. “I feel like I’m on a stage now. Like I should be performing. Hold on, let me think of something interesting.”

Isak finished his iced mocha while Even thought. He started laughing because Even seemed very intent on thinking up something interesting to talk about. It was strange to take it so seriously, when their usual conversation was just what was floating across their minds at the moment. “Uh, babe, you don’t have to actually do anything.” Isak reached over and patted his knee. Still, Even looked overwhelmed by the task and let out a heavy exhale.

“Ah, no, I was thinking about something else. I might…have a job for you.”

“Really?” Isak straightened again. “Am I going to be a model like Susie?”

Even twisted toward him and smirked. “No. You could be, but it’s something else.” He shoved a hand into his pocket and fished around. “It doesn’t pay much. Well, it doesn’t pay anything at all. But it would help you save up.” He pulled out something small and slid it below his palm across the counter. When he lifted his hand, Isak saw a key.

Isak looked up at Even and waited for him to explain.

“You could be my roommate.”

“This…this is your key?” He pointed at the bare, silver thing.

“No, it’s yours.”

Somewhere in the back Helene dropped a baking sheet.

“You…want me to be your roommate?”

“Yes. I feel like we already kind of live together, either at mine or yours. This would just help consolidate things. You’d pay half the rent, but that’s still less than what you’re paying for your own place. So…I think it would help take pressure off of the job hunt a bit.”

Isak slid the key with one hand into the palm of his other. It was still warm from Even’s pocket. “You’re asking me to move in.”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to move in?” Isak looked up at Even, who was slightly shocked by the return question.

“Yes. Th-that’s why I got you a key.”

“Right, but…I don’t want you to ask me to be your roommate as just like, a budget thing. Do you _want_ me to _live_ with you?”

“Yes.” Even stated it with confidence, realizing he didn’t need to convince Isak the way he had prepared to. “Yes.”

“Okay. Then I will.” Isak didn’t care that he would save money. He didn’t even know how much he’d be saving. If Even asked him to move into a mansion and split the rent he’d do it in a heartbeat. But this situation made so much sense that he was slightly shocked he hadn’t thought of it himself. Isak picked up the key and ran a finger along the teeth. “Is this why you were late? Getting a new key?”

Even shook his head. “No, that was always in my kitchen. Just a spare key. I was late because I was trying to write down all the reasons why you should move in with me.” His hand disappeared into his pocket again, and came out with a fistful of wrinkled post-its.

“You made cue cards!”

“Yeah. Someone once told me they would be helpful.”

“Aww.” Isak was charmed by Even’s nervousness, how he had prepared for such a big moment. He almost felt bad for not letting it be as big of a moment that Even seemed to have built it up to be in his head. He plucked some of the post-its out to read them.

“Well it’s pointless now.”

“No, no. I still want to know why.” The first one Isak read just had SEX on it though, which made him roll his eyes.

Even leaned over to read it too. “Okay that was sort of a joke one. They were in a specific order, and if I hadn’t convinced you yet, I knew I could at least make you smile before round two.”

“I’m both flattered by the effort and offended you’d think I wouldn’t want to live with you. I’m basically there all the time anyway.”

“Yes, exactly! And now you’ll be closer to work. A little bit further from classes, I think, but—“

“I can handle an extra ten minutes to get to my labs.” Isak continued reading the post-its, brushing off the small list of cons that came with any major life decision. Even narrated as he went along, expanding on his cues.

“Oh, you can sell your bed, some of your furniture, and earn money that way. I’ll buy half of your TV from you because I still need one.”

“Well that’s silly. I won’t accept money for that. And if it’s my TV then I get to control what goes on it.”

Even surrendered to that decision, and Isak kept going. Most of the post-its were self-explanatory, obvious benefits to combining two lives that already fit so closely together. They could finish redecorating Even’s apartment with things from Isak’s. Splitting the rent would free up some spending money for Even, which he would reinvest in date nights. Isak wouldn’t have to worry about crossing paths with Tom in his neighborhood. He could cam from their bedroom if he wanted to, use the extra desk there.

Isak held up a pink note with STORAGE on it and let out a light snort. “I don’t think the amount of storage you have is much of a selling point, babe.”

“That’s not what that meant. That was for…when you go on your semester abroad. You wouldn’t have to put your stuff in storage or move it back home or anything, because it would already be at my place. And you won’t have to pay rent for a place you’re not living in. It’d be one less thing to worry about when the time comes.” Even’s voice dropped, losing a bit of the confidence that had been ramping up. “And if we’re not together then, I’ll still let you store stuff there. Like, logistically this will all work out no matter what.”

Isak’s brow furrowed. “I can’t believe the guy who wants to steal a child with me thinks we might break up in six months.”

“I don’t!” Even’s eyes went wide in panic. He backtracked. “It’s just… a possibility. I wanted to address all of the possibilities. Living in another country for a semester is kind of a big thing, and I wanted to make sure it was…considered. I didn’t make this decision lightly, and I would never want you to lose your home. There will be a place for you to come back to.”

Isak put the pile of post-its down on the counter. He matched Even’s solemn tone. He wanted him to hear how serious he was, how on the same level he was. “I know I don’t think about the future a lot. I joke about kids and casually mention moving away. But I think it’s just because the present is so good that I’m not worrying about the future. I don’t have to plan for it because…maybe I believe it’s going to happen just the way I want it to. I was always so scared with camming, trying to protect myself and protect my future. But I don’t have that now. I just…know that I’m going to live with you and it will be great. Like, even if you hadn’t asked me to move in, I think I would have just eventually...brought all of my clothes over. Plugged my laptop in at your extra desk. Gone food shopping for your fridge, vacuumed your floors, made you do my laundry. And then a couple of months later I’d realize I’m paying for an apartment I literally don’t live in anymore. So I love that you thought through as many scenarios as you did and tried to address them all in a big ol’ speech, but…you probably didn’t have to do that. I just needed this.” Isak held up the key. He bent down, his head nearly in Even’s lap, to grab the rest of his keys from his bag. He spoke over the noise as he added Even’s key to the ring. “I’ll email my landlord when we go home. I’m going to move in because you want me to, and because I want to. And whenever I leave, I’m going to come back.” He held up Even’s key, then let the whole jumble of metal collapse on the counter. “Now, I just need one more explanation.”

Even was smiling. He was beaming. He nodded, eyes bright. He’d give Isak anything he wanted. Isak held up the last post-it, which just said: POST-ITS.

“What the fuck does this mean.”

Even laughed almost as loud as Helene. “I figured we’d be moving stuff around, maybe bringing your desk into the office. But I have one request: you don’t change my post-it wall. You can do whatever you’d like to the place. Hell, you’ve built half of it already. But the post-its are sacred.”

Isak’s mouth twisted up into a smile. His fingers tested the tackiness of the back of the post-it, then he leaned in and pressed the piece of paper to Even’s forehead. “You and your fucking post-its.”

He watched his boyfriend, still smiling, not bothering to remove the note from his face. He struggled to take a sip of his tea, blinded by the paper. Even was so goofy sometimes, but it always had a purpose. Sometimes it was meant to safeguard his mind, and other times it was just to make Isak laugh. Isak loved it. And then, he realized—

“I love you.”

“Oh fuck.” They both whipped around at the sound of Helene’s voice. She was standing behind her counter, hand covering her mouth, eyes as wide as theirs. “Sorry sorry sorry,” she mumbled. She dropped to her knees, disappearing below the edge. There was another quiet “fuck.”

They looked at the space where Helene had been. They looked at each other. Isak smiled.

“Can someone please say something?” Helene moaned from the floor, trying to break the awkward silence that trapped only her.

Isak reached for the post-it and peeled it off of Even’s face. He pressed it into his shirt instead. Then he leaned in and kissed Even’s lips. The shock and surprise disappeared as they returned to the familiar, to the touch and the feeling that was there before.

Eventually Helene stood up. There were two boys making out in her window, putting on a show. So she went to hide in the back room.

* * *

“Even.” Isak almost yelled over the noise of the water in the sink. He washed his hands. “I take it back.”

“Hmm?” Even waited until Isak returned to the living room. They had been eating dinner on the couch again, even though they had a dining room table and chairs now, plus place mats. It felt too formal for just them and their bowls of pasta and meatballs.

“I take it back. I don’t love you.”

Even tapped his phone awake to check the time. “Well that was a good…four hours.”

“My personal best so far.”

“Congratulations. But why exactly was our love fest called off?”

“Your bathroom is too small. I simply cannot love a man in that fashion.” Isak popped his last meatball in his mouth. Even chewed through his own bite of pasta.

“Can’t believe my bathroom is a deal-breaker. Wait, does this mean you’re also not going to move in?”

“No, I will move in. I will make this one sacrifice.”

“You’re too kind.”

Isak stood again to clear his bowl. There was still a mess in the kitchen, so he also began cleaning up in there. “Oi! You forgot to put the meatballs away!” He heard an apology in response, mumbled around a mouthful of noodle. Isak sealed the bulk bag of cold meatballs and stuffed them into the freezer. They were about halfway through it, which was a relief, because as much money as it saved he was getting tired of them. This meant he was more than ready to pick up take-out tomorrow night after work.

Which reminded him: he needed to hang up his clothes for work. He finished tidying up in the kitchen, adding Even’s bowl to the pile in the sink that he scrubbed his way through. Then he changed into pajamas and finished unpacking. Even joined him in the bedroom when he heard all of the noise he was making.

“I’m starting now, yes? With the moving in?”

Even nodded and opened up the empty closet for him. He shoved clothes aside in his drawers and slid empty hangers onto the rack. “Did you email the landlord?”

“I did. I have to give two months notice, so I’m basically committed for the rest of the summer.”

“I guess…that’s less pressure to sell things off quickly.”

“Yeah, and two months of Jonas completely avoiding me because he doesn’t want to get roped into moving stuff.”

“He wouldn’t really do that though….”

“Not in an obvious way. But if I asked him over for dinner or to ‘hang out’ he would be very suspicious and possibly have an excuse ready.”

“Nothing like moving house to truly test a relationship.”

Isak let out an exaggerated sigh. “I might have to fall out of love with him too.”

Even chuckled. Since he was at his closet he changed into pajamas too. Isak finished putting away his clothes and emptied his bag, pulling out one last thing: his tube of toothpaste.

“Official roommate activity number one: using my own toothpaste.”

“Mine’s not good enough for you then?”

“I like it in your mouth, not mine. It tastes like gum.”

“It’s cinnamon! Big Red!” Even started singing the jingle. “ _So kiss a little longer, stay close a little longer…._ ”

“Not with that breath, meatball mouth.” Isak shut down Even’s attempt at a kiss and carried his toothpaste to the bathroom.

Even followed him in and picked up his own toothbrush and toothpaste from the counter. Isak moved to make space, but it was still a struggle for them both to fit in front of the mirror. They got rid of their meatball mouths, going for spicy cinnamon and minty fresh.

“See? Too small.” Isak jabbed Even with an elbow. Even didn’t argue. They spit and gargled, alternating time in front of the sink.

“Why is it so important for you that we both fit in the bathroom?”

Isak rolled his eyes at him through the mirror. “Why is it important for us to fit together in _any_ room? So we can have sex, dumbass.” Isak couldn’t emphasize his exasperation by walking away, so he just had to wait there while it dawned on Even and he blocked the door. “I’m not like, turned on by toilets or whatever, it’s just sexy when you’re naked and wet and the clean-up is super convenient. It’s hot _and_ efficient, which is like discovering a beneficial side effect to a drug.”

Even was chuckling at Isak’s extended explanation at this point. “Oh baby, you know how your pill talk gets me going.”

“Well just for that you’re not getting anymore shower blowjobs. Not like I _could_ anyway!” Isak pushed into Even’s chest, hard enough to get him to back out of the bathroom. He stomped around him to the office, returning to the work they were doing before breaking for dinner. Isak had to get back to his reading.

But Even followed him right to the couch, flopping down next to him instead of going back to his desk. Isak did not acknowledge him for a good minute.

“You know…for the next two months we can have sex in _your_ shower.”

They could, and they would, as Isak slowly moved his life into Even’s apartment. Every trip back and forth would be worth it, no matter how small the forgotten item was, no matter how unnecessary Even’s arms were for any lifting. They’d make trips for the orgasms alone.

But Isak tried not to think about that. He focused on the paper he was reading, ignoring the idea of sex in the shower, ignoring Even’s body pressing into his side. Even had dropped his head to Isak’s shoulder and curled into him, draping his arm across Isak’s belly in a loose hug. Apparently he was reading along with Isak, because his hand moved to the trackpad to scroll down when he needed more text.

“Hey!”

“Oh sorry, didn’t realize you weren’t done.”

“Go do your own work.”

“No, I like it here.” To emphasize his point he returned to his grip on Isak’s waist and nuzzled against his shoulder.

“Are you done for the night?”

Even sighed. “I think so. I hit a stopping point before dinner and don’t really want to go back.”

“Okay.” Isak slammed his laptop shut and almost threw it onto the coffee table. Even was so distracted by the commotion that he did not realize Isak was quickly pulling him into his lap. They both grunted from the effort.

“Hey, whoa, if you need to read—“

“I didn’t read a single word on that page.” Even was straddling Isak, but in an awkward slumped position, almost lying on him, sliding halfway off the small couch. He tried to heft himself up to his knees, with little grace but eventually some success.

“It was pretty interesting actually, and their proposal for legislation against brand names—“

Isak interrupted him again, this time with a kiss. It was cinnamon spicy and minty fresh, a proposal of its own. Even answered. “Yeah, okay, you can read later and uh, let me know how that legislation turns out.” He backed off of Isak and pulled him to his feet.

“I’ve read it once already. It doesn’t go anywhere. Now we’re going to go have sex.” He ordered Even with an open, breathy kiss, pressing his body into his and walking him backward, around the coffee table, into the hallway.

“Bathroom?” Even broke a kiss for the joke, which earned him a shove into the doorframe of his bedroom.

“I’d kick you out of your own apartment if I weren’t so fucking horny.”

Isak walked around Even to the bed, but Even reached out and caught his arm. He pulled Isak back to him, to kiss, to grope, to overtake. He walked Isak backward into the edge of the bed. Isak sat.

“Official roommate activity number two: blowjob.” Isak tugged on the waist of Even’s striped pajama bottoms, getting them to his knees. He held Even at his hips and dipped his head to take him into his mouth, a manageable amount since he was starting soft. Even quickly hardened though, with an accompanying moan, and small shuffle forward into Isak’s face.

Isak licked and sucked, pulling on Even’s dick with his mouth, stretching him like taffy until he was stiff. He popped off for a deeper breath, to collect his saliva, and admired the long cock standing at attention. He had drawn the blood down and it darkened the skin that he grazed with his fingers. Isak looked up at Even’s face with a smile. “Hey there, Big Red.”

Even groaned, unable to handle the pun in this state. He bucked his hips to get Isak to reattach. Isak flicked out his tongue to meet it and tease it. Even’s hands dove into Isak’s curls for a hint of control. “Please.”

When Isak’s hand went to his balls, a deeper groan escaped. The other hand wrapped around his base, and finally the mouth returned. That warm mouth, the tightness at the top of the throat, the pulse of each swallow at his tip…Isak was doing quick, good work to get Even’s first orgasm out of the way.

They had figured out that Even could handle at least two in a row, and getting him to come first from a blowjob or some masturbation meant he would last longer when he was actually fucking Isak. The first orgasm also helped him relax, since he tended to get anxious about hurting Isak when they tried new positions.

Isak’s hand was starting to explore behind Even’s balls, closer to his hole. He was making slow progress each time they had sex, getting Even used to ass play, or at least associating it with the pleasure of his impending orgasm. His other hand moved up to spread across his lower abdomen; he brushed his fingers through Even’s happy trail and felt the muscles beneath it tighten. With just his mouth on his cock then, he took Even in with long strokes and hard suction. He swirled his tongue at the tip briefly before diving back down. Then, after only a guttural sound in warning, Even shot his load. Isak swallowed quickly to prevent his mouth from flooding.

Isak kept sucking until Even’s body lurched, overwhelmed. He used his grip on Isak’s hair to push away and free his cock. It popped out from between Isak’s lips and bobbed heavily in the air at half-mast. Isak gave him a few light strokes before letting him go. “You good?”

“Never better,” Even huffed as he recovered. Isak stood and licked his lips. Even used this as an invitation for another kiss and grope. Then he pulled up his pants and they parted ways for the second act.

Even walked through his apartment and shut it down for the evening, making sure the door was locked, lights were turned off, work was saved on his computer. When he returned to the bedroom, Isak was ready with a towel and lube, his t-shirt and shorts folded neatly on the end of the bed. Most of the time he just fell asleep naked, but the pajamas only had about an hour of wear so he saved them for the future.

“It’s strange to think of this as…our room.” Isak was standing, hands on his hips, looking at the bedroom in a new light. Even came to stand next to him.

“You know…I’ve just realized. What if you’re an absolute slob?” He heard a small gasp from Isak at the accusation but kept going. “What if you were only tidy because you were on camera, and this place is about to become a mess now that you don’t have to keep up appearances? What…have I gotten myself into?”

“Excuse me, I just cleaned your kitchen. And look at how careful I’m being.” He gestured to the towel on the bed, his folded clothes in front of them.

“Well sure, it’s the first night. That’s like…the honeymoon period.”

“Then I guess you’ll just have to wait until month five to find out.” Isak left Even’s attempt at a jab behind and climbed onto the bed. He tried to set the tone with a sultry crawl, though he didn’t actually know if Even found that sexy. When he twisted to look back at him, Even was still standing there, in his pajama pants.

“Do you think you’ll be back in love with me by then?”

Isak gave a little shrug. “Fuck me and find out.”

Even’s pants finally came all the way off.

His crawl toward Isak wasn’t as sexy, but more of a means to an end. They brought their nakedness to each other and relaxed into it, resting on their sides and touching what they wanted. Their legs fit together and dicks rubbed with small thrusts back and forth. Hands covered backs and pulled at hair and drew even more heat across their skin. It was exciting yet comfortable, easy enough to do with their eyes closed and mouths open. It was another great roommate activity to add to the list.

But then Isak was done. He untangled himself and popped up on all fours. He searched the bed for the lube like a dog looking for a bone. Even realized what he was looking for and pulled it out from under the edge of the towel. “What’s the plan, baby?” He tugged at Isak’s wrist until he came back to him. He slung his arm around Isak’s neck and trapped him there for more kissing. “Wanna ride?” he pressed into Isak’s lips.

“Maybe later.” Isak pulled away, taking the lube and squeezing some onto his palm. He warmed it up, then reached down to coat Even’s dick. “I want to try from behind. Doggy style.” A dog looking for a bone. Even rose to his knees, breaking contact. Isak handed him the lube and moved to his knees as well, positioning himself over the towel and pulling pillows in front of him. He presented his ass to Even, with a little more purpose than before. Definitely sexy. Even dutifully warmed the lube and prepped his hole, working his way up to three fingers.

So far they hadn’t been particularly adventurous in their positions. Most of the time it was missionary, most of the time it was in bed. They certainly got started in other places, feeling each other up in the kitchen or on the couch, straddling Even’s lap at his desk when Isak felt like an interruption was due, but it usually ended up in bed, where they could be comfortable and flexible. Even could see what he was doing, and if they needed to take a break they weren’t disrupting the mood with a location change. Now that they had a good grasp on missionary and could handle a rather speedy ride with Isak on top, Isak wanted to try something else. It would be different, but for him it was usually a little more pleasurable. He hoped it would be the same for Even.

He started to rock himself back and forth on Even’s fingers, getting used to the motion as well as the thickness in his ass. Even took this as the sign that he was ready and withdrew.

“Your butt is so…round back here.” He wiped his fingers on the towel and grabbed at Isak’s cheeks with both hands. Even felt a surge of desire rush to his dick; it twitched and flushed and seemed to strain for the ass he held. He rose to his knees and nudged his way between Isak’s legs. He pulled Isak’s ass into his pelvis and spread his cheeks slightly to make a nest for his cock. Isak let out low moans with every touch, from the sharp pressure of Even’s fingers to the heavy heat of his length as it rubbed across his hole. He dropped to his elbows on the pillows and let his head fall.

“Even please…just put it in.”

He didn’t. He took some time to appreciate the same body in the new position, admiring the flare of from Isak’s waist to his hips, the muscles flexing in his back as they slowly rocked and he adjusted his weight on his arms. He watched the fat in his ass jiggle when he thrust his hips into him. He took stock of everything with his senses, before he lost them to blinding pleasure.

“You want this? Hmm?”

“Please, give it to me.” Isak was gasping with impatient desire. He reached back; if Even wasn’t going to do it, he’d do it himself. Even swatted his hand away though. “Oi! This is what I get for sucking you off?”

“You’re the one who wants it to last longer.”

“Well you have to fucking start in the first place.”

Isak sounded properly annoyed, so Even gave in. He leaned back, lined himself up, and gave Isak what he wanted.

“Ohhhhhh yes, oh fuck me.” 

They reveled in the new angle, and the ease with which Even could bottom out. He spread Isak’s cheeks again, just to confirm he was all the way in. Even let out a soft, “Nice.” He gripped Isak’s hips and started thrusting, long and slow. They felt it all, every inch.

With Even’s steady rhythm he freed one hand and reached around to feel Isak. His dick was hard, slightly stimulated by the towel below it and the tense stomach above it, but mostly caused by the way Even brushed against his prostate with each push. He jerked forward when he felt Even’s hand envelop him and squeeze, unprepared for the additional assault. “Oh fuck babe. Oh yes.” He pushed himself up onto his hands and arched his back into all of it, matching the wave of Even’s thrusts. He fucked himself on Even’s dick; he fucked himself into Even’s hand. He didn’t want an orgasm. He just wanted this, the way Even made him feel, forever. His head fell back. Even reached for the curls.

The thing about this position was that they stopped thinking about each other. On some level, of course, they were listening for a noise or waiting for something to feel not right. But on every other level they were focused on how good it was. How fucking good it was. How full Isak felt, how satisfied he was before even a hint of an orgasm began its build. The tightness that Even plowed into, the spot he would search for with his fingers but found now simply by existing. There was so much pleasure just because he was there. He wished he could see Isak’s face, watch his pleasure map across his features. He could lean forward and twist his head to his own for a kiss and confirmation. But he wasn’t going to sacrifice this for that. He could watch him later.

They fucked for a while. When Even got tired, when his knees started to hurt, he’d adjust himself, or he would just stop moving, and Isak would do all of the work. When Isak couldn’t handle the humping and his arousal, he’d collapse into the pillows and let Even do whatever he’d like. He changed his pace, his height, his depth, and all Isak could do was moan into fabric damp with his sweat. They both lasted for a while, the way the first blowjob promised and the way Isak wasn’t in any rush to be done.

“Oh fuck,” Isak huffed out to the side, for the millionth time.

“I’m gonna go fast. I’m gonna come,” Even warned. His thrusts did get faster, shallower, his tip hitting Isak’s spot with more intensity and frequency. Isak stilled himself as he focused on the start of his own orgasm.

“Pound me.”

Even’s grip returned to Isak’s ass, kneading into the soft tissue and holding him in place against his thrusts. Isak slipped a hand down to his dick and held it, just needing a little extra pressure. In an impressive feat of synchronicity, they raced to the finish together.

“Baby, baby I’m coming.”

“Shoot it in me. Even! Ahh, give me your load.” Hearing Even’s excitement ramped up his pleasure until it crashed. Isak spilled onto the towel and his hand. His whole body shuddered in absolute ecstasy and absolute relief. His asshole clenched around Even’s cock and milked his orgasm exactly where he wanted it. Even choked on air as he pumped his cum deep inside Isak. “Holy fuck.” Oh how he loved it, causing Even’s dick to swell inside him, feeling the heat as he emptied his balls, squeezing him and keeping him there as long as he could. Even collapsed forward, pressing Isak into the bed with all of him. He panted hard into Isak’s shoulder, then kissed him there when he could spare the breath.

“Fucking hell.”

“No, that was fucking _heaven_.” 

Even laughed at Isak’s wordplay, a deep rumble that tickled down Isak’s back. He felt Even lift his hips and pull out, and they both moaned at the last squeeze past Isak’s ring. “Fuck.” Even’s wet cock dragged across Isak’s ass and landed with a flop as he rolled onto his back. He threw an arm over his eyes, slightly embarrassed by the aftershocks and his body’s need to recover.

“And that…is why I like getting fucked from behind.” They rested for a bit. Isak watched the flush of pink fade from Even’s skin. Eventually he tugged at the towel beneath him and swiped it between his legs, to catch the leaking cum and lube. He moved slowly now that the fatigue was setting in, but he made sure Even was wiped down as well, and tossed the bundled towel to the floor. Even managed to move enough to unpin the comforter and make space for their bodies between the sheets.

“I wish I could sell orgasms instead of sleeping pills.”

“I love your pillow talk. But also, you kind of did do that. I purchased a few myself.” The wiggle of Even’s eyebrows was lost in the wiggle of his entire body as he moved under the blanket and next to Isak. They could finally touch each other again without shivering from the slightest stimulation.

“Highly effective, over the counter, natural remedy. Doctors should just prescribe masturbation instead of addictive pills.”

“Can you get addicted to masturbation though?”

“I don’t know….” Isak trailed off as he gave it some serious thought.

“Sounds like a thesis to me.” 

They arranged their bodies for sleep, embracing the comfort of another person’s bones. They held each other loosely. They kissed a small goodbye. They would separate in the night and it would happen easily. But then they would find each other again in the morning.

* * *

Isak felt the bed bounce considerably, and it shook him out of sleep. Then he heard Even: “Are you awake?” He must have recovered from whatever strange position he’d migrated to, with his head on the pillow next to Isak’s. Isak turned to the voice.

“Did I miss the alarm?”

“What was it like, when you said it?”

Isak knew instantly what he was talking about, what had woken him up in the middle of the night, or possibly hadn’t let him fall asleep at all. He was alert now, and he scooted himself closer to Even, as if he were going to share a secret.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking. I just knew it, so I said it. And nothing changed, when I said it. So I think that means it was always true. Or at least had been, for a while. It just took some time for my mind to catch up.”

“Your heart knew it but your mind didn’t.”

Isak nodded, the rustle of his head against the pillow loud in his ear. “My whole body knew it. My toes knew it.” He brushed his toes along Even’s ankles. “And…I’m always joking when I say I don’t. Or it’s not true. I’m lying if I say I don’t love you. Even when we break up in six months, I’ll still love you.”

Isak kissed him, nudged his face into Even’s, to erase the expectation that Even say it back. He didn’t leave any space to be filled.

“Nothing changed?”

“Nothing changed.”

Except Isak was wrong. A lot had changed. Even’s heart had started beating really fast, and his throat closed up. Some kind of fire coursed through his veins, burning everything up and forcing him to be reborn in an instant: as someone undoubtedly loved. 

Isak realized he was wrong when he heard it: “I love you,” whispered into the little space left between them.

Everything changed. The world went up in flames. Isak melted, right there in their bed. And then, in an instant, he was brought back to life.

Even rolled into Isak’s chest, pushing him onto his back. His hands burrowed their way behind him, down to Isak’s ass, taking a chunk of cheek in each. Isak’s legs spread to fit Even between them. He was still wet and loose. His own hand directed Even’s dick below his own, pointing it to his entrance. “I love you. I almost said it when we had sex.”

“When?”

“Every time.”

Isak laughed, and then gasped when Even pushed forward, in.

“I didn’t want you to think I was saying it just because of the sex though. I didn’t know if it was real or just my orgasm talking.”

“I…unngh…like that we’re having this conversation while…you’re literally…inside me.”

They kept talking, though the exchange was punctuated and interrupted by ragged breathing and elevated heart rates.

“I just need you to know that when I say it in like, a minute, I mean it.”

“You mean that you love me or that you’re coming?”

“Both.”

“Both is good.”

Even let out a bark of a laugh, so sudden that it scared Isak as well as caused Even to involuntarily thrust upward.

“Ahhh! What the fuck!”

“Sorry, sorry, I just thought of the perfect gif.”

“We are not _texting_ right now, we are _fucking_. Focus!”

“Yes, okay. I love you. Okay.”

It took a while for Even to stop giggling, and to regain any sort of rhythm to his thrusts. It was sex, but it was clumsy and silly and fine. Even said I love you and Isak said it back and yes it was because of their orgasms but it was also because of everything else. Because everything had changed. Because nothing had changed.


	32. 19:19

Sana was particularly excited for brunch. Isak thought he was going to be early, but Sana was even earlier. She hopped out of her chair when she saw him walk in. He gave her a weird look. “What’s going on?”

Sana sat back down and slapped the table in front of Isak’s seat to get him to sit faster. “Your internship is done!”

“That is correct,” he drew out, still not sure why that was cause for such excitement from her.

“So…you can tell me all of the secrets you’ve been keeping from me!”

“Oh, okay!” Isak sat and leaned in conspiratorially. Sana leaned in to meet him. He held up his hand to cover his whisper. “So….” The pause made Sana twitch. “I don’t have any secrets.” Isak leaned back, smiling wide and face full of pride as if he had truly divulged information that was going to change the world. Sana remained hunched over and glared at him.

“The least you can do is hand over that stupid little notebook you’ve been carrying around for the past two months.”

Isak had typed up all of his notes from his old notebook and thrown it away. His new one, that he used at Christian’s pharmacy, was nearly full, but that was mostly due to everything _but_ his internship. He had a few pages of budgeting, plenty of grocery lists, instructions on how to spackle drywall, and for lack of a better phrase, love letters about Even. He was not sharing that with anyone. “Sorry, I don’t have it.”

Sana set out her final terms: “Bring it to brunch next week or else you’re paying for every meal we share for the rest of your life.”

“I should order a coffee then, to toast our last meal together.”

Sana fell back in her chair and tossed a packet of sugar at him.

“We really should order though. I’m meeting Even after this.”

“I didn’t realize you had to be so punctual for swimming. The water isn’t going anywhere.”

By now Sana knew a little more about Isak’s life than Isak did, simply because she chatted with Even regularly on her own. She knew that Isak’s excuse that Even had a meeting was a complete lie because Even messaged her that he was skipping in order to sleep. They had developed their own relationship, talked about some of the more private aspects of his life, after he had eagerly stepped up to watch Emir for a few hours, when Sana and Yousef had to leave and Susie wasn’t available at the last minute. He also then managed to join multiple group email chains with the girls after innocently volunteering wedding vendor recommendations. He trusted Sana, one of Isak’s best friends, and admired her ability to live most of her life without shame. He thought she was free, and that drew him to her, opened him up. She trusted him in a similar fashion, and seeing how he cared for Emir, for Isak, for himself, was enough. So they talked, and they understood each other, and she forgave Isak for whatever reason he had to hide Even’s truths from her.

“I don’t like to make him wait.”

“I make Yousef wait all the time. That’s his job, to wait.”

Isak laughed because he knew how true it was. He had waited along side him many times. “You, dear Sana, are worth the wait.”

“I know.”

The waitress came by to collect their orders and quickly turned around with their drinks. They toasted to the end of his internship and the end of his apartment.

“We’re going to stop by after our swim for the last walk-through. I think I have just one box of random things to take.”

“You sold the bed?”

“Yes! And they even picked it up on their own. I just had to hold open the door.”

Sana lifted her mug in an additional cheers. “Congratulations on not having to lift a finger. I would have been quite upset if I had to move that bed into that apartment in December and then right back out again in August.”

“And that’s exactly why I didn’t ask you to.”

“You’ve clearly learned something over the summer.”

“Oh! Here’s one thing I also learned. Every single one of Even’s neighbors has had chlamydia.” Isak didn’t bother leaning in to reveal this secret.

Sana sputtered in shock. “What?!” She was glad she hadn’t been taking a drink.

“I think I moved into a cesspool. A literal breeding ground.”

“Isak! That is confidential information.”

“Hey, you wanted something, I gave you something. Christian could run a profit on selling doxycycline alone.”

They both sat back as their food was delivered.

“I didn’t really need the general statistics on this city’s STD outbreaks.” Sana scrunched her nose at the sight of the eggs now in front of her.

“I mean, I spent two months getting to know these people, learning their histories and their needs and chatting them up just like Christian did, and as I go through them in my mind, just…all of them had chlamydia. Ole: chlamydia. Hilde: chlamydia. Joseph: chlamydia. Marit: chlamydia. Though she prefers azithromycin so she only has one dose.”

“Please stop saying people’s names.”

“I’m afraid if I ever need to introduce them to someone else I’m going to slip and say: Even, this is Ole. He had chlamydia back in July.”

“Then talk to them about something else, something more interesting than their antibiotic prescription.”

They put their conversation on hold to start eating. The true mark of their chosen careers was in their ability to maintain an appetite while discussing infectious diseases. Even after the obvious opportunity to change the subject, it remained.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Isak mumbled around an asparagus spear. “I said all of Even’s _neighbors_. Not Even.”

Sana didn’t say anything, but she let Isak try to defend his honor.

“We’re exclusive, and I trust him. Though the day I realized it I went home and double-checked his test.”

“You could have just looked it up on the pharmacy computer, I’m sure.”

“Well I’m not going to invade his privacy _completely_.”

“Oh sure, but reading his lab results—“

“Sana, they’re on the fridge. He _wants_ everyone to read them, like they were a painting he made in grade school and earned him a gold star. I take it down whenever we have guests but he puts it back up every time.”

Sana had to cover her mouth then, lest egg go flying. Isak was absolutely exasperated by this quirk of Even’s, and that’s what actually made the situation funny. Sana had her giggle, then recovered. “It’s better that he’s proud of his results than ashamed of getting tested at all. The same goes for your patients. I’d rather have an entire neighborhood getting treated than silently spreading the disease.”

Isak grumbled. “I think they’re doing both though.”

“Then throw a box of condoms in with every refill. You should be offering them at the door anyway.”

Isak conceded her point and made a mental note to suggest it to Christian the next time he stopped by. He was sure it would be soon, if only for a chat, but Christian also had hinted that he would be calling up Isak to come in a couple of days a week for some part-time help. He had a feeling it would be difficult going back to running the whole place by himself, and Isak could step up where he really needed it, behind the counter.

They finally moved on then, to comparing their fall class schedules and the latest email from Marte, which included her unbiased opinion of Isak’s top three options for studying abroad. Sana had been doing some unsolicited research on locations and programs, and they debated her pros and cons as well. By the time their waitress delivered the check Isak hadn’t narrowed down his options significantly, but he felt more prepared for the day he’d have to actually make that decision. Perhaps in another two months. Eventually. But not then, no. He had to meet his boyfriend at the pool. That was the decision he had to make right now, the day he had to think about. He handed over his credit card.

“I suppose that would be your main deciding factor: cost.” Sana nodded at the card. She was well-aware of their budgetary efforts over the summer, especially since Isak had to constantly bring it up after he announced he was moving in with Even. The red flag was lowered once she understood that, emotions aside, it was a practical decision.

“A little bit. I can lean on my parents if I need to, for school stuff. But also it seems like most of the programs would cover housing and stipends for food. I don’t need much else.”

“Just tickets to get home once a month to visit Even.”

Isak ducked his head, not denying it, or the fact that he thought he’d be able to do it every other weekend if he didn’t go too far. But that was also a conversation he’d need to have with Even, later. Maybe it wouldn’t be a factor at all. Isak paid and tucked away his card, and they prepared to leave.

Summer was still in full swing, but the heat wasn’t as oppressive anymore. Sana had a long, light robe that she pulled on over her usual all-black ensemble, a burst of color that caught the wind as she walked. Isak suddenly felt underdressed in his swim shorts and random tee, and didn’t want to cramp her style as she left the restaurant; he hung back a bit. Out on the sidewalk she waited for him.

“Give Even my love, please.”

“Of course.”

“And good luck with the rest of the apartment. Will I see you both next Saturday?”

“I think so. I can’t remember when his weddings stop though. He might have another.”

“Maybe we’ll come over for dinner some night instead. Have to check out that refrigerator of yours.” Sana teased him with a wink. Isak was about to wave her away, send her back to her family, when she held up a hand to stop him. “Also….” She looked up and locked in their gazes, making sure they were seeing eye to eye. “I don’t think you should be late for your date on purpose, but you should know that you…you are worth the wait too, Isak.”

Isak didn’t move. He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t, really, since his throat had tightened and refused to let anything lower than a squeak escape. So he stared back at Sana and nodded. She flashed him a tight smile and then whirled around. Her message had been received, but she was not going to hang around for the waves of sentimentality that she knew Isak could succumb to. He watched her stride away, and marveled at the assuredness with which she moved through her world, through Isak’s, through whatever she felt like conquering next.

* * *

Isak texted Even as soon as he arrived at the docks, and then set out looking for a spot. He had both of their towels in his bag so he could save enough space for both of them. It wasn’t as crowded as it had been during the heat wave, but it was still the weekend, and everyone still needed to escape. Isak spotted a family packing up a bunch of toys and slowly made his way in their direction; he’d hover, and then he’d flick out his towel like a flag on the moon.

Once he’d claimed his seat he let himself relax into the early Saturday afternoon. He stripped down to his shorts and applied sunscreen best he could. He leaned back on his elbows and watched the people around him enjoy their time off as well. Boys were diving and splashing off the edges, women were laying out flat under the sun. Children screamed with delight, punctuated by the occasional stern command from a guardian. It was all background noise to Isak while he waited for his phone to chime from the bag, delivering a quick note that Even was on his way.

Instead, he whipped around at the sound of Even’s voice. “Hello.” Isak scrambled to his feet, unable to hide the excitement and relief at Even’s arrival. He was outside. He was here.

“I’m so glad you came. Another minute and I’d have to start fighting off all of my suitors.” Isak leaned in and gave Even a peck on his cheek, then loosely took one hand in his own. Even looked around them, at the groups of people scattered about his ankles. They were mostly women, and none of them were paying Isak any mind.

“Who?”

“You must’ve just missed them. They’ve been fawning over me for hours.” Isak could tell Even was still feeling lethargic when he didn’t pick up on the teasing like he usually did. “Anyway, sit, sit. I need you to put sunscreen on my back.” He dragged Even down to the wood by the hand, and watched his lanky frame fold into itself. He heard the sigh and saw how slowly, how purposefully he moved, like his energy was in limited supply and he had to debate the worth of every muscle extension. He offered the tube of sunscreen as a suggestion and was grateful Even took it. Isak didn’t want to turn away from him, but he did for the sake of skincare. Even kindly warmed the cream in his palms, then pressed them into Isak’s back in slow circles. “Mmmm.”

Even’s touch was so heavy that Isak didn’t feel the usual tickle when he reached his sides, below his ribs. He let his weight fall back and his eyes flutter closed as the massage seemed to go on forever. He knew Even wasn’t really applying sunscreen anymore, but focusing on the repetitive movements and clinging to its purpose, because he wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen next. Eventually Isak pulled himself out of the meditation though. “Let’s switch before you start to burn.” They both twisted around on their towels and traded roles. Isak tried to match Even’s method: heavy and slow, kneading into Even’s muscles and communicating with his hands. He reassured him that this was okay, that they could be heavy and slow, and their Saturday could pass with little concern for their Sunday.

Isak applied sunscreen wherever he could touch from behind, reaching around to coat Even’s arms and the tops of his thighs. Then he nudged him to twist back around so he could do the rest. He painted Even’s face and gently rubbed it in. “If I were cruel I’d leave you with horrible stripes everywhere and turn your tan into a tiger’s hide.” Even smiled briefly, and the apples of his cheeks popped up under Isak’s fingertips.

“I did that once in high school. A friend fell asleep on the beach and we drew a dick on his chest.”

“Did that actually work?”

The smile flashed again. “Yeah. Rubbed himself raw in the shower trying to exfoliate it away, but then it just looked like a red, angry dick. Lasted a couple of weeks.”

“Hmm.”

Even focused his eyes on Isak’s face. “Don’t get any ideas.”

“Babe, I already _had_ the idea. But I’m not that mean, nor do I want to walk home next to a guy with a dick on his chest. You are safe to fall asleep.” Isak finished the front of Even’s torso, then tugged his feet into his lap to finish his legs. By the time he was done, Even was yawning, already leaning back into another nap. Isak set his alarm for an hour just in case they both drifted off, then stretched out on his towel and offered his body up to the sun. Even rolled onto his belly and rested his head on his forearms. They floated a lazy conversation back and forth. “Sana sends her love. Wants to come over for dinner soon.”

“Are you sure you want to subject her to our cooking?”

“Perhaps we will order in.”

* * *

Isak felt the chill of the shadow creep across his back before he heard the voice. “What the actual fuck.”

And then, from Even, a quiet, “Oh shit.”

Isak twisted around and sat up, coming face-to-face with a familiar pair of knees. He glanced at Even, who had also sat up, before drawing his eyes all the way up to Alfie’s face. “Hi Alfie.”

“Hello Isak.” He was glistening wet from the water and smirking. He ran a hand through his dark hair, which had grown a bit long since Isak had last seen him. “And this is….”

Even introduced himself, even though they all knew exactly who he was. He offered a hand to shake. “Even.” 

Alfie dripped water onto both of them as he pantomimed the introduction. “Pleasure.”

“Why are you here?” Isak blurted out, along with an accusatory tone that matched how ambushed he felt. Alfie picked up on it.

“Oh I’m sorry, I forgot to check with you before visiting the public pool.”

Isak dropped his head, ashamed that he couldn’t play it cool in front of an ex. “I meant…I didn’t realize you swam here.”

“I don’t, usually. I finished my hike with Ben and we decided to cool off down here.” Alfie gestured toward the diving board where Ben must have been one of the several teenaged boys waiting in line for a leap. “So this is just a happy coincidence.” Isak gave a small snort, still unable to control his reactions. Alfie ignored this one. “How was your summer? Aside from what seems to be a lovely little development.” He wiggled a finger between Isak and Even.

To anyone else Isak would have just given a shrug, glossing over the past few months with a general “It’s been fine, relaxing.” But it struck him that it was Alfie in front of him, who had known things most people didn’t. He had a bit more freedom to speak now. “I stopped camming a while ago, after someone found out who I was.” Alfie’s eyes shot over to Even, silently asking if he was sitting next to the threat. “No no, it didn’t have anything to do with Even this time. But it was bad enough for me to quit.”

Alfie waited a beat while he figured out how to respond. “I’m sorry, Isak. I know I wasn’t very supportive of it all but it was something you enjoyed, and it sucks that it was ruined for you.”

He did shrug then. “I’m sure it would’ve had to happen sooner or later, so…it’s fine.” He had the freedom to speak now, and it felt good, but he realized just then that he didn’t _need_ to say anything else. He was being honest: it was fine.

“You’ll always be a camboy to me, Isak.” Alfie pressed a hand over his heart, delivering the nostalgic compliment with absolute sincerity. It made Isak smile.

“I’m honored. And how about you? Any huge life changes?”

“I know you’re asking whose dick I’m sucking right now but I don’t have time to run through the whole list.” Alfie turned to the diving board then, hearing Ben call his name. He’d reached the front of the line and wanted Alfie to watch his performance. “Maybe I’ll text it to you later.” He gave Isak a wink and both of them a wave, before lightly hopping away.

Isak turned to Even as soon as Alfie was out of earshot. “I’m so sorry.”

Even let out a low chuckle. “Why?”

“I don’t know. If it was uncomfortable, meeting him in real life.”

“Baby, nothing will be as uncomfortable as how _we_ met in real life. That was quite civil, and only about a third as sexually charged as I expected.”

Isak laughed, more in delight at hearing Even call him a pet name rather than at the memory of their disaster of a meeting or the nod to their origins. He hadn’t heard Even use an endearment in a few days, and its reappearance brought a flush to his cheeks.

“Good ol’ Alfie.” Even muttered innocently as he settled back onto his elbows, ready to resume sunbathing.

In that moment Isak was appreciative of how apathetic Even seemed, but then felt guilty for it. He knew Even was anything but apathetic, no matter what, and that he simply had more important emotions to wrestle with than whatever might flare up at the sudden presence of an ex-whatever. But he couldn’t deny that he was relieved the run-in was short and not as awkward as he’d always imagined it would be. Isak was able to roll back onto his stomach feeling like he’d accomplished something, perhaps earned a mark of maturity across his various relationships.

That is, until his phone buzzed about ten minutes later, and Isak couldn’t hold back a gasp.

“Did he text you that list?”

“I…I would’ve preferred that, actually.” Isak waved his phone over Even’s head until the motion got him to open his eyes. Even reached up to still Isak’s hand so he could read.

_You both are looking good, though with more clothes than I remember. Let me know if you’re interested in another private show, just the three of us._

Isak looked around the dock to see where Alfie had ended up, where he was sending his proposal from. He turned back to Even when he heard another low chuckle. “Well that’s…smooth.”

“Smooth?!” Isak snatched his phone away. “No! No. It’s…it’s….”

“Isak, calm down. You should be flattered.”

This only sent him into a bigger tizzy though, and Isak popped up onto his knees to hover over Even. “Why should I be flattered that he wants to fuck my boyfriend?”

“First of all, he wants to fuck both of us. Second of all, we just got confirmation that we are both, as they say, fuckable. I know we’re both fuckable to each other, but this is some nice third-party validation. And third of all, it was a pretty cute proposition. He put some thought into it, referenced our shared history. Gold star. Do that, send him a gold star.”

“I refuse to encourage this behavior. Though it’s good to know you are so ready and willing to share.”

Even shot up at the dig, scrunching his face in confusion. “I’m not…I’m not saying I want you to have sex with someone else. I’d prefer it if you didn’t, in fact. But if you wanted to, I would understand, and I’d request to be included if the opportunity arose. Though really, all I meant was that it was a clever message. And bold of him to suggest at such a family-friendly event.” Even gestured at the general public around them.

Isak sat back on his heels and tried to shake off his offense, understand Even’s more generous perspective. “I’m not sending him a gold star,” he eventually grumbled.

“Baby, you don’t have to do anything. Ignore it, and sleep soundly, knowing that you could have a multitude of dicks if you so chose.” Even patted his knee.

“I don’t want a multitude of dicks,” he pouted.

“As your boyfriend, that’s a lovely thing to hear. But also as your boyfriend, I would support you even if you did.”

They looked at each other, not quite sure exactly what they were reassuring each other of. Isak had lost whatever point he felt like he needed to argue, and Even was dealing with an unnecessary amount of hypothetical situations. Isak gave up. “Whatever. I’m sexy and this isn’t happening.”

Even nodded. “Case closed.” He fell back and draped an arm over his eyes. It was exhausting trying to convince Isak that everyone wanted to have sex with him, despite have spent a good chunk of a year with a very ready and willing fanbase. But Even was flattered by that as well, how little consideration Isak took of anyone else’s opinion. He only wanted to be sexy for Even.

Isak resumed his sunbathing position as well, though he kept himself propped up on his elbows. He stared at Alfie’s message, at his unnamed phone number and the lack of emojis. He could just delete it, ignore it like Even said. But he wanted to make a statement . He wanted to slam the door in Alfie’s face, rather than leave it open for him to try to step through again.

He typed up a short response and tapped send. The whoosh of the message blended into the hum of the crowd around him, the lives uninterrupted by Alfie’s appearance in any way.

_Sorry, three is a crowd._

* * *

After their afternoon at the pool, Isak and Even walked back to Isak’s apartment for the last time. They double-checked all of the cabinets and filled two banker’s boxes with the remaining odds-and-ends. One outfit he’d left in case of an emergency. A bottle of shampoo. The spice rack he had never used but couldn’t bear to throw out. Two umbrellas. Even after they packed everything up, Isak kept walking through the empty rooms, not quite ready to admit that he didn’t live there anymore. Even trailed silently behind him.

“I’ll miss it,” he murmured to a blank wall in the living room.

“I’ll miss it too.” Even walked to the edge of the room and paced a wide circle around Isak. The space was empty, but the room felt smaller now with just them in it. As Even disappeared behind him, Isak caught a glimpse of what he had stepped into back in December, an emptiness that he had been craving: a space of his own.

He had earned enough money to buy his privacy, and living on his own meant he could spend less time hiding. He could walk around naked and sell that nakedness to others, living a life where nudity and pleasure was the point, not the enemy. That room, all of those rooms, empty but _his_ , meant he had space to chase what he wanted. They were a portal to a better world.

Standing there now, in that same empty space, he wondered how everything had changed. It seemed like he was abandoning the freedom he’d once wanted, that he’d paid a hefty price for. But as Even walked back into view again, as his eyes followed him and his silence, he realized that he didn’t need the portal to a better world anymore. He was in it now, everywhere, all of the time. He’d gotten his freedom.

Even stopped, and returned Isak’s stare. He pointed in the direction of the bedroom. “That’s where I met you.” Then he spun to his left and pointed to the kitchen. “That’s where I kissed you. A lot of important things happened here.”

“A lot of nice things.”

Even smiled, his biggest smile in a while. “We’ll add them to my wall.”

Despite practically using the slow move-out as an excuse to have sex in Isak’s bathroom, steadily throughout the summer, they did not do that this time. Isak jerked his head at the tiled room, a silent question, and it was returned with a small shake, a no. Instead Isak pulled an envelope out of his backpack and they carried the two boxes out into the hall. Isak locked his door, sealed the keys in the envelope, and they took everything down to the mailboxes at the building’s entrance. The dog barked as they passed, and Even called out a goodbye in return.

* * *

The two boxes joined the pile of things that Isak had yet to unpack in Even’s place. They had shoved everything into a corner of the dining room, and finally made use of the table as apartment purgatory. A week after officially moving in, they discussed a plan of action.

“I’m fine with you leaving it there. Might as well put the room to a good use.”

“Yeah, but it feels like I’m turning it into a junk drawer.”

“Then throw stuff out.” Even shrugged. “Or set a deadline. Like, leave it there, but if you haven’t come in to use it in a month, if it’s literally just collecting dust on the table, then throw it out.” He walked around Isak to deposit his cereal bowl in the sink. “But we can also buy a closet from Ikea and add it to the bedroom, where the desk was. Then you can keep whatever and still feel organized.” Even was generous with his solutions and his time, per usual. He left Isak in the kitchen to stare at his things and figure out what he should do.

Isak didn’t have any classes scheduled on Wednesdays for this semester, which created a nice little break in the week. It was effectively his weekend, since he was working for Christian on Saturdays and Sundays. He had a list of chores he wanted to get through but the clutter he was staring down was acting as a mental block. Nothing else was going to get done until he made a decision.

“Did I tell you I was going to see Martin after my meeting?” Even returned to the kitchen, dressed in dark jeans and a pressed button down. He was pulling on a light grey cardigan, which wasn’t his usual style, but Isak knew he tended to dress for the client rather than himself.

“Yes.”

“Okay, I couldn’t remember.” Even watched as Isak’s gaze returned to the dining room. “Text me if you decide on something for dinner. I can pick it up on the way back.”

“But I was going to go shopping,” Isak said, still distracted. Even stepped in front of him to disrupt his stare.

“I love you, but I have zero confidence in you doing anything but looking at the dining room table for the rest of the day.”

Isak finally met his eye when the jab registered. His brow furrowed. “Fine. We’ll have thai. But we’ll be able to eat it at the table because it’ll be clean by the time you get home.” Now he was determined. Annoyed as he was by Even’s method of motivation, he still leaned in to give him a kiss. “Good luck.”

Even sent it right back with a press of his lips: “Good luck.”

They separated to tend to their days.

* * *

When Isak stopped for a late lunch, he was pretty proud of the small pile that he had relocated from the table into a garbage bag by the door. The dining room looked more manageable, and he had fit most of the things he wanted to keep in with Even’s. His closet was full, his desk in the office looked almost like it used to in his old apartment, and he was mentally placing some of the photos he wanted to hang on the walls. He’d borrowed some of Even’s hanging putty to try different arrangements, and then added a visit to the framing store to his list of errands. While he ate the dregs of their refrigerator at the counter he swiped through his camera roll to see if there were any other photos he should print out to add to their collection.

After lunch he tackled the banker’s boxes, walking a mile back and forth across the apartment as he put everything away. He finally made a decision on that spice rack (gone) and tossed one of his umbrellas out with it. Isak paused and smiled when he reached the post-its he’d peeled off his own wall, two bits of Even he’d kept at his place so he never was too far. He felt the faint tackiness on the back, diluted a bit from the transfers, and carried them to the office for their final resting place.

Even had moved his second desk into the office about a month ago. It made more sense for Isak to sell his own desk and just use the one in Even’s bedroom. He came home from work one day and Even had dragged in in there by himself, tucking it between the bit of wall covered in post-its and the window. When Isak sat at the desk he had an excellent view no matter where he looked: to the left, to the right, or half of a chair turn around to check out his boyfriend, his roommate. At the beginning it was a little strange to see a naked Polaroid of himself, but he got used to it quickly. He wouldn’t have been allowed to move it or obscure it anyway. He stared at the wall and fluttered the two pieces of paper on his fingertips, wondering where their first kiss and Isak’s bed would go. He reread each note, top to bottom, a brief history of Even.

After reviewing the whole wall though, Isak still didn’t know what to do. He had seen Even put his own post-its up in a hurry, seemingly without any care for their placement, slapping them at odd angles and overlapping old ones. But the wall still held a sense of purpose, as well as Even’s rule not to change anything. Isak could safely add his notes to the outer edge, but he didn’t want to feel exiled; he wanted to mix right in, the way he’d been doing with the remnants of his apartment, his own history, all morning.

He looked down at his notes and smiled. If he hadn’t remembered their genesis so fondly, so precisely, he could read them as if he had written them. KISSING YOU. YOUR BED. Isak plucked a pen from the cup on his desk and bent over the surface to make a slight edit. The scribbled line was thin enough that you could still see the original word, but the revision marked what they had become. OUR BED. It was then that he realized he would have to wait until Even came home to direct the placement of the notes; this would be a joint effort. In the meantime he’d store them behind the Polaroid. Isak plucked the photo from the wall and turned it over to peel off the hanging putty.

His mouth fell open. The photo fell to the floor.

* * *

_We need to talk when you get home_

_This is the worst kind of text to receive at work, by the way._

_Everything is fine. We just need to talk. And please get me some of those banana leaf rice things._

Isak was in the dining room when he heard Even’s key in the door. He quickly finished wiping down the clutter-free table and set out their plates and silverware. He met Even in the kitchen when he was done. “Whoa, were you smoking?” The scent of a recent cigarette floated around Even and overpowered the bag of food he was unwrapping. When Even turned around to face him he looked distraught. Isak froze. “Are…what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, Isak. You didn’t say. Here are your bananas in sticky rice.” He held out the banana leaves wrapped in wax paper, as if he’d spent the entire day hunting them down just for him. Isak took them.

“What?”

“Your text. ‘We need to talk.’ I made Martin go outside with me so I could smoke and talk about every possible scenario your text meant.”

“Oh jesus. No no no no no.” Isak ran around Even to set down the banana leaves and then hopped back in front of him. “No, everything is fine. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be vague and worry you.” Isak gripped Even’s upper arms and tried to draw his focus into that moment, right there, where they were both safe and none of Even’s fears had any standing. “Please. I’m fine. We’re fine.” It took a while for the furrow of Even’s brow to relax. Their dinner cooled on the counter. “I’m sorry. I’d untext you if I could.”

“What do we need to talk about then?”

Isak’s heart gave a flutter when he remembered there actually had been a point to the text. Yes, they needed to talk. Because: “I found it.” 

It had been hours since Isak had stood at the wall, since he saw what was behind his photo. He’d had time to process it, rationalize it, text Even with a hint of nervousness, and then work through his response. He’d been able to finish cleaning up and start planning for his tomorrow, from the reading he needed to do for class to the abbreviated shopping list he would take care of on his way back from campus. He had almost forgotten about it, and then it had completely disappeared when he registered Even’s distress. Nothing else really mattered when Even was desperate.

“What?” Even’s forehead shifted from worry to confusion.

Isak smiled. “I found it.” He slid his hands down Even’s arms until he held his palms and then tugged at his fingers. “In the office.” He let Even go and turned to lead him there.

The room was as he had left it. Isak had put his two post-its in the space where the Polaroid had been, redistributing some of the putty, then pressed the photo on top of them. Isak walked to Even’s camera closet and opened it. “Can you show me how to use it?” He pointed to the SX-70.

“You want to take a picture?”

“Yes.”

Even looked at him for a moment. “I am still thoroughly confused.” But his hands moved swiftly and sure. He snapped open the camera and took a brief peek into the viewfinder. “What do you want a picture of?”

“You.” He grabbed Even near the shoulders again and shuffled him over to the wall. Even understood when he caught sight of the Polaroid he’d taken months ago. He laughed.

“Do I need to be naked too?”

“Yes.”

Even laughed again before he realized Isak was serious. “Okay. Okay. Hold on. You stand there so I can check the light.”

Isak stood in place and waited while Even stepped back to gauge the distance and adjust the focus. He had a different amount of light to contend with, late summer evening coming from the west, but he tried to match as much as he could. When it was ready they switched places. Even studied the photo one more time while he took off his sweater and shirt. “I’m going to take up about two-thirds of the frame. Line up the top of the post-its with the top of the photo.” Isak raised the camera and fit Even in as he described. He watched Even turn back, toss his shirt aside, and run a hand through his hair. He stood up straight and worked through a bunch of different expressions in a matter of seconds: a bold smile, a self-conscious giggle, a huff of air while he tried to recover, and then a contemplative stare, closest to what Isak’s had been.

Isak remained behind the camera, a lens between them, and spoke. “I found it. I was going to put up the post-its from my apartment but I didn’t want to mess up your wall. So until you decide where they should go, I put them behind my photo.” He watched Even’s face go slack as he listened. His finger was pressed into the shutter release, poised to let go. “I don’t know if I was supposed to find it. Maybe it’s your secret. Maybe it’s why I’m not supposed to touch the wall. The post-its are sacred. But this wasn’t on a post-it. It was on the back of the picture of me. It was _for_ me. There, on the wall. That…that’s where you asked me to marry you.” Isak’s finger let go, freezing Even’s gasp in the frame. Instantly, everything developed.

Even spun around to the wall, hands scrambling for the photo. Isak turned away as the camera churned out his own picture. He snapped up a marker from Even’s desk and flipped his photo over. He quickly yet gingerly wrote a word in the white strip at the bottom, trying not to press too hard. Then he picked up the photo and turned around.

They met in the middle of the room, each holding a photo, holding each other, eyes locked.

Even handed him his question: _Will you marry me?_

Isak handed him his response: _Yes._

* * *

“You look scared, like you’d just seen a ghost.”

Isak held the two photos next to each other, comparing them. They looked similar, the right distance between camera and subject, the same amount of skin against squares of color. Even’s was a bit darker though, and Isak had captured his reaction perfectly. They were on the couch now, full from dinner, and Isak was leaning back against Even’s chest. He felt Even sigh.

“I was shocked. I…I had forgotten. So yeah, kind of a ghost. A blast from the past.”

“You _forgot_? You forgot that you proposed to me?” Isak sat up and twisted around to face his fiancé.

“It was months ago!”

“It was a marriage proposal!” Isak stood briefly then dropped to his knees on the cushion. For some reason he felt like he needed height to help himself understand. “How the fuck do you forget that you asked someone to marry you?” He wasn’t angry, but he was loud. He was baffled.

Even was quiet while he searched for an answer, which just made Isak more perplexed. “I think…because it wasn’t really a question.”

Isak let out a huff, which sounded vaguely like “What?” but didn’t count, because he truly was speechless.

“I know, technically it’s a question. But it didn’t feel like one. I wasn’t asking you. I wasn’t waiting for an answer. It was a feeling, a knowing. It was like a cue card for the future. That day,” Even pointed to the Polaroid in Isak’s left hand, “that day I knew I wanted to be with you forever. So I wrote a note to myself, a truth, a reminder. Like, in X number of years, after you’ve done all the right things in the right order, told him I loved him, met his family, all of the usual steps…then ask him to marry you.”

Isak stared at Even, then looked down at the photo. It was one thing to hear the words, and then it was a whole bigger thing to understand what they meant. That someone felt so much love for you that they planned on giving it to you for the rest of your life. That that was the future they saw, and the confidence they held that the love would never run out. It made Isak’s whole being swell, and he took a deep breath to accommodate it. “So…okay. Then you really didn’t propose. You just took a beautiful picture of me and wrote the world’s worst calendar notification on the back.”

“Isaaaaaak.” Even let his head fall back at the oversimplification. He knew Isak was kidding but he still needed to give him flak for it. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Babe.” Isak’s voice softened, but Even could already hear that it wouldn’t last, that it was going to turn into something else. “I’m not the ridiculous one. _You're_ the one who needed a reminder to propose to your boyfriend and you _still_ forgot about it!” Isak was loud again, leaning into Even’s face. His heart was full of that love but his eyes were dancing with the tease.

Even plucked the photo from Isak’s other hand and flapped it in Isak’s face. “And _you're_ the one who still said yes.”

Isak gasped theatrically, then he gave in. “It looks like we’re just…going to be ridiculous, together, forever.”

Even let out a rumble of a laugh. He flipped the photo around so it could answer for him. “Yes.”

Isak sat back on his heels. He took the photo from Even and stacked it with his own on the coffee table. He reached for Even’s chin and drew his face to him, making him sit up and shift forward. He noticed how easily Even moved into him now, compared to a few weeks ago when he had turned his face away. Isak recouped that lost kiss, which had just been a soft one, a greeting. Then they kissed longer and deeper, adding more of their bodies to it, and Isak banked those against an unpredictable future, a cue card just in case they forgot.

* * *

They were awake because of Even’s alarm, but he had returned to bed and they resisted the oncoming day. They closed their eyes and ignored their erections and only spoke loud enough for their voices to carry over the rolling hills of pillows between them.

“Was it too soon?”

Even blindly reached over to clap his hand over Isak’s mouth but it landed in his hair instead. “Sometimes teachers say ‘there are no dumb questions’ but that was definitely a dumb question.”

Isak licked Even’s palm when it finally made it down to his lips, and Even retracted his arm immediately. “But seriously. I just moved in. I haven’t met your family yet. You haven’t met mine. Maybe it’s too soon to get married.”

The bed shuddered as Even shimmied to Isak’s side. Isak opened his eyes to greet him. “We’re not getting married tomorrow. All I did was ask you if you would, eventually, and you said yes. You didn’t commit to a date. We can meet each other’s families first. And you can finish school and we can go to Eva and Jonas’s wedding and I can become the godfather to Sana’s second child and we can move into a better apartment with a bigger bathroom and _then_ we can get married. We’ve always done things a little out of order anyway, but we can stick to a proper schedule for this. I don’t want to give your mom a heart attack when you introduce me for the first time with ‘my fiancé Even.’”

“She’d probably love that, actually. She’d shake your hand and then turn around to call her pastor and reserve the church.”

“We’re getting married in a church, huh?” Even dropped his head and Isak felt his smile against his neck. 

“Mmhmm. Nothing less than God’s house for her baby boy.”

“That’s good. God usually has an excellent sound system.”

Isak chuckled. Then he realized something. “Wait, is Sana pregnant?” He was about to sit up to address the situation but Even pressed his palm into his chest and kept him horizontal.

“Not that I know of. But she’ll have another one eventually. _Eventually._ ” Even emphasized the word to hammer home his message. Nothing was happening tomorrow. Their engagement was simply a promise, and it was as flexible as their future would need it to be. Isak listened. He turned onto his side so he could watch Even as he touched him, as they kept talking. His fingers danced among the freckles and moles that dotted Even’s shoulder.

“What if I don’t want to get married until I’m ninety?”

“Then I’ll wait for you until you’re ninety. But you’ll have to explain to your mom how most churches don’t take reservations more than fifty years out.”

Isak laughed. He slipped his hand under Even’s arm to his back and pulled himself closer. They shook the bed some more. They kissed each other with morning breath because touch was more important than taste right now. Isak asked another question between pecks. “What if I want to get married tomorrow?”

“Just name the time. Good luck getting a church though.”

“Hmm, not sure I’m willing to sacrifice a good sound system for speed though.” 

Even’s running joke faded into a mumble as he had to open his mouth and use his tongue for something else. They pressed and rolled together, their bodies picking up where they had left off on the couch last night, but adding more nakedness to the mix. Isak let himself demand what he’d been missing for the past few weeks, and his hands, warm from caresses, slipped into Even’s underwear to seek out more heat. Even thrust his hips forward to encourage contact. He moaned into Isak’s mouth when Isak’s fingers wrapped their perfect amount of pressure around his cock.

Even managed, through the skilled distraction Isak was providing, to get his own hands into Isak’s underwear. He pushed the fabric down just enough for Isak’s erection to pop out. He pressed closer with his hips, trading the swirl and squeeze of Isak’s fingers for hard friction. The force of his hips alone knocked Isak onto his back, but Isak spread his legs as he went, welcoming Even into the space where he belonged. After only the slightest of adjustments to push away cotton and line up their dicks, their hands moved north. Isak spread his across Even’s back to guide his thrusts from above and Even braced his beneath Isak’s shoulders. He pushed up so he could watch Isak’s face.

Isak was staring and panting from the surge of pleasure, but he also had one more question. “Even…when do you want…to get married?”

“Isak.” He shook his head. Now was not the time, not when they both had orgasms just a few thrusts out of reach.

“Please.” Isak hitched his legs up a bit and grabbed Even’s ass, as if to say “the faster you answer the faster we can move on.” Since he wasn’t in the mood for more teasing of any kind, Even answered.

“Yesterday. Tomorrow.” He dropped to kiss Isak, to take advantage of the mouth already open, about to announce his orgasm. He sucked on Isak’s bottom lip, leaving room for the shout and the pulsing of his cock that immediately followed. Even kept going. “Whenever you want. In ninety years. In two months. Monday at sixteen.”

If he had any control over the muscles in his body at that moment, Isak would have smiled. All he could do was breathe and let his heart beat loud.


	33. 16:00

No one knew they were engaged until they sent out wedding invitations. By some luck of the postal system and Isak’s personal life, Eva was the first to receive the news, and despite reading the invitation the night before, she decided to call Isak at 6:34 the next morning to yell at him about it. Even, bless his heart, made the mistake of answering Isak’s phone.

“HALLOOOOOO? What the hell Isak! You’re getting _married_?”

“Good morning Eva.”

“Oh. Hi Even. Please put Isak on the phone.”

“He’s still sleeping.” Even noticed movement to his left: Isak raised a hand in the air. “Though he did just flip you off.”

“Okay, so if Isak clearly is still Isak, then why am I holding a very elegant piece of paper with your names embossed on them, inviting me to your wedding in six months?”

“Maybe he’s changed, but I hadn’t noticed anything.”

“Care to explain on his behalf then? I didn’t even know you were engaged!”

“It was a quiet engagement. We only told our parents, and that was because we had to print their names on the invitation too. Do you like the color scheme though? The navy and gold? I chose the font.”

“If I hadn’t known you were madly in love with Isak and couldn’t read your beautiful name right in front of me I still would have guessed it was for your wedding. I can tell you chose the font, the lining of the envelope, and the weight of the card stock, and did it all without letting Isak realize he had no say in any of it. I hope you have an invitation of your own to frame.” Having experienced her own wedding and Even’s attention to detail for that, she knew exactly what was going on. Even chuckled.

“You know us so well.”

“Most of the time. I’m still a bit shocked about this though.”

“I hope you’re not offended by it. It just wasn’t something we wanted to announce when it happened, and then we kind of…forgot about it.” He heard Isak laugh under the blanket. “But we’ll keep you updated as we plan things. I think I’ll need some help from you.”

“Oh really?” she squeaked, her mood instantly lifted.

“Yes. We’re still planning some things but once I have my list we’ll go get lunch together and run through it, okay?” He heard her move away from her phone and share the news with Jonas. Her voice remained high and kind when she returned.

“Perfect! Just text me when you’re ready! Jonas says hello and requests that Isak call him when he wakes up.”

“I’ll have him do that.”

“Great. Okay, well…I’m really happy for you guys and I can’t wait. We’re going to send in our RSVP today!”

“Thank you. I’ll go wait by the mailbox.” 

They laughed and hung up. Isak poked his head out when he heard the coast was clear. “I am not attending that lunch.”

“Of course not. Like I promised, all you have to do is show up on the day.” Even snuggled back under the blanket and reached for Isak’s waist. He pulled him into a little spoon. “Oh, but you have to call Jonas later.”

Isak groaned. “He’s probably mad that he’s not my best man.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe he just wants to congratulate you at a more decent hour.” Even pressed his nose into Isak’s hair and breathed deep. His lips puckered lazily, with the intention of a kiss but the lack of early-morning energy resulted in him not quite making contact.

“Maybe. But I know he’s expecting it since I was his.”

“Well it’s not like you chose Magnus over him.” Isak laughed at the idea. “He’ll understand once you tell him that you won’t have any groomsmen at all.”

“I certainly hope so.”

They drifted back to sleep, treasuring the moments when they could avoid thinking about the wedding, as they seemed to only come when they were unconscious.

* * *

It had been like that since Isak passed his boards. They were out celebrating his license at the bar where they first met, smoothing over their memory of the place with more alcohol and a less flirty bartender, when Even brought it up. “Should we start planning a wedding?”

“Whose?” Eva and Jonas’s happened the year before. Isak couldn’t remember who else among their friends was engaged and needed to enlist their help.

“Ours.”

“Oh god.” The realization dawned on Isak in an almost comically slow fashion. The beer was not helping. “I…forgot.”

Even laughed so hard he fell off his stool. The bartender cut him off. But the next day they _did_ start planning, and now, almost two years later, their invitations were in the mail.

Even handled the logistics of it all. He bought a notebook and wrote out lists and timelines: things to do, decisions to be made, inspiration they found and personal preferences they needed to cater to. They talked about it at dinner, looking at options and samples and weighing pros and cons. Then the next day Even would talk to vendors and negotiate costs while Isak and Christian worked to keep their neighborhood healthy. Even would leave the notebook on his desk so Isak could look through it whenever he’d like, but he rarely did. He told Even what he wanted and trusted that Even would make it happen. He’d been doing it for years at that point, and Isak had no intention of stopping him. Not even when he came home one day and found every piece of furniture in their living room pushed to the walls. The end tables were out in the hallway, blocking the entrance.

“Even?” Isak stumbled trying to climb over the tables, and the noise drew him out of the office. “Are we moving?”

“What? No. Oh. I needed to empty a space.”

“Why?” Isak was still straddling one table so Even offered a hand to help him clear it. He held it as they walked into the living room.

“So we can practice our first dance.”

“We have a first dance?”

“Yeah.” Even twirled as if that explained everything, lifting Isak’s arm as he went.

“But we don’t have a song.”

“We have options. Go change, and we’ll go through the playlist while we make dinner.”

That’s how most of their decisions were being made: Even did the research and presented his suggested options to Isak to choose from. He had the vast knowledge of other people’s weddings to guide his search and the flexibility to comb through it all throughout the day, so Isak valued and trusted his opinion over his own. He still had veto power though. Isak changed into pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, free of the day’s pressed uniform, and walked out to the kitchen. Even had all of the layers of lasagna laid out for them to compile and his playlist queued up.

“Ready?” Even held up his phone.

Isak stood at the end of the counter, near the wireless speaker. He nodded. 

“This is my first choice, an obvious one. I feel like it represents us both, and we’ve danced to it before. It would be fun.” Even tapped the screen.

_Say my name, say my name_  
_If no one is around you_  
_Say baby I love you_

Isak gasped. He stomped around the counter, shoved his hand into the bag of shredded mozzarella cheese, and chucked a handful of it after Even’s retreating form. “The wedding is canceled!”

Even paused the song. “You know, after the twentieth time you’ve threatened me with that, I stopped believing it.”

“If you play that song I will twist your balls right off your body.” 

Even believed _that_. He held up his hands in surrender and tapped to the next song. Isak stomped away to fetch the broom and clean up his mess.

They listened to some classics and some clichés. Even must have known they weren’t truly contenders because he let them be background music while they made dinner. Once the pan was layered and the remaining good cheese sprinkled on top he picked up his phone again. Isak slid the lasagna into the oven.

“Hmm. I really like this one. I heard it…oh, it was that wedding I did in Iceland. I think they used it for their recessional.”

“Iceland?”

“You were in London.”

“Ah.” Isak wrinkled his nose a bit, already biased against the song simply because it was someone else’s. But he leaned his hip against the counter and dropped his head so he could just focus on the music. [Even tapped play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ3xTjvj9tw).

It was strong. Isak’s head popped up at the trumpets. He watched Even, who was already bopping. When Ray started singing, drawing out that first “Baby,” Even sang every word along with him. He sang them to Isak, and held out his hand. Isak took it and followed him into the living room. They reached the cleared floor by the time Ray was swinging into the chorus, and Even pulled Isak in tight, their hands still clasped and opposite arms at their waists.

Even knew the song by heart. He sang the lyrics into Isak’s ear. The tempo was quite upbeat, but they just swayed slowly since it was unfamiliar to Isak. Isak tried to feel the music and listen to the words and figure out what it was supposed to be like when you heard your song. “I don’t know,” he whispered.

“It’s okay. Let’s just dance.”

Even kept singing. He subtly led Isak around the room. When the music faded Even stopped and spread his hand across Isak’s back. “We could dip at the end.”

Isak let himself fall back a little, then Even’s hand pushed him back up, all the way into a sweet kiss. The next song started and Even moved right into the slower tempo, the sweeping strings of Etta James’s “At Last.” Even sang these lyrics too.

He sang the lyrics to each song they danced to, and they looped the room multiple times. He dipped Isak again, and tried to spin him out, but that required a bit of instruction before it could happen smoothly. They watched each other’s faces for a sign that they’d found the song, but nothing really clicked. They danced until the timer went off for dinner. Isak didn’t say anything, but Even noticed how disappointed he was. “We don’t have to find a song right away.”

“How much time do I have?” Maybe a deadline would help him focus.

“Like…nine months? We need to know before we book a DJ or a band, so we can make sure they would be able to play it.”

“Oh.”

“It’s fine, Isak. No pressure. These are mostly songs I’ve heard at weddings, but ours doesn’t have to be one of them. It just needs to be…ours.”

Isak pulled the lasagna out and slid it onto the stove. “Send me the playlist and I’ll keep listening.”

He was able to relax after dinner, when they put the living room back in order. The pressure of having to dance and think about the song was a little too much, so now that he knew he had time to listen for other options he had a feeling it would be easier to find something. Maybe they would go to a concert or hear something on TV, or a playlist on shuffle would drop a good song into his lap. He almost dropped his end of the couch when he had a terrifying thought though. “Even, what if it’s a rap?”

“What?” Even huffed at the added weight when Isak’s arms gave up.

“What if our song is a rap song?”

They shuffled a bit more to the left then lowered the couch into position. “Then the wedding is canceled.” Even stood up straight and brought his hands to his hips. “It could be our song, but I’m not going to dance to it in front of our families. And I would never, ever, let you rap in public.”

“But rap can be romantic. It’s poetry.”

Even shook his head. He was serious. That just made Isak want to tease him more about it though. Isak let it go then, but a week later he texted a youtube video to Even: _I found our song!_ It was Notorious B.I.G.’s “Juicy.” He made a playlist on Spotify, Isak  & Even’s Wedding Songs, and filled it with Nas, Tupac, Jay-Z, Wu-Tang, Eminem, and N.W.A. He rick-rolled Even for a month, sending him songs, playing them at home, and getting Jonas to suggest Snoop Dogg when he innocently brought up romantic music on a double date.

The teasing stopped when he heard a song in the café and Even started quietly, absentmindedly singing along. They were both on their phones, Even flipping through another photographer’s portfolio and Isak catching up on Facebook. Isak couldn’t place the song until he heard Even singing the lyrics, and once he recognized it he listened.

_Baby_  
_We've come a long way_  
_And, baby_  
_You know I hope and I pray_  
_That you believe me_  
_When I say this love will never fade away_

Even wasn’t paying attention to what he was singing, but Isak was. He listened to the words and thought about what it felt like hearing his fiancé say them. Even’s voice faded to a hum toward the end, and then he stopped to take a sip of tea.

Later, when they were getting ready to head home, Isak asked Helene about the song. “When did you start playing music in here?”

She shoved the last bun into the paper bag. “Maybe like a year ago? It’s supposed to get people to stay longer and spend more money.”

“Does it?”

“I haven’t bothered to check. But it’s nice. Fills the silence now that you two got boring.”

Isak swiped the bag off the counter. “We are not _boring_. Even are we boring?”

Even walked up to his side and shrugged. “Yeah. But I like it like that.”

“I’m just saying, you guys used to kidnap children! Then there was like, a whole year of trying to adopt a dog. I know nothing happened but I at least got to look at some really cute photos. You both literally just sat there on your phones the whole afternoon, not talking. You could have been strangers. Even when you were in London you were still talking on FaceTime.”

Even looked at Isak, feigning shock and disappointment. “Oh no, our ratings are dropping.”

“Quick, do something!”

Even grabbed Isak’s face so suddenly that Isak jerked in surprise. He landed a noisy kiss that was actually mostly teeth, and Isak knocked a couple of canisters of tea leaves off the counter when he grabbed it for balance. Once Even detached they both regained their footing. Isak swiped at the saliva around his mouth. “Jesus Christ, Even.” He’d been the recipient of many a spontaneous kiss over the years, but this one was particularly shocking.

Helene was equally shocked, staring at them as if she had also been kissed. “Okay…fine. Not boring.”

Even was smiling, proud. Isak could not fault him for the kiss, for its success and shock value. He smiled back, then tried to fix the tea display he’d messed up.

Helene shooed his hands away. “Don’t bother, I’ll fix it later. Just go…practice kissing or whatever.”

“Rehearsal for next week?” Even winked at her. She blushed. Even took Isak’s free hand and spun him around, pulling him toward the door. “We’ll think of something exciting, just for you Helene.”

“We’ll kidnap a dog!” Isak shouted over his shoulder, over the sound of the bell above them.

Even laughed. “I know the perfect one.”

* * *

Once Isak heard the song the second time, he couldn’t stop hearing it. Christian was playing it in his office while he filled out supply orders. A guitarist was playing a slower cover of it during dinner at their favorite restaurant. Even would hum it while editing at his computer. He was always humming something when he was working, but now Isak noticed when it was that particular song.

The final straw happened when they were watching a movie on Netflix one night, after dinner. Well, Isak was watching it. Even was lying on top of him and using his chest as a pillow, only making it through the first fifteen minutes before falling asleep. It was a silly comedy, one they’d both seen before, and clearly Even wasn’t in the mood to actually pay attention to a movie. Isak laughed at the jokes, but not too hard, so he wouldn’t wake him up with the movement. When he recognized the song playing in the background though, he couldn’t resist. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

“Mmmph.” Even managed to acknowledge him in his sleep.

“This fucking song is everywhere.” Isak paused the movie. Even grunted again. “That song you want to dance to, it’s in this movie too.”

Even woke up enough to twist his head and look at Isak’s chin. “Maybe it’s a sign.”

Fate had done a lot of things for them, but Isak didn’t think she would choose their song. Still, he was ready to concede defeat. “How much do you love the song?”

Even pushed off of Isak’s chest and sat up between his legs. He tugged Isak’s t-shirt down to cover the exposed skin and keep him warm. “A lot. I like a lot of songs…a lot, but this one makes me think of you. I heard it at that wedding and I kept listening to it the whole weekend. It’s why I flew over for that visit.”

“Really?”

Even nodded. For most of Isak’s semester abroad they had agreed on a schedule of weekend visits, once a month, that Even could squeeze in in between gigs. There was a surprise trip in March though, when Even flew over midweek and spent five days in Isak’s ridiculously small dorm room waiting for him to come back from the lab. It had been much more interesting than their usual visits because it was unplanned, and they felt like it was made on stolen time. They had a lot of sex in Isak’s ridiculously small bed, were more adventurous in their explorations of restaurants and sights at night, and Even joined in on the plans Isak had already made with his school friends, instead of their usual weekend isolation. 

“You came to see me because of the song?”

“I came to see you because you are you. The song just reminded me of that.”

If he hadn’t already been laid out and relaxed, pressed into the cushions from Even’s weight, Isak would’ve melted completely. He tugged at the hem of Even’s shirt until he slid back down to his chest, and the pressure and warmth from his body flowed over him like lava, slow and steady and consuming. He wrapped his arms around Even and held him there. “We’ll dance to this at the wedding,” he decided, speaking into Even’s hair.

Even laughed. Isak felt the rumble all the way down to his toes. “Okay. We need to work on the dip though.”

* * *

They practiced over the next few months. Even would unplug his headphones and play the song for both of them when they were in the office. Isak would spin around in his chair and find his fiancé waiting, hand held out, ready to draw him to his feet. They had Helene play it in the café and they would clear the chairs and stools and dance for her. She would clap and play the song again. They practiced it in the living room of Isak’s mom’s house, when Even dropped him off the night before their wedding. Isak’s mom sat on the sofa and swayed along to the music.

“Did you know you both smile so much when you dance?”

Even pulled Isak up out of the dip and kissed him on the cheek. “No.”

“You do. I hope you get some good pictures.”

“We will. That reminds me: our photographers are going to arrive here at thirteen to start shooting.”

“Oh no, I need to finish cleaning the kitchen!” Marianne shot up and ran to the sink.

“You don’t have to! Mamma, it’s clean. And they’re not going to take pictures of your kitchen.” Isak let go of Even and chased after her. “It will just be me getting ready in here, and then outside in the garden with Even.”

Even had suggested Isak get dressed in the living room for the light. His childhood bedroom only had one window and a sailboat motif that was poorly disguised by posters from his teenage years. The living room had tall windows that looked out on Marianne’s garden, and colorful bookshelves and rugs and potted plants that would contrast nicely with Isak’s dark bunad. Marianne returned to the living room and started fluffing the pillows on the couch instead. “Mamma, please.” Isak pulled one of her hands into his, to get her to stop fussing as well as just to hold it. Marianne sighed. “Everything is fine.”

“What’s important is that it looks like you live here, that this is Isak’s home and he's relaxed in it. It looks perfect, so please don’t worry about anything else. You both should get a good night’s sleep instead.” Even stepped to Marianne’s side and took her other hand with a squeeze.

“And when do you get here Even?”

“By fourteen. We’ll do some photos in the garden and then start walking, so you should be ready by then too, okay?”

Marianne nodded. He’d walked her through the whole schedule multiple times, showing her each step in the notebook. She kept asking him to repeat it though, to hear him recite it all with the confidence of someone who had weddings down to a science. She took a deep breath and squeezed her boys’ hands, then let them go. “Okay. Right. Beauty sleep.” Marianne popped up onto her tiptoes and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Drive safe, Even. Isak, wash your face before you go to bed.”

Isak’s eye roll followed Marianne right up the stairs.

“I really should get going.” Even looked at his watch and did the whole backward counting thing, figuring out how much sleep he would get if he left now and had to wake up in time to shower before driving back to the house. “You’re all set here?”

“I think so.” Isak sighed just like his mother. He was excited for tomorrow, but dreading the night he was going to spend alone. “Call me when you get home.”

“Of course.” Even gave Isak a light kiss, and they were about to separate for the last time when Even realized: “Wait.” He took Isak’s jaw in his hands and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. Their eyes closed and mouths opened and Isak gripped Even’s shoulders just to hold on. After half of a minute Even’s lips popped off with a smack. “Had to give single Isak Valtersen a proper send-off.”

“Mmm. I thought you did that years ago.”

“Ah, well. Doesn’t hurt to double check.” He hugged Isak, a tight, quick squeeze, and then left. Isak watched him walk to the car they’d rented for the weekend and followed the glow of the taillights as he drove away. Once Even had disappeared from sight, Isak collected his laptop and the notebook and went up to bed.

* * *

It was late. Isak couldn’t sleep. He was lonely, but mostly excited. He’d read through the notebook like he was studying for an exam, then stared at the ceiling for nearly an hour. He even washed his face, if only to pass the time. Around midnight he sat up, pulled his laptop onto the bed, and lit up the room with his screen.

He was surprised that he still remembered his email address and password. Muscle memory navigated to the cam site and logged him in, and suddenly he was back where he’d begun. The site had changed over the years, with a slightly more streamlined layout but still the same bad, flashing ads. He stared at the breasts and dicks and silent moans and cum and felt nothing. He clicked into his account to wipe it clean.

He deleted every message without reading them. He unlinked his bank account and cleared out his bio. He gave a quiet laugh when he realized he’d ticked the boxes to show he was interested in men and women. He unticked everything. He was only interested in Even now, and that wasn’t an option here.

Isak navigated through the site’s FAQ to find the complicated, hidden instructions on fully deleting your account. It wasn’t as simple as a button click; he had to submit a request for deletion and then wait until it was confirmed over email. He was annoyed by this level of security and detail at this point, but then remembered how much he had valued it back when he was active. He filled out the form for the request and then that was it.

He blamed muscle memory again when he opened up a room. The green light next to his webcam glowed, and his torso filled the left side of the screen. He pushed the laptop away so it was easier to see his form, but kept the screen angled down so it was just his chest to the blanket that covered his lap.

 **anonymous:** what r we doin tonite baby?  
**anonymous:** can we see a little skin  
**nutking9:** penny for ur thoughts  
**nutking9:** tokens for ur dick

He whispered a hello to the room and watched the list grow full of handles he didn’t recognize.

 **anonymous:** o wait tipping is turned off

Isak shifted around so people could tell he was alive, since he wasn’t saying anything. He didn’t have anything to say. They asked for him to take off his shirt, to touch himself, to do the usual activity of someone broadcasting on a sex site. He leaned back against his headboard and watched the screen.

He didn’t know why he was there. He’d been in the process of shutting it all down completely, so this return to an old habit that he had shaken years ago was strange. But still he waited. He tried to untangle the unfamiliar, these viewers he’d never seen before and the different colors and format of his screen, with the familiar comfort of connecting with someone late at night, being alone in his bedroom yet not lonely. He waited for a connection. And then he gasped.

 **badgirlbadgirl:** HARDY  
**badgirlbadgirl:** OMG OMG OMG  
**badgirlbadgirl:** YOURE BACK

The room could hear the smile in his voice. “Bad Girl!”

 **badgirlbadgirl:** hold on i need to message everyone

Isak waited until she came back. The rest of the room was slightly confused and tried to guess the connection. “I used to cam a long time ago. Bad Girl was one of my regular viewers.

 **anonymous:** OG in da house  
**anonymous:** me too hardy  
**anonymous:** i remember u and bradley and ur vibrator

“Aww, really? And after all these years you still don’t have an account.” He teased, finally feeling comfortable again. Isak noticed more handles enter the room as Bad Girl’s call went out.

 **blackberriezzzz:** are u for fucking real  
**21twinkies:** is it rlly u?  
**024wolb:** i don’t believe it  
**024wolb:** this could be any twink in a tee  
**024wolb:** dick or it didn’t happen

Isak laughed at the flurry of comments and general confusion. That seemed to be enough to convince the room it was really him.

 **blackberriezzzz:** oh that laugh that voice  
**damnUfine369:** boner time  
**badgirlbadgirl:** hardy i can’t believe youre back  
**badgirlbadgirl:** after all this time

“I’m glad you’re all still around. It was a bit awkward earlier, not recognizing anyone.”

 **winkwankwonk:** this isn’t ur scheduled nite  
**cumherebb:** hasn’t been his night for like a decade

“Has it been that long?”

 **cumherebb:** idk feels like forever  
**fukkkkkkkkker:** hey did u ever make that dildo of your bf

And just like that, the room was off down memory lane. They ran through Isak’s most memorable sessions, some that he’d forgotten himself but upon hearing still made him blush and laugh. He felt like he was back among friends, so he revealed a bit more detail than what might have made it to the original broadcast. He kept his voice low, out of respect for his old life and so his mother wouldn’t hear him saying “cock” at such an alarming rate. He enjoyed the waves of nostalgia and cemented them further with interesting anecdotes.

 **024wolb:** luv that u came back to NOT show us ur dick  
**daddyshome:** so whyd you come back  
**daddyshome:** and are you single  
**anonymous:** is there going to be any dick tonight or is everyone just gonna fuckin talk?  
**anonymous:** save it 4 a group chat bitch

“I’m not sure why I’m back but…I’m getting married tomorrow.”

 **blackberriezzzz:** NO  
**21twinkies:** fuck  
**badgirlbadgirl:** hardy fuckin breaking my heart over here  
**badgirlbadgirl:** my dreams are shattered  
**badgirlbadgirl:** like really?  
**xxnineinchesxx:** lying  
**024wolb:** fucking curveball dude

“No, it’s true.” Isak wished he had the ring to flash at the camera. He wiggled his fingers vaguely instead.

 **badgirlbadgirl:** well congratulations honey. glad you found him.

“Me too, Bad Girl. Any luck on your end?”

 **badgirlbadgirl:** not really but we’re still having fun  
**badgirlbadgirl:** and maybe this is where im meant to be  
**fillupphillip:** home  
**anonymous:** its literally my homepage

Isak chuckled. “That counts.” It reminded him to delete his browser history though, especially since he was going to leave his laptop behind until after the wedding.

 **daddyshome:** please start a channel w/ ur husband

“We have cameras but we don’t broadcast. It’s just for us.”

 **anonymous:** don’t mind me, just trying to hack ur account  
**fukkkkkkkkker:** id pay mad coin for that  
**daddyshome:** hot husbands

It had been so long, but Isak’s mind slipped right back into the business side of things. He caught himself trying to estimate returns on a couple video, especially one with a juicy thumbnail of Even’s dick. The videos were sexy just for them, but could easily become strategy for the room. He felt like he had to steer the chat away from this but he couldn’t think of anything else to share. He was getting married tomorrow, and because that’s all he’d been thinking about for the past few days, he didn’t know what else there was. He almost clicked away to the homepage to see if he could search for any husband shows happening.

Isak felt vibrations against his hip. He dug underneath himself for his phone. “Ah, speak of the devil.” Even was calling. Isak held the phone up to the camera so his viewers could see, but there was nothing identifying except for the siren emoji on the incoming call.

 **anonymous:** emergency?

“Yes, my fiancé is calling. I have to answer.” Isak slid his thumb across the screen. “Hi, are you home?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Give me a minute, I just need to finish something up here.” Isak put Even on hold and set his phone down. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to keep this last chat to himself.

Isak addressed the room. “Thanks for stopping by and catching up. This really is the last time I’ll see you all. Hard2Get is officially signing off.” Isak gave a little wave and then waited for everyone’s last goodbyes.

 **fillupphillip:** bye hardy  
**anonymous:** that no head vine  
**anonymous:** is me right now  
**anonymous:** but congrats i guess  
**blackberriezzzz:** bye. thanks for the memories  
**badgirlbadgirl:** olive you hardy  
**badgirlbadgirl:** hard2get has been gotten

Isak cringed and smiled, but no one saw. The cursor hovered over the corner of the browser window, ready to shut down. He decided to wait for one last comment, whatever it would be, and then he’d click.

 **misterbee:** congratulations  
**Hard2Get has left**

Isak scrambled to pick up the phone. “Even! Even! Fuck!” He whisper shouted, but Even only heard the curse word because Isak didn’t reconnect the call fast enough.

“What? What happened? Are you hurt?”

“No! Oh my god. Wait, you’re home, right?”

“Yes, that’s why I’m calling. But what’s going on?”

“Ahhh, okay. Um, well I logged into the cam site just for…I don’t know. I was bored. And guess who I saw!”

“Please don’t say Christian.”

“Even!”

“What? Since this whole conversation as been pretty strange so far, I had to think of something weirder for you to surprise me with.”

“First of all I have watched that man operate a computer and I can guarantee you he wouldn’t even be able to google a cam site in the first place. But anyway, _no_. I saw it right before I closed out of the room, so I’m only like ninety percent sure it actually happened, but I think...Tom said congratulations.”

“Tom? Tom Tom?”

“Tom Tom.”

“I thought you had blocked him.”

“I _did_ , but I also wiped my profile before I opened the room, so it must have deleted my block list.”

“God, wait, give me a minute. I can’t believe we’re talking about the cam site right now. It’s been so long since I’ve thought about it.”

“Yeah, it is kind of weird.” Isak’s voice dropped when he remembered where he was. “But I did it, I shut it all down officially. They’ll email me when my account is closed, and then I’ll delete the email account too.”

“Wow.”

They were silent for a moment, letting that reality sink in. Isak closed his laptop and slid it to the ground. He moved into its warm space on the bed. He smiled to himself because it reminded him of Even. Isak rolled to his side so he could rest his phone on his ear without having to hold it. He could talk with Even like he usually does, not necessarily looking at him but feeling the comfort of his voice and heat of his presence.

Then, soft, hopeful, “Did you jerk off?”

“Even!”

“Isak, you logged into your cam. What do you expect me to think?”

“I did not jerk off. I remained clothed. This is not the optimal location for it anyway.” Isak’s eyes glanced over at the women, celebrities and models, staring at him seductively. “This room is too straight.”

“Aww baby, you should have called me on the road. I could’ve gayed it up for you.”

“Thank you for the offer, but at this point I think I’d just like to see if we can go a full 24 hours without whipping out our dicks.” Isak heard Even sigh heavily.

“I’m only doing it because I love you. And because I’m going to whip it out for seven straight days as soon as the reception is over.”

“The bed won’t know what hit it.”

“Neither will your ass.”

Isak grunted in agreement. But now he was getting excited, and he had to cut it off. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the dick grow harder. “Okay, well we really should go to sleep."

* * *

Standing in his mother’s garden, Isak wondered if Even somehow knew it would be blooming so perfectly on this day, and scheduled their wedding for it. In reality they had agreed on the date because it was the best deal for the reception venue and the vendors Even was working with. He had been doing some heavy negotiating and they both thought a wedding that fit their budget was more important than a specific day on their calendars. It also gave them an excuse to go out on a random night in November and claim it was for an anniversary. They did that a lot.

Even had hired a husband and wife photography team, and the husband had brought Isak out to the garden for some solo shots while they waited for Even to show up. He had been chatting with Isak almost constantly since he arrived, which was a nice distraction for Isak. He wasn’t given much time to worry about the ceremony or the pharmacy or what was taking his mom so long in the bathroom or Even. He just looked at the flowers and told John about growing up in this house and made quarter turns when John wanted a different angle.

Then he heard a car pull up and his mom’s voice calling out from the front of the house. He automatically started walking toward Even, that pull that had only gotten stronger over the years, but John stopped him. “No, wait. He’s going to come to you and I need to catch that.”

John and Annie were from America. Even had been a fan of their work for a very long time, and he was almost giddy when he showed their portfolio and blog to Isak, to convince him of his choice. Isak didn’t need much convincing, but it was nice clicking through the different weddings with Even’s commentary. “They’re obviously great about the light, but if you read their reviews too, you’ll see that they’re so…comfortable. Like they’re able to relax their subjects and get these really natural, candid shots. They have great vision for styling but I’m just so drawn to the photos of the couples when they’re laughing or talking or just focused on something else. You don’t see the photographer in these photos. You just see them.” Even pointed to the bride, whose eyes were staring at the camera over her husband’s shoulder. Her fingers were wrapped around his neck, manicured nails playing with the hair at his nape. Isak felt like she was just about to tell him a secret, and he leaned closer to the screen to listen.

“Okay.”

So John chatted with him in the living room while he finished getting dressed. He slowly directed Isak around the room and almost constantly kept him in motion. Isak didn’t have a moment to stop and build up an awareness of the situation, the camera, so he moved and talked and trusted John’s vision. In the garden John kept him at the back, surrounded by delicate lily of the valley. He stood off to the side, almost hiding behind some heather shrubs, and trained his camera on Isak. Annie was leading Even into the garden, and Isak heard Even laughing at something she said. Isak saw her first but his eyes instantly casted her aside. They locked, instead, on the man trailing a few seconds later: his past, present, and future.

“Oh shit.” Even froze as soon as he looked up from where he was walking and saw Isak. Isak beamed from his place among the flowers. John and Annie caught the light radiating out of both of them.

From behind his camera John choreographed their meeting. “Walk to each other, please.” They finally moved, their smiles growing with each step, hands rising to clasp each other’s once they could touch.

“Full disclosure: you are so fucking handsome in your bunad that I have a semi right now.”

Isak laughed and glanced down at Even’s crotch. “You have fun fighting that for the next twelve hours. You look handsome too. I didn’t realize you were getting a proper tuxedo.” Isak let go of Even’s hands so he could run them up his lapels and straighten his jacket.

“I wasn’t going to roll up to my wedding in any old business suit. I have to look fresh for my husband.”

Isak’s whole body flushed hearing that word, feeling its definition settle into their bones.

“And a kiss, please,” Annie whispered.

Isak laughed again. “I can’t believe someone had to tell me to kiss you.” He ran his hands up to Even’s jaw and drew their faces together. They kissed lightly, their smiles never dropping.

“That was a good church kiss,” John commented, checking a few of his shots on his display.

“We’ve been practicing.”

“For years.” Even pulled Isak in at his waist and they held each other for a few minutes. Annie took some more shots, then stepped away to fetch Isak’s mom.

She was crying when she turned the corner, holding Annie’s hand for emotional support. Isak gasped when he saw her, then ran to meet her. “Mamma, please don’t cry.” Even was right behind him, and they took her from Annie.

“You look beautiful, Marianne."

She did. Bracketed by her two boys in dark suits, they ushered Marianne and her gold dress to the center of the garden. Isak wiped some of her tears away, but didn’t get too close to her eyes as to smudge her makeup. So she simply glistened when she looked up at them, and the tremor in her lips was stilled by the camera shutter.

Thirty minutes later they were ready to walk. Isak had read through the notebook one last time. Even combed his hair in the mirror Marianne had next to the front door. Marianne tried to fold tissues into a flower corsage at her wrist but gave up. Annie reassured her with a couple of tissue packets in her camera bag. They stepped out of Isak’s childhood home and began the procession to Marianne’s church. Annie walked ahead of them, turning every so often to get a shot of Isak and Even strolling hand in hand. John took some photos from behind and then ran ahead, his gear bouncing off of his back, to get set up at the church.

“If I hadn’t read every word in that notebook I would have thought you had written down ‘perfect weather’ on the list as well.” Isak let his eyes close as they walked, turning his face to the sun. He trusted Even’s hand to guide him.

“There was a lot I didn’t write down in the notebook.”

Isak’s eyes flew open and he stopped walking. “What do you mean.” It wasn’t a question, more of an accusation. By now Isak knew that Even could speak very plainly, but he could also layer jokes and surprises into innocent sentences. “What didn’t you write down in the notebook?”

The smile on Even’s face was different from the ones the day had given him already. It was anticipation and satisfaction all together, a secret about to be revealed. Even walked on, tugging Isak forward. Isak stared at Even, searching his face for an answer to his accusation.

And then Even pointed. Isak’s gaze followed his hand. About twenty paces ahead, currently being photographed by Annie, was Jonas, smiling back at them. He was in a dark green suit and holding his ukulele.

“Even,” Isak breathed.

The guests were supposed to gather at the church half past fifteen. The walk was supposed to be just that: transportation. Isak was going to revel in the privacy of the stroll before they had to start their show at the church, before they had to put their love on display for their family and friends. But Even had contacted every single one of them and told them something different from what was carefully printed in navy ink on their invitations.

“Hey boys,” Jonas greeted them as they approached. He leaned to his left to say hello to Marianne as well. “How are we on time?”

Even checked his watch. “Perfect.”

“Great. Please allow me to escort you over the rainbow.” Jonas turned and started walking, strumming the opening chords to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." He hummed over the notes, leading them to the church.

Isak could barely catch his breath. Even was truly pulling him forward, his grip tight. Isak had been so focused on following the schedule, every inch of their wedding mapped out, that he hadn’t allowed for anything else. This surprise was a shock to his body that he struggled to overcome.

“Isak, we can’t be late.” Marianne chided from behind. “Walk with Even.” She pressed a hand into his back to move him forward. Jonas, walking to the beat of the song, was advancing faster than them. Isak stepped to Even’s side and Even slid his arm around Isak’s waist, to better encourage him.

“Just keep walking baby.”

“Even…this is wonderful. Thank you for the surprise, for asking Jonas to be part of it. I hate you a little bit though, because you’re going to make me cry.”

“Well, Annie has tissues.”

Isak laughed, and looked up to Annie, still the furthest ahead. Unfortunately that’s when he saw Eva, which made him stop again. She had stepped from the sidewalk into the road, and the cool spring breeze was toying with her long floral skirt. Her smile matched the one Jonas had held. “Even,” Isak breathed again.

“Please Isak. If you keep doing this we won’t get to the church until next year.”

Eva approached, taking advantage of the pause. She didn’t say anything, but she hugged them both and then moved behind them. She hooked her arm through Marianne’s. Even leaned into his walk and Isak was forced to follow.

After Jonas had reached the end of the song he strummed a short transition and started it again. This time he sang the words. For the next few blocks it was just Jonas’s voice and the music, and the soft gasps from Isak as each wedding guest came into sight. They were spaced out along the roads leading to the church, and as Isak and Even passed them they silently joined in the procession.

Even’s parents stepped toward them, bursting with pride. Even allowed them to stop and receive kisses. They took their places on Marianne’s other side.

Magnus, Mahdi, Noora, Vilde. Christian. Eskild. Helene. Sana and Yousef. Each one made Isak’s heart skip a beat, and the music swell in his ears. He was overcome with emotion with each person that he saw, and he barely had recovered from welcoming one guest when another was stepping out into the road. While he never had any reason to doubt it, he was still shaken by the support of every person smiling at him and joining the procession. He knew they would be there at the wedding, witnesses to their love, but he didn’t know they would so readily join a parade for it, marching them forward and demanding the world pay attention to it.

Isak wanted to stop and hug each one of them, but Even had to press him forward. “Not now. That’s literally what the reception is for.” So Isak swallowed hard and forged on to the church.

They collected about forty people in total, and Jonas played through the song five times. The procession sang along, getting louder as they grew, a wave that lifted Isak and Even all the way to the front doors. Once they were inside they stepped away and waited while the guests took their seats in the pews.

“Even, I don’t think I can marry you anymore. My heart can’t take it.” Isak held his palm over his heart as if he could regulate its beat with slight pressure.

“It’s a good thing we didn’t wait until you were ninety.”

Isak wanted to laugh but it came out more like a choke. He slapped at Even’s arm, retaliation for making it worse, for causing so much joy and distress at the same time. “God…how the fuck did you do this? How did you keep this from me? How did _Eva_ keep this from me?”

“It’s amazing what people can do when they just want to make you happy.”

Isak clucked and cooed, the cuteness of the expression being something he’d only started doing recently. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“That was very sweet to do, and very sweet to say. Though you just implied that Eva doesn’t want me to be happy every other time she lets loose a secret.”

“Well….”

The usual teasing was just what they both needed right then, cutting through the tension while they waited. Once everyone was seated their mothers met them at the back of the church. Sigrid lined up with Even at her elbow, then signaled to Jonas, who was standing off to the side of the altar. He started playing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” again, and then he shifted into “What a Wonderful World.” That was Even’s cue to walk.

Isak and Marianne stepped forward into the space Even and Sigrid just vacated. He watched Even move down the aisle, swaying oh so slightly to the music, bumping Sigrid’s shoulder as they went. Even from the back Isak could tell how happy Even was.

“I never thought I would be doing this,” Marianne mused, as she took in their position, the church, the music.

“What do you mean?”

“I never thought I would be…giving you away.”

“Because I’m gay?” He knew Marianne loved Even but he wasn’t sure how that love fit into her worldview. He was getting married in Marianne’s church, but maybe it wasn’t the kind of gesture she was actually ready for.

“No, because you’re mine. You’re my Isak, my son.”

“Mamma, I’ll always be Isak. I’ll always be your son. I’ll always be yours. Walking down an aisle isn’t going to change that. I’m just…going to have a piece of paper and pay taxes differently now.”

Marianne laughed. “You _would_ get married for the taxes.”

“You should have seen Even’s face when he realized it. He was so excited.”

“That’s why you’re getting married: to see him look like that.” Marianne pointed to Even, who was now at the altar, waiting for him. He was beaming and bouncing on his toes a bit. The timing was perfect, as Jonas launched into the next verse: _The colors of the rainbow_ …. Isak and Marianne walked.

“He’s happy,” she murmured, halfway down the aisle. Even’s smile was contagious; Marianne couldn’t hold hers back, and she could barely speak around it. “You’re happy.”

Isak agreed, but he also wanted to clarify. He only had a few more steps to go, his last chance to explain. “The life I live with him makes me happy. I’m so proud of it. Of him. You’ve been part of it this whole time and you always will be."

“It’s just a…surprise, I guess. I never thought I would be doing this, but I am so glad I am. I’m proud of it too.”

They stopped. He looked at his mother. With this blessing Isak let go of Marianne’s hand.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Even held out his hand to draw Isak to the altar. Isak let out a sharp laugh that echoed into the rafters. He turned back to kiss a confused Marianne and send her off with a smile.

“Well you know, I was just thinking maybe today would be a good day to get married.” They took their seats in front of the priest. “So I put on my bunad, went for a walk, ended up here.” Isak shrugged it off like a coincidence, like every step he’d taken in his entire life didn’t lead him to Even’s side.

“What a fucking coincidence.”

Isak laughed again, harder this time when he caught the small frown that crossed the priest’s face upon overhearing their conversation. Even squeezed his hand. The priest began:

“In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” The wooden pews creaked as the guests took their seats. “Dear Isak Valtersen and Even Bech Næsheim. You have come here to Sagene Church in order to be married. We are gathered here to rejoice with you. We will hear your vows to one another and pray for God’s blessing upon you and your home.”

* * *

The length and formality of the wedding service lulled Isak into dropping his guard. The priest was following his script and Jonas had put away his ukulele, and Isak was pretty sure the organist wasn’t going to pull anything. Isak practiced his vows in his head while the hymns and Bible readings rang out over their heads. They stood and joined hands and said their vows and then they were married, just like they had planned, just like they were supposed to. So he gasped again when the rings were not pulled from Even’s pocket, but presented to them by Emir.

“Dear Isak.” Emir took Isak’s hand, opened up the palm, and placed Even’s ring in it. “Dear Even.” Emir did the same to Even. He whispered a private blessing to them both, then spun on his heels to face the congregation. Emir bent into a deep bow and then marched down to Sana’s pew, proud of completing his official duties without any mistakes.

Isak struggled to put the ring on Even’s finger because his vision was cloudy with tears. But he sniffled once and held them back, recovering as they moved through the final prayers and the priest’s blessing. Isak was smiling by the time they left the church, wedded to Even and their future shining brightly in front of them.

Even drove them to the reception hall, an old paper mill on the river that had been converted into an entertainment hall. It had a full kitchen, multiple bars, and grand leaded windows with random colored panes, casting a mix of colors into the rooms. There was a dance floor in the center of the main room, with long tables surrounding it for dinner. But first they were starting with a cocktail hour, to mingle and greet some of the guests who hadn’t made it to the church. Isak began a long evening of nursing a champagne flute.

They moved through the hall, never far from each other, but doing their best to chat with as many people as possible before they’d be separated by tables or drowned out by music. They accepted warm congratulations and repeated over and over again that there wasn’t going to be a honeymoon, just a week of vacation spent at home. Isak marveled at the decoration of the space, Even’s list from his notebook brought to life around them. There was light and color dripping around the room, elegantly cast to turn the roughness of the paper mill into the vision Even had seen in his mind, a place that reminded him of them. It felt like history and effort, but also awe and celebration. It was an announcement of what was and what was to come.

Which, for Isak, was more surprises.

There was a photobooth in a small brick alcove off of the main room. A young woman was manning the camera and printer, and a bucket of props was at her side waiting for guests. Isak knew about this feature, a fun souvenir for the evening and an instant photo album to take home that very night. What he didn’t know about was the backdrop: hundreds of bright post-its layered over the wall. The reception started with only a few holding actual notes, mentioning Isak & Even, the inconsequential date, and cheesy platitudes of love. Those would be overwhelmed though, as throughout the night guests would cram in for group photos and kiss in front of the ring light and capture regrettable poses on film forever. They would wait for their prints and pluck a marker from the can next to the props and sign their names and well-wishes on the wall. This was their guestbook, a record of every person who danced and ate and sang and clapped and smiled and laughed and celebrated their wedding and their love. They signed their names as if to say _Yes, this is a nice thing._

There was a cake table filled with a lovely variety of cakes, but all Isak saw was the platters of cinnamon rolls scattered amongst them. He chased Helene down during the reception just to thank her especially, and joke that they might skip the kransekake and just share her pastries instead. They didn’t of course, and Helene screamed when she saw how many rings they pulled from the top. Many people did, actually, but Helene’s was the loudest. Isak told Even to remind him to pack a bag of the leftover buns before they went home, just in case he was too drunk to remember himself. “I will, but I’m not sure there will be any left over.” There were not.

There was Sana’s speech, which was different from the one she had emailed him, and which he listened to with mouth agape.

There was their first dance, which was executed perfectly, from the first sound of the trumpets to the rowdy cheers for a kiss after Even pulled Isak up out of the dip. That wasn’t the surprise though, considering how much they had practiced. What surprised Isak was the fact that over the past few months he had actually memorized the lyrics without intending to, and he sang them back to Even while they danced. He smiled at his husband and they moved effortlessly without once breaking eye contact and they sang the song and they felt the truth of the lyrics radiate from the center of their being.

_You are the best thing._

_You are the best thing._

_You are the best thing that ever happened to me._

Isak found out what it was like when he heard their song.

There was the microphone that came out around 3 for Eskild’s hour of emergency karaoke. He serenaded the hall with Whitney, Mariah, Celine, and Britney, bitch. Those songs hadn’t been on their wedding playlist for the DJ, but Even knew they’d be included anyway. He had a ratio of power ballads to maintain, after all.

And then, finally, there was the car ride at the end of the reception. Even had made his final rounds to the vendors, making sure they had everything set to clean up. There would be a return trip to the hall the next afternoon to pick up the remaining booze and custom signage, but that was for future Isak & Even to deal with. Right then they were exhausted and happy and ready to go home. They left a group of guests trying to whip up an afterparty (or at least breakfast) and walked hand-in-hand to the car. Before he let Even get around to the driver’s side Isak pinned him against his door and landed a deep, drunk kiss, appreciation for the whole day, for every day, really. He said it with his tongue. Even laughed when he finally detached, and carefully tucked Isak into the passenger seat. By the time he was buckled into his own, Isak was already curled into the heated leather, ready to spend what was left of the night right there.

So Isak didn’t notice where they were going until Even pulled up in front of the hotel. “Even, what…why are we here?”

“We’re going to spend the night. Well actually, the next six nights.”

A bellman just starting his shift jogged to Isak’s door and opened it for him. “Welcome, Isak, and congratulations on the wedding. May I take your bags?”

“I—I don’t have any.” Isak fumbled with his seatbelt as he gathered his bearings and struggled to get out of the car. Even was already outside, directing the bellman to the trunk. “Even, I don’t have any clothes!” Isak nearly screamed, his desperation drawn out by his drunkenness.

“Baby, I packed for us. Let’s just go inside and check in.” Even appeared at his side and calmly guided him to the door. Isak followed, unable to think of any other option. Behind him the bellman had three bags. One was Isak’s suitcase, full of outfits that Even had picked out and packed away before they’d left for Marianne’s house.

“So…we’re not going home?” Isak had the sense to whisper once he was inside, as they stood at the counter while the receptionist assigned their keys.

“We can if you want, if you need to. But I think it will be nice to stay in a suite and order room service.” Even accepted the keys and listened to the instructions for the elevator. When he stepped away from the counter Isak silently followed, not sure what he wanted in that moment aside from a bed. A single elevator ride would be the fastest way to one.

The bellhop followed them into the elevator and pressed the button for their floor. Even pulled Isak into the corner with him, hugging him to his side and watching his face in the mirrored walls.

“They have a gym here.” Isak was reading the floor assignments; there was a gym and pool at the top of the hotel, only a couple of floors above their suite.

“There are some gym clothes in your bag. Or rather, pajamas that could pass as gym clothes.” Even pulled out his phone with his free hand. It was the first time that night he’d had a chance to check it, and he wanted to make sure his parents had gotten home safely. “I didn’t think the gym would be high on the honeymoon list though.”

“It’s quite literally the last thing I would do, but it’s nice to know I have options.” Isak relaxed against Even’s shoulder for a moment, before he remembered how little sense this situation made in the first place. He twisted to look at Even. “Except like…what the fuck? Why are we staying in a suite? I thought we were just going to chill at home. I didn’t know we had the budget for this.”

“For everything I managed to pull off today, this actually wasn’t my idea. The suite is a gift from Sana.”

Isak was touched, really, but what he ended up saying didn’t quite reflect his usual graceful appreciation for Sana’s role in his life, for her generosity. “I swear to god if that room is full of condoms I’m never speaking to her again.”

Even laughed and squeezed Isak in tighter. He kissed Isak’s temple, and then glanced at the bellhop doing his best to ignore them by memorizing the floor numbers. “Excuse me sir, I’m going to make out with my husband for the rest of the ride.” Even met Isak’s face for another deep, yet slightly less drunk kiss. With a distracted hand he raised his phone and aimed it randomly, able to capture their fused forms reflected infinitely around them. In the corner of the frame the bellhop smirked. The elevator rose with the sun.

* * *

The suite was beautiful, and condom-free, though they were both too tired to really appreciate it. The peeked into each room just to see where they would be living for the next week, and then gravitated to the bed automatically. They let their suits puddle to the floor at the end of the bed and threw back the comforter from their respective sides. “I can already tell how good it’s going to feel just looking at it.” Isak let out a soft moan as he finally slid his naked form across the high-count cotton and let his weight be buoyed by the dense foam beneath it. Even did the same without delay. “Mmm. Yes. I will stay here for the next seven days. Thank you, Sana.”

“When she told me about it the first thing I thought of was that one chat you had, where everyone was telling you to skip the suite.”

“Eh?” Isak had enough energy to turn his head to face Even, but barely that.

“I don’t remember why you were talking about it but everyone agreed that springing for a fancy suite for your wedding night was dumb. I didn’t tell Sana that, of course. I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I just thought it was interesting that that was my first response.”

“My chats were always pretty intelligent. I got some great advice from them. And I think they were right, like…you don’t get much bang for your buck.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not my buck so I’m okay with the lack of bang.” Without saying anything they had mutually agreed that there would be no fucking, at least not until they’d had a significant nap. Their bodies moved toward their usual sleeping positions, slow with the weight of a very long day behind them.

“The next time we get married, no surprises. Or let me surprise you. I’m not even joking that all of this…literally almost broke my heart.”

“Please don’t have a heart attack.”

“Don’t give me a reason to have one!” Isak managed the last of his energy for indignation.

Even chewed on his lip then, worried by the teasing taking a serious turn. “What about…what about sex then?”

Isak’s brow furrowed. “Are you going to surprise me with sex?” Considering all they had done over the years, Isak didn’t think there was much he could be surprised by, or at least nothing Even would have held out on for so long.

“No, not really. I just mean you lose your breath and your heart beats really fast. Sometimes we have to stop.”

Isak lightly slapped at his arm. “I can handle that. I wouldn’t mind dying on your dick anyway.”

Even snorted. “I’m going to fuck you till death do us part.”

“Forget that bullshit you said in church. Those were your real vows.” Isak began to recite: “I will love and honor you, and faithfully stay with you for better, for worse, for sildenafil and limp dicks, till death do us part.”

“So romantic.”

Isak’s giggle evolved into a yawn.

“Okay, no more surprises.” Even tugged the comforter up to their chins, tucking them both in. “We’re going to wake up at 8:30, and then we’re going to have so much sex.”

“All of the sex,” Isak mumbled as he shifted his body into Even’s, pressing into all of the nooks and twisting their legs together.

“Married sex.”

Isak couldn’t bear to open his eyes but his eyebrows still shot up at the realization. “Tax-deductible sex.”

Even laughed, soft and long, and the rumble in his chest was the last thing Isak felt before he fell asleep.

* * *

Isak woke up at 8:30 with Even’s alarm. The first thing he saw was Even’s slender calf right in front of his face. He craned his neck ever so slightly to kiss him lightly, then traced the leg to the layout of Even’s body across the bed. As ever, he was impressed by Even’s ability to travel so much in the night, and by his own ability to sleep right through it. “Pills, pills, pills, babe,” he sang in the direction of Even’s head. The alarm was off so he knew Even was awake, but hadn’t seen him moving yet. Then the tell-tale groan of a man forcing himself upright filled the room. The mattress shifted under Isak as Even moved to the edge. “Get my present while you’re up.” Isak tucked himself back under the covers while he waited for Even to return. When the bed moved again he looked up. “Maybe the problem has been the bed this whole time.”

“What do you mean?” Even had a bit of water dribbled out the side of his mouth. He licked at it.

“Maybe you move so much because the bed is too big. When it was just the single in London you stayed in one place.”

“That’s because you were sleeping on top of me. I was pinned down.”

Isak smiled with an idea. “Like this?” He pulled himself across Even’s body, forcing him flat against the pillows.

“Pretty much. Couldn’t move if I tried, because my husband is so heavy.” Isak snarled and nipped at Even’s shoulder, the closest skin available. “But is it really a problem? My moving?”

“No. It’s actually kind of fun. But it always felt like something I needed to solve. A mystery.”

“Eh...just leave it. We could use a little mystery in our lives.”

“True. I’m starting to know _too_ much about you.”

“Same. It’s boring.” And now, per the habit they developed after that one afternoon in the café, Even lunged forward for a kiss. It landed hard and a bit off target, but the awkwardness allowed him to push up further and roll Isak off of him. He retaliated the pin. “Also, I’m not buying another fucking bed.” Even gave him another sharp peck and then rolled himself away. He sat up to reach for the gifts he’d carried in from the living room. Isak sat up and scootched himself back against the headboard.

“Did you peek?” Isak took his wrapped gift from Even only to hand it back to him a moment later. He was relieved Even had found the gift while he was packing Isak’s clothes and had the foresight to include it, though he was worried his own surprise was ruined now.

“No. I spent maybe thirty minutes trying to guess but it’s just a box. May I?”

“Please. Happy wedding, babe.”

“Happy wedding, dearest.” Another brief kiss. He peeled the wrapping paper away with care.

Isak had rehoused it in a plain white box and packed it tight with newspaper. By the time Even had unearthed the actual gift, Isak was giddy with anticipation.

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Baby! This is so...perfect.” Even pulled the Polaroid 600 from the nest of newspaper and held it up.

“It’s not much of a surprise because you’ve talked about it a lot—“

“No but it is! It was always just a dream, y’know? I never seriously considered owning one and using it because it’s not great in the field.” Even held it gingerly, getting used to the weight. “But fuck it’s a beautiful camera and you can have a lot of fun with the film.”

“Oh yes, there’s film in the bottom!” Isak pulled the box out of Even’s lap to find the film himself.

“Shit, babe. The film must’ve cost a fortune on top of it.”

“Even, it’s your wedding gift. And that’s what makes it so fun, right? It was a bit of a hunt to get the right ones.” Even’s eyes widened, afraid of what Isak’s hunt entailed. “I need to write a strongly worded letter to whoever named this the Polaroid 600 when it doesn’t actually work with Polaroid 600 film. Or vice versa.”

“It’s not the smoothest of operations out there,” Even commiserated. “But thank you, I love it. We’re going to do a photoshoot when we get home.” As much as Isak didn’t think Even should waste his hard-won film on yet another nude photo of himself, he didn’t want to deny himself the fun experience of another photoshoot. “Okay, now for your gift.” Even repacked the camera carefully, cleaning up the bed space between them. Isak couldn’t see a wrapped gift within reach, but he tried to hide his impatience. All Even did though was set the camera aside and move to sit next to Isak at the headboard.

“Did you get me a...cuddle?”

Even barked a laugh as he wrapped his arm around Isak’s shoulders and cuddled him. “No. It cost about the same though.”

“If it’s a blowjob I’m going to request a bathroom break first.”

Even laughed again. “No, but we’ll get to that later anyway. We’re going to watch a movie.” Even picked up the remote control from the bedside table and turned on the TV on the wall opposite the bed. The usual hotel menu flashed on but he quickly navigated to a video file on a flash drive.

“Did you bring your own porn so we could watch it for free?”

More laughter. “No, but that’s also later. Just watch.” Even pointed to the TV to get Isak to focus.

He did. Even pressed play, and Isak shot forward when he saw himself, or rather his torso, naked and in his old apartment. He was sitting at his desk, talking about school.

At the start, it was just Isak, through his screen. The colors were muted and the music was soft in the background, as snippets of Isak on camera played. There wasn’t anything explicit, but you could tell if you knew what you were looking at. Isak knew. He saw his chest heaving when he was out of breath. He saw himself leaning out of frame to hide his face. He saw his hands approach his clothing for the sole purpose of discarding it. He heard the bits of one-sided conversation, him connecting with strangers on the internet. He saw the hickeys and the notebook and a long-ago life.

Then there was a small swell in the music, and the colors brightened. Even popped onto screen. He looked so much younger and nervous. He laughed and smiled at the camera of course, but seeing him on screen now, Isak realized just how scared he must have been at the beginning. Isak wanted to crawl forward on the bed, get as close to the screen as possible as if it would help him understand their history as it played out in Even’s film. He froze though, when his face finally appeared, flustered and angry and cursing Even out. He registered Even chuckling behind him. There was another laugh when, just as suddenly as Isak’s face and anger had appeared, it dissolved as he talked to Even.

And then the clips sped up, moving more like flashes, as it was Isak and Even, back and forth, their faces telling the story of how they fell in love. There were clips of Even, naked too, silently watching the screen during a show. There were clips of empty rooms, when they had just left their cameras running to come back to each other later. Then, almost without realizing it, the screen was gone. The graininess with which they had been captured sharpened into the full brightness and color of real life, of them in each other’s rooms, with nothing separating them. Every photo that Isak remembered Even taking was actually a short video, and those frozen slices of time were reanimated to the climax of the music. There were dates and couches and quiet mornings and kisses and glimpses of friends and hints of more skin. There were dogs and pizza and post-its and dancing and sleeping and singing and moments Isak remembered fondly and others he did not, because he had not been aware they were being captured. He watched with surprise as Even showed him a life he hadn’t seen before, one that was treasured in ways he didn’t know to do on his own. There were things he hadn’t seen and things he had forgotten, mixed in with the memories he already held close to his heart. It was exhilarating knowing his life had been one thing yet now seeing it reflected as so much more. His heart raced with the speed of the clips and the music until everything stopped: the last note rang in their ears over the silence and the camera didn’t cut away.

The scene was fixed on Isak, lounging on their couch a few years ago, watching a movie in their living room. His face was slack and the light from the TV flickered across his skin. It was such a common occurrence and unremarkable in any of its detail, so Isak couldn’t tell exactly when it was from. Even was at his feet, though judging by the closeness of the camera and Isak’s own preferred pose, Isak’s feet were probably in his lap. The camera slowly panned down Isak’s body to his hand, resting on the outside of his thigh. The camera shook slightly as Even’s free hand moved into frame and his long fingers slid atop Isak’s. He zoomed out in time to catch Isak’s face turning away from the TV to look at him, to find out what had prompted the touch. Their hands move to clasp each other’s and Isak laugh bubbled up when he realized he was being filmed. He went back to watching the TV, returning to the same pose, but his face held his smile and his hand held Even’s and the light held steady from within.

Then the movie ended abruptly, the screen going black. “It’s not the end. Or, it is, for now.” Isak turned back to Even’s voice. “I’ll add our wedding. I’ll add…whatever comes next. It’s a work in progress.”

Even had seen Isak cry before. He’d seen just about everything. He’d seen him scream and wail when his dad died, he’d seen him cry laughing and almost pee his pants. He’d seen the tears that he tried to hide from Even, the strong reactions to small things that Isak didn’t feel were worth his emotions but couldn’t avoid anyway. He’d seen the tears that were in his heart but not necessarily on his face. He hadn’t seen this though. So he was not ready when Isak twisted, then fully shifted his body to face Even, and showed him everything.

There were tears, but Even had never seen these before, because they came from a place he had thought was impossible, or simply a dream. They were tears of joy and relief and wonder and love. They were tears of bone-deep satisfaction, an understanding on a subatomic particle level that this was where he was supposed to be, in this bed, with this man, having lived the life they have had and will continue to do so long after the universe has forgotten about Isak & Even. It was the closest thing to truth that either of them will ever know. The only sadness they held was the understanding that you only had one life, and this one, every part of it, would never be experienced again. The film came pretty fucking close though.

Isak was crying but his voice was steady. “I was right. I was so so so so right. And you know there is nothing I love more than being right.”

“Except me.”

“Except you. So this is...I don’t have the words to explain how it feels to be so right about loving you. It just multiplies on its own, every day. It’s right because I love you, and I love you because it’s right.”

Even smiled, but it wavered at the corners, barely able to stand against the waves of emotion pulsing off of Isak. “Gold star,” he whispered. And then there were the tears he knew, the ones that squeezed out when Isak was laughing too hard.

Even leaned in to hold the slightly shaking body in front of him, unable to be any further from Isak in that moment. He wrapped him up in his arms and felt his laughter and tears sink into his skin and flow into his blood. He held on to that life and soaked it up. He laughed and cried with it. He fed on Isak’s understanding and confidence and stored that strength for the future, just in case. He was never going to be rid of the doubt, but he knew now they would always have enough to fight it. Because Isak was right.

They held their embrace for a while, for time not counted because it didn’t matter in the context of forever. There was the slight chill of naked bodies in an air-conditioned room, but their own heat thrived in their closeness. The tears dried and the laughter quieted and then Isak really had to pee.

“I need to go to the bathroom, but then what do you say to some of that tax-deductible sex?” The struggle between joke and seduction played out on Isak’s face, but as always, Even was ready for both. They separated to prepare. Even went to his second bag to retrieve their lube, a fresh bottle for the occasion (and amount necessary for a week in a hotel suite), and the digital camera. He set up the little tripod on the top shelf of the closet and checked the angle through the app on his phone. He pulled back the curtains, favoring the light over any privacy. They were in agreement on their priorities. Isak emerged from the bathroom and picked their suits up from the floor. He caught sight of the camera and let out a small laugh. “Jesus, how many videos do you think we have by now?”

“Hundreds. Too many for me to edit. It was hard enough figuring out what to use for your gift, and that was after ruling out anything with footage of your dick.”

“I’m going to make you make me a highlight reel though. I love every fuck but I don’t think we’ve been like, consistently great. And I’m not really keen on the one where you literally fell asleep halfway through.”

“But it’s so funny! I’ve rewatched that one just to see how pissed you get when you realize.”

Isak gently shoved Even for the tease but also to get him onto the bed. He fell to his side and propped himself up across the comforter. Isak loomed above him. “Whatever, fuck me properly to make up for it.”

“You first.”

“Yeah? You want to start?” Isak’s dick twitched, standing straight as his spine.

“I gotta get one out of the way and fast. You do it so well.”

“Aww babe. I’m already naked though, your flattery isn’t much help here.” Isak crawled forward onto the bed, onto Even, nudging him onto his back as he advanced. Even went easily and eagerly.

“You know I don’t flatter you because I need to. I flatter you because I want to.” Their faces were close again, just like the rest of their bodies. Even’s legs spread to welcome Isak between them and his arms tightened to prevent him from leaving.

“I know. Never stop.” Isak kissed Even, deep and completely sober. His hands moved over Even’s body with the familiarity of having memorized the terrain over many years and the enthusiasm of discovering it anew. Their bodies hadn’t changed much in their time together, maybe only getting a bit softer with age and wrinkled with time and emotion. So they were still just as thrilling to feel, and be pressed up against, and inside. Isak kissed Even until his mouth got tired, and humped his hips against his erection until he wanted more. He propped himself up and hunted for the bottle of lube among the sheets. “You’re going to be so fucking tight.” Even pulled his legs up to give Isak better access. Bottle in hand, Isak poured some above Even’s hole and onto his fingers. “When was the last time you bottomed?”

Even whined at the conversation, the delay. “I’m not really in the mood to check my calendar.” Isak inserted his middle finger. “ _Especially_ when you’re…ahh, doing that. That. Right there.”

With Isak sitting up, back on his heels, Even had the range to arch his back against Isak’s fingers, almost resisting each added digit. His dick bounced around, hard against his belly, and Isak tried to soothe it with his other hand. This did the exact opposite, of course, getting Even moaning and whimpering within seconds. “Inside. Get inside me before I fucking blow.” Isak smirked and withdrew his fingers slowly, their absence causing another kind of shudder to course through Even’s body. He lubed up his dick and scooted forward, lining himself up quickly.

In that moment Isak was glad their suite was next to the elevators, because Even was loud. Appreciative, but loud. And sometimes he simply described what was happening at a high decibel because he needed to talk himself through it. “Holy fuck, okay, you’re there, oh jesus, fuck, go, just go, shove your fucking cock up my ass fuck Isak!” Their whole floor probably had a good idea of what the newlyweds were up to.

Isak was about halfway in when Even moved from description to instruction. “Touch my dick, please, I gotta come, Isak. Please.” When he didn’t put his hand on Even’s dick (because they were currently occupied with holding one of Even’s legs open and his own dick at Even’s entrance) Even did it himself. He stroked himself and clenched with pleasure, making Isak’s job more difficult, but he was too close to the edge to care. He had to come. He had to come with Isak inside of him. And, like he knew, it was going to happen fast. Isak had barely reached the hilt when Even returned to description: “I’m coming fuck I’m coming Isak holy fuck I’m coming.” The volume of his announcement matched the volume of cum that coursed its way up his pulsing vein and shot onto his chest and it didn’t stop. Isak froze, both unable to move out of the vice-like grip Even’s ass had on his dick and not wanting to disturb what was happening in front of him. He watched Even’s whole body tense up and release, and after the first surge he watched his hips continue begging for more. It was slight, but it was there: Even subtly fucked himself on Isak’s cock, through his orgasm and then beyond, already anticipating another.

When Isak dared to breath, to interrupt, he told Even that he loved him. He loved seeing him physically sated by release and emotionally vulnerable in that position. He loved that he helped create it and that he’d help protect it, encourage it. He loved that he was trusted with it. “I love you, you fucking beautiful man.” He withdrew slowly, mindful of the sensitivity of Even’s asshole and counting on it. Once he was free he invaded the space again with his mouth: he bent down and licked up Even’s cock, feeling it move underneath his tongue. He sucked briefly on the tip and licked at Even’s belly, vaguely cleaning up his orgasm, owning it. The aftershocks made Even shiver, so Isak blanketed him with his body. It was warmth and gravity, and eventually Even returned to earth, to Isak.

“Thank you. Thank you. I just need…one more minute.”

Isak said nothing. He just dropped constant, light kisses across Even’s flushed skin. His own hard dick, still wet with lube, was enough of a reminder at Even’s hip. And it only truly took Even a minute to recover enough to answer its call.

Even pushed Isak aside so he could sit up. They both knew the position that Isak wanted without having to coordinate, so Isak moved as well. He propped himself up on his hands and knees, stretching his back as he went. He reached for a pillow and tugged it closer to his chest. Even gripped his hips and used Isak’s body to pull himself to the right height and distance. He was a cock’s length away from Isak’s ass and dying to close in fast. But there was lube and fingers that needed to happen first.

He heard Even mumbling general encouragement and quiet appreciation for his ass, softer than the sound of their balls slapping at each other’s with every thrust but just as consistent. “Yes, baby, oh yeah, fuck, that ass, god, oh so good, fuck i love it.” Isak didn’t have to do much but brace himself against Even’s drive, but that was pleasure enough, letting Even have his way with his ass, knowing he just had to take it. He asked, and he received.

“Give it to me, give me your cock.”

“For the rest of your fucking life.” Even’s pace faltered with the sentimentality beneath his crude response but he quickly recovered. He pumped in and out with a slow force that kept them rocking. His fingers dug into Isak’s cheeks and he admired his own length, pink and shiny, as it disappeared into Isak’s depth. He loved his own dick as much as any man would, but Isak loved it more. Isak loved feeling it, looking at it, and just thinking about it. It displayed Even’s arousal for him, it teased him, it delivered for him, it belonged to him. He squeeze himself around it in appreciation, drawing out a grunt. “Unnngh. Your ass is mine, my dick is yours.”

“Ohhh yes, mine mine mine.” Isak clenched again, gripping the dick pummeling in and out of his asshole. He owned this too.

As they had been doing for years, they offered their bodies to each other for enticement and pleasure and comfort and they both took it with the fierceness of insatiable desire. Even moved his hands down and held Isak’s ass against his hips, making him feel his entire length inside of him. In return Even felt Isak’s guttural moan of appreciation send a wave of vibration through his body. His arms gave out and Isak fell onto the pillow below him. Isak loved knowing Even could just take what he wanted, do what he’d like with the body collapsing below him, because that was a pleasure in itself. It was a purpose. For every question of “Why?” there was this answer. “For Even.” For every kiss and rub and look and stroke, every breath that came fast and every gasp that said more than words.

_This is my body, which is given for you._

They enjoyed the connection of their bodies, the physical touch and sweet, dirty words, and what flowed between them naturally without either of them thinking about it. Effortlessly they fucked and loved and learned and trusted and bound themselves to a lifetime of it.

Isak was sweating, but he wasn’t aware of it. He couldn’t really tell what his body was doing except reaching a level of such consistent and perfected thrill. His muscles undulated and breathing grew shrill, a bit of whine betraying his inability to take whatever the fuck Even was doing to him. His orgasm came unannounced, and Isak yelled at the sudden surge from his dick. He yelled again when Even’s hand gripped him tight, wanting to play an even bigger role in the spray of cum. He milked Isak as he continued to pound into him. He was thorough. He was not done until Isak was, because he was polite, because he had already come and could handle it, but mostly because he didn’t want to be. Even wanted to experience it with him until he cried out for an end.

He listened for it, the true beg, the hand reaching back to still his hips. He leaned over Isak and kissed his shoulders. He wrapped his other arm around his waist to help support him, as he was too overwhelmed to do it himself. He felt the warm wetness at the tip of his dick with one hand and pressed the other across his heaving stomach. Isak moaned his name into the pillow but he didn’t ask him to stop.

Even’s hips picked up a frantic pace, abandoning rhythm in favor of his second orgasm. He held onto Isak as if he was afraid he’d run away, steal it from him, but it was simply his body understanding that if you love something, you don’t let it go. Sandwiched between Even and the mattress he felt the love. He felt someone who needed him and wanted him and respected him and fucked him perfectly, as in just the way he needed and wanted to be.

It was perfect. It was perfect when he felt Even press into the back of his thighs and stay there, a second later shooting hot cum deep into his ass. It was perfect when Even withdrew, tenderly and smooth, still holding him in place so he could remain slack with feeling. It was perfect when Even’s weight disappeared to fetch a warm, damp towel, how quickly he moved to care for his man. It was perfect when he was clean and back under the covers and receiving soft kisses to chase away the chill of the sweat cooling on his skin. It was perfect when he fell asleep, his whole world going dark because he no longer had to watch out for it.

Once Isak’s breathing dropped into the automatic flow of an unconscious body, Even slid out of bed. He cleaned himself up in the bathroom and checked his phone. There was Isak on screen, just a blond head nestled between a white comforter and pillow. He smiled at his phone, admiring his husband, even though Isak was right there in the room. He thought about how lucky he was to be able to do both.

Even turned off the camera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you. thank you thank you thank you.
> 
> i'm not using tumblr right now (so if you send me an ask there it won't get answered for a while) but you can read extra bits from this universe that i've answered over the past few months [here](http://folerdetdufoler.tumblr.com/tagged/mondays-at-sixteen) (warning, some of the tagged stuff is just straight compliments, with no added information). i'm always happy to answer any specific questions you have here in the comments as well.
> 
> i do have one request from you: i'm shit at tagging. if there's anything you've read that you think should be tagged so fellow readers can filter this work, please let me know.
> 
> and again, thank you.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Friday at Twenty-Three](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16167695) by [theyellowcurtains](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyellowcurtains/pseuds/theyellowcurtains)




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